Terrible twos.... What have I done? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 02-11-2013, 12:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The last two weeks or so my 23 month old has been difficult. Every diaper change is a dramatic event and when we don't do what she wants watch out. Today we had two massive meltdowns. One was due to diaper change the other because we did do what she wanted. The last meltdown ended with her falling a sleeping into my arms still wearing her snowsuit! (Oh yeah and right now she is still in my arms and i am pretty sure we have a diaper leak, i just dont want to wake the beast) I am just beyond disappointed and stressed right now. I stay cool for as long as I can but eventually yell back at her.

I just don't know what the hell to do with her. Honestly, I give her all the love and attention I can give her day and night and it feels like I am not good enough. When my dh gets home it's like she changes and is happier, wants daddy and is pleasant with him. What the hell?! I am the one caring for her 24/7 and he gets the nice girl!

I quit my career six months ago to be with her and now I am wondering if it was the right thing to do. I wonder if she even wants me around.
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#2 of 8 Old 02-11-2013, 11:28 PM
 
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im sorry but you post just made me laugh! i am going through the same exact thing!!!!

it's validating.

my son is 22 months soon to be 23. sometimes he leaks a bit from his diaper because i just can't take the drama every time we have a diaper change. sometimes he so happy and im thinking"he so needs a diaper change..do i dare"  so we have been using our "emergency" disposables because they hold a little more liquid. 

today we drove into town and hour away and had a blast..lunch,shopping. he got a new book. but as soon as we got home he refused to let me put the groceries away or make dinner . he cried and screamed and finally i just had to sit down with him and play. but as soon as dh comes home he less dramatic and is all happy. i think we are hitting the "wonderful twos"

lately when he gets mad/frustrated at us he points his little finger at us. we now say"i guess i've just been sent to the cornfield"

have you seen that old twilight zone episode ? i think it's called "life is good" lol

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#3 of 8 Old 02-12-2013, 04:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
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OMG yours does the finger point too?! I don't know where they learn this stuff. Is there a toddler dream camp they go to at night?

Yes and meals here are tough to make cause she gets clingy.

Ok well I guess she is normal then... I take it personally when she yells at me sometimes but I am pregnant, hopefully soon I will ignore her rage.

I am hoping for an early spring so we can get outside more, maybe that will help.

My husbands advise is don't get worked up on how she is behaving; toddlers don't act like people. Lol cavemen more like it.
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#4 of 8 Old 02-12-2013, 06:30 AM
 
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I have a 5 and almost 3-year-old. This time will pass, trust me. My angel DD was a demon between the ages of 2 and 3-1/2 almost 4. It's hard to believe not too long ago that she was that way. DS is difficult, but differently than DD. I have comfort in knowing the terrible twos and threes are just temporary.


Newly married 10/2013 to DH superhero.gifSAHM to DD 2007  dust.gif and DS 2010  bouncy.gif  homeschool.gifselectivevax.gifdelayedvax.gifnocirc.gifhamster.jpg
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#5 of 8 Old 02-12-2013, 06:34 AM
 
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@lovemylab... you did the right thing by choosing to stay home with her. She does need and want you to be there.

 

My DD did the same thing with DH. She would be difficult all day long with me, putting me through hell, and then daddy comes home, and bam, totally different kid. It does change though. Use the time she spends with your DH as a break for you!! Welcome it.


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#6 of 8 Old 02-12-2013, 07:39 AM
 
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First off, I'm so right there with all of you. DD is soon to be 23 months and lately the attitude has resurged in a big way. She's worst for me too but I try to take it as a compliment. She feels safe enough with me to "let it all hang out" lol and is on her better behaviour for dad. Working moms see this a lot where kiddo is an angel for 8+ hours at daycare and lets loose at home. It's not fun but shows how deeply we're trusted. I'm with you though, I'd much rather have a day or two without all that drama! Cooking dinner is an all afternoon affair because she has to "help" with everything. I've just resigned myself to a 30 minute meal taking over an hour to make but she loooves to handle the vegetables, put things in a bowl, stir the pot (with extremely vigilant supervision!), etc. She recently got her learning tower from Grampa (hand made with love) and now I can set her up with two bowls, some water and a ladle in the sink and she's occupied for half an hour - lets me do the cooking she can't help with, like cutting up raw meat. Yesterday I even got to fold her laundry as long as I handed her each folded item so she could slam dunk them into the basket. Sure they weren't neat but they were better than before we started. I honestly find her a lot more open to suggestions if she gets to handle real things and help.
Some days I'm ready to return her without a receipt though lol. I don't know where she gets this fiery personality. Both DH and I were easygoing as little kids and often my mom just looks at me to say where did all this come from?! I'm definitely a pick my battles parent but some things are not negotiable and that's where a lot of the earth shattering tantrums come up. I also can't wait for the spring. DD loves the outdoors but this pregnancy has me shivering half the time and I just can't handle outdoor play right now greensad.gif Here's hoping we all pass some magical milestone (second birthday maybe?!) and the kiddos settle down a bit. I do have some limited success with "calm down honey and use your words. Mommy can't understand what you need.". Of course half the time I end up crying with her because of all these pregnancy hormones eyesroll.gif
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#7 of 8 Old 02-12-2013, 09:51 AM
 
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We had the worst day ever yesterday, and when he Papa came home she was all sunshine and bunny rabbits.  For 30 minutes.  Then she was hell and high water again, and by the time he was done getting her ready for bed, he was done, and just looked at me and said how impossible this new toddler phase is, and I had a grand time taking the piss out of him about he was done in 30 minutes with what I'd been going through all day. 

 

I think this is normal.  Which makes me want to go lay my head down on the table and never pick it up again. 

 

I hear it gets better.

 

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lovestory.gif   And on 09/23/2011, we were three;  husband, daughter, and me!

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#8 of 8 Old 02-14-2013, 06:01 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovemylab View Post

The last two weeks or so my 23 month old has been difficult. Every diaper change is a dramatic event and when we don't do what she wants watch out. Today we had two massive meltdowns. One was due to diaper change the other because we did do what she wanted. The last meltdown ended with her falling a sleeping into my arms still wearing her snowsuit! (Oh yeah and right now she is still in my arms and i am pretty sure we have a diaper leak, i just dont want to wake the beast) I am just beyond disappointed and stressed right now. I stay cool for as long as I can but eventually yell back at her.

I just don't know what the hell to do with her. Honestly, I give her all the love and attention I can give her day and night and it feels like I am not good enough. When my dh gets home it's like she changes and is happier, wants daddy and is pleasant with him. What the hell?! I am the one caring for her 24/7 and he gets the nice girl!

I quit my career six months ago to be with her and now I am wondering if it was the right thing to do. I wonder if she even wants me around.

1.  Oh, yes. She definitely wants you around.

2.  It's time for you to start hitting up the Gentle Discipline forum a lot.  For me, I really have to read about no-yell parenting skills every day in order to keep the thoughts in my head.  Even with that I still flip out every other day or so. 

3.  I hate to say it, but it should get easier, and then most likely worse again.  Everybody I know has had a MAJOR behavior setback around 2.75 years old.  In retrospect, I feel like 18 - 24 months were our glory days.  If anything, they're just smaller at that age :)  Easier to wrangle. 

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