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I don't like being a parent

13K views 63 replies 38 participants last post by  dearcory 
#1 ·
It's so hard to admit but I've found myself often disliking being a parent. First let me say I am a good mom. A really good mom. I practice AP because it comes naturally to me. I am still breastfeeding my 16 month old. I co-sleep, I'm a stay at home mom. We go on play dates, I try to meet all her needs. Just needed to clear that up before I continue.

But some days I just don't like it. I have a very high needs DD. Who screams at the top of her lungs to get what she wants. And who often gets frustrated because she cant communicate - She is a late talker.. I've been teaching her sign language to cut down on that frustration and she knows a few.

I'm very mellow. I like to spend my days in a calm relaxing state. Reading a book and listening to some yoga music is a perfect day for me. Chaos and screaming drive me crazy and turn me into a very grumpy irritable person. I say chaos because DD is unpredictable and as much as I try to have a routine/schedule she resists it.

I miss my old life. I miss the way my husband and I used to be together. Now we bicker so much. It's like we are enemies rather than being on the same team. I miss my peaceful home. I miss vacations. I miss the days when I could do whatever I want and didn't have to be home for nap time. I miss running errands and not having a toddler with me.

I love my DD , don't get me wrong. When she is in a good mood she is absolutely delightful. She makes me smile and laugh, and my heart is full of love for her. She has filled a hole in my heart I used to have.

But the screaming fits, the whining and clinging to my leg, the waking up 5 times a night, fighting bedtime with tears, the temper tantrums. They are too much for me to handle. I never imagined having a child would be this hard. I knew they cried, but I didnt know they could scream so loud it would hurt my ears (as she often does). I don't believe in CIO, but with her it wouldnt even be an option. The times she wants me and not my husband to put her to sleep often end in choking and gasping for breath.

And this crying and screaming isnt anything new. Its been going on since day 1 in the hospital. She had really bad colic which we finally resolved. But the screaming has continued with teething, when a food doesnt agree with her, when we put her in the car, when she is tired, i could go on and on. I tried dr. sears' approach of responding to her cries quickly and teaching her to cry better. It worked for a while until she started teething. and now shes in the fighting sleep stage.

So back to what I was saying. I just dont like being a parent. Sometimes I think I got started to late - 34 years old. Maybe I am too selfish now. I used to want 3 kids. Now I think I am done with just one. I hate to think of having an only child cause I think siblings are so important. But I honestly don't know that I could handle a second one. Or my marriage could handle it. Speaking of my marriage. My husband feels the same way - just overwhelmed by how hard this is.

I know I am just rambling and venting. But I have no where else to do this. Its not very PC to tell your friends you dont like being a parent. But I also would like to know - am I doing something wrong here? Do other people feel the same way?
 
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#27 ·
I can only offer suggestions for the going to sleep issues (not that we have it down- I'm currently incredibly upset due to the screaming that happened at naptime). When I found myself unable to sleep while pregnant, my midwives recommended Wishgarden's Sleepy Time, and I recently discovered there is a children's version. That would be my first choice if we had nighttime issue (our current issues are all napping at home rather than in the car). However, I have a friend whose DD has serious sleep issues, and my friend eventually started giving her melatonin. She was not able to find much research about its use in kids, but it has found to be non-habit forming in adults, and she was at her wits' end. Considering how her daughter reacted with it (their first real restful sleep of the girl's life), she thinks her DD has a deficiency or disruption of her sleep cycle.

Anyhow, I can honestly say that I wish I had more friends of any sort, locally. Moving with small kids and no job away from home has really made me feel isolated. It sucks.
 
#28 ·
I do have friends that would allow their baby to sleep in a car seat in the house, because it was the only place she was happy. And they had already had a child that was completely happy either co-sleeping or in a crib, so they were stymied by their second child who was ONLY happy in a car seat. They would swing her in it at night time back and forth until she settled. She would sleep for several hours this way. So that is something that may work.

You might want to look into getting an occupational therapy evaluation to see if she is experiencing sensory integration issues that are constantly triggering her.

In terms of family fun, I would consider things that involve swinging and water play. These are things that spirited children typically enjoy. Is there a park nearby? How about one of those cool water parks with squirting fountains and such. Have you considered a water table at home, or even allowing her to just play in a bucket or trough, pouring and using the water? I got many a dinner cooked by allowed my spirited one to have unlimited access to water with various cups and pitchers to pour and dump.

Re: meltdowns, I'd suggest talking to her about transitions and things that are outside her control, even though she may seem too young to understand. she will begin to grasp that you are trying to help her through it.

In the dept. of choosing your battles, you can adapt the Ross Greene approach (The Explosive Child). Decide which things are non-negotiable, such as safety seats in the car, hitting, etc, for which you will always have to assert what is 'right' or good for her. This is Basket A. Basket B are things where there is some wiggle room and you can give her some choices--the green pear or the red pear, a bath or dinner first, which book to listen to. Basket C are things that really don't matter but that everyone previously thought did because they thought they needed to be in control/teach the child, etc. Things like, when a banana breaks and there is a meltdown over it--perhaps it is o.k. to give another banana. Getting a strategy like this in place might help you two feel more in control because you are deciding which things you are willing to endure a meltdown over and which things it is possible to navigate around.

It's possible to respond to a tantrum with empathy without giving in. This can feel a lot better than ignoring. "I am so sorry you are mad that it is time to leave, but we are late. We'll help you with your strong feelings," rather than giving in and staying, being late, and having her feel over-empowered that she was able to change your plan. Again decide which things you can negotiate on and which things are "must do's."

Praise her when she is flexible or adapts to a situation and is able to go with the flow. Make flexibility and adaptability a trait that you notice and reinforce when she is able to do it.
 
#29 ·
I just want to thank you for your post. It's a hard feeling to cope with and while I also love my dd very much, I am no stranger to these feelings. I know of the ambivalence too. Of loving dd so much, she has given my life direction, new meaning, unimaginable love and I also regret the decisions that led to her birth. My backstory is different than yours, I am not married and my dd has a complex vocabulary ( for a 2yo) but I can still relate or at least commiserate. Again I'm glad u wrote this. Its important to get these feelings out n the open that way they loose their clout and we gain perspective.
Best of luck to you!
 
#30 ·
My number one getting baby/toddler to sleep tip is baby wearing. Wrapping in particular. I truly don't know what I would do without it. Wrapping your kiddo and swaying/bouncing in a dark room works wonders. Also wrapping the kiddo and sitting down on a yoga ball and bouncing that way. It truly works magic. Good luck!
 
#32 ·
If I has my second first, I would think I was not cut out for parenting. My first was an extremely easy, portable baby who slept whenever and wherever and never ever cried. She's now a very stubborn 7 yr old (she has SN so it's not anyone's fault, life is more difficult for her)... But I'm hoping that easy baby and tough kid might mean tough baby and easy kid this time, lol. I would probably blame myself or AP or being a SAHM...but they were both raised the same, and are completely different. And yes, it's no surprise that a couple has a harder time getting along to a soundtrack of constant cying and wailing and shrieking. It's enough to drive anyone crazy. People who have several kids themselves come to my house and are amazed by how intense this kid is, all the time. She is absolutely beautiful so everyone wants to interact with her, and if she's in a good mood that's great, but when she isn't, it's very disturbing, actually.

I agree that you might have to throw caution to the wind and just GO out and do things. Actually, my high needs screamer is a lot less clingy and screamy in public if she has space to run and kids to watch, etc. Four star restaurant, no, but relatively kid friendly, sure. Regular scheduled naps and bedtime make very little difference to my kids (I know, I've killed myself trying) as long as they get the total recommended hours of sleep they need for their ages. And even if we listen to ear peircing car screaming there and back, at least I wasn't trapped in the house all day, brewing more resentment and wallowing in lonliness. And this kid was a car screaming champion, but she did get a ton better by 18 months or so. Now she sleeps in the car, and then won't take a real nap, but whatever.

And we take both kids- more like drag them kicking and screaming- to Florida, which is a 3+ hr flight for us, and a couple hours of driving to and from airports, at least once a year. It's two days of traveling hell, and quite a challenge with all the schlepping from the beach and museums and casual restaurants where they range from ok to pretty bad behavior, but we DO IT!! Life isn't over, it's just harder, and it's eventually going to get easier. It's a sacrifice. We are sacrificing some of our own happiness and spontanaeity to raise them into healthy, enjoyable adults. Most of our parenting lives will be spent with our kids as adults, assuming we live a normal life expectancy! If the screaming doesn't do us in first!
 
#33 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zenmama1 View Post

It's so nice to hear that other moms feel the same way. And that this is just a stage that we will get through. But my DH and I are really struggling with how to make things better right now. I feel like my DH is becoming depressed and he is usually such a happy guy. It makes me sad. When things are good we love our DD. She is so cute and fun. But we haven't quite figured out how to be a family who has fun together. Does that make sense? I'm sure it just takes time to adapt. But if you have any ideas for right now let me know. What are things we can do as a family - but still feel like adults too? Or do we have to separate the two and leave DD with a sitter more often?
I can so relate to this. We seem to be through the woods now, but for a period (I think it was ages 13-20 months or so) we really, really struggled. DH had never been around kids and would lose his patience really quickly. He ended up just being grumpy and depressed most of the time---which in turn made me grumpy and depressed. DH wanted to keep doing all the things we did before (camping, hiking, traveling internationally) but didn't really accept that we had to do them differently with a baby in tow. And I was just too exhausted to even want to go out on any adventures. But we got through it. DH has grown a ton in the past 6 months or so and is much more patient now and DS can now express himself better--leading to less frustration for all. We have a ton of fun together now.

As for family-fun activities---we would go downtown and listen to free concerts in the summer. DS could toddle around, and sometimes I even got to just lay on the grass and relax while DH chased him. We did go camping a few times, which was fun, but also a lot of work. We went to a secluded area so we didn't have to worry about DS screaming and driving other campers crazy. The pool is a lot of fun for all of us, as was the beach, while we were living closer to it. Just getting out---even if it's just around the block, can be helpful. One day, DH surprised me by bringing a water bottle full of mojitos on our evening walk around the block----it put a huge smile on my face and made a mundane activity feel a little more "adult" and fun.

But definitely also see if you can make more alone time with your hubby. It's something that we didn't do and I regret in hindsight. I think having a night (or two!) a week to reconnect would have helped both of us tremendously.
 
#34 ·
My daughter is so like yours - the screaming and tantruming, the intensity, the high needs. It is really really hard, especially because I was NOT expecting it to be like this. I wasn't like this, my brothers weren't like this, none of my friends had babies like this, I just didn't know that some kids are like this. When DD is on, she's amazing and wonderful. But when she's off, she's a terror. I don't have any answers, but you're not alone! I appreciate the suggestions offered to you and I will be following up with some of them.
 
#35 ·
I wanted to add that I think the way we raise kids in this country has a lot to do with feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. The all day, one-on-one of being a SAHM is taxing enough, even with an easy child. I really believe that it takes a village to raise a child---and most parents I know (myself included) don't have that kind of support system. We're often alone with our kiddos for most of the day, only to hand them off to our equally exhausted partners for a bit when they get home from work (if we're lucky!) It's a system that can easily leave everyone feeling depleted and resentful.

I think it's a great idea to find other mom's that you can connect with, and maybe even share childcare with. I've noticed that my son is much happier around kids his own age or older--it often helps keep the tantrums to a minimum because he's engaged and stimulated (although there are the usual scuffles over toys, etc.) My high-energy kiddo needs almost constant stimulation or else he gets bored, grumpy, and is prone to huge meltdowns.
 
#36 ·
i had my first when i was fairly young (23), and I still had the "I miss my old life" in a major way. I honestly just think that it's normal, because after having a child things just change so much, and change can be stressful, and so we can romanticize the past to escape it a bit, and see the present in a worse light than it really is, because we're in a bad mood/overworked/overwhelmed/tired/etc. And maybe not always romanticized, but at least with the worries and stresses of the times edited out- that's what I do, anyway! ;) I haven't read through all the replies yet, have to get off the computer soon, but thanks for bringing this topic up, I can so relate some days. Like another poster said, I think the ages and stages are big players. There's ups and downs, and the challenging times make us wonder what we were ever thinking of in the first place! :p

"I wanted to add that I think the way we raise kids in this country has a lot to do with feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. The all day, one-on-one of being a SAHM is taxing enough, even with an easy child. I really believe that it takes a village to raise a child---and most parents I know (myself included) don't have that kind of support system. We're often alone with our kiddos for most of the day, only to hand them off to our equally exhausted partners for a bit when they get home from work (if we're lucky!) It's a system that can easily leave everyone feeling depleted and resentful."

gitana mama, i think you hit the nail on the head. true, true, true.
 
#38 ·
Mine too. But, now I've begun to seriously believe those kids hv been made to CIO.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Curlyfry7 View Post

My perceptions were also way off, but then I do see other babies who ride in strollers, don't scream for hours during car rides, and can sleep without having to touch their moms. So they exist-I just don't have one. I had never seen or heard of high needs kids until I had my 1st.
 
#39 ·
I was wondering if your daughter has any illness. We found at 2 that dd is asthmatic. I think that was definetly part of her being cranky a lot. She also clearly had issues with lactose when she was a newborn and colicky. She is still a strong character at 5.5. It's just inborn -- there's v. little to change that. Instead of fearing her I'd give her a lot of hugs. As little as they are, they are v. good at picking up on our cues. They rely on us so much that if we are frustrated and fearful it makes them confused and makes things only worse.
 
#40 ·
becoming a parent doesn't just require you to drop what you're doing and care for child. It requires a change of perception and a change of priorities. It's taken me a LONG time to let go of my old life. I now have a 3 1/2 year old and a 15 month old. The daily demands are not exactly my picture of a fun day, but I've finally shifted my thinking from I having to somehow fit my kids into my old life, to start to put them as the priority, then focus on my own needs and desires. No it wasn't fun to come to that realization. Some days I am a better parent than others, but it really does take some personal growth to become a good parent and to prioritize them over your own desires. Also, rememeber that your kiddo will only be this little once, and it goes by SO fast. I know that's not too comforting at the moment, and I'm currently going through holding out for the next phase, even though I know I need to enjoy where they're at right now, frustrations and all. I know in a few years I'll look back and miss the stages they're at. Even if you have to get up every morning and remind yourself to love and enjoy and play with your daughter, frustrations and all, do it. It will be worth it in the long run, I promise!!
 
#41 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zenmama1 View Post

Hi Lauren

Wow I think you summed us up perfectly. I do have the Raising Your Spirited Child book, I need to go back and read it. When I first read it the suggestions just seemed more for older kids. But maybe they will work on a 16 mo old. Do you have any recommendations for websites? I just did a quick google and found sites explaining the different types of temperament. But I didn't see much in the way of how to best parent the active/ feisty child.

Thanks so much for your insight.
My daughter is also extremely strong willed. She is 9 now and there have been good and bad times. I would ask if you have a very good routine? My daughter does so much better if we have a good routine set up. She needs to eat and sleep at set times, as well as knowing what is going to happen in the day. We set up a picture chart to show her what to expect that day (for example, if we were going to the store).

I would also recommend trying to get her to sleep more! Are you napping with her? She should still have two good naps each day, and you could sleep right next to her!

What is she screaming about? I would begin teaching her that you don't listen when she screams. I would say "Oh, that's too loud" and cover your ears and turn your back on her. Then when she takes a breath, turn back and say "Oh, that's better!" The more you respond to her screaming, the more she will use screaming to get her way. Don't CIO, teach her that screaming isn't the best way to get your attention and the things that she wants. It will take some time, but lay the base now.
 
#42 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zenmama1 View Post

I think you are all so right. I definitely need to hang out with more moms. I think DD's unpredictable schedule has kept me from committing to plans. But I think I just need to do it and deal with whatever consequences there are..like screaming in the car, not napping, etc.

This weekend was really tough for my husband and I. My husband actually admitted that he is afraid of our DD. And then I realized I am too. We are so afraid of doing anything that will trigger her melt downs. But its such a horrible way to live. Like we are walking on eggshells because of a little 16lb girl. How crazy does that sound. We try ignoring the temper tantrums and they just escalate and never end. We can easily stop them by giving in to what she wants, but then we feel like we are spoiling her and she is going to turn into a rotten kid. We have no idea how to get her to settle down at night and go to bed. We try a bed time ritual every night but it doesnt work any more. And we end up putting a crying baby in the car to get her to sleep. Does any one have any suggestions on how to improve every day stuff like this?

It's so nice to hear that other moms feel the same way. And that this is just a stage that we will get through. But my DH and I are really struggling with how to make things better right now. I feel like my DH is becoming depressed and he is usually such a happy guy. It makes me sad. When things are good we love our DD. She is so cute and fun. But we haven't quite figured out how to be a family who has fun together. Does that make sense? I'm sure it just takes time to adapt. But if you have any ideas for right now let me know. What are things we can do as a family - but still feel like adults too? Or do we have to separate the two and leave DD with a sitter more often?
No offense, but YOU are the parent, and you need to the one who makes decisions, not a toddler! Yeah, she is going to get mad, but you need to teach her (eventually!) how to deal with disappointment in a socially acceptable way, and that means not screaming. It will get worse, A LOT worse, before it gets better. If you give in, you teach her that screaming works and that she gets what she wants if she screams. So, next time, she will scream longer and harder, until you give in again. You need to stop the cycle! Make a decision, and stick with it. Try to say yes as much as you can, but when you do say no, MEAN IT!

Same with sleeping, she won't settle down because she knows that you will eventually give up and give her what she wants (not not lay down). If it was me, I would spend 2 weeks and fully focus on eliminating this behavior through extinction.
 
#44 ·
You need to take a break, and that's ok! It sounds like you are with your daughter almost 24/7. Hire a babysitter to come in a few mornings a week. I think everyone feels a mourning for there old lives every now and then. Honestly, mine dissipates the older DD gets, because there are times now where she is just so fun. Last, remember that full-time parenting is just a stage of life, and as we get older we'll have all the time in the world to do the things we sacrificed for our little ones. They won't be little forever!

*prayers*
 
#45 ·
My daughter is a very spirited child. I spent her entire 3rd year, afraid to leave the house with her, because it was a battle I didnt want to have. I am very consistant, I let my yes be yes and my no be no, but it took lots of energy to stay strong. She is still very strong willed, but now that she is 4 we can at least talk about it, and she is a lot better in public. I have found that joining things that have nothing do do with parenting has helped me immensly. I started exercising and I joined a hiking club. Yes mommy groups are great, but I really missed doing things that have nothing to parenting.

Now I am just crazy enough to do it all over again, but I have a lot more tools in my belt this time around.
 
#46 ·
My second child (Ds1) was like that. Well, he was reasonably ok during the day as a baby but he was UP ALL FREAKING NIGHT from the time he hit 6 months to the time he was 18 months and I night weaned him. It was AWFUL. Also, because my older two are only 18 months apart, it was really, really hard to get out of the house. He screamed anytime we put him in his car seat (though he was reasonably ok with baby carriers, at least). Then he shifted into being extremely difficult all day and having HUGE tantrums as a toddler. Turns out he has food sensitivities. We discovered that dairy caused his behavior issues when he was 3 (Man, do I wish I knew sooner), however when he was 4 we went gluten free for other reasons and his dairy sensitivity went away, which was nice. Ds2 has been just a really really easy going baby, thankfully :) Now that he's 2 we're having some disagreements, but interestingly he's much easier to work with than my older two who feel the need to argue every.single.point. *sigh*

Anyway, he's still not an EASY child, but he's 100 times better than he was before the discovery of his food issues. I swear if he had been my first child, there would not have been more because I would have blamed myself or my parenting for his issues, but since his older sister was not at ALL like that, I knew that it wasn't all us, so we had a third. I love my kids, I do. I'd love to have more. Unfortunately, I'm so burnt out from the previous years that I think it would be a really, really bad plan. I just feel like I need an actual vacation, not just a "vacation" where we go someplace and I do all the same things that I normally do (cook, clean up after the kids, break up fights, etc), except in another place. I seriously need time away from the kids - a lot of it. But it's not going to happen. We're homeschooling this year because the schools are not a good fit for us, so it's just all me. I've been nursing or pregnant for more than 7 years, now! That's just so crazy, to me.
 
#47 ·
I do think you're at a disadvantage. I'm just about your age (33) and honestly, if I became a mom for the first time this year, it would have been a huge adjustment for me too! I'm just used to the chaos! Another thing is children really teach us to "die" to ourselves. Literally, we lay down our lives for them! No more sleep, sex, friends, hobbies, free time, reading on the hammock, vacations, spontaneous dates, etc etc. However, they offer us something so much more but you have to keep your eyes and heart open or you'll miss it! Right now, you're in the trenches! It will get easier and with each child you add, it gets easier and easier. Hard to believe that one, right! But it does...truly! Another beautiful thing is natural amnesia that comes with time. I had a super high needs baby in DD#2. I have another one right now in DS #2 (8 months old). I cannot remember what it was like with DD#2. I remember it was hard but I can't "feel" the memory of the stressful times with her. I can only "feel" the magic! It goes by SOOOO fast so just know this will pass! In the meantime, hire a mother's helper so you can enjoy a bit of free time .... or a nap!
 
#48 ·
ps- my first high needs baby (dd#2) is now 7 years old and so very bright, outgoing, and very much a natural born leader! Still very emotionally intense but now it just makes me smile when she loses it! She's been herself since birth. It's been cool to watch her unfold into who she is today. It was worth the sleepless nights!
 
#50 ·
Have you read Simplicity Parenting? He's got some good stuff in there about rhythms and rituals. Could really help with a sensitive little one. There's this whole thing about you being the leader too. Limiting choices as a way to actually make them feel more empowered. But not being a dictator either. Just being confident that what needs to be done now (whatever that is) is THE THING that needs to be done now. I have a 16 month old too and since putting this into practice we've had way less tantrums. And when they do happen they're much shorter. I've also read that the crying and screaming of a tantrum is a way for the brain to release tension, that the tantrum happens after a moment of stress in the brain and the screaming has to happen to release it. Or something to that accord. Doesn't make it any less noisy but somehow it helps me stay saner and more present, knowing that she's just moving something through her.

That being said DD is also WAY fighting sleep. For naps it seems like there's this magic window between noon and 1 and if I lay down with her during then and we do our nurse, book, song routine, she'll pass out. But if it's past this time window we'll go through the routine til the point where she's almost asleep then she pops up and starts playing. I was losing my mind a couple weeks ago so now when thats what happens, I say very clearly, calming and confidently: "You are having a hard time settling to sleep. I am going to put the pack (kinderpack) on and you can sit on Mama's back and fall asleep there. When you are asleep I will come and lay you down on your bed and stay close to you." Then I put her on my back and, the trick seems to be, ignore her, or rather engage in something I can do standing up that I need to do. She protests and moans and groans but as soon as I get into a project (dishes, cooking, laundry folding) she falls asleep. If she's really sad and clearly asking for milk I'll swing her back to my front and nurse her to sleep. But that's only once she's gotten her complaining out. The complaining seems to be what she needs to do to unwind and become receptive to sleep....

Getting her to sleep at bedtime can take forever too! Her bedtime is 10pm, if it makes you feel any better. We lay down around 9ish and, if I'm lucky, she's asleep by 10. A lot of time's it's more like 10:30pm. I've had (still have) a ton of self-conciousness over this with the trend in early bedtimes for kids but she sleeps in until 8 or 9am which means she's getting her 10-11 hours and it works for us as a family. Yeah, my and my partner don't get a lot of alone time which is a drag and wearing on us but we're managing and it feels like this too shall pass.

And being a parent is REALLY HARD!!!!!!!!!
 
#51 ·
I also 2nd what some of the others have said about food sensitivities. Gluten and dairy being the big ones. Going into her and you as you're still nursing. We've been eating primal since DD started solids so pretty much no grain products in her regular diet. When she does get some her nose runs and she gets kinda coo coo. And that's even something like homemade whole wheat bread or brown rice. Not always easy to snack a toddler without grains but totally possible. Slivered almonds, cashews, almond butter, olives, butter straight-up (!), tahini and raw honey, fruit, veggie slices, meatballs with tons of veg ground up on them, hard-boiled eggs, nori, etc.

And keep letting it out! I think we've got to be honest with each other in this whole parenting deal - it's the only way through. And the deeper in I get the more I see that it's one of the biggest opportunities for surrender and self-growth available. Woo hoo! Some days I just want to have a kid not do all that other deep work that it seems to demand. Or the day to day stuff either.

I do the going on adventures with DD too. It helps. When I start running really low and/or feeling blue I remind myself that THIS right now, right here is my daughter's childhood. What do I want her experience to be? What can I do so I can behave like the mama/woman I want her to know? Some days that means letting go of any sort of routine and going to the beach. Even if it's raining. Outside is generally a savior for both me and her. So are animals. Or making the time/trip to hang out with friends.
 
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