SAHparents - how do you and your working spouse handle money - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 29 Old 04-29-2012, 08:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
youngspiritmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Home :)
Posts: 497
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

If you stay at home (and earn no money) and your spouse works (and earns all the money) -- how do you then manage the money?

 

Do you have the whole paycheck deposited into a joint account that you both spend from?

Does your spouse give you an "allowance"?

Does your spouse get the paycheck and then give a portion of it to you, or put in a portion into a joint account?

 

etc.

 

Please share your money set up and what works and what doesn't. Thanks.


Mothering my sweet preschool boy luxlove.gif and my new arrival bfinfant.gif

youngspiritmom is offline  
#2 of 29 Old 04-30-2012, 05:36 AM
 
purplerose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 899
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

nak.

i sahm and have no income; dh makes all da money. it all goes direct deposit into our joint account. i pay all the bills online, do most of the shopping. he'll pick up things on his way home from work if asked. neither of us has an allowance or spending limit, but we just don't go blowing all the money in the first place.(that would be the kids!) we both have our own debit card. i'm the only one with an issue, when guilt pops up about not helping financially but dh sets me straight. he has never called it "his" money, either. it's always "our" money.

lifeguard and NorthernFamily like this.

drowning in hormones with 4 daughters and an understanding, loving hubby. also some dogs. my life is crazy and we are always learning.

purplerose is offline  
#3 of 29 Old 04-30-2012, 05:56 AM
 
Jodie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Alabama
Posts: 719
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Our money gets direct deposited into our joint account.

I pay the bills.

We have only one debit card and I keep it most of the time.

DH gets an allowance in cash once a month that he can spend on whatever the hell he wants.

 

When we spend money on things other than bills we are usually together or one or the other knows about it.

 

DH calls me his accountant. He has said many a time if he were in "contol" of the money we wouldn't have any, and its probably true.

 

So this works for us.

Jodie is offline  
#4 of 29 Old 04-30-2012, 06:07 AM
 
alicewyf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 993
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We have a joint account and a budget. We both try to stick to it. DH pays the bills b/c he is on the computer more (though I have been on it more recently due to late pregnancy exhaustion and forced resting time!). Sometimes one or both of us messes up w/r/t budget. No biggie, we don't do credit cards and it is usually a small "mess up." No one guilts anyone else. We really don't fight about money. We come from almost identical financial backgrounds (upper middle class, both college educated children of college educated parents who taught us money management early and often) and that is a major, major strength in our marriage. Of course, we definitely have issues in other areas. wink1.gif Money just isn't one of them.


Alicewyf knit.gif , wife to DH reading.gif and mama to toddler Lillian energy.gif (7/09)!

 

***4***8***12***16***20***24***28***32***36**stork-boy.gif40

Prayerfully expecting our little BOY in June of 2012! And so excited to be cd.gif and bfinfant.gifagain!

alicewyf is offline  
#5 of 29 Old 04-30-2012, 06:33 AM
 
purplerose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 899
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

my dh used to do all the bills. it was a disaster! once i took over, i got and kept everything caught up. there are lapses, like the week all the kids had the flu, or a death i the family or when #4 was born...i'm not perfect! but i do a good job!


drowning in hormones with 4 daughters and an understanding, loving hubby. also some dogs. my life is crazy and we are always learning.

purplerose is offline  
#6 of 29 Old 04-30-2012, 10:06 AM
 
Mummoth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: BC, Canada
Posts: 3,466
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)

He gives me a portion of each pay cheque, I take care of the household bills and he takes care of the vehicle bills/gas and his phone. It worked better when I was doing after school care... we had a bit more money, and I had some disposable income. The way things are now is just temporary so I'm okay with it.

 

Right now, he's banking hours so he'll get paid over the summer whether he works or not (and we'll keep our health benefits) DH works for a school bus company, which is why he isn't guaranteed work over the summer. There are usually enough charters to keep him busy, so we probably won't use all his banked hours. We'll save banked hours for a bit of an emergency fund... he can still get a pay cheque if he's sick. I don't know exactly when he'll go from banking the maximum hours he can to banking less (sometime over the summer), but when his pay cheque goes up, so does the amount he passes on to me.

 

I've got the word out that I have room for after school care kids in September, I prefer to make a bit of money myself. The current plan if I do get hired, is to put what I earn straight into savings for... well, something will come up. I definitely want to add to the RESP's.

 

 


~Teresa, raising DS (Jan. 02) and DD1 (Jun. 04) and DD2 (Dec. 11) with DH.

Mummoth is online now  
#7 of 29 Old 04-30-2012, 05:13 PM
 
MamaInTheDesert's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 319
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

DH puts his check straight into the joint account. Currently we only have one card, but we'd like two just for convenience sake. Usually he keeps the card unless I tell him I'm going out that day. We do grocery trips and larger spending together in the evenings or on the weekends. I handle the bills each month. We both stay on top of the amount in the account. If we're going to spend money we just tell each other. It has just become routine. "Honey, I'm going to get gas for the car while I'm out." or "Honey, I filled up the tank in the car cause it was running low." This hasn't caused any problems, because we each check regularly to see how much we have in the account, so we both know if we can make purchases like that. Anything routine like picking up milk, getting gas, or a soft drink from the store is fine. If it's something out of the ordinary we talk about if we want to get it now, spend the money on something else, or wait until another paycheck clears -- it doesn't matter the amount, only that it's something not routine. Clothes, house furnishings, a toy for the kiddo, etc. would all fall under the "not routine." All the money is "ours" and we do all of the decision making regarding finances together.


SAHMhippie.gif married to DH treehugger.gif since 09/11. Mama to DD (01/08)dust.gifand DS (06/12) babyboy.gif

MamaInTheDesert is offline  
#8 of 29 Old 04-30-2012, 05:25 PM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 27,300
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

DH's paycheque is put into our joint account, through direct deposit. We each have a debit card on that account, which we use as needed. We do check in with each other for large-ish purchases, just to make sure we don't overlap or mess up our budget. We also each pull a cash amount each paycheque. I usually get more than he does, because I do a lot more small purchases (grabbing an ice cream for me and the kids, picking up a small Dover colouring book on the spur of the moment - stuff like that) than he does. I'm the one who handles all the bill paying and files the taxes and all that kind of thing, so I usually have a slightly better handle on the day to day account details than dh, but we're both totally in the loop.
 


Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
#9 of 29 Old 04-30-2012, 05:29 PM
 
Alphaghetti's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: A Big City in Canada
Posts: 303
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post

DH's paycheque is put into our joint account, through direct deposit. We each have a debit card on that account, which we use as needed. We do check in with each other for large-ish purchases, just to make sure we don't overlap or mess up our budget. We also each pull a cash amount each paycheque. I usually get more than he does, because I do a lot more small purchases (grabbing an ice cream for me and the kids, picking up a small Dover colouring book on the spur of the moment - stuff like that) than he does. I'm the one who handles all the bill paying and files the taxes and all that kind of thing, so I usually have a slightly better handle on the day to day account details than dh, but we're both totally in the loop.
 

yeahthat.gif  Except I don't know what a Dover colouring book is. 


winky.gif

Oh!! ETA: I work from home now, but it has only been since very recently, and my money all goes into the same account now too.


Certified Crazy™ Wife to my Spiderman husband luxlove.gif(Aug '01)

 

Super proud Momma  to DD (Jan'00), DD (Apr '02) and DS (Jun '04)

Always loving and missing our Baby James angel.gif born sleeping at 19 weeks (July '03).

 

signcirc1.gif

Alphaghetti is offline  
#10 of 29 Old 04-30-2012, 05:44 PM
 
katelove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,820
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 17 Post(s)
DHs pay is put directly into our joint account. I pay most of the bills on line and move money around - extra payments off the mortgage, or topping up the savings account etc. Our main account is a mortgage offset account so we each have a credit card linked to it. We don't discuss essentials like fuel or groceries but we discuss all other big purchases and sometimes I will remind DH if we have tight fortnight coming up with lots of big bills so we need to be extra careful.

I worked a couple of shifts earlier in the year before the m/s started and that money went into the joint account as well.

We both consider any income as "our" money but I do sometimes struggle a bit with not contributing cash to the equation. DH is very clear about it being equally ours though.

Mother of two spectacular girls, born mid-2010 and late 2012  mdcblog5.gif

katelove is online now  
#11 of 29 Old 04-30-2012, 05:46 PM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 27,300
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by katelove View Post


We both consider any income as "our" money but I do sometimes struggle a bit with not contributing cash to the equation. DH is very clear about it being equally ours though.

 

I sometimes have this problem, too. It's really weird, because with my ex, and when dh first moved in with me, I was the "breadwinner", and I never felt like that about it back then. (Okay - I lie. I sometimes did with my ex, but he was totally taking advantage of me, on all fronts. I never minded paying the bills when dh was home with ds1 at all!)


Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
#12 of 29 Old 04-30-2012, 06:05 PM
 
purplerose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 899
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

nak.

a couple of summers ago, our central air went out and we didn't have the money to fix it. i felt like such a loser, a bum, a useless slob, bc i don't work and couldn't contribute. haven't really worked in 15 years!(wow!) i cried and snotted on dh and everything. he told me he is very happy to come home everyday knowing the kids were ok, there was dinner, or at least food to eat, he doesn't have the type of wife who blows all the money, i am there for him and his family, he just said all the things he loved about me being a sahm. it made me cry more but whenever i start feeling down on myself i try to remember all that he said. this is my *job* and i am appreciated! we know alot of families with both woh parents who then send the kids to grandma's every weekend and hardly spend time as a family and he claims he is happy not being like that. i try to make life easier for him, and he does more than work, he does the driving lessons with the teenagers and softball with the preteen and diaper duty with the baby, he drops everything if there's a family emergency and i have to leave/be out of town.

ha, i just fell in love again! this got off-topic, didn't it!


drowning in hormones with 4 daughters and an understanding, loving hubby. also some dogs. my life is crazy and we are always learning.

purplerose is offline  
#13 of 29 Old 04-30-2012, 08:32 PM
 
lifeguard's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Coyote Rock Farm
Posts: 6,574
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

This is interesting 'cause it seems that most here are doing things similarly but irl most of our friends seem to keep their money separate even when married. I do have occasional bouts of guilt over not contributing financially but dh is a lot like purplerose's.


Surviving sleep deprivation one day at a time with dd (Oct '11) & ds (Oct '08).

lifeguard is offline  
#14 of 29 Old 05-01-2012, 07:32 AM
 
Red Pajama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: climbing a mountain of laundry
Posts: 1,348
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Husband's pay check goes into our joint account. I pay all bills; I'm not sure he knows what our bills are. I do grocery shopping/shopping for the family as needed.

Neither of us have an "allowance", nor do we make purchases( over say $50.00)  without talking to the other, and usually even for ammounts less than that.


We do not refer to husband's pay as "his" money.


Twin boys (2/05) and little sister (10/07)
Red Pajama is offline  
#15 of 29 Old 05-01-2012, 09:25 AM
 
MommyofNRM's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CT
Posts: 141
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My dh's check is deposited into a joint checking account. Whoever happens to get the bill is the one who pays it. We have a spreadsheet on our computer for our budget so when we spend anything, we put it in the budget. Within reason, we each are free to do what we want with the money. Right now, I've been picking up some maternity clothes when I find them on sale. It works for us and he's made it a point to always call it "our money". 


SAHM married with 2 boys (Feb 2010 & Oct 2012) 

signcirc1.gifgoorganic.jpg

MommyofNRM is offline  
#16 of 29 Old 05-01-2012, 09:34 AM
 
purplerose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 899
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

it's odd how on here, we all seem to handle it the same, but i know so many sahm's irl who have to ask for the money to buy groceries or anthing else. i've even known one mom who bought generic groceries and, for example, emptied the ketchup into a name-brand bottle so her dh would eat it. she had to beg for money, had to buy the higher-brand food(of everything) or else sneak it, then get fussed at for spending too much. her dh was a very controlling person :(


drowning in hormones with 4 daughters and an understanding, loving hubby. also some dogs. my life is crazy and we are always learning.

purplerose is offline  
#17 of 29 Old 05-01-2012, 09:56 AM
 
4Marmalade's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,084
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Dh's pay is direct deposited into our chequing account.  I take care of all the bill paying and transferring of money to savings accounts, line of credit, etc...  We both have a debit card and both have a credit card.  While I take care of almost all the financial stuff we regularly sit down and make sure we're on the same page with our goals and take an overall look at the financial picture.  We recently sat down and did a whole re-work of our budget so we're a little financial talked out wink1.gif.  Big purchases are always discussed.  The money is always considered "our" money. 


Karen - spouse to dh for 11 years, mama to ds (Nov '02), dd (May '05) and ds and dd (Jun '08)

4Marmalade is offline  
#18 of 29 Old 05-01-2012, 11:12 AM
 
mamazee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: US midwest
Posts: 7,500
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
His paycheck is directly deposited into a joint account, which we both access.
mamazee is offline  
#19 of 29 Old 05-01-2012, 11:16 AM
 
Alphaghetti's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: A Big City in Canada
Posts: 303
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by purplerose View Post

it's odd how on here, we all seem to handle it the same, but i know so many sahm's irl who have to ask for the money to buy groceries or anthing else. i've even known one mom who bought generic groceries and, for example, emptied the ketchup into a name-brand bottle so her dh would eat it. she had to beg for money, had to buy the higher-brand food(of everything) or else sneak it, then get fussed at for spending too much. her dh was a very controlling person :(

Yuck. It's really that common? To me, that is abusive. My cousin goes through this - no money to herself whatsoever. She has to account to her DH if she buys a cup of coffee. No thanks. I couldn't be in a marriage where I was controlled like that.


Certified Crazy™ Wife to my Spiderman husband luxlove.gif(Aug '01)

 

Super proud Momma  to DD (Jan'00), DD (Apr '02) and DS (Jun '04)

Always loving and missing our Baby James angel.gif born sleeping at 19 weeks (July '03).

 

signcirc1.gif

Alphaghetti is offline  
#20 of 29 Old 05-01-2012, 03:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
youngspiritmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Home :)
Posts: 497
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We do it a little differently, and it works for us. DH's paycheck goes into his account. He pays the bills -- rent, bills (phone, utilties, internet, etc.) - from that amount. Then he puts an agreed upon amount into our family savings account (we don't spend this). He gives me a certain amount of cash from his paycheck every month which is my money - I can save it or spend it etc. Then he puts an agreed upon amount into our joint checking which we both have debit cards for -- this account we both spend from for eating out, groceries, gas, toys, clothes etc. If this amount runs out, we just wait till next month. It's our way of staying on budget and not spending his whole paycheck directly.

 

Whatever is left over of his paycheck stays in his checking account (ends up being about the same amount of the cash he gives me).

 

I am a SAHM but earn a little money here and there (babysitting, online surveys, occasional weekend jobs) but I am not expected to contribute any of this to family expenses. I usually just keep it in my savings account or spend it on things for me and the kids, or gifts for DH.

 

If big expenses come up, my husband pays them from our savings/his checking account/our investments.


Mothering my sweet preschool boy luxlove.gif and my new arrival bfinfant.gif

youngspiritmom is offline  
#21 of 29 Old 05-01-2012, 08:58 PM
 
anjsmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 490
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

DH makes all of the money. I manage it. 

 

 

His paycheck is direct deposited into our joint account (we have a joint checking & savings, no separate accounts). I pay all of the bills, and we both spend from the account. I create the budget and show it to him, so that he knows what the "plan" is, but neither of us has a true spending limit and definitely not an allowance of any sort. We have a number of what we'll spend a week on food, gas,  and miscellaneous expenses. We talk to each other if we've bought something that's at all out of the norm (or more often, if we're going to buy something out of the norm) so we can decide where it's going to come from. Honestly, DH very seldom has to make a true financial decision... he is a large participant in large purchases, but leaves pretty much everything else to me. He is glad not to have that worry.

 

 

We've always handled our money this way, the same when I was working, my paycheck was also deposited to our account and handled this way. We have friends who do it differently and often argue about financial issues, as well as how one spouse is 'poor' and one is living it up, etc etc. Idk... that's just not for us. We view our marriage & family as a team, and our finances are our teams' funding... we're all in it for the same thing.. to pay the bills, take care of one another, save a bit, and enjoy life. 

 

 

For the number-happy, DH and I have also done fun little calculations of my "financial worth" as a SAHM... if we had a nanny, ate out twice/week (due to my being late from work or something), if I wasn't home couponing, making supplies from scratch, etc etc etc.. what would that "cost" us? I really feel that SAHPs have not only a role value, but also a true economical value and I am glad DH sees it that way too.


sleepytime.gifjog.gifSleepy, running, wife to superhero.gif DH 08/09 -  Mama to jog.gif DS 8/08 & love.gif DD 1/11

"Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare. " - Japanese Proverb

 

anjsmama is offline  
#22 of 29 Old 05-02-2012, 07:48 AM
 
Ramzubo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 423
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Quote:

Originally Posted by anjsmama View Post

DH makes all of the money. I manage it. 

 

 

His paycheck is direct deposited into our joint account (we have a joint checking & savings, no separate accounts). I pay all of the bills, and we both spend from the account. I create the budget and show it to him, so that he knows what the "plan" is, but neither of us has a true spending limit and definitely not an allowance of any sort. We have a number of what we'll spend a week on food, gas,  and miscellaneous expenses. We talk to each other if we've bought something that's at all out of the norm (or more often, if we're going to buy something out of the norm) so we can decide where it's going to come from. Honestly, DH very seldom has to make a true financial decision... he is a large participant in large purchases, but leaves pretty much everything else to me. He is glad not to have that worry.

 

 

We've always handled our money this way, the same when I was working, my paycheck was also deposited to our account and handled this way. We have friends who do it differently and often argue about financial issues, as well as how one spouse is 'poor' and one is living it up, etc etc. Idk... that's just not for us. We view our marriage & family as a team, and our finances are our teams' funding... we're all in it for the same thing.. to pay the bills, take care of one another, save a bit, and enjoy life. 

 

This is us exactly.This has been our philosophy since before we were married (that we are a team and all money coming in and debts going out are shared).

 

This is not the norm for our families. Our parents and siblings use separate accounts. Some have joint accounts, some don't and a few have allowances (even for the primary moneymaker). It's just easier for us to have access to all accounts, but just me managing the money. I personally don't struggle with not contributing financially and have only gotten positive feedback about this from dh.


-Us partners.gif, Himbabyf.gifnocirc.gif and her dog2.gif 

 


 

Ramzubo is offline  
#23 of 29 Old 05-02-2012, 09:06 AM
 
Mummoth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: BC, Canada
Posts: 3,466
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by anjsmama View Post

DH makes all of the money. I manage it. 

 

 

His paycheck is direct deposited into our joint account (we have a joint checking & savings, no separate accounts). I pay all of the bills, and we both spend from the account. I create the budget and show it to him, so that he knows what the "plan" is, but neither of us has a true spending limit and definitely not an allowance of any sort. We have a number of what we'll spend a week on food, gas,  and miscellaneous expenses. We talk to each other if we've bought something that's at all out of the norm (or more often, if we're going to buy something out of the norm) so we can decide where it's going to come from. Honestly, DH very seldom has to make a true financial decision... he is a large participant in large purchases, but leaves pretty much everything else to me. He is glad not to have that worry.

 

 

 

I'd like to be able to do it this way, and DH has said this is how he wants to do it. He hasn't made it happen and I have some reservations... he is not responsible with money... the only bills that come out of his account are truck insurance. He often has to make an emergency trip to the insurance place to move the date of the automatic withdrawal back because he doesn't have funds. His phone is pretty much always in arrears, he's got an unpaid parking ticket and some old bills in collections (nothing huge, but he doesn't deal with it!) He eats lunch out most days, and does things like decided he needed to make skittles vodka for a friends birthday who was someone he's never exchanged gifts with before,  bought a radio for the truck (second hand,thankfully!), bought a marble roller coaster, bought the kids travel blankets that zip into a pillow, etc. I think if we had a joint account, it'd only be a matter of time until a rent cheque bounced. It's safer for me to just take the set amount he gives me and put it where it needs to go.


~Teresa, raising DS (Jan. 02) and DD1 (Jun. 04) and DD2 (Dec. 11) with DH.

Mummoth is online now  
#24 of 29 Old 05-10-2012, 10:50 AM
 
NotAFairytale's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 17
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My husband is very old fashioned. When he gets paid he puts the money up and then gives me what is needed to pay the bills and then I have to ask him for money whenever I need/want it. He doesn't really tell me how much money we have at any given moment. It isn't abusive though because he never denies me money when I ask, but he will ask me what it's for. I prefer it like this, guess I'm wierd, lol.

NotAFairytale is offline  
#25 of 29 Old 05-11-2012, 06:03 AM
 
MrsGregory's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: The 'burbs of Central Texas.
Posts: 1,030
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We're transitioning to me being responsible for the budget, with him earning all the money.  I won't be bringing home one red cent for a while, unless it's a gift.  We were having him do the managing, and as NotAFairytale mentioned, I wouldn't even know how much we had, but we've found this isn't working.  I was comfortable like that because I knew we had enough, and I always had a general idea of how much I could fritter away any given week.  I grew up in a household where money was a constant stress, so I was very comfortable like that, not knowing any specifics.  But husband has too much on his plate to effectively manage our finance... we've also discovered that I'm completely ruthless about money, whereas he isn't, and we've decided we need someone ruthless at the helm of our financial ship.  So we're transitioning...  I'm not excited.  But it's the best thing for everyone.


lovestory.gif   And on 09/23/2011, we were three;  husband, daughter, and me!

MrsGregory is offline  
#26 of 29 Old 05-12-2012, 06:07 PM
 
NotAFairytale's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 17
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsGregory View Post

We're transitioning to me being responsible for the budget, with him earning all the money.  I won't be bringing home one red cent for a while, unless it's a gift.  We were having him do the managing, and as NotAFairytale mentioned, I wouldn't even know how much we had, but we've found this isn't working.  I was comfortable like that because I knew we had enough, and I always had a general idea of how much I could fritter away any given week.  I grew up in a household where money was a constant stress, so I was very comfortable like that, not knowing any specifics.  But husband has too much on his plate to effectively manage our finance... we've also discovered that I'm completely ruthless about money, whereas he isn't, and we've decided we need someone ruthless at the helm of our financial ship.  So we're transitioning...  I'm not excited.  But it's the best thing for everyone.

 

 "I was comfortable like that because I knew we had enough, and I always had a general idea of how much I could fritter away any given week. I grew up in a household where money was a constant stress, so I was very comfortable like that, not knowing any specifics."

 

That's how I feel as well. If I knew exactly when things are tight, I would be a lot more stressed out!! I like just being able to get what I need and trust that my husband is taking care of everything. It's more on his plate, but he handles stress WAY better than I do. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night, lol.

NotAFairytale is offline  
#27 of 29 Old 06-26-2012, 02:53 PM
 
mennofied's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 27
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We started out with two checking accounts. Both were considered "our" money and I made more so I paid most of the bills. It turned out I was just better at handling the finances so I managed his account too. It became ridiculous having two accounts so we combined and as the years passed, he became the breadwinner and I'm a SAHM now. I still manage our finances, which he prefers. I'd rather not honestly because we are at the point where our income does not match our spending and we are eating through our savings. Because I don't earn the money, I have a hard time telling hubby to stop buying things we don't absolutely need. I feel really guilty because I don't contribute so I keep trying to find more ways to cut our spending on my end (i.e. groceries).
 

mennofied is offline  
#28 of 29 Old 06-26-2012, 09:20 PM
 
MrsBone's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Oak Point, TX
Posts: 1,184
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We have a joint account and we both have debit cards to the account. DH's check is direct deposited. I took over the finances when I started staying at home when DS was 16 months and it was the best thing that ever happened to us. For the first 5 years of our marriage, we had separate accounts and both worked. DH paid most of the bills and I paid some of them, but we never really talked that much about money. I NEVER used his debit card or the money that went into his account because we never communicated about it. Big mistake. I found out later how much money we actually made and how much he BLEW on stuff!! He's also severly ADHD, so has poor impulse control with spending money. Once I took over all the finances it was a big wake up call, and has been amazing for us. Forced us to communicate about it more and is helping us pay off debt and save money for once in our marriage! Just recently I gave DH a budget for how much he could spend weekly for gas station stops, lunches, etc because he just never had a clue what was in the account and spent whatever he wanted half the time. We sometimes didn't have enough money for bills. I'm super cautious about spending money, so he'd spend money on stuff and I never would becuase if I spent money, we wouldn't have enough to pay the bills, because of his spending! Now he runs larger purchases by me, and I rarely run things by him unless it's over $30 or so. I shop thrift sales, garage sales and run my own food co-op to save money on groceries, and rarely spend a dime on myself(except for the occasional starbucks drink or a pair of decent jeans) I pay all the bills, but DH does the taxes.


DH(9/04) DS(12/08) and DD(5/11)

MrsBone is offline  
#29 of 29 Old 06-28-2012, 11:32 PM
 
onyxravnos's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Fairbanks, Alaska
Posts: 2,539
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I like having two separate accounts. that way there is no chance for us both to spend the 'extra' money and not know that we've now over drawn ourselves.

DH gets paid and bills for the month get paid first.  anything left gets split up between our accounts evenly. if one of us has a need for a bigger portion or extra we just transfer money between our accounts as needed.


transtichel.gifAk Hippie mama  ribbonpb.gifYamia  DSD '03 blahblah.gif  DS '07 ribboncesarean.gif  DS2 '09  hbac.gif & DS3  uc.jpg '12

homeschool.gifwinner.jpgfamilybed2.gifnovaxnocirc.gifcd.gifgd.gif

 

onyxravnos is offline  
Reply

Tags
Stay At Home Parents

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off