"All you have is time" - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 02-24-2013, 04:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I was talking to my mil about my hopes for my upcoming baby. I am due in June, and have a two year old. I am a stay at home mom. Anyway, I was saying that I hope this next baby is easier because I just don't have time to deal with a crazy needy baby like the first one. My mil says are you kidding all you have is time. Probably the worse thing to say to a stay at home mom. I said ah no, I can't just sit on the couch all day and nurse, I have to tend to the oldest too! It's clear she has no idea how much I tended to my oldest as an infant and how much I still do with her now. So fustrating!
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#2 of 8 Old 02-24-2013, 01:48 PM
 
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Ug! How disrespectful! Those early years are SOOO time consuming and exhausting! She's a mother, herself. You'd think she'd remember what it was like. 

 

Hopefully yours will be like mine. Crash is my first born and he wanted to be in my arms and interacting with me AT. ALL. TIMES. when he was little. Spritely, though....she barely put up with being held even to nurse! lol Even now, she's generally happiest when she's by herself, just doing her own thing. 


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#3 of 8 Old 02-24-2013, 01:56 PM
 
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Did she stay home? I find two things. First, sometimes some moms who haven't stayed home aren't aware of how little sitting and/or relaxing is involved with being home all day with a baby. It is more intense than it sounds like it would be. And second, people have short memories as far as their kids go. They forget how much work babies and little kids - and even bigger kids - can be. I hope when I'm older, I remember all of the good times and none of the work too I guess, but it does create a memory that is not true to life.

 

I think all you can do is try not to take it too personally. Which is hard, I know. June isn't that long from now. How exciting!

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#4 of 8 Old 02-24-2013, 02:10 PM
 
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I think I would have laughed, and laughed some more, and done some pointing and laughing, then maybe said "Oh, you were serious?", then laughed some more.  Then I probably would have had to change my underwear from all that laughing.

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#5 of 8 Old 02-24-2013, 04:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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All valid points. As for my mil she stayed home with her first (my dh) for five years but not for her other child. My husband pointed out that he mostly entertained himself.

True about memories! I noticed that during my first pregnacy when people would say oh that never happened to me... I made sure to write all kinds of notes about my pregnacy and post pardium and nursing stuff to pass on to my kids.

incorrigible- that would be great to have baby that needs a bit less contact. It must have been werid though for you trying to adjust to a less needed baby.
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#6 of 8 Old 02-25-2013, 11:33 AM
 
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Both my mom and my MIL had easygoing babies who slept very well from a young age and used formula. I take their advice/comments with a grain of salt. I would have felt pretty insulted by that comment nonetheless. I actually lucked out with DD as a newborn but we had nursing troubles and I EPd for weeks - I don't know how I would have survived that with a high needs baby. The housework never ends and DD (nearly two) is always hanging off me. Time is the thing desperately needed! Somehow we will get through it... Let's just all hope for happy, healthy, easy babies smile.gif
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#7 of 8 Old 05-12-2013, 01:12 PM
 
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I'm late in replying but probably your concern is still relevant, and probably you haven't had baby#2 yet! So I'll just say that I, too, had an intense, needy first baby, which I was happy and able to deal with when it was just me and him, but was worried about how the second one would be.  And I was so glad that I did end up with an easy-going second baby, the kind that seemed to actually like playing by himself for periods of time. Maybe you will get lucky. But you can prepare a little bit in advance some things to have around to entertain the older one, and also safe places for the baby to be for bits of time too.  The second time around we decided to get a good hands-free wrap carrier, a nice vibrating baby papasan-type seat, and got a swing (most things secondhand).  For the 2yo it was helpful to have some new activities that I could take out, that he was now old enough for - playdoh and cutters, a Learning Tower stool so he could stand at the sink to play with water or at the counter to do coloring or playdoh, new dot-to-dot books, glue stick and magazine pictures or little pre-cut paper shapes to glue onto paper.  And I had a stock of books and CD's, and videos - Elmo, Mr Rogers, teletubbies, that sort of thing. Still, it was not easy, even with an easier baby, but it's doable.  The second baby has to be a little more patient, and I've heard a lot that they tend to rise to that expectation.  :)

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#8 of 8 Old 05-15-2013, 04:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Reezley thanks for the response. I still have about four weeks left. I hope to be able to keep the 2 year old busy. I bought her a few new coloring books and stickers and such for when we bring the new baby home. Thanks for the idea of dot to dot. We also got a rock n play hopefully that will help with sleeping.
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