I'd like to be a stay at home mom but my husband doesn't see any value in stay at home moms. He says I just don't want to work and acts as if childcare is just a hobby of mine and I'd be freeloading if I stayed home having kids. I never thought I would want more than one child, but on my mat leave had a change of heart, so I can't really blame him that I've totally deviated from the plan and now we don't see eye to eye.
I'm totally frustrated... he's a "have a plan and stick with it" kind of person and I'm the "do what's fun now" type....
He knows exactly how I feel, just doesn't want to hear about it anymore.
Does anyone have any experience with this or words of wisdom?
When I was new to staying at home, my husband did think I wasn't doing much all day. I started keeping a diary of what I did. I wrote down everything, and how long it took. It was a pain to keep at it, but after a few days of seeing how busy I was, and understanding that I work 7 days a week rather than 5, he saw I was working more than 40 hours a week and really changed his viewpoint.
He's a great guy and very open minded. I'm not sure how well it would work for everyone, but if it's just a case of not knowing how much work is involved with taking care of a baby and house, then he might just need to see it written out.
I think I'd try to be understanding of how he feels too. It is stressful to have to take on the financial responsibility of a family on his own. And you had agreed on one plan and now you're wanting to change plans, and that is something that will probably require some discussion. But hopefully the two of you will be able to see eye-to-eye on this with more discussion. :)
He knows that taking care of a house and baby isn't easy, but his rationalization of it is that there wouldn't be a kid to clean up after in the first place if he was at daycare (and I was at work).
I'm not sure if deep down inside he'd feel too much pressure taking care of a whole family by himself or just has only child syndrome and feels that I should be happy with one kid and I've got the whole "mothering thing" out of my system, and another one would be just an extra expense.
The most frustrating part is that I'm a very independent and more than capable of taking care of a child (or two) on my own, but ethically I feel that he should probably be on board with this LOL