How to Cope... - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 4 Old 12-05-2011, 07:43 PM - Thread Starter
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I am looking for tips on how I can cope with life for the next several months and not have a nervous breakdown. I am married with five children. My older three are 16, 13, and 12 and from my first marriage and their father is not involved with them, we have full custody and he does not get regular visitation. My younger two are from my current marriage and are 4 and 8 months.


For the past five years, my dh has been attending school in some form at night while working full time. For the last year and a half he has been going full time at night to finish. I had been coping okay, but the last several months I have reached a breaking point and am close to emotional breakdown.


I have been handling all discipline, school and extracurricular activities for the older kids, breastfeeding the baby, dealing with teething, etc., and don't know how much more I can take.  DH graduates on the 17th, and recently got a new job, (yay!) I am very excited...but...the new job is in tax accounting at a public firm and since he starts in January, I will pretty much be what is deemed a "tax widow". He will be working 80  hour weeks during tax season so my situation will not immediately change.


I desperately need tips on how to cope for the next few months without breaking down. I am exhausted but don't know of any real way to change anything. I have put the baby in parent's day out one day a week and have decided the older kids will help with general housework or I will not provide any rides, cooked food, etc., Beyond this does anyone have coping strategies for my situation till I can get my husband back, lol?

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#2 of 4 Old 12-05-2011, 08:32 PM
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I like to go for walks when I feel like I'm about ready to blow.  Even when I had to take the baby with me, it still helped a lot.  I'd put in my earbuds and listen to some music that I like and take some deep breaths and look at the sky.  It's been below freezing here the past week, but the other day when the frustration was mounting, I still bundled up in all my woolens and took a little walk.  When I got chilly, I turned to walk up the big hill, that warmed me up!  Good luck, mama.  The end is in sight!

Mommy to DS1 bouncy.gifJuly '09 and DS2 baby.gif Oct '12


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#3 of 4 Old 12-08-2011, 07:12 PM
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I can relate with you a bit, but omg five?? bow.gif


I think your plan to have the older ones help is a fine one, and I bet they could have been pitching in even before this! IMHO it will be good for them to earn rides etc and taking a day to yourself (or a few hours or however long the daycare day affords you) are excellent ways of getting the me time you need for your own mental health. I am glad you're really taking the reins on this and making sure you get what you need.


I am struggling a bit. Put my husband through pharmacy school while I worked, took care of the kiddo and had multiple very painful losses before having my rainbow kid the week before my husband graduated. I thought I was holding on until then, but then it was the move and him working while studying for licensure exams and now that he has taken the exams it will be him working as many hours as they let him (and they need him. He and the manager are the only pharmacists at their store!).


What makes it harder for me is thinking "oh i only have to hold on until X" but then X comes and goes and I am still the only one here doing everything. 


Try and let that part go and just live life. It might help? I am trying as well. 

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Momma to DS 1, age 8 and rainbow baby DS2 4-21-11.
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#4 of 4 Old 12-12-2011, 04:31 PM - Thread Starter
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I totally get you, Geekgolightly. I kept thinking like you, that there was a light at the end of the tunnel, except none came. I have finally decided that my coping path is going to be extreme self care. I am planning a weekend away with my girlfriends the first weekend in January, I am planning a night away with my hubby on the day of his graduation...Just going to give myself  lots of breaks to help myself get through the next several months.

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