*vent* love my family, hate how they don't care. - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 6 Old 05-25-2013, 03:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
DanielleNZ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 657
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am a stay at home mum of two amazing boys, I am 20wks pregnant with our first daughter. My husband works long hours and suffers from depression, its been a life long battle but worse in the last ten years.
I adore being at home, with all the rewards and challenges it entails. But today I am bitter and angry because after being sick for two days and in bed my house is a trash site, the kids just throw things on the floor and walk away like its a trash can, they leave toys everywhere, don't even get me started on Lego. That stuff is nasty when stepped on and really gets on my nerves as it now seems to be in every nook and cranny of our house. We live in a small 3 bed house and storage is minimal. But I'm just so sad nobody else cares enough to tidy, the kitchen is now piled high with dishes, there is laundry all over the floor in front of the machine.
The bath desperately needs scrubbing. Everything is everywhere. I am so over it. Why does know one else care? Why do they just expect the house to be clean, in my current pregnant state I am emotional and feeling resentful towards my husband and our kids because they are refusing to care about their living environment, its not my job, yes I do the lions share but it doesn't mean they are incapable. It's beyond ridiculous and I'm so sad!

Can anyone relate? Or have any tips on how I can change this situation???
DanielleNZ is offline  
#2 of 6 Old 05-25-2013, 04:10 PM
 
sere234's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,038
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Not enough time to write a lot but just wanted you to know I empathize! Can be tough for others to do your job well. I have found I am very good at my SAHM job and no one I know can quite keep up like I can, especially my dear hubby who does make an effort. Makes me feel good sometimes to be indispensable but yeah, frustrated no one else can do it.
Ola_ likes this.

Me: lady.gif Sarah, married to: geek.gif J, mommy to: happytears.gif C (8/10) and rolleyes.gif E (11/12)

sere234 is offline  
#3 of 6 Old 05-29-2013, 06:03 AM
 
DaisyMay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 131
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My husband is terrible at intuiting or even seeing what needs to be done in the house.  I swear, he just doesn't register piled dishes, laundry, toy mess etc.  I have a little more success getting him to help out if I am explicit in asking him to do a specific job.  Ideally, I would like it just to occur to him to do what needs to be done, pitch in, but I have come to realise that this is never going to happen.  I feel stressed at having to give out specific jobs, but that is what I need to do if he is going to contribute at all to the housework.  Especially while you are ill, say something like "please can you make sure all the dishes are done" or "can you put the laundry on, rather than just piling it up by the machine - that would be really helpful".  

 

As far as the kids go, that's going to be even more difficult, getting them to care about the mess!  I still find with my 3 (ages 6,4 and 2) that getting them to help out just massively increases the amount of time the job takes.  Still, it's good to get them into the habit.  Maybe giving them specific job/ responsibility would work.  Even just keeping a pile of plastic boxes that they can pile all the toys into at the end of the day to get them off the floor, then you/they could sort them later.  Getting them to do it before a fun activity could work as an incentive - "just help me put all these legos back in the box then we can read this story".  I've also had success getting reluctant kids to help tidy by making a game of it - playing at being tidy robots or something like that.  

DaisyMay is offline  
#4 of 6 Old 05-29-2013, 07:22 AM
 
MichelleZB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 989
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 13 Post(s)

Tell him the pregnancy cravings have kicked in, so he really needs to drive to the store right now and pick up a guy who will do the dishes.

lightheartedmom likes this.
MichelleZB is offline  
#5 of 6 Old 05-31-2013, 11:18 PM
 
Pat2013's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 3
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Personally, I provide warnings to my children about leaving toys out.  After a warning, and conversation, I take the toys and hide them.  Eventually I give them back.  If it happens again, they end up at the goodwill.  I know this sounds harsh, as when I read it back to myself it sounds much worse than how I actually implement the practice.  However, my kids learned quick to keep the things they like out of our common space.

 

As for the husband, I like the comment above mine. 

 

Good luck.  We all get flustered with our loved ones. 

Pat2013 is offline  
#6 of 6 Old 06-09-2013, 09:47 AM
 
FLmomof1/1ontheway's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: South East Florida
Posts: 119
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Relate 1000% mama! I have 3 and 26 weeks pregnant with #4.  Husband works SIX days a week.  Leaves at 9am, comes home around 10-11pm.  Homeschool the oldest 2.  No help from family either. I'm on my own!

 

Um, since I'm in the same boat I don't have a solution.  I get angry about other people's advice because they are not in my shoes and can not possibly understand! I know I have a problem with consistency. I think if I was more consistent with my kids they would be better at helping, but I'm so overwhelmed and damn tired I'm NOT consistent. It's one more thing I have to do! We have routines and rules that have always been in place but no one follows them.  My kids don't listen at all, unless I yell.  I've kinda given up.  Let the house be dirty.  Let the kids run wild.  If toys are in the way I set a timer and tell them "you can clean up the toys from the walk way or mommy will, and you wouldn't like how mommy cleans them!" Harsh but it sure does work! Oh we have a NO-NO shelf up high in our house.  All those toys that end up in pieces all over are stored in bins on the shelf.  Only one comes down at a time and until that one is picked up and put away no others can be touched.  Big help. 

 

I don't think my kids and husband will ever care about the mess.  They don't even notice it!!! They can't clean to my standards anyway so it's pointless.  I just do what I can and the things that bother me the most.  Some things I'm able to delegate out but not with perfect results.  I breath deep and try to accept it! The pregnancy hormones make it much worse I know.  Go out.  It helps a little but you always have to come home.  Come here and vent.  That sometimes helps but comes with a lot of unwanted advice.  Tell you husband he will have no sex until the house is clean or he does x.  That works too.  Go buy or do something for YOURSELF.  Easier said then done.  I neglect myself big time and it makes all this feel far, far worse.  But every now and then I snap or go on a spree and buy myself stuff.  Ahhh.... Cry and yell if you have too.  A release can help.  Sometimes if the kids are wild I go sit in my car and listen to music for 5 minutes.  Or send them outside to play.  Put on a movie for them... 

 

That's all. Your not alone with your feelings or situation. hug2.gif


supermod.gif who isbelly.gifwith #4  has jumpers.gif . Believe in homeschool.gif,bfinfant.gif,familybed1.gif,femalesling.GIF,h20homebirth.gif,goorganic.jpg,saynovax.gif

FLmomof1/1ontheway is offline  
Reply

Tags
Stay At Home Parents

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off