A new man.. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 07-25-2012, 08:09 AM - Thread Starter
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Wow, I am in shock. Apparently for several years, my dh has sort of just settled for the fact that he won't get sex nearly as often as he'd like, and sort of stopped asking for it, leaving him frustrated, grumpy and not helpful or caring with the whole family. He never seemed interested in my day, my interests and acted like it was a huge chore when I asked him to help out with the kids, and then acted like I was crazy when I suggested a date night. I finally just decided that I was going to have to do a lot of the chores myself and gave up even asking him, and basically settled for the fact that I would have to be responsible for my own happiness, and relying on him to help was fruitless. Didn't realize we had gotten ourselves into a viscious cycle, starting with the birth of our first child, almost 4 years ago.  He's also ADHD, and is treating it but doesn't take it on the weekends, which makes him super lazy and unmotivated to do anything. When I brought up his ADHD and changing his treatment, he basically told me he thinks most of our issues are related to him not getting enough sex, and if we had sex more often, it would solve everything. I was super reluctant, afterall, it's been like this for years..could that really be it?? he's turned down half the time because I feel like I'm doing all the work and could care less about satisfying his desires. I found out later he was even asking for it less because he hated being rejected so often.  Well, I told him(instead of accusing him of everything being his fault because of the ADHD) that I would try and make an effort with sex more often, but that he needs to look into changing his ADHD treatment as well. He agreed and for the past 2 weeks, he's been like a changed man. I haven't turned him down once and turns out he needs it way more than I do, but with how helpful he's been I'm up for it way more often than I thought I would ever be. It's amazing what can happen when everyone's needs are being met. I always thought him forgetting to do things I've asked him to do was because of the ADHD and forgetting, but it turns out, he was frustrated and just didn't want to help me. He is still tired and wants to just hang around on the weekend, but he was helpful as well, and cheerful and acted like he wanted to spend time with his kids. I don't mind doing most of the household chores, but even little things I'd ask him to do before that he'd conveniently forget, he did them without complaining. Just thought I'd share. If you're having issues in your marriage, talk about it..it could be as simple as not having enough sex! :)

DH(9/04) DS(12/08) and DD(5/11)

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#2 of 3 Old 07-25-2012, 09:18 PM
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I just want to say I think this is a great post. Couples spend so much time with their heels dug in refusing to change until the other person does and they spend so much time unhappy. You have change your relationship by deciding to do something for your spouse to make him happier without a guarantee that you will get anything in return. This is what a loving relationship is all about . I so glad it worked out for you.
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#3 of 3 Old 07-26-2012, 09:22 AM
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This is awesome news!


I've been trying to "be there" for my husband more.  It's not working well.  But it's important, so I keep trying.

lovestory.gif   And on 09/23/2011, we were three;  husband, daughter, and me!

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