Are you happy as a Stay At Home Parent? - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: For the most part are you happy or unhappy being a stay at home parent?
I am mostly happy 131 74.43%
I am back and forth and in the middle ground somewhere. 36 20.45%
I am mostly unhappy 9 5.11%
Voters: 176. You may not vote on this poll

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#1 of 41 Old 10-06-2012, 01:56 AM - Thread Starter
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For the most part... not counting bad days.


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#2 of 41 Old 10-06-2012, 05:49 AM
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I'm happy.  It's challenging, certainly, and I was the last person to ever think of becoming a SAHM, but it's working for us!  I get a little giddy just saying (typing) that!  It's working it's working it's working! 


The very first day I should have been back to my caseload and wasn't, Little Miss rolled over for the first time.  Like some kind of sign. 

She's so high-needs but so sweet and yes, shy, I am terrified of what might have happened to her in day care.  Maybe she would have adjusted.  Or maybe my sweetling would have been left to sob in a crib in a corner.  Certainly no one would have spent hours on hours playing the "Boop!" game with her.  Who would have taken her to the park?  Who would have taken her to hear stories at the library?  Who would have given her Cheerios and milk after her afternoon nap?

It was pretty clear after she was born that we were not meant to be separated.  So we made the right choice for us, and yes, we're happy.

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#3 of 41 Old 10-07-2012, 11:36 AM
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It won' t let me vote, but yes, I am happy. My only gripe is it's lonely and boring often. I would like to have an abult conversation a few times in the day, esp with another mother/woman friend. The times I've lived places where our family had good community I honestly felt like life couldn't get any better.
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#4 of 41 Old 10-07-2012, 12:07 PM
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If I voted today, my vote would might be for unhappy. Four years of sleep deprivation, an unsupportive partner, tantrums and lack of appreciation is wearing me down. Yet somehow I can't see myself trusting someone else to raise my kids. (I am seriously considering therapy to figure my head out.)

Curious to see the outcome of this poll. Also wondering if the result would be different at, say, Babycenter...
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#5 of 41 Old 10-07-2012, 03:51 PM
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Yes.  Even on my rougher days (usually when DH is working, he is on 24-48hr shifts), I still can't imagine having my children be with anyone but me. 

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#6 of 41 Old 10-07-2012, 04:34 PM
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Mostly happy, but I wouldn't mind working PT when both kids are in school. 

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#7 of 41 Old 10-08-2012, 08:02 PM
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I voted in the poll "mostly happy" and thats true. Mostly I'm happy and most of the time i'm happy but as you all know being a sahm takes sacrifice so sometimes its definitely not all roses... the thorns are there too. wink1.gif but im happy bc i think the sacrifice is soooooo worth it and i think my dd is worth it and its best for our family. to express myself better I'd say "genuinely satisfied and deeply convicted in my decision to be a stay at home mom, and that--being true to myself and doing what I believe is best for my baby-- produces lasting joy." I mean I know this is my life's work. I know I will always be a stay at home mom. I am in love with and awe of having the privilege to be with my baby and take care of her every hour of every day. I wouldn't be able to say in all sincerity that I'm "happy" 100% of the time bc at times its rough and I know I may as well have rougher times ahead. But i think happiness can always come and go... feelings can sometimes be as fickle as the wind. I think the hardest part is being lonely at times. I like what Natalya said about how great it was being with community bc right now I live out in the middle of nowhere but if I had one or two mom friends then I think that's all I need. smile.gif my mom was a SAHM of 10 children and she homeschooled us. We had friends that had families that big or bigger and I've just seen and experienced the benefit of my mom staying home to raise us. We all agree it was the greatest gift our parents gave to us. And the other great gift was/is all the brothers and sisters. :)so that is just my experience and my thoughts. Look forward to reading more from others! smile.gif
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#8 of 41 Old 10-09-2012, 01:56 AM
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I voted unhappy. I've been a SAHM for 7 years now and I find it really unfulfilling. My youngest is almost 5 yo and I am going back to school next year. I am really looking forward to having something in my life that is not my kids and housecleaning. 

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It's complicated.
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#9 of 41 Old 10-09-2012, 01:14 PM
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Mostly happy, or at least happier then when I was a WOHM. DS2 is extremely challenging, and I feel as though I spend a lot of time in crisis mode, which is draining. But, I feel much less hedged in and trapped than I did when I worked.

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#10 of 41 Old 10-10-2012, 09:05 AM
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Yes, very happy.


I was not a career person. My entire life I wanted to be a momma, and now I am. I choose to homeschool and I want to keep my kids close so this is just a lifestyle that I choose and what works for us. I'm lucky though, to have an amazing support system of parents that live close by and an amazing friend/babysitter who comes a few hours a week so I can write/nap/do whatever. It is hard at times and I have my moments, but I woudln't change it! 

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#11 of 41 Old 10-10-2012, 09:33 AM
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I voted middle ground because I went through times when I was happy and times when I was miserable. I don't feel the miserable was a result of being at home, though. It was a veru rough time in my life. Being home with less adult interaction made it worse, though. Right now, I'm enjoying being at home.
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#12 of 41 Old 10-10-2012, 09:39 AM
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Extremely happy. I have loved every minute of it. Even the bad days because at least I was "here for them".

I'm trying to transition back to work now that the youngest is in high school.
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#13 of 41 Old 10-12-2012, 05:43 PM
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I would be really happy if I wasn't so lonely.  If I had family or a strong network of stay at home mom friends, it would be great.

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#14 of 41 Old 10-15-2012, 12:10 AM
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I'm new to this particular forum, but I'll chime in. It wouldn't let me vote, but I'm mostly happy. My little is 9.5 months now, and I'm exhausted most days, lately. It's been a rough few months with my very mobile baby, but I can't imagine not being the one with her as she discovers the world. When I do get the few spare hours alone, when I see her, I'm so happy to cuddle and listen to her babble about her day. I am lucky enough to have a supportive partner, a fair number of mamas IRL that I can connect with, as well as large families on both sides. Even with that, I've found motherhood pretty exhausting, and isolating. It's more difficult to do anything toting an infant around, grocery shopping alone feels like a vacation. And day to day at home, my hubby works long hours, I try to get out often, and have people over, but much of my time is spent at home alone with my LO. But on some level I feel more content with life and more confident in myself to handle whatever life brings me. I'm awed that I get to be my DD's mommy, she amazes me. She's so bright and curious, so sweet and silly, determined and fierce. I'm happy.
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#15 of 41 Old 10-15-2012, 11:00 PM
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I voted mostly happy. Haven't always been though. Up until just a few months ago I felt like I was never doing enough. I felt physically and emotionally drained and had an unsupportive partner. Well we've sorted our issues and are finally great parenting partners for the first time since my son was born 4 years ago. So if I'm counting my past, no.. But it wasn't because of my kids. It was because of the family dynamic. Voting on the way things are now and continue to stay, I'm definitely happy.

DH(9/04) DS(12/08) and DD(5/11)

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#16 of 41 Old 10-16-2012, 03:50 PM
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I'm mostly happy. We recently moved and I lost all my "Mom friends" and my Martial Arts school where I was very close to everyone and I got to have a break from my son a few times a week. Now I'm with him nearly 24/7, and its hard somedays. I'm hoping to set up my garage as a workshop and have sometime a few times a week when DH is home to be out there alone. I told him the other day I need about 5 daytime hours a week to myself with out worrying about M and I'd be very happy. He said we can do that. So hopefully once we are into more of a routine here that will happen. 


I'm pretty content with putting some of my dreams and passions on hold to raise my son (and hopefully have another kid) for now. :) 

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#17 of 41 Old 10-19-2012, 05:39 PM
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I'd say mostly unhappy right now.  It's still what I choose, but I am very burnt out from it.  I don't really have any other choice than to be a SAHM, 24/7, so there's no point in wondering about it.  I am a total introvert and very noise sensitive.  My son is ADHD and on the autism spectrum... very loud, can't sit still, etc..  He and his sister are 10 months apart and they are nonstop on the go from about 5-6 in the morning until bedtime.  Right now they're going through a very undisciplined stage.  Normally they're better but geez, this pregnancy has taken a toll on me and they are hurting for attention, and acting out something terrible.  And I feel age creeping up on me as the big 30 milestone looms in a few months, and I have nothing to "show" for it.  I graduated college and then basically went straight to mothering.  I thought that was great at the time, and in a way it was, but... I dunno.  I just feel stuck a lot of the time.  My education is pretty much obsolete and now, no work history, and now that I'm expecting our third baby, I feel like I'm starting all over in the mothering department and it will be years before this child is a bit independent... So I'm kind of going through dark nights of the soul right now.


There is only so much fulfillment I can get from the baby stage, the homesteading thing... I've spent a lot of energy into those things in the past five or so years and I think I've made fabulous progress but it's not really "learning" anymore, it's living it, and it's just not that fun and exciting anymore.  I do tend to stretch my mind via the library but it only goes so far when I can read in 5 minute chunks.  By the end of the day when they're in bed I'm just blank and want to go to sleep.  (And yes, I'm dreading the whole "new baby" sleeplessness coming up.)

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#18 of 41 Old 10-20-2012, 05:01 PM
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I am happy.  BUT I wasn't this happy until I did get a part-time job.  I work 20 hrs/week and it is the perfect balance.  When I quit teaching to SAH full-time after my son was born, I was very lonely and stressed.  He was a very poor sleeper and constant nurser and I was just physically, emotionally drained all the time.  Life has gotten much better as he has learned to sleep- YAY! and gotten more independent.  And when I got my job when he was just shy of a year old.  We still do not have a babysitter which would be nice to have for date nights and such but I"m working on it...

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#19 of 41 Old 10-25-2012, 07:51 AM
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I am at the point where my child is old enough. I would like to go back to work. I also fear that if I stay home any longer there will be too much of a gap on my resume.

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#20 of 41 Old 10-25-2012, 11:44 AM
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I am completely and totally happy, much much more so than I ever expected to be as a SAHP. I knew in my heart that this is the lifestyle that I wanted for my children but I really wasn't sure how it would go for me, I expected to feel like I was making a sacrifice for them and for DH who wanted me home. Now three years in, I am in the best stage of my life. But I know I am lucky to have all the essential factors in place - financial security, very supportive partner, close but not too close family, great circle of friends, great volunteer opportunities that involve my kids, super community with lots of activities, a house that works well as a home. Most of all the love and fascination I feel for my kids is beyond anything I thought I was capable of feeling.


It feels very weird to write all that - I was totally miserable and depressed most of my life, from a very young age. I never would have dreamed that I'd ever be truly happy, I honestly didn't really believe that humans could be. Working was about the only thing that I actually liked, so never would I have expected that leaving the business world to be a housewife and full time mother would be what would make my life complete!


In addition to the list above, one thing that helps me a lot to get through the challenging times is to think of mothering as a job that I need to train for, practice and study up on. Rarely does an evening go by when I'm not thinking about what went well and what didn't, why and how we can improve tomorrow. This really helps me to stay calm and patient, and to keep intellectually active.


I am impressed with the poll results - I know a lot of happy SAHP IRL but more unhappy ones, I thought I was the exception to the norm. I'd be curious to see a breakdown by age. In my case, being older helps. I've done a lot in life already and don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. 

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#21 of 41 Old 01-13-2013, 05:01 PM
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I am so incredibly happy to be a stay at home mom. I never ever anticipated that i would want to. My mother was also a sahm mostly bc her mom wasn't and she felt it was important. My son is high needs and when my leave from work was up, i was literally sick at the thought of leaving him in the hands of someone else for 12 hrs a day. I doubted they would be willing to hold and soothe him until he fell asleep. I had this inner voice yelling at me saying i cant leave him. Not i dont want... i cant. I was so relieved when i audited our budget and found wiggle room for stay home. I love every second of it, even the frustrating screaming colicky baby times.
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#22 of 41 Old 01-15-2013, 05:46 AM
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I've found being a SAHM more fulfilling than I thought it would be. Through my work as SAHM and homemaker and the challenges the past six years have brought, I've learned much about myself and have been able to put this knowledge to work to craft a better life for myself and my family...and a very different one than my teenage self envisioned for my future. 


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#23 of 41 Old 01-16-2013, 08:28 AM
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I'm currently working and considering stopping as I am so tired I have no energy for anything. I had a month off over Christmas with a combination of holiday and sickness but I enjoyed it so much, I had time and patience with my kids and I was able to cook decent meals and not just want to lie around all the time. I know it would be challenging being at home, but, I really want to walk my daughter to school and pick her up when she starts in September and not be paying someone else to do it for me, then I can take my son to playgroup and hopefully together we can sort out housework and cooking and maybe even fit in some adventures too. And that should mean I can take my daughter to her swimming and dancing classes she likes so much, we'll be living on a tight budget, but, that feels like the easiest problem to deal with.

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#24 of 41 Old 01-16-2013, 03:41 PM
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We were married 7 years before we had our first (and currently only) DD because we waited until we could afford me staying at home. I see it as a huge blessing to our DD that I can be home with her as these first years are so important. When she goes to school I may work part time, but maybe I won't.
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#25 of 41 Old 01-16-2013, 03:56 PM
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I am completely, totally happy that I'm a SAHM!. Of course there are rough days, especially the days my 19 year old is PMSing or cranky or, well, there really aren't any other kinds of days for But I really enjoy all my other children. I love homeschooling them and learning right along with them. Catching all their firsts and knowing they were safe.


When I worked, I worried most of the day about them. Were they okay at school? Being bullied? Were they okay at daycare? Being bullied there too? I hated it so much. Especially on the days both my kiddos were at daycare and i knew I was paying more for daycare than I was making. What was the point of that? Plus I missed all their firsts. First time they stood up? At daycare. First steps? Daycare. It really sucked.


When my really nice daycare lady's mean, grumpy husband got injured at work and was home all the time that was it for me. I prayed and I pushed for my husband to find another job and while we now scrape by most of the time to make it, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love being home with my children and getting to share all those moments with them that I used to

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#26 of 41 Old 01-16-2013, 07:22 PM
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Mostly happy, like 98% happy! That doesn't mean it's easy. Doesn't mean that there are moments in a day that I wish I could be more patient. I just love being there for all the special moments, playing with them, watching my 4 year old learn to wash dishes, making cookies with my 1 year old in a carrier, laughing at all the funny things they say. It's so beautiful being a mother. 


I get the best of both worlds because I work from home and bring in decent $, on my own time when the kids are asleep. Which makes things very hard in the sense that I get little sleep, which makes me cranky. But still I would rather do this than leave my kids with anyone else!

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#27 of 41 Old 01-16-2013, 07:31 PM
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I voted in the middle, but I'm closer to happy. My moments of unhappiness come from having two very small children with whom I am alone most of the day. Getting out of the house with a 19 month old and a 3 month old
is more trouble than it is worth right now. My ds (the older) has been challenging (and also delightful) since birth. He brings me to the limits of my patience and beyond on a daily basis, and I often feel I don't have enough in me to give both of them everything they need. That said I wouldn't trade my time with them for anything. I know they are better off with me even if I don't do it right all the time. I know things will get easier as they get a bit older and I really look forward to that while at the same time trying to enjoy the beautiful moments that happen with them everyday. I also am working on accepting that my house will never be clean enough and I will never be able to plan and prepare enough perfectly nutritious meals to satisfy myself. So I'm trying to let that go!

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#28 of 41 Old 01-16-2013, 11:16 PM
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I am mostly happy. But I don't think that I would be like this after an year when my daughter would start her school. I also like the job I used to do, and looking forward to resuming once my daughter gets older.

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#29 of 41 Old 01-20-2013, 07:03 PM
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I have been a SAHM for 15 years as of 1-23-13!  It has been an adventure, often challenging, and so full of love and laughter that I would have missed if I were working outside the home.  There have been some very trying times as we attempt to raise a large family on one income, but it has been worth it in every way.  I would not change my decision, and my hubby says neither would he!

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#30 of 41 Old 01-20-2013, 07:11 PM
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I go to a nursing moms group, and this week's discussion was about an article posted online called "Why you're never failing as a mom."  It was a great article, and the group concensus was that we can't do it all, and who ever told us we should be able to?  If you can fall into bed at the end of the day, knowing you did your best (even if your best didn't include a clean kitchen and a gourmet meal), then that day was a good one!  Bottom line is that your kids know you love them, and chances are they do when you give them your time and attention.

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