How do I do this, again? - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 6 Old 08-02-2012, 11:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
incorrigible's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: The Oregon Outback
Posts: 1,696
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I'm hoping maybe you ladies will have some insights for me. I finally got what I wanted, but I don't know how it works. lol

 

I haven't been a SAHM for almost a decade. I fought to be as much of a WAHM as I could, at least... but when I could pull it off - that was the best I could do. After all that time as a single mom, I remarried. DH really doesn't care either way if I work, and has been totally in support of my being a SAHM for the kids, or a housewife, or a career woman, or whatever it is that I want to be. 

 

I'm TOTALLY LOST. I've completely lost the ability to make decisions based on anything other than the barest necessity. I loved being a SAHM when the kids were little. I was content and fulfilled. I was even thrilled by all the little housewifey things like making cool lunches for xh and sewing the kids' new clothes, and all the things that feel like some weird distant dream now. What I've really wanted all this time was to get back to that point. So, I slowly cleared my work life. I've been a freelance writer. I slowly finished up all my contracts over the last year. I didn't renew them or take on new ones. I passed my clients on to other people. I'm now 100% free of work obligations, and we are still living more comfortably than we ever did when I was single. 

 

So, what do I do with all that time, again? The kids get upset that I'm treating them like babies if I do the chores they're used to doing. We've always homeschooled, but the kids both chose to enroll in an online school this year...so I don't have any lesson plans or grading to do anymore. Most of their activities are within walking or biking distance, and not in need of parent volunteers. I have absolutely no sense of purpose, and it's driving me nuts. I know my family loves me, but it feels like they don't need me. I can't figure out my place. 

 

I don't really even know what I'm asking, but any kind of input or advice or food for thought is welcome.


Affordable organics delivered from GREEN POLKADOT BOX

Wife to jammin.gif Beast 

Mama to guitar.gif Crash (14) and hippie.gifSpritely (12)

incorrigible is offline  
#2 of 6 Old 08-03-2012, 10:33 AM
Administrator
 
adinal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 24,783
Mentioned: 14 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 64 Post(s)

I can see how the change would be tough.  Especially with older kids.

 

I currently WAH, and the idea of being able to be at home with my kid and not having to work is really appealing. LOL But, by the same token, I can see how it would be difficult to not *have* to do anything. 

 

I suppose the first thing is what do you want to do? You have time now, and the ability to stretch legs a bit.

 

I think I would probably treat the first little while as a "vacation". Perhaps even taking one. :)  And then I would start to figure out what my new work was.  I have found that the best thing for me is to have a schedule/rhythm.  I picked up a book called Steady Days, and while it was a bit too much "make your staying at home a job!!" it did have some good points.

 

Good luck!  Transitions like this are hard. 


winner.jpg Adina knit.gifmama to B hearts.gif 4/06  and E baby.gif  8/13/12 (on her due date!) homebirth.jpg waterbirth.jpg

 

adinal is offline  
#3 of 6 Old 08-04-2012, 10:16 AM
 
MrsGregory's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: The 'burbs of Central Texas.
Posts: 1,030
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Perhaps now would be a good time to model an adult lifestyle to them?  Having enriching activities for yourself, volunteering, taking classes, hobbies...

 

winky.gif
 


lovestory.gif   And on 09/23/2011, we were three;  husband, daughter, and me!

MrsGregory is offline  
#4 of 6 Old 08-04-2012, 01:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
incorrigible's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: The Oregon Outback
Posts: 1,696
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Thanks guys. I guess I have to get past the nagging feeling that there's something more important that I *should* be doing all the time. I used to really enjoy working out at the gym, but could never find the time or money for it. I have both. It seems like a good time to get healthy again. Then, maybe I can take up some of the extreme sports and things I did before I had kids. hmmm....


Affordable organics delivered from GREEN POLKADOT BOX

Wife to jammin.gif Beast 

Mama to guitar.gif Crash (14) and hippie.gifSpritely (12)

incorrigible is offline  
#5 of 6 Old 08-04-2012, 07:30 PM
 
mkksmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,564
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have a tough time getting used to a lack of structure too. I used to teach before I had my dd8, so every summer, I would finally find a groove, and it would be time to go back to school. I never really enjoyed my summer. Then when I became a SAHM, it took me a year to really get used to it. I was lucky in that I had my best friend who was in the same situation. She had her baby 6 weeks before me. We live far apart, but we talked on the phone a lot and it helped me adjust.

I think what i would do it sit down with a notebook and jot down anything at all you need to do or would like to do. I personally would go on an organizing spree, work out, try new recipes, spend way too much time on Pinterest. Then I'd start scheduling it in. Keeping it in writing might help you feel productive.

Mom to: Honey (6/04) and Bunny (9/09)
mkksmom is offline  
#6 of 6 Old 08-05-2012, 12:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
incorrigible's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: The Oregon Outback
Posts: 1,696
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

That's also a great idea, mkksmom. I think that will be a great tool for me!

 

It occurs to me this is like when public schoolers first start homeschooling. You have to let older kids deschool for several months to a year before they can transition to the new lifestyle. 


Affordable organics delivered from GREEN POLKADOT BOX

Wife to jammin.gif Beast 

Mama to guitar.gif Crash (14) and hippie.gifSpritely (12)

incorrigible is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off