Hello, this is the first time I have ever posted anywhere in my life. I really don't have anywhere to turn or ask for advice. Currently My husband and I live about 13 hours away from all our family and friends. We have 5 girls who are 7, 6, 5, 16 months, and 3 months. We had to move away about 5 years ago for a job for my husband. We have been married for 10 years. Ever since we came here I have worked occationally part time. Right now I am not working at all. My husband doesn't really want me to work even though we need the money. Ever since we moved here we have only had one vehicle. Our families never come to visit and we can't make the 13 hour trip often due to money and time off work. I have no friends here. I don't know anyone. I have to stay in the house all day and never leave except for on the weekends. Right now we are homeschooling our three oldest, but they could go to school if I insisted. Some days I think I am going to lose control. I really want to work. My husband says it would be ok if I can make a certian amount but he makes me feel extrememly guilty for wanting to work. I told him we could work different shifts or midnights so someone is always here with the kids. Maybie just need a nanny a few hours a week. My husband and I havent went out alone for 5 years. He is complelely ok with this. I cant stand the fact that we have no relationship besides the children. I think we can have both. He doesnt understand why I am not completely happy never leaving my house. I guess I am just reaching out for some much needed advice. Please if anyone can tell me their thoughts I would be so greatful!!
No advice, only support.
And I believe that if you want to work, you should. Staying home is no fun when it feels like a cage.
Well my advice is to expand your village. I am a big fan of doing this by being active in a church- you will meet other families, moms, potential baby sitters, friends, confidants, etc. I don't think it is reasonable to be stuck at home all week long. I stay at home and it is a huge challenge for me to take all the kids out by myself- but I still can and will do it when we are all stir crazy. So a vehicle for you is really a necessity to me :) There are used vans or suburbans all the time on craigslist for not too much. I understand the money issue too- so something needs to give. Either he needs to make more money- or something.... My DH would be hurt if I insisted on getting a job- he would feel like I was saying he was a poor provider- so I get your DH's view too.
Iowaorganic- mama to DD (1/5/06), DS1 (4/9/07), DS2 (1/22/09), DS3 (12/10/10), DD2 (7/6/12) and a new kid due in early 2014
I know this is an older post but just have to respond anyway.
If you are considering putting your oldest in school, I encourage you to do it. Homeschooling is AWESOME but only if it is done right and if you can put everything into it. I homeschooled my 3 for YEARS (my oldest just started college and was never in public school, my youngest is in the 2nd grade) but this Jan I put my two youngest into public school and it went far better than I could have even hoped for. I really had a hard time letting them go for that time but it was what I needed to be the mom they deserve. Putting your 3 oldest in school would give you a bit of a break. It would also expand your village - you would meet teachers and other mothers and become more involved in your community.
I also agree with finding a good church. A good church will "adopt" you and let you know you have people you can rely on even though your family is so far away. Let the kids go to Sunday school and the babies go to the nursery and take an hour away from them with other adults around you. Often big churches will have resources you can use if you are a member and making friends would really do you some good right now,
I agree with expanding your village..the first way to do that is indeed join a church!! I felt so important and loved and supported when I was going to church. Currently looking for a new one though. I met a lot of awesome people and even though the church didn't make it, I'm still good friends with a lot of the people there and we all live nearby, so everyone is really open to helping everyone else out. I remember posting on our church bulletin that our whole family was sick and we felt like crap and didn't want to cook dinner, and was begging for someone to bring us dinner so at least our kids could eat a good meal...I got two offers right away. It almost made me cry. You will meet people and form bonds that you never knew existed. If you aren't spiritual at all I can see how this might be difficult for you, but it really is worth it.
DH(9/04) DS(12/08) and DD(5/11)
Network with other homeschooling moms and hold gatherings at your house. Maybe co-op style?
Start a new craft or hobby!
Meet your neighbors and invite them over!
You need to have something for yourself! Anything! Even a daily walk by yourself.
Many towns/cities have events or even just local attractions that are fairly inexpensive or free from time to time. Maybe a local book club or another interest group? Maybe get your kids involved in activities near you to give yourself some free time. Near us there are many homeschool sports and other activities, but there might even be fairly inexpensive things offered through your local parks department. I know ours offers everything from pottery, outdoor nature walks, swim classes, to sports activities at reduced rates than normal facilities. These places are also great to meet other parents! I'm not sure where you live, but with some digging maybe you'll find there are homeschool support groups or co-ops near you? If not maybe you could see if anyone is interested and start one yourself. I agree that a church has been like a second family to me and we have made a few really good, close friends there that we trust 100% with our child. I didn't feel like I really was at home there until I started opening up and even started attending events and Bible studies to get to know people. Many churches offer children's nursery, worship, or other activities to keep little ones happy while you have time with other adults. Its also nice to be able to confide with others when I go through rough spots, feel impatient with my kids, or husband, or just need someone to listen.
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