Sometimes I just can't do this anymore... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 03-31-2011, 11:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Sometimes I just feel like I can't do this anymore.  My children are 4 1/2, 2 1/2 and 8 months.  I've been a SAHM since DD1 was born.  It's all I've ever wanted to do.  For the past 6 months dd1 has been just so difficult.  Yelling and screaming at me.  She used to be such an easy going child...I just don't know what went wrong.  I feel like I've tried everything in every book and nothing seems to help her get through this phase.  My very gentle natured ds2 is now getting in to the yelling and hitting when he gets frustrated, naturally, since he sees his sister do it ALL THE TIME!  I feel like they used to get along rather well and now someone constantly seems to be yelling or hitting or something.  I feel at the end of my rope and therefore yell much more than I ever intended.  I feel like a terrible mom sometimes.  That I tried so hard and look where it got me...which makes me want to give up :(

 

My husband works 2nd shift, has been for 6 months which gives me great anxiety.  Not sure why, but he worked 2nd a few years ago and it did then too.  Something about him leaving at 12:30 and knowing I am on my own the rest of the day just makes me anxious.  It makes it hard for us to do many activities.  We stay home in the mornings to spend time with dad.  Then I have someone napping from 11 am until 5 pm everyday!  (Yet never a time when all 3 are napping at once!) So then I hardly feel like dragging them all 3 somewhere right at the dinner hour.  Therefore we end up being home a lot.  Probably too much.  And it's still cold here so we are still stuck inside.

 

I'm sorry, this is just turning into a big pity party I feel.  But I had to get it off my chest.  I had to tell someone.  I got so frustrated with the kids earlier today that I put on a movie and started looking for jobs :(

 

I do get adequate me time.  I get to go to a yoga class by myself 2-3 times a week.  I can't ask for more than that.  I just don't know what to change but I feel like something has to change.  I just can't keep going on like this. 


I am a wife of 1 and mother of 3
DD 10/06  DS 08/08  DD 07/10
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#2 of 8 Old 03-31-2011, 12:04 PM
 
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First off i sooooo hear ya with the 4 yo drama . My daughter is the same way. She used to be so sweet and easy and now everything is a terror and her mouth - the things she says are just so hurtful! - everything is an argument. I have found that if i say to her ,after her constant please for whatever the moment it is, "i have answered your question. Altho you may not like my answer i do not want to talk about it anymore" . for right now it is working. i am sure i will have to think of something new soon :)

 

It is hard staying at home , especially in the winter. You feel trapped , the kids have no outlet and it just is plain too cold to lug everyone out and about! I was always a stickler about naps tho - i made both of them nap at the same time. I just had to have that routine coming right out of the gate or else i would always be home. Is there anyway you can adjust that at this stage in the game?


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#3 of 8 Old 03-31-2011, 12:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the reply!  Sometimes it helps so much to know that others are going through the same exact thing.  I am a stickler with naps as well, but I don't see any way to get all 3 of them to nap at once.  My 4 and 2 year olds nap from 1-3/4 every day.  The 8 month old still needs to naps, so her's are 11-1 and 4-5.  You can't make a baby sleep when they aren't tired...so I just don't see any way of moving hers.  Hopefully she will go down to one nap around a year like the other 2 and that will make things a little bit easier.


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#4 of 8 Old 03-31-2011, 02:58 PM
 
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Although I just have one little boy so far, there was about one day a week, in the first six months or so, where I just lost it...I just felt so lonely and overwhelmed.  And here's the thing, we stay at home moms, AREN'T supposed to be doing it on our own...tribal life, village life, big extended families, this is one reason people join communes, b/c the work load is shared and everyone can benefit.

I don't think you're having a pity party, your feelings make perfect sense to me.  On top of it, you must remember we live in a culture where mothers and children still aren't honored in the way they are due. 

I don't know if I've got much advice:  yoga is a great way to care for yourself, it's one of my methods as well, but I really need social connection too, to let me know "this is all normal."  Any play groups in the area?  Moms you can swap babysitting hours with?  I'm in the pacific northwest, so I understand the weather, but by this time, I'm just bundling up and dealing!  Thanks for sharing mama!

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#5 of 8 Old 04-02-2011, 12:41 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EllaMae View Post

Although I just have one little boy so far, there was about one day a week, in the first six months or so, where I just lost it...I just felt so lonely and overwhelmed.  And here's the thing, we stay at home moms, AREN'T supposed to be doing it on our own...tribal life, village life, big extended families, this is one reason people join communes, b/c the work load is shared and everyone can benefit.

I don't think you're having a pity party, your feelings make perfect sense to me.  On top of it, you must remember we live in a culture where mothers and children still aren't honored in the way they are due. 

I don't know if I've got much advice:  yoga is a great way to care for yourself, it's one of my methods as well, but I really need social connection too, to let me know "this is all normal."  Any play groups in the area?  Moms you can swap babysitting hours with?  I'm in the pacific northwest, so I understand the weather, but by this time, I'm just bundling up and dealing!  Thanks for sharing mama!


This is so right on. Girl, you have a right to be stressed! And i'm sorry but a few hours a week to do yoga, while great for you, isn't enough me time for us moms in my opinion. You are working 24/7! If this were any other job people would say we were crazy but since we are mothers it's just taken for granted. Anyway I don't have much advice other than maybe you could have playmates at your place so friends can come to you? Soon your little one will be taking one nap and the weather will be warmer. It will get easier!

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#6 of 8 Old 04-02-2011, 12:48 PM
 
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Forget the terrible 2s, the terrible 4s seems to be more apt. So all I go do is . I understand! You are not alone.

Never doubt that a small group of committed, thoughtful people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. Margaret Mead
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#7 of 8 Old 04-03-2011, 06:16 PM
 
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So sorry you are having a hard time. I can only imagine how  difficult it is with three, I've only got one and I feel like I'm going to  lose it soon. Don't feel bad for sharing, your feelings are valid and understood. How I wish we weren't so isolated as stay at home mom's, it's just not easy. The winter is super tough, too. We are feeling that here -- I am looking forward to spring so we can play in the backyard and go on walks.

 

It must be hard with the naps, too! Sometimes I feel trapped with my little one napping 2-3 times a day, but that must be very hard to go for such a long stretch with no breaks for you!!

 

Hope it gets better for you.


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#8 of 8 Old 04-06-2011, 09:01 PM
 
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I'm with you too, mamas. My best coping mechanism is to tell myself that this tough patch will pass as they get older. Of course, it may pass into something just as stressful, but I push down those thoughts with chocolate. wink1.gif

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