Serious Identity Crisis, getting depressed-help! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 05-13-2013, 08:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am a stay at home mom to three children ages 6, 3, and 15 months.  These are crazy times.  I was married at 19 and had our first child at 21.  My husband and I are in a wonderful place.  We are still best friends, lots of fire and butterflies, my children are healthy thank God, nothing is "wrong".  Life is just so big and complicated.  Finances are intense, everything is so demanding and stressful and larger than my abilities.  I really need some motivation, some inspiration.  I would love to be pointed to some great books for mothers trying to find their independence within their families.  I just feel so hopeless, so worthless.  I can't seem to overcome the laundry list of bad habits I have gradually accumulated over the years, or the actual laundry.

 

I just need help.  Perspective.  Encouragement.  Tell me this isn't for nothing.  Tell me something...

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#2 of 4 Old 05-13-2013, 09:20 PM
 
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Aww mama, sometimes I feel lost with just one child. it is amazing how out of the loop or out of sync one can feel after caring for children before yourself for years. Please don't feel worthless. You sound like an amazing mom. I do not have any book rec. but do you have any friends around to just talk and throw ideas out? Can you make a "me list" of things you want to accomplish in the next 2 years like take a dance class one hour a week or some sort of craft/art project.   ******hugs******hug2.gifYou are worthy!!

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#3 of 4 Old 05-14-2013, 08:42 PM
 
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I completely understand where you're coming from! Hugs to you!

The only perspective I can offer is what I have learned for myself. Get your husband to take the kids for a few hours from time to time so you can clear out some clutter from your house and mind. Put on some favorite music and rejoice in yourself and your space. For me, this very quickly zaps me back into myself like nothing else. Of course you could also go on a long walk alone, but I often find myself dwelling on all the work that isn't getting done in my absence. When I get these times to myself, I can see very clearly how important I am in my life- for our family, our home, our life. It feels great, and I usually end up getting enough clarity to know what types of "me" things I might incorporate in the present and later on when the kids are older. As a SAHP, your life is lived in the little moments as they happen. It can be nearly impossible to get perspective and remember how vast our world really is outside of the daily grind. It can be so hard to see how all those little moments add up to a great, beautiful tapestry of love as the years pass. It can be tough to picture life with older, less needy children. But they really do grow up and branch out and we get our space. All that you are and do is very, very important, worthy, and amazing.
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#4 of 4 Old 05-18-2013, 08:07 PM
 
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I think they call this the "quarter-life crises", where one day you realize a certain birthday is approaching and you're all like "woah, who am I? What have I done??".  I didn't have children at 21 but I have been out of the workforce since quit young and helped my husband in his businesses.  When that time struck me, hard, a few years ago, I was able to find some roles in his businesses that I could take some credit for.  I also thought long and hard about what I'm really passionate about, what do I want to share with the world? For me, that thing turned out to be yoga, and I become a yoga instructor while I was pregnant.  I teach a couple of classes a week, and just that little time that is my time, where I am the expert and I have an independent identity, means the world to me.  Perhaps you can do some searching in yourself and find what gift you have to share with the world that is uniquely yours?


Happy Wife Since '05 and NEW MOM! in '12

Om'ing to Peace

Blogging Now Too! Visit my Blog

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