I make no judgements - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-22-2013, 06:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This article really rang true for me and I simply wanted to share it if you all have not seen or read it yet. What the mother describes as her family being her"favorite" made me cry and I also feel that my family is my favorite too. Any thoughts? That's all

http://ireport.cnn.com/docs/DOC-954169?hpt=hp_c3

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Old 04-22-2013, 07:18 PM
 
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I think many of us "lean in" to motherhood primarily because after maternity leave it's just so hard to contemplate not seeing that precious one year old (or much younger for some moms) for 40 hours a week. I am a big cheerleader for professional moms but for me while my kids are tiny, I strongly feel that motherhood IS my profession and that no DCP, however loving and attentive can give them exactly what I can and no job on earth could give me what I'd be missing. I just think of the daily routine of my toddler and realize I'd spend maybe 3 waking hours with her each weekday and I just can't do it. If we had trouble making ends meet, it would be a necessary sacrifice but we are fortunate enough to get by on DH's income. We have modest housing and transportation and try to be conscientious with spending and sacrifice other things to make it possible. My family is definitely my favourite. It's not always easy and often downright frustrating but for every meltdown there are a dozen hugs that balance things out. I think whether I go to work at 34 or 38 won't make as big a difference as whether I'm home with my kids through the toddler years. Just my thoughts, kudos to all the strong, working mamas out there!
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Old 04-23-2013, 08:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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kudos to all the strong, working mamas out there!

truedat.gif yep.

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Old 04-23-2013, 08:34 AM
 
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When people say "I am not judgment", " I am not a racist, ", or "I have gay friends but"....this is exactly what they do.

 

 

My family is my favorite and this is why I always had a career, so my favorite people have a roof over their heads and food.

 

When I get home after work I have same dishes, laundry, grocery shopping, homework, stories to read and thing to discuss that any SAHM does.

 

Not everyone marry well or qualify for government aid.

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Old 04-23-2013, 08:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Alenushka View Post

When people say "I am not judgment", " I am not a racist, ", or "I have gay friends but"....this is exactly what they do.

 

 

My family is my favorite and this is why I always had a career, so my favorite people have a roof over their heads and food.

 

When I get home after work I have same dishes, laundry, grocery shopping, homework, stories to read and thing to discuss that any SAHM does.

 

Not everyone marry well or qualify for government aid.

Really? When I wrote "I make no judgement" it is what I was doing. Making no judgement. The article could stir up a lot of emotion so i just wanted to be clear about my intentions. I am sorry I offended you. I commend you for working for your "favorite" family too to put a roof over their headsthumb.gif.We all make sacrifices for our families. Mothering is a hard job. 

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Old 04-23-2013, 09:17 AM
 
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Honestly, I don't understand all of the angst. This is such a first world problem. If you have the luxury of choosing whether to spend your day on a high-powered career or as a SAHM, then pick the one you like best and go ahead and "lean in." Be grateful that you have a choice and stop whining -- both about your own decision, and other people's. Frankly, I could not care less if all the politicians and CEOs were men if it was that way just because women didn't want to do it. How awful that women shouldn't be forced into jobs they don't want! Sigh.

I especially don't think that moms who *don't* have a choice should feel guilty. Some women have to work, and there's nothing to feel guilty about in keeping a roof over your kids' heads. And MOST women (most people!), whether they have to work or can stay at home, still don't have an option to hold a high-powered career. I'm lucky because my husband makes good money, and I can easily stay home without pinching pennies. But I don't have any qualifications myself. If I were to work, I could maybe cover half of our daycare bill? What's the use in feeling guilty about any of that?

Michelle, wife to DH, and momma to DD16, DS15, DS12, DS10, DD9, DD7, DS5, and baby girl born Christmas Eve 2013!
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Old 04-23-2013, 11:52 PM
 
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Interestting article. I see it more as one mom simply finding acceptance of where she is currently.

I know I wanted nothing more than to be a SAHM when my littles were babies and I had to work at various times and jobs when my mat leave was up. Only recently was I able to SAH full time and only bring in some babysitting money here and there. And now with my current youngest heading off to school in Sept I'm feeling lost, frantic and at odds with myself. My husband and I would like another baby but there will most likely be another year+ before that becomes reality. So what now? Do I go to work and doing what? And can I find something that I can do between 9-2 and yet will keep me inspired and stimulated? Except I never finished school and my experience is in a field I don't want to go back to. My husband is fine with me staying home and taking self interest courses and having some time to myself. But will I enjoy that? Would it be better to go to work and bank enough hours so that I get a paid maternity leave with our next child? Should I go back to school and work towards a degree for the future? Or should I just live in the now and be peaceful with whatever choice I make at that moment.

And I felt that's where the author was going. She was happy with the choice she'd made and was goin to live it out happily and "in the now". And she applauds others who choose differently but are doing it happily or "in the now". Sometimes we can choose what we do and other times it's chosen for us. But making the most of it, living the life we're living and being content instead of worrying about the other choices/options/what ifs is always the most important. We'll always do things for our favorites, whether that is working, staying home or something else. But "leaning in" can be more than "going to work" or "staying home" I think it's more about learning to be fulfilled with your life at the moment and she's simy saying that while some people find that at work, she's happy she is able to find that at home.

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Old 04-25-2013, 08:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
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And I felt that's where the author was going. She was happy with the choice she'd made and was goin to live it out happily and "in the now". And she applauds others who choose differently but are doing it happily or "in the now". Sometimes we can choose what we do and other times it's chosen for us. But making the most of it, living the life we're living and being content instead of worrying about the other choices/options/what ifs is always the most important. We'll always do things for our favorites, whether that is working, staying home or something else. But "leaning in" can be more than "going to work" or "staying home" I think it's more about learning to be fulfilled with your life at the moment and she's simy saying that while some people find that at work, she's happy she is able to find that at home.

You summed it up beautifully.....thanks!smile.gif

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Old 04-25-2013, 09:04 AM
 
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This is just what I needed.  A reminder about the choices I have made and how I am steering my life.  Enjoy it and be thankful!

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