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Pr3ttyPrincess 10-25-2012 02:28 PM

My kids are 1,3, and 2. My day is very hectic as it is, but now I have CPS harassing me. I've been a stay at home mom since I got pregnant with my oldest daughter. Some days it seems like all I do is cook, clean, and change diapers. I have a few little kid messes here and there from toys, thier books, little stuff. I took my kids to walmart today and while I was gone our caseworker showed up. My husband told her that he was sick of feeling like he was being treated like a criminal, he said he was sick of being accused of stuff all the time, he said he was sick of thier harassment, and that she had to leave and not come back. So she said she was going to call her supervisor and she left. It's awesome to me that he said that, because I feel that he said something that needed to be said. But my question is, what can CPS do if you don't cooperate? Oh yeah another very important point, we don't have an open case.


lauren 10-25-2012 07:31 PM

I think it ends up working out better for families if they DO cooperate. Non cooperative families tend to have cases that get built up against them and the facts can't be verified. If you cooperate, you can iron out the accusations and work things through. Much better for everyone involved, especially your kids! Is there something you are afraid of? What do they think you are doing wrong?
 


Pr3ttyPrincess 10-25-2012 09:16 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by lauren View Post

I think it ends up working out better for families if they DO cooperate. Non cooperative families tend to have cases that get built up against them and the facts can't be verified. If you cooperate, you can iron out the accusations and work things through. Much better for everyone involved, especially your kids! Is there something you are afraid of? What do they think you are doing wrong?
 

No I'm not afraid of anything it's just giving me horrible anxiety problems, every single time they come into my house they nit pick everything! The kids have five toys out on the floor and it's a problem, even though before they were distracted by the door, they were happily playing with them. If I'm not home and they show up they tried to make it sound like I was avioiding them, I had to go grocery shopping, I wasn't avoiding anybody. They showed up one day my SIL had my 2 girls for a few hours, and she asked where they were and I told her they were with my Sister In Law, she acted wierd about it and questioned me on why. I didn't know it was against the law for my kids to have some time to play with thier cousins too. Nothing is clean enough for them no matter how much I clean and scrub everything down. They twist stuff around, the one caseworker that showed up complained because my sons legs were red and a little irritated where his diaper was rubbing them when he moved around the night before, which happens, she turned around and lied and said that my son had really bad diaper rash that we were not treating. The caseworker I have treats my 3 year old daughter like crap, she gets rude and nasty to her. My daugthers won't sleep in their own beds anymore because they are scared to because they don't like people they don't know in thier bedroom. They harass us to no end. Every time the caseworker comes and my husband is either asleep or not home she is very rude and mean and degrading toward me. Thier treatment of my family is unfair and ridiculous.


Satori 10-25-2012 09:55 PM

If they are visiting you then you have a case open. Its best to cooperate with them ime and I have dealt with them several times over the past 10 years or so.  


AnnaBarr 10-26-2012 08:26 AM

I agree, the best thing you can do is cooperate with them.  I don't understand though, are they investigating the cleanliness of your home?  Also, are you saying that since they've started visiting you that your children are now afraid, because of the visits, to sleep in their own rooms?  that's very sad.


Pr3ttyPrincess 10-26-2012 10:29 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnaBarr View Post

I agree, the best thing you can do is cooperate with them.  I don't understand though, are they investigating the cleanliness of your home?  Also, are you saying that since they've started visiting you that your children are now afraid, because of the visits, to sleep in their own rooms?  that's very sad.

Yeah they are saying that the cleanliness is going down because the kids had a few toys on the floor. My kids are very sensitive when it comes to thier private space, like thier bedrooms. They don't like people they do not know and are not comfortable with in their private space, which I understand, if someone I didn't know showed up at my door and said, Hey can I inspect your bedroom. My answer would be absolutely not. Because that is my private space. It's very sad that they are making my children feel uncomfortable in thier own home, that isn't fair to the kids.


deannaggg 11-28-2012 05:51 PM

This entity is NOT on your side. I am sorry to sound the one 'paranoid' parent, but i have seen and read of the DESTRUCTION brought about by DFS. 

 

If you home school, I HIGHLY recommend you subscribe to HSLDA Home school legal defense. They help with DFS stuff ALL THE TIME. ask to see the complaint, the reasons why they are dropping by, ask for a GRAMA report, they are REQUIRED by federal law to provide this to you. It  will be the only way you can read what is in your file.

 

I was told by a nurse years ago, that DFS keeps a file of anyone who: Home schools, home births, no vac, or has ever been called on by a neighbor. It is pathetic, they do not have to have a valid reason to visit, but you also do not have to allow them in your home. 

 

I could tell you horror stories, but suffice it to say, you need legal counsel, even if you got pre-paid legal for short term. they are like vultures.

 

NO matter what they say, they are NOT on your side, Did you know....each office is solely funded by the number of children removed from the home? The more children they displace the more funds their office receives. NOT a healthy plan in my opinion.  


AnnaBarr 11-29-2012 12:37 PM

Those are some intense statements there. I've never heard that child protective services gained any money by removing children from their homes, let alone that they are solely funded by it. Can you back that Information up? I would be really interested to read more about that, as well as these files they have on anyone who home births, non vaxes and homeschools.

Also, is there an update on this situation? Did everything get resolved OP?

Pr3ttyPrincess 11-30-2012 03:49 PM

**Update**

 

My husband went to court yesterday morning for a dependency hearing. Our lawyer said since he agreed to the dependency and let them know that he is not going to go for custody of my stepson again, that CPS should leave us alone. She said if for some reason they do show up at my house, NOT to talk to them, NOT to let them in, DO tell them that I would be happy to have a meeting with them, so they can call and schedule a meeting with myself, my husband, AND our lawyer. She said that they way our case has been mishandled, NOT to discuss anyting with CPS without her presence. So I'm hoping, people stop the BS calls and leave me alone.

 

 

No I don't homeschool, my kid's are too little. All 3 of my kids are 3 and under.


Adaline'sMama 11-30-2012 05:01 PM

Im still confused as to why they were ever at your house in the first place..... I mean, they are known to pick and pick over nothing, but surely there had to be some reason they came in the first place. I agree with PP, if they are visiting your house, you have an open case. You should call and ask to speak to a supervisor and find out what they are investigating. 


Pr3ttyPrincess 12-01-2012 01:11 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama View Post

Im still confused as to why they were ever at your house in the first place..... I mean, they are known to pick and pick over nothing, but surely there had to be some reason they came in the first place. I agree with PP, if they are visiting your house, you have an open case. You should call and ask to speak to a supervisor and find out what they are investigating. 

CPS was here in the first place because my stepson was removed by CPS and placed into foster care. We went to court, and got custody of my stepson. My husbands exgirlfriends case is still open with CPS, so my stepsons case is open. So when my stepson came to live with us, his case was open, so they had a semiopen case with my 3 children because they lived in the same house, and CPS had to come into my home and check up on my stepson periodically. But since my stepson is no longer living with us, that automatically closed out the semiopenness of it. And since my husband agreed to the dependency, and told them that he is not going to pursue getting custody of my stepson they have to close the semiopen case because my stepson will not be returning into our custody.


rubidoux 12-01-2012 01:37 PM

Holy cow, that sounds horrific! Please tell me that CPS hasn't intimidated your dh out of parenting his son? Is your step-son back w his mother or still in foster care?

I'm so sorry they've been picking at you. I would be so upset by that.

And for poster who said they have open files on homeschoolers, nonvaxers, etc, how do you know this and how do these families end up on their radar? Are doctors mandated to report nonvaxers? And if so, where is the line drawn (ie, what if you skip chickenpox or follow a different schedule)? Can anyone confirm/deny/enlighten?

Pr3ttyPrincess 12-01-2012 03:50 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by rubidoux View Post

Holy cow, that sounds horrific! Please tell me that CPS hasn't intimidated your dh out of parenting his son? Is your step-son back w his mother or still in foster care?
I'm so sorry they've been picking at you. I would be so upset by that.
And for poster who said they have open files on homeschoolers, nonvaxers, etc, how do you know this and how do these families end up on their radar? Are doctors mandated to report nonvaxers? And if so, where is the line drawn (ie, what if you skip chickenpox or follow a different schedule)? Can anyone confirm/deny/enlighten?

He's in Foster Care right now, we are doing our best to make sure that he does not end up back with his mother. Our lawyer said that pretty much will never happen, she has showed no improvement at all and all three of her kids have been in Foster Care since March of 2012. She said that more than likely they are going to move to TPR on his mother. I'm not sure how my husband is feeling about CPS right now. CPS has pretty much put us in a pickle. They said that if we don't go for custody of my stepson back then our other children would be safe, but if we went for custody back that they would try to file a dependency petition and remove our other three children. CPS has put him in a horrible position to basically choose between kids. He hasn't said much about it, when he's upset about something he is the type of person that is silent and doesn't really open up about it. Which I understand because I do the same thing. I stay silent about things, especially to do with CPS stuff to him and just deal with it basically. I did completely break down a couple months ago in front of him, after I got our kids to bed, and in thier beds I came back downstairs and asked him if he would sit on the couch with me for a few minutes so I could talk to him about something and I just broke down, shaking, crying, he was silent supportive, he didn't say anything for a good half hour, he just sat there and hugged me until I could pull myself together. Then he told me that CPS making me feel like that just downright pisses him off because there was no reason for them to be like that to me. My cleaning regimine is ridiculous. I do dishes at least three times a day, I pick up toys and vacuum at least four times, garbage is taken out once a day, bedrooms are cleaned once a week because we are never really upstairs to make a mess the biggest thing that needs picked up is the kid's toys in thier room, I scrub down the walls and everything every couple days, I mean I'm like a clean freak haha. So it's not like anything is dirty or just disgusting. The kids make messes with thier toys, but what kid doesn't? At least they are allowed to play.

 

I was wondering that about the vaccines too, because my kid's are delayed. That kind of worries me that they could start in on me again because I delay my kid's shots....


rubidoux 12-01-2012 04:05 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pr3ttyPrincess View Post

They said that if we don't go for custody of my stepson back then our other children would be safe, but if we went for custody back that they would try to file a dependency petition and remove our other three children. 

 

I cannot think of any logical explanation for this at all.  What on earth could their reasoning be???  A poster upthread mentioned having heard that they get $$ for each child taken.  I have heard the same (or similar, can't remember if it was that or $$ for each child placed for adoption) from multiple credible sources (I find it so hard to believe, still, though, but it did seem credible).  Unless there is something like that going on, there seems to be no explanation.  

 

Just out of curiosity, how old is your step-son?  Does he have regular contact with either parent or any family members?  

 

My heart breaks for you all.  What a nightmare.  

 

And I don't think it could be how clean you're keeping your house.  It could not be true that anyone in their right mind could believe that kids should be taken from their parents bc the house is not completely sterile at all times.  I'm sorry you're having to go through the stress of worrying if they'll show up any minute, though.  I'd probably be washing walls, too.   


Pr3ttyPrincess 12-01-2012 04:23 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by rubidoux View Post

 

I cannot think of any logical explanation for this at all.  What on earth could their reasoning be???  A poster upthread mentioned having heard that they get $$ for each child taken.  I have heard the same (or similar, can't remember if it was that or $$ for each child placed for adoption) from multiple credible sources (I find it so hard to believe, still, though, but it did seem credible).  Unless there is something like that going on, there seems to be no explanation.  

 

Just out of curiosity, how old is your step-son?  Does he have regular contact with either parent or any family members?  

 

My heart breaks for you all.  What a nightmare.  

 

And I don't think it could be how clean you're keeping your house.  It could not be true that anyone in their right mind could believe that kids should be taken from their parents bc the house is not completely sterile at all times.  I'm sorry you're having to go through the stress of worrying if they'll show up any minute, though.  I'd probably be washing walls, too.   

He's 4. He has regular contact with his mother and grandparents. He had regular contact with my husband up until all this started. He had some issues with the transition from the Foster Home to our home. Like, regression in his potty training, CPS tried to make my stepson's not being fully potty trained OUR fault. CPS said that we weren't meeting all of his needs. I got play therapy set up for him, I had a quiet little space for him to go if he just needed to be alone, I tried my best to split all of the attention as evenly as possible, I'm sure it wasn't perfectly even, I'm sure it's not still perfectly even, When it came time to pick up toys positive reinforcement, praise, rewards,  I mean I tried everything to help him. I let him go to sleep a little later than normal on days that he had visitations with his mother, so that he could have a quiet open oppurtunity to talk about how he was feeling, and get a little reassurance, that it was ok to be sad after leaving his visit with her. And let him know that we are here for him, I mean I tried everything I could possibly think of. I called his Head Start almost everyday just after I put him on the bus to let them know if he was having a sad/off day, or if he was having a good day so they would know what approach would be best for him. I know it's probably not the best idea, but Friday nights after our other children went to bed, my stepson and I would eat a snack and watch a special cartoon together, and have that extra 20 minutes of his time. Our Friday nights of Dinasour Train were at the top of his list of favorite things during the week. Sometimes I just sit here and cry and wonder what I did so wrong to deserve the treatment from CPS, when I put everything I have into my kids, and it's just not enough for them. I feel like a failure alot of the time because no matter what I do or how hard I try I feel like nothing will be good enough for anyone.


rubidoux 12-01-2012 05:20 PM

Gosh, I was hoping you'd say he was 15 or something.  He's just a little guy.  I'm sorry to be grilling you on this, but it sounds completely unconscionable, so I'm trying to understand.  What is the reason that your husband is not trying to get custody of him?  Did he (and you) have a relationship w him before he was taken from his mother?  Is there a prospective adoptive parent lurking?  What does your lawyer think?

 

My gut says that you guys can't let go of his son.  I don't have much info, but I cannot imagine that he will be better off w/o his father.  

 

Hugs to you!


homemademomma 12-01-2012 06:16 PM

Wow, I couldn't read this and not respond. Hugs for your whole family, especially your stepson. I can't make sense of this whole dependency thing- what possible reason could they have for taking your kids? They must have at least tried to make an excuse, right?  :hugs:


Pr3ttyPrincess 12-01-2012 09:35 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by homemademomma View Post

Wow, I couldn't read this and not respond. Hugs for your whole family, especially your stepson. I can't make sense of this whole dependency thing- what possible reason could they have for taking your kids? They must have at least tried to make an excuse, right?  :hugs:

Your right they did try to make an excuse, thier excuse was "Concerns with Physical standards in the home" I am at home literally 24/7 once every couple weeks I go out and shop, other than that my day is consumed with taking care of kids, cleaning etc.. so where are the problems? Lol.


Pr3ttyPrincess 12-01-2012 09:44 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by rubidoux View Post

Gosh, I was hoping you'd say he was 15 or something.  He's just a little guy.  I'm sorry to be grilling you on this, but it sounds completely unconscionable, so I'm trying to understand.  What is the reason that your husband is not trying to get custody of him?  Did he (and you) have a relationship w him before he was taken from his mother?  Is there a prospective adoptive parent lurking?  What does your lawyer think?

 

My gut says that you guys can't let go of his son.  I don't have much info, but I cannot imagine that he will be better off w/o his father.  

 

Hugs to you!

No your fine :). We did have a relationship with him when he was a baby, this is complicated. When his exgirlfriend found out she was pregnant she ran right out the door, that's all she wanted was a baby. So when I met him, they hadn't been together for like three or four months. I was aware the day that I met him that she was pregnant, he came right out with the info and told me, which was fine, with me I understood the situation. She was angry that he was dating someone else while she was pregnant, which isn't my fault she left right after she found out. She stopped the time that my husband and I got to spend with him when he was a baby because I had just found out I was pregnant with my oldest one. She was mad because thier son was a baby and I was pregnant. Well, I hate to tell her, we didn't exactly plan it that way, lol. And even if we did, they weren't together it had nothing to do with my stepson at all. He was shoved out of the picture for 2 1/2 years, so this time that they had together was really a reconnection, I think things would have worked out better if we had more time with my stepson than just a few months. There is a prespective adoptive parent my husband thinks that might be better for my stepson to have a clean slate and start over, away from his mother. Because we live very close to his mother, and his grandparents. So I don't feel that we could keep him completely safe here. I don't think he would be better off without his father either, and at the same time I understand where my husband is coming from so right now I'm really no help to him at all. My husband is not going to pursue custody of my stepson again, because he is worried that if he does, we will lose custody of all four children. He feels stuck between a rock and a hard place because he feels like he's being forced to choose between kids. I don't think it's fair, I think it's completely wrong, but at the same time, there isn't much or anything at all really that we can do to fight CPS. Our lawyer won't go against them in a courtroom for some reason so I might have to find a different one.


rubidoux 12-02-2012 10:25 AM

I'm sorry, I thought I had replied earlier...  Anyway, that's so scary and I'm sorry it's happening to you guys.  

 

I'm very curious about what's stopping your lawyer from pursuing this.  I am a lawyer, but I haven't worked for ten years because I've been home with my kids.  I'm studying for the bar now and I was thinking about trying to work with people in situations like yours (although, truthfully, I can't even figure out how you'd go about such a thing).  So, I did a bunch of research online and got scared and decided that as long as I had children myself I couldn't do it.  There have been lawyers who claim to have lost their own children to CPS in retaliation for representing families.  Too scary for me.  greensad.gif  I'm wondering if your lawyer is intimidated, too, and if so, whether that's a common thing.  


Pr3ttyPrincess 12-02-2012 12:13 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by rubidoux View Post

I'm sorry, I thought I had replied earlier...  Anyway, that's so scary and I'm sorry it's happening to you guys.  

 

I'm very curious about what's stopping your lawyer from pursuing this.  I am a lawyer, but I haven't worked for ten years because I've been home with my kids.  I'm studying for the bar now and I was thinking about trying to work with people in situations like yours (although, truthfully, I can't even figure out how you'd go about such a thing).  So, I did a bunch of research online and got scared and decided that as long as I had children myself I couldn't do it.  There have been lawyers who claim to have lost their own children to CPS in retaliation for representing families.  Too scary for me.  greensad.gif  I'm wondering if your lawyer is intimidated, too, and if so, whether that's a common thing.  

I was wondering that too. I don't know if my lawyer has children of her own, but I do know that she is raising her niece. So I'm wondering if maybe that might have something to do with it. I want to get into doing something to help famililes that have dealt with this stuff with CPS too, I just don't know how I'd go about it. I guess where to start is being very open about it, which I actually find to be easier than I thought it would be, because at first I felt like "This is embarassing, only bad parents have to deal with this" Then I realized how crazy that sounded, lol.


DuchDork 12-02-2012 08:13 PM

What reason is CPS giving for not wanting your H to have your stepson? If he's a legal parent, they have to give him a reason in writing and a case plan to work. 


bmcneal 12-02-2012 08:34 PM

I couldn't read and not post. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. hug2.gif


Pr3ttyPrincess 12-03-2012 01:07 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by DuchDork View Post

What reason is CPS giving for not wanting your H to have your stepson? If he's a legal parent, they have to give him a reason in writing and a case plan to work. 

They gave him a caseplan but it didn't have much in it. The only things in it was to be nice to the caseworkers (I was the mean one, so I think that's more geared toward his exgirlfriend), and to go to visitiations. His exgirlfriend has visitations once a week for 3 hours, by my husband only gets an hour every other week. It had the normal stuff in there like keep in touch with the caseworkers, which don't have a choice when they show up at your house once a week lol.


deannaggg 12-04-2012 06:20 PM

I will not go into too many details on HOW i know about CPS motives, I will just say, research it yourself. 

 

CPS  has no governing body to investigate internal issues.

the program is evil, I am NOT saying the workers are, or the PEOPLE are, but the system IS. It is sickening to see how much destruction and pain can come from ONE government entity. 

 

As for the Vac list, YES if you refuse to vaccinate your child, Dr's and Health care workers are obligated to report that. If you send the kids to school without VAX records they also notify CPS. 


WildKingdom 12-05-2012 08:04 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by deannaggg View Post

I will not go into too many details on HOW i know about CPS motives, I will just say, research it yourself. 

 

CPS  has no governing body to investigate internal issues.

the program is evil, I am NOT saying the workers are, or the PEOPLE are, but the system IS. It is sickening to see how much destruction and pain can come from ONE government entity. 

 

As for the Vac list, YES if you refuse to vaccinate your child, Dr's and Health care workers are obligated to report that. If you send the kids to school without VAX records they also notify CPS. 

 

I'm sorry, that's complete and utter bs.  Exactly WHO are doctors supposed to report this to?  Because I'm a doctor, and no one ever told me.  Am I doing it wrong?

 

We also don't notify CPS if you send the kids to school without vax records.


Attila the Honey 12-05-2012 08:42 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by deannaggg View Post

I will not go into too many details on HOW i know about CPS motives, I will just say, research it yourself. 

 

CPS  has no governing body to investigate internal issues.

the program is evil, I am NOT saying the workers are, or the PEOPLE are, but the system IS. It is sickening to see how much destruction and pain can come from ONE government entity. 

 

As for the Vac list, YES if you refuse to vaccinate your child, Dr's and Health care workers are obligated to report that. If you send the kids to school without VAX records they also notify CPS. 

 

No, no way.  We didn't vax for dd's first 8 years and no one ever called anyone.  Exemptions are perfectly legal.  No school, family doc, emergency room doc, or anyone ever reported dd's vax status to anyone.


rubidoux 12-05-2012 04:07 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Attila the Honey View Post

 

No, no way.  We didn't vax for dd's first 8 years and no one ever called anyone.  Exemptions are perfectly legal.  No school, family doc, emergency room doc, or anyone ever reported dd's vax status to anyone.

 

I'm not sure you'd be informed, though.

 

I do hope that you and Wild Kingdom are right!  And it doesn't make a whole lot of sense.  It would be a pretty long list these days.  But what if there was such a list of non-vaxers so that if you do get some other ding, they check to see if you're on that list and then you've got two strikes against you, kwim?


CatsCradle 12-05-2012 04:53 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by rubidoux View Post

 

I'm not sure you'd be informed, though.

 

I do hope that you and Wild Kingdom are right!  And it doesn't make a whole lot of sense.  It would be a pretty long list these days.  But what if there was such a list of non-vaxers so that if you do get some other ding, they check to see if you're on that list and then you've got two strikes against you, kwim?

I don't believe that there is some list in a central bank somewhere maintained by the government.  Why?  Because the "government" or the "man" or whatever people like to call it is notoriously dysfunctional.  My DH works for a local governmental agency (a library) and their methods of tracking things are incredibly behind the times.  I have a client who has to deal with a certain homeland security office who can't get its freaking act together on ANYTHING.  It costs a  lot of money to rise to the KGB level that is being suggested here.  It ain't happening.  I have clients who are governmental agencies and getting them to do what I want them to do is like herding cats.  Everything is disjointed, a lot of people don't act because they don't want to take responsibility.  I LOL when I see people talking about the secret lists and the tracking devices supposedly utilized by government.  I'm not trying to be dismissive but waned to add a reality check.  

 

There may be isolated incidents of local agencies (including some state agencies) who take notice and harass.  I'm not denying that this happens sometimes.  What I am suggesting is that the large and well-thought-out conspiracies that are suggested here do not exist, at least to the extent that there is some kind of intelligent design (for lack of a better phrase) set up to harass and discriminate against non-vaxers.  


Pr3ttyPrincess 12-05-2012 06:36 PM

Also, don't you think that list would be pretty extensive and take forever and a day to complie the list of families that choose to not vax, or  to delay vaccines? I think they would waste more time making the list of families, than they would actually investigating any of it. It would be a waste of time and resources not to mention the possible lawsuits for descrimination, harassment, and possibly defimation. I don't think it would be worth thier time.



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