feeling a lot of guilt for staying home. anyone else? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 09-05-2012, 09:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I love staying home with DS (and #2 eventually), but I have been feeling a ton of guilt lately. I feel like I'm not contributing, because I don't bring in any income (and money is tight). I never finished my degree because I got pregnant, but have completely changed tracks as far as school is concerned. The only reason I am not currently in an online program is because we can't afford it right now. My parents are on my case about finishing school, and I know that they don't think it is acceptable that I just stay home with DS all day. 
I don't want to miss out on any time with my son. I have been there for all of his firsts and I feel so blessed for that. DP is extremely supportive, and loves that we don't have to send DS to day care. Maybe if we were better off financially I would feel ok about things. I don't know...
I'm only 23, and I know that I have time to get all my ducks in a row once the kids are older. Even though being a SAHM is what I want to be right now, I still feel like it is OK.
 


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#2 of 10 Old 09-05-2012, 10:46 AM
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You know, I was reminded the other day of one big fact: Babies Don't Keep.  They grow and change and the time is never the same. Enjoy the time. You have a lot of time ahead of you in which to work.  hug2.gif


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#3 of 10 Old 09-05-2012, 11:05 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you, AdinaL. I know that I wouldn't trade time with them for all of the money in the world. Also, congrats on your new baby!


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#4 of 10 Old 09-05-2012, 11:06 AM
 
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I'm in the same boat, but I think I would feel more guilty if I was out working than at home with my baby.  Don't misunderstand me working parents, you are valued too.  I just feel like this is the best thing for me and for my son given the circumstances. 


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#5 of 10 Old 09-05-2012, 01:40 PM
 
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I am also 23, have not even started my degree, and am a SAHM.

 

Money is very tight here, and while I do sometimes feel guilty for not working, I try and remember I wouldn't bring in that much anyway. I doubt I would be able to get a job for more than $10 an hour (if I could get even that around here!), The average cost of daycare in my state is $440 per 2 weeks. I'd be bringing in about an extra $100 per week- which does seem like a lot. But I would need to factor in new clothing for work, extra gas expenditures (we are a one car family so that makes it rougher), pumping supplies and bottles, colds etc that my DD would get from daycare (doctor's appts, medicine and missed work), and most importantly missed time with my DD! We would also have to increase our food budget, because I wouldn't have time to make as many things from scratch. 

 

At some point in the future, once we have a better apartment/house I would like to try and watch other children to supplement our income. I plan to home school and have thought about tutoring/teaching other children as my DD gets older (although I need to look into the legality of that). I've been trying to brainstorm things I could do with my DD to increase our income.


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#6 of 10 Old 09-06-2012, 06:40 AM
 
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You are doing the best thing for your ds. My dd is 3 and I'm planning to go back to work (me and dh took turns staying at home until now), and dd will stay home with her grandma. A couple of days ago I went to an interview and dd was in tears. Her grandma was trying to console her, saying that I need to go back to work so we can have more money to buy new toys and stuff. I knew that very moment that dd couldn't care less about new toys, what she wanted was her mommy.

 

Don't think that you're selfish for staying home and that it would be better for the family if you went to work. The way I see it, it's the other way around. You are giving up your studies and career (at least for now) when your son needs you most.
 


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#7 of 10 Old 09-06-2012, 06:50 AM
 
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You are doing the best thing for you, your son, and your partner. You'll feel more at peace once you let go of the need for your parent's approval. They got to live their lives, now it's time for you to live yours in your own way.

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#8 of 10 Old 09-06-2012, 07:08 PM
 
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ahh i have gone through this a few times. one summer the a/c went out and we couldn't afford to repair it. i felt the lowest ever, then. dh told me he loves knowing that i am taking care of the kids, and he comes home and there's food (whether cooked dinner or sandwiches!) i pretty much am responsible for the housework, shopping, cooking, kids(dh does his share when he is not at work but he works lots of hours), and finances. i am having a hard time with an almost-11 month old, i can't get much housework done at all and cooking means throwing stuff in the crockpot for the day. he never, ever complains(though i do :( i really need to get myself together lol)

 

think about how much daycare providers are paid, how much cleaning services are paid. i was a single mom with #1 for about her whole first year. think of what i missed while she was at daycare everyday. i am SO GRATEFUL to have been able to be a sahm for my other three kids! i have a great dh, which i think helps when the guilt shows up. he has his own guilt issues, you know?


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#9 of 10 Old 09-07-2012, 08:03 AM
 
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Oh momma, don't feel guilty! 

 

Imagine if you put your son in daycare or with a babysitter full time so you could work -- you would feel guilty too. It's almost like we can't win. But if you have a supportive partner and you're happy raising your children than keep it up. A happy parent is a GOOD ONE. I had DD young (24) and so many people were still in the finishing grad school/partying mode and I felt a little isolated...but I wouldn't change having my kids at a younger age for ANYTHING. And now that they are a bit older I freelance but mostly stay home, and decided to homeschool etc. This is my job and my passion, and if its yours as well work it! 


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#10 of 10 Old 09-09-2012, 01:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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grouphug.gif Thank you all SO much. Your words are so kind and reassuring. Exactly what I needed to hear!


slingtwin.gifEllie, partner partners.gif (12.2.08), mommy to superhero.gifE (7.5.10) & bouncy.gifbouncy.gif my Baby Belugas H & L (2.25.13)

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