How do you introduce yourself - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 13 Old 10-01-2013, 12:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
lovemylab's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NH
Posts: 305
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have only been a SAHM for about a year. This was actually the first new person I have met since I stopped working. The person asked what I do for work. I said I stay home but after I said that I felt kind of down. Like I wanted to go back and say well I have theses degrees and had this career.....

Anyone else feel or felt like this? I assume the feeling to justify will pass. How do you introduce yourself?
lovemylab is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 13 Old 10-01-2013, 01:00 PM
 
Mummoth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: BC, Canada
Posts: 3,468
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)

What do you think made you feel down? Was it recognizing that other people don't necessarily value this occupation, or something different? I don't think mentioning your degree and career would help the situation. Some people consider that to be even more of a 'waste' than an uneducated person being a SAHP.

 

I if someone asks, I say I am home with the kids. Other people don't need to value what I do, I like my life. I think part of the discomfort is that other people just don't know how to respond to us. They were anticipating a different answer and it temporarily stuns them, maybe? I have sometimes asked a question right back with my answer so that they have a moment to recover, or included something that I'm busy with at the moment to give them something easier to respond to.

 

If I met someone new today I might say "I'm a stay at home mom. I've been busy lately with helping my son adjust to his new middle school but he's settling in now. My focus is changing to getting the baby out more with other little ones... we went to baby time at the library yesterday." That's a pretty wordy example, but you get the idea... most people know that asking "What do you DO all day?" is rude, but a lot of people really don't know what it's like to stay home. Depending on the person I'm talking to it's sometimes better to say something less kid-centric... I'm in Canada so Thanksgiving is coming up fast and I'll be digging out some decorations soon, probably finding a new recipe to try out, etc. 


~Teresa, raising DS (Jan. 02) and DD1 (Jun. 04) and DD2 (Dec. 11) with DH.

Mummoth is online now  
#3 of 13 Old 10-01-2013, 03:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
lovemylab's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NH
Posts: 305
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yeah I think it was the feeling of not being recognized as an occupation. And the look on his face, it was like a surprised look. Although maybe I was looking into it... But I felt the need to say something to validate what I do all day. It's not like I sit around all day. I never never in a million years would have guessed my days would have been this busy " just staying at home".

You do mention a good point that people may look at my education as such a waste.

I wish I knew more SAHMs in my area. I am in northern NH.
lovemylab is offline  
#4 of 13 Old 10-02-2013, 04:13 AM
 
Oread's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 171
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

I am now working part time, but I did stay home for a couple of years and I struggled with this too. But just because other people devalue the work of parenting doesn't mean we have to, so I made a real effort to smile and say "I stay home with my daughter" with confidence. It certainly isn't a "waste" to have an education as a parent, I'm the first and most influential teacher my kiddo will ever have! Besides, very few stay at home parents do it indefinitely, we usually end up re-entering the workforce at some point. The work you do is valuable and important, but it also doesn't have to be your permanent identity. 

Whatever you say, don't say "Oh I'm *just* a stay at home mom" ;)

Oread is offline  
#5 of 13 Old 10-02-2013, 10:36 PM
 
momasana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,224
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

When people ask what I do I  tell them I stay home with my kids. Sometimes people will ask what I did before having kids and I don't mind telling them, but I don't ever feel like I have to justify my choices.   My kids are cool people, I wear yoga pants on most days, I don't have to deal with traffic, my husband is proud to provide for his family..... this is the most kick-ass gig I've ever had!

momasana is offline  
#6 of 13 Old 10-02-2013, 11:50 PM
 
JollyGG's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 1,617
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)

I've only been home with my kids for 4 months so I still struggle with this as well. We define ourselves by our career so often in our society. I'm kinda digging the opportunity to define myself differently. Of course my normal answer lately is a laugh and "I'm an unemployed bum." However, my friends are starting to get on my case about that answer. They keep telling me I'm more than that and that bum can't be used to describe someone as busy as myself. If I'm not feeling like being a smart a** I usually say that "I stay home with my kids." Every so often I say "I worked in research for 12 years but as of June I'm home with my kids." The last is usually when I'm wanting to volunteer in my kids science class or something. Honestly, except for the unemployed bum comment I haven't yet encountered a negative reaction. If they got the answer that I used to be in research I might get asked how I like my new career. But it usually seems to be genuine curiosity, just as if I'd made any other carreer change. I just answer that "I'm really enjoying it."


Mom to DS 4/24/03 and DD 4/17/06
JollyGG is offline  
#7 of 13 Old 10-03-2013, 05:22 PM
 
delightedbutterfly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,628
Mentioned: 9 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 16 Post(s)
Such great answers. If I'm feeling cheeky then I say "Well my husband says I'm retired" but I have trouble with this too. "I'm home with the kids did work until recently"... Now I'm just lost. I stay at home, but my kids are in school full time...

Mom to two beautiful girls and  ****5****10****15****20****25****30****35******

Come check out MDC's Updated User Agreement  
delightedbutterfly is online now  
#8 of 13 Old 10-04-2013, 11:50 PM
 
tracyamber's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 3,774
Mentioned: 211 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 71 Post(s)
truedat.gif
Quote:
Originally Posted by momasana View Post

When people ask what I do I  tell them I stay home with my kids. Sometimes people will ask what I did before having kids and I don't mind telling them, but I don't ever feel like I have to justify my choices.   My kids are cool people, I wear yoga pants on most days, I don't have to deal with traffic, my husband is proud to provide for his family..... this is the most kick-ass gig I've ever had!
tracyamber is offline  
#9 of 13 Old 10-05-2013, 10:20 PM
 
Ola_'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3,126
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I usually say something along the lines of "I'm staying home with my DD right now". I worked before she was born and while I'm hoping to stay home till all our kiddos are school age or so I will likely go back to work, doing a similar job to what I did before. So to me it's just another phase in my "working life", nothing to be ashamed of. Most people respond with something along the lines of "that's great!" or "I did that when my kids were little too".

 

Funny story, I was at an event with some of DH's coworkers and I could tell right away that many of their spouses were SAHMs when they asked me "do you work outside the home?" as opposed to the usual "what do you do?" or "where do you work". I thought it was a cool way to phrase it, even though it was in our pre-baby days and I was working then.

Ola_ is offline  
#10 of 13 Old 10-05-2013, 10:42 PM
 
mum4boys's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Washington State
Posts: 2,930
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
I say something on the lines of, I stay at home now. We home school our youngest 3 kids. I am thinking about going back to w work full time so I can have a rest.

Heidi
mum4boys is offline  
#11 of 13 Old 10-06-2013, 05:52 PM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 25,597
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I just say that I stay home with my kids. It doesn't bother me, but I never defined myself by how I paid the bills, anyway. Very little appeals to me less than a career. When I was still WOH, and someone asked what I did, I usually said, "I'm a receptionist", which was technically true, as I did answer the phones as part of my job, but it was a gross oversimplification. I don't like talking about work.


Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
#12 of 13 Old 10-16-2013, 08:14 AM
 
lisren1639's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Florida
Posts: 35
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It is so hard balancing it all. I am overwhelmed with the sport schedules, religious school, choir, student council, homework, cook, housekeeper, shopper, planner, etc... I find it hard to feel badly about all I do. It's easier to go to work. Get bathroom breaks, lunch break, and quiet time alone in your car!
lisren1639 is offline  
#13 of 13 Old 10-22-2013, 10:03 PM
 
pepin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Believing I can
Posts: 113
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by momasana View Post
 

When people ask what I do I  tell them I stay home with my kids. Sometimes people will ask what I did before having kids and I don't mind telling them, but I don't ever feel like I have to justify my choices.   My kids are cool people, I wear yoga pants on most days, I don't have to deal with traffic, my husband is proud to provide for his family..... this is the most kick-ass gig I've ever had!


Yup, I am going to have to agree with this, too! 

pepin is offline  
Reply

User Tag List



Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off