What am I missing? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 37 Old 10-13-2012, 08:14 AM
 
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purplerose, I think your story illustrates a problem.  Babies that are "good" and quiet (the kind everybody likes and you get all the praise for) often do get ignored more.  Maybe they are really OK with this?  Or maybe they want something else but don't know how to ask.  That's sad.  When I see a baby that is getting ignored in a car seat, whatever, I go over there and either introduce myself, or, if I know them, unbuckle them and pick them up, often without asking.

 

It is so overwhelming when you give and give and give, trying to meet your child's needs, but your child seems to need something only a superhuman mother could give it.

 

A couple of days ago, my "former" high needs baby, now 7.5, was screaming at me to come inside.  I was outside for *a minute* taking scraps to the chickens and wasn't really thinking of staying outside.  Both my girls have been so clingy these last few months, more than usual (and usual is really clingy).  I actually broke into tears on this fight.  The day was beautiful.  I had been inside *all day*.  I would think that at nearly 8, being alone for a few minutes would not be such a big deal.  I've been trying for years to have the same kind of freedom to move in and out of the house and do things outside, and that mama who, 7-odd years ago, couldn't even get a @#$%ing 5 minute shower without her screaming in the background, came roaring back to life that day and I finally lost it.

 

Things are so much better.  I have waited so long for the neediness to subside to "rational" levels that I can actually meet.  And for the large part, they have.  But some things still stubbornly persist.  And apparently, I still haven't fully recovered from it emotionally.


"She is a mermaid, but approach her with caution. Her mind swims at a depth most would drown in."
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#32 of 37 Old 10-13-2012, 08:31 AM
 
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Sweetsilver, it took me 8 years after my high needs baby to be ok with getting pregnant again. and some of those years I knew I would never want another baby. I am so grateful I went for it, though. Itwas a tough decision..

drowning in hormones with 4 daughters and an understanding, loving hubby. also some dogs. my life is crazy and we are always learning.

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#33 of 37 Old 10-15-2012, 10:25 PM
 
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Awesome responses so far.  I totally agree that babies come out of us with their temperament in place, and some just need to cry more than others even if they are having their needs met.  The only "trying to fix it" suggestions I have are to try to eliminate possible allergen foods from your diet (and baby's diet)...dairy, soy, whatnot...tons of allergy threads on here somewhere.  And possibly make sure that you're trying for bed early.  Like 6:30 early.  Neither of those made a difference for my screaming dd1 though, so don't feel bad if it's just how it is!  Doesn't make you a bad mom at all.  Even if you do put your dd down to scream and close the bathroom door to poop by yourself every once in a while!  Good luck!


Mama to Nell (11/15/06) and Maggie (10/9/10) . AFTER 2.5 YEARS, I AM AN AUNTIE!!! joy.gifHOORAY TEAR78 and welcome Anika and Brand New Baby Boy!!!!  Circumcision: the more you know, the worse it is; please leave the decision up to your son!

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#34 of 37 Old 11-05-2012, 07:48 AM
 
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I didn't read all the replies but I'm sure you've gotten great advice. I just wanted to say that it's not you, don't beat yourself up. I have a very high needs child and always wonder what I'm doing wrong but I've come to the realization that he just needs more of me than my other kids who are super easy. More patience, understanding, more everything.

I also believe God gave my son to me for a reason and that if he had a different mom it might be harder. So your parenting is more than likely improving the outcome and her happiness and wellbeing. So pat yourself on the back because high needs kids are capable of brilliance if nurtured and that's exactly what you are doing.

Wife to dh, Mommy to ds1 12/2002, ds2 9/2005, and ds3 9/2008.
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#35 of 37 Old 11-05-2012, 08:01 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tanyam926 View Post

I didn't read all the replies but I'm sure you've gotten great advice. I just wanted to say that it's not you, don't beat yourself up. I have a very high needs child and always wonder what I'm doing wrong but I've come to the realization that he just needs more of me than my other kids who are super easy. More patience, understanding, more everything.
I also believe God gave my son to me for a reason and that if he had a different mom it might be harder. So your parenting is more than likely improving the outcome and her happiness and wellbeing. So pat yourself on the back because high needs kids are capable of brilliance if nurtured and that's exactly what you are doing.

I agree that sometimes we are chosen for a greater reason. My high needs son is now 16, almost 17, and he has big plans for making this world a better place. That same determination that drove me nuts is going to come in handy now!
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#36 of 37 Old 11-27-2012, 10:44 AM
 
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Pek64- thanks! That just gave me so much hope and encouragment as I struggle daily with the challenges of my high-needs babe. I try to think of what she'll be like in the future, but your real-life outcome is the most inspiring!

Wife to dh_malesling.GIF ; Mama to A (M/C at 16wks 2011) angel1.gif and love-of-my-life DD M (BORN May 2012) luxlove.gif and S (M/C at 7wks June 2013) angel1.gif and rainbow1284.gif Rainbow Baby due in April 2014 3rdtri.gifjoy.gif
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#37 of 37 Old 11-27-2012, 09:00 PM
 
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Sometimes I feel like I was given my daughter to make *me* a better person.  She has caused me to grow as a person more in 6 years than I did in the previous 32. 


Heather, WAHM to DS (01/04)DD (06/06). Wed to DH(09/97)
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