How do you buy Christmas present for your SO with no income? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 12-23-2011, 02:28 AM - Thread Starter
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Hi all, this is my first Christmas as a SAHM, and I found it so difficult to cope with buying presents for DH. He always goes over the top with my presents, even though I tell him he shouldn't because we really, really need to be saving. I know that he's bought me an expensive new wrap, and probably spent a good $500 on me alone. To "even things out" I bought him a really nice recreation Van Gosh painting that he loves, and a new mah jong set. Plus all the little presents here and there, and before I know it I've spend $400! I don't have that kind of money! I had to take what little I had from my savings account that is supposed to be for emergency pet money. He told me I don't have to get him anything, or only little presents and that he just likes giving me nice things, but I still would feel really bad on Christmas if I was opening all these wonderful gifts and he's stuck with small presents. I know that in the future I should talk about upping my allowance weekly or something so I can save...but I don't know, I just feel kind of weird spending the money he earns at work on his presents.


Anyone on the same boat? How do you do presents in your house with no income?

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#2 of 10 Old 12-23-2011, 08:20 AM
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Well, what I did this year was use a gift card that had been given to me as a gift and add some cash I had stashed from my birthday and grocery money.  Also, we used cash for all of our gifts this year, so I told DH how much I needed, he gave it to me, and I can do what I want with it as long as I buy for everyone we need to.  It's his job to make money, but it's my job to save money, so using coupons and sales I can make good deals stretch pretty well.  Our budget is pretty low right now but it worked for us this year...  It's hard when you don't have "your own" money...

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#3 of 10 Old 12-23-2011, 09:09 AM
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Our money is communal money. In the beginning I found it hard to use "his" money to buy gifts, but I don't feel that way anymore.

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Diane, SAHM to DD (June 05) and DS (April 07).
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#4 of 10 Old 12-23-2011, 09:26 AM
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The money my husband makes at work is considered money for the whole family, not just "his".  So I just use our money to buy him presents.  I don't have an allowance or anything like that...I buy what I need when I need to without consulting him because our money is communal.  That said, DH and I haven't bought each other Christmas gifts beyond little stocking stuffers in years because we can't afford it.  We do always get something nice for ourselves when tax returns come in, though.

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#5 of 10 Old 12-23-2011, 04:26 PM
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My husband and I made an agreement not to buy eachother presents. I have no money and everything he makes should go to bills and kids. He knows if he buys me anything I will return it. The deal is nothing- not even a card. Christmas is for the kids and it's a lot less stressful to not have to worry about getting something for your spouse. The first year we did that it was a little weird but after 5 years it's normal and a lot easier. We also have that deal for our birthdays, mother's day, and father's day. The kids make us homemade cards and that's more special than anything we would buy.

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#6 of 10 Old 12-27-2011, 02:14 AM
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I don't feel funny about using our family money to buy things for family members.  It probably helps in that I take care of all the day to day financial aspects of our budget as well.  I spend the majority of the money because I am the one who does all of the food shopping and handles the bills.


Anyways, how we handle it is that there is X amount of money for Christmas gifts in total each year (and for the record we spent about 900 on everyone total including buying both of our kids new beds, so this was an expensive gift giving year for us).  The X amount of money is to cover everyone, our kids, nieces/nephews, grandparents, and each other.


This year we both gave each other the same gift, a tea pot.  It was pretty funny.  We are returning the one that he got because we like the one I picked out better and will probably get a small stereo instead with the money.

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#7 of 10 Old 12-27-2011, 03:09 AM
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First of all it sounds like you and dh are not on the same page with finances. It doesn't matter who brings home the income, it belongs to both of you equally. You both should agree on expensive purchases. Once my dh bought me something expensive and although I was touched, it also stressed me out. Worse it made me resentful that he felt he could buy something that costly without consulting with me because we had that agreement. So in the end the gift was not worth it to our relationship or our savings.


Try to agree on a set price for gift giving. If your dh is like mine (very boring and non-sentimental LOL) ask what he wants and get it for him. If you would rather surprise him, food is always a way to their hearts right? ;-) In my house if I cook dh's favorite stuff he is really touched and appreciative. I think even more so because I'm not the best cook and it takes 10x the effort than more talented people. haha!




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#8 of 10 Old 12-30-2011, 11:07 AM
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I realized this Christmas that I was really stressed out over buying gifts. Everytime DP would go to work she would say "oh, I have to stop at such and such place to get you a gift." Talk about my stomach turning. She got me some really nice things, but we could have used the money more. My favorite gift actually was one that she made herself. So for 2012 I'm going to strive to not buy things from the store for gifts. I'm a crafty person and all of the gifts I made this year were the favorites over things that were bought. DP and I will have to have a conversation about it also, but making something feels so much better that just picking something everyone already has. Plus it's usually cheaper!

Working from home Mommy. You can too. Ask me how!joy.gif


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#9 of 10 Old 01-03-2012, 10:39 AM
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It took me a while but eventually I've come to think of DH's income as our money. The problem is he just buys stuff he wants whenever. For Christmas and his birthdays I've started just trying to find things that are thoughtful yet inexpensive or require specific search capabilites. I got him a couple of shirts from TeeFury and Woot that fit his specific brand of geekiness. These are places that sell a different T shirt every day for $10 so I keep an eye out all year for ones he'd like. 

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#10 of 10 Old 01-05-2012, 10:39 AM
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Yeah, when I was not bringing in a paycheque, DH's paycheque was our family's money. I cannot imagine ever feeling otherwise. After all, I was providing to him my services as a housekeeper, child care provider and personal chef. ;)  Now that I work at home, we still put all our money into one account, and would never question one another about purchase, unless of course they were substantially draining said account. We are not roommates, we are partners.


DH and I keep Christmas simple. We normally do stockings that consist of lip balm, razor blades, candy, etc, and maybe one gift. This year, I went halvsies with my mom on a laptop for him, and he got me an iPod dock, so about $200 bucks is what we spent on each other.

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