The husband is working about 55 hours weekly, thankfully now at just one employer, so I do everything inside. I cook, I clean the house, I do the daily maintenance (such as dishes, laundry, sweeping), I decorate the outside of the house, I'm working on taking over the bills. I make and keep the appointments. I make the social schedule with few exceptions. I do the vast majority of the parenting. Husband will play with her when he comes home, changes about 6 diapers a week and handles bath time 2-4 nights a week. If she cries Mama is back on the job, as he cannot calm her and knows it.
He takes the garbage out (because it's garbage, and I'm prissy like that. Ew.), does the car work, makes repairs inside and outside the house, changes lightbulbs (because I'm shorter!), does the yard work...
It's working so far.
And on 09/23/2011, we were three; husband, daughter, and me!
I clean out dds closets, taking out what she's outgrown. I wouldn't want him doing this anyway ;-)
I vaccume, sweep, & mop floors
I pick up all toys and put away
Dust sometimes, do the dishes
Take care of aquarium
Get dds bag ready if we are going anywhere
Dress dd if we go anywhere
Set up the automatic monthly bill payments
Will do laundry sometimes
Cook even less (since I've had the baby)
He takes care of cat even though I end up watering and feeding sometimes
Takes out trash - I end up taking this out at least a few times a month but at least he rolls it to the curb...
Before we got a dishwasher he would do dishes because that is one thing I absolutely hated!
He works hard and long hours but at least once a week he will get dd up and/or fix breakfast for everyone
Grocery shopping is kind of up in the air. We will go together sometimes, just one of us with dd or one of us alone.... just depends.
It's easy to glorify the time the other person spends away from home when you are a sahm but chances are they are having just as tough as time as you are.
My fiance is usually asleep by 7-8pm, when he gets home @ 5-6pm and is gone again by 6am through the week. It's a challenge with him not being present just to talk to most nights but I just keep doing whatever I can throughout the day and trying to accept that it is enough, or will just have to be for the time being ;-)
I feel like we have a pretty even split...we both go through phases of feeling overworked and under appreciated, but that isn't the norm.
DH does a lot; it sounds like more than most dads. He works really long hours, handles all of the bills/taxes/insurance/finances, takes care of the lawn, does dinner dishes, helps me with post-bedtime cleanup.
I do the parenting (duh, since I'm a SAHM), including nighttime. I do all of the food - shopping, meal planning, cooking. The daily cleaning, tidying and all that. DH usually does dinner dishes.
We have a weekly cleaning list (Mondays: mop, Tuesdays: bathrooms, that kind of thing) and I mark off what I'm able to get done, and what's left at the weekend DH will take care of. That, along with our post-bedtime cleanup routine, goes a long way towards keeping the house kept up without either of us getting overwhelmed.
We just did our taxes on Monday night. DH had never done his own before, his mom was a tax prep and always did his, but she passed away last year. I. on the other hand had a hard-assed meany of a dad who made me bang my head against the wall and figure it out for myself when I was 18, and then made fun of me when I didn't get the return I was expecting because I forgot to do my provincial taxes, ha ha!
So, the way we did it was, we each did our own but I helped him... it took a loooong time to get him to just go find his paperwork from last year, he figured he had to read the book cover to cover. He really didn't believe me that 90% of the lines were going to be empty and half the equations we did would come back $0.00. He didn't know that on the back of the T4, it tells you the corresponding line in your taxes for each box on the T4 slip. I could probably have had it done in 2 hours myself but it took 4 (partly because we spent 45 minutes looking for his taxes in his 'filing system' a.k.a MESS once he finally gave in and admitted there might be something to my look-at-last-years-taxes-when-you-aren't-sure-of-something strategy. It won't be easier next year because we'll have capital gains to deal with, but hopefully the year after that it'll be smooth sailing. Overall it was a pretty cooperative effort... no-one got mad and the frustrating moments were tempered with humour. That's how things usually go around here.
~Teresa, raising DS (Jan. 02) and DD1 (Jun. 04) and DD2 (Dec. 11) with DH.
Most of the time it feels like I do it all.
Do all of the cleaning.
Do all of the cooking. (except DH cooks dinner on Saturdays)
All of the couponing & grocery shopping.
All of the bill paying and budget management.
All of the inventory of needs (i.e. kids clothes) and purchasing.
95% of the childcare.
I schedule and attend all of the appointments.
All of night time parenting (DH works midnights).
Breastfeeding, cosleeping, and diapering.
Bathe the kids
Put the kids to bed
Plan and do all of the outings with the kids
Plan all family outings
Takes the kids out for 3 hours/weekend (so I don't snap).
Does the laundry (thank God!).
Takes vehicles for repairs when necessary.
Takes out the trash (hypothetically... but usually I do this too)
Actually, now that I've typed this out, I can see why I've been so bitter lately. It's time to rework some of this. I mostly feel like I am never ever off the clock.
I used to work 20 hours/week and when I did that, DH assumed A LOT more responsibility in all areas.
Sleepy, running, wife to DH 08/09 - Mama to DS 8/08 & DD 1/11
"Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare. " - Japanese Proverb
one thing that is saving my sanity with how little dh is around to help is swapping babysitting with friends...I finally have a few close by that are willing to swap on a regular basis..So right now I'm planning on about 4-6 hours a week to do whatever I need to..whether that's deep cleaning uninterrupted(I can clean the house top to bottom in about 3 hours where all that would take me at least a week with the kids around interrupting all day), or just hang out alone at home..My mom also lives about 20 minutes away, and if I ever want to go out by myself I pretty much can to get alone time. I can't rely on DH on a regular basis to give me downtime on the weekend because he usually has stuff he needs to get done, or needs downtime himself since he doesn't get any during the week. I do get some but it's just spread out through the week so I don't feel bad about this. Find some trusting friends to help you out and repay the favor. I find that having more kids at my house to watch is a little more work, but it's also free entertainment for my kids. They like to play together and I can utilize lessons in sharing, cleaning up, etc with other kids...my kids will be and see the example. It works.
DH(9/04) DS(12/08) and DD(5/11)
Holy tamole (yeah!), reading this thread again, mine hardly does anything inside!
He never complains about what isn't done, though, and always helps if I ask. So I am feeling OK. But I might print this thread out and do the butt-shake dance at him though. Lazy man!
And on 09/23/2011, we were three; husband, daughter, and me!
Oh and also, DH is very ADHD, so messes get stepped over constantly, and he rarely sees them. The trash would have to be overflowing and stinky in order for him to feel like it needs to go out..so frustrating, because messes and stuff bother me way sooner than they bother him. One good thing about that is that he NEVER complains with how the house looks because it never gets bad enough for him to take notice :) He also does help DS clean up his toys, because I think he notices messes that aren't his or something..I don't know lol.
DH(9/04) DS(12/08) and DD(5/11)
I am in the same boat as tiqa ! I bf at 6 am , then get up , let the dogs out , make breakfast , get my handicapped son ready for school , make sure the other 3 are awake and get dressed as well , eat breakfast , have their school bags ready , get out of the door on time , then get my 2-year-old out of bed , change her diaper , feed her , feed myself , do the first load of laundry , empty and fill the dishwasher , play with her , then get my baby , who usually wakes up by about 10 am , change her , dress her , feed her porridge , go shopping , if we need to . If not , we play , or I let them play by themselves , put laundry in the dryer , put more laundry in the washing machine , sort dry clothes and bring them in the older kids´rooms , so they can put them away , when they come home , make lunch for the babies , eat , put them down for their nap , feed the dog , pick up dog poop from the yard , clean up , receive the first kids coming home from school , feed them , supervise homework , get the little ones up , change more diapers , start cooking dinner , feed little ones , feed my oldest son , wash and change him , play with the kids , empty the dishwasher , fill the dishwasher , put more clothes away , 3 times a week give my oldest son a bath , give babies a bath , get the 2-year-old ready for bed and tuck her in , get my oldest son ready for bed , give baby her night bottle and put her in her crib , spend some quality time with the older kids , make sure they have their shower and brush their teeth , make sure they have all their school stuff ready for the morning , clean the last messes of the day , get on the computer to pay the bills , check e-mails , and so on , make sure everybody is asleep and all the doors are locked , go to bed ( hopefully ) before midnight , feed the baby about 1 - 2 times per night ..
Oh , yes I have a bf , he doesn´t get up until about 10 - 11 am , complains , that I am making noise , when he is trying to sleep , makes his coffee , sits on the computer and complains , that he can´t even enjoy his coffee in peace , when I ask him , if he can at least bring the occasional laundry basket upstairs , takes a little nap in the afternoon , while the little kids are sleeping , complains , if I make too much noise , when doing something while they are asleep , sits down for dinner , that he didn´t help with , to a set table , that he didn´t help with , watches movies or goes back on the computer , while I clean up and chase after the little ones some more , then when we go to bed , by which time I am sometimes so exhausted , I want to cry , he complains , that we don´t have sex , since it´s not like I have done anything to make me tired all day , the least I could do , is give him a blow job ,( I am quoting him here ) to make him feel better with all the stress the kids give him
after 3 cs Happily single Mom
Michelle mom to DD , DS , & lil DD plus and spending my days
I do all the cooking, cleaning, and laundry. I pay most of the bills and keep track of the budget. I do 99% of the grocery shopping. In return, DH works hard at his job, takes overtime, and on Saturday, lets me sleep in and takes over toddler duty. :) That is a huge pay off for me. That one day to sleep in makes me feel normal. :)
I felt overwhelmed until I found a system. It's not crazy, but it helps. Change bed sheets on Tuesdays, wash all sheets and towels on Wed. Doing "quick pickups" of the living room and kitchen during naps and after I put my son down to bed. Cleaning the bathroom while my son is in the bath playing. Little things that help keep my mind (and house) in order. :)
Aspiring Midwife , Mother to One, Still nursing , and proud , , and advocate.
DH and I have very clear cut strengths and weaknesses. The running joke (that's often held as a sort of guideline) is that I'm the brains and he's the brawn. The kids are old enough and were in a single parent family for so long that they handle a lot of the responsibilities, too. So, our breakdown looks something like;
50% Me - 10% DH - 40% Kids
20% Me - 30% DH - 50% Kids
60% Me - 10% DH - 30% Kids
10% Me - 20% DH - 70% Kids
80% Me - 15% DH - 5% Kids (yes, they are involved in family budgeting decisions)
Meal Plans, Grocery Lists, Keeping Track of Everyone's Medical Food Needs:
80% Me - 15% DH - 5% Kids
Remembering Bdays/Holidays, Buying/Making/Sending Presents:
80% Me - 5% DH - 15% Kids
80% Me - 20% DH - 0% Kids
Homeschooling/Lesson Plans/Paperwork/Field Trips/ect:
80% Me - 10% DH - 10% Kids
50% Me - 50% DH (ds has a job, but mostly spends it on entertainment items or presents for friends/family. I have been investing every spare penny for years, and don't work now but continue to invest every spare penny dh brings home. My investments are bringing in as much as dh's very low summer income. When the weather cools down though, he will be making about double what he is now, so the break down will by different until next summer.)
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