So my husband has a job opportunity that would really open up a lot of opportunities for growth in his field as well as the potential to make more money after the training period is over. The only thing is that the training period takes about 12-18 months to get through, and the pay is a lot less than what he's currently making, but fortunately we can swing it and I can still stay at home, so I'm very grateful for that. He would go from working 50+ hrs a week to only 40,and during the training period, he would be doing a lot different work than what he's used to. I think he would really like the job a lot once he's through the training, and end up making more money than what he did before, so it would be good in the long run, I think he's just having a hard time going from working and making a certain amount to taking a huge paycut and basically "starting over," going from the top of his field to the bottom again. I want him to do what will make him happy, and the job would allow him to be home more with us, so I'm happy about that part, but I think he's having a hard time making the decision based on future potential, and his ego is being bruised in the process. Any tips on how I can help him make this decision? We had some recent news that has basically made it so our monthly expenses are cut by about a third, so the timing is all really amazing.
When my husband comes to me with a big decision, I help him review the pros and the cons, and then tell him what I think should happen, and then I leave him alone. So in this case, just from what you've written, we'd have a big list with the pros, and then the cons would be "My man-feelings will be hurt." (And yes, this is exactly how we'd put it.), and then I'd really take the piss out of him over the issue and tell him I think he ought to go for the longer-term good. Then I'd say something sweet, scratch his head, and leave him alone. The list, having the pluses and minuses all written out, really helps us.
And on 09/23/2011, we were three; husband, daughter, and me!
LOL!!! That approach actually works really well with my husband, too. He's just a really blunt person who values how I can tell it like it is with love, and without judging him for his feelings even when I think they're dumb. (It's a two-way street, btw - we BOTH work best this way.) Plus, he's super analytical, so the pro/con thing is how his brain naturally works.
If OP's DH values courtesy more, I'd focus on asking visual questions. "What would it look like for you to start this training?" - he's probably already thinking this, so let him gripe about how much it sucks to be a noob and how accustomed he is to being respected, and on and on. When he's done (or you get the sense that he's just working himself into a pity party, like I would! Oh the drama of it all! ;-), you could try, "Ok, and then what would it look like 6 months after that?" Keep going til he really has a clear picture in his head of what it would look like for him, day to day, once the training's done and he's doing the new work and making the new pay. Then ask him what it would look like in a year or two if he stayed in his current job, and see which one he likes better! But it's important to get the icky part out in the open first, and accept that it's valid. Otherwise it's really hard to get PAST it into long-term results.
I've used this method on myself when my DH isn't around to point out my overly dramatic tendencies for me, and it's really helped! I think the most important thing is that we both know that while the other partner will chime in and say what he or she thinks is best, whatever the ultimate decision will be is up to the individual. But, once it's made, we'll go at it as a team. There's a lot of security in that.
Proud Marine Corps wife, SAHM. Living happily ever after with my Beast, Ginny (3/1/13), Rowan (12/20/14), and one very unique catbaby.
staying at his current job isn't really an option..He's miserable there and is planning on applying elsewhere if this job falls through. he's fairly confident he will be able to find another job pretty easily, he's just really battling the decision for the current opportunity. I feel like I may have already done my part, and now the decision is up to him, so we'll see what he decides I guess :)
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