Hey SAHMs, how do you meet other "mom" friends???? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 31 Old 01-13-2014, 11:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi mamas.  I am a 35 yo SAHM of a 14 mo.  The few friends I have with children live out of state, and aside from my sister, none of my friends have children!  I never thought it would bother me, but I would love to have a good "mom" friend!  More specifically, a mom friend with a baby the same age as mine!  Even more specifically, a mom friend with whom Id have lots in common with.... sigh.   Don't get me wrong, my friends are great, but they are clueless when it comes to parenthood.  Sometimes it would be so nice to talk to someone else who knows what REAL sleep deprivation feels like, or who understands last minute cancellations due to baby drama, or who likes hanging out at the baby play place.  You get my drift.  I tried joining a natural parenting meet up in my town, but it was awkward, and Ive yet to "clique" with any of the moms.  To be honest, I felt like the new kid at school.  Internet meet ups weird me out anyway because you have no idea who you are dealing with (ironic, I know, because I LOVE the mothering forums).  I will admit Im an introvert, but I am really nice and outgoing at social event.  Sometimes I wonder it its because I am an older mom?  Anyway, how do you all meet other moms to hang out with?  (any other introverts out there? please weigh in!)

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#2 of 31 Old 01-13-2014, 02:22 PM
 
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I've met up with moms that I met on Facebook from "natural mama" pages that I've liked, I've met up with moms on other forums (selling vintage) where we noticed we had young kids, and I've had my husband (who tells me if his coworkers wives are natural minded or not) set me up with moms who sound similar to myself. And I'm very introverted as well. I clicked with most of the moms that I met, but I've had a falling out with almost all of them, but mainly because after I made my friends I didn't want them anymore :rotflmao


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#3 of 31 Old 01-13-2014, 02:26 PM
 
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Oh, and I should add, I had to take a break from two of my oldest and closest friends while I was the first to get married and have kids. That's when I had to make new mama friends. AS SOON as they had their first baby, they came back into my life and all was well again, I didn't feel so lonely.


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#4 of 31 Old 01-13-2014, 07:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by CherryBombMama View Post

 I clicked with most of the moms that I met, but I've had a falling out with almost all of them, but mainly because after I made my friends I didn't want them anymore :rotflmao

LOL!  must be an introvert thing.... we think we'll have fun with new friends, only to get exhausted and bored and then we rack our brains with ways to come up with excuses to be left alone!!! too funny :)

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#5 of 31 Old 01-14-2014, 09:52 PM
 
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I was really lonely and overwhelmed when I had my first child.  We also took in a foster teen at the same time, so I had ZERO time for myself.  I was buried in stress and loneliness and severe PPD but couldn't show it because we had to be a good family for our teenage foster daughter.   I found out about a local MOPS group and quickly got on the waiting list.  I have now been a part of MOPS for a year and a half and I have never had so many wonderful friends in my life!!!!  It was the best decision I ever made for myself!!!  I sound like an advertisement, but I'm serious. Each group works differently, but our group is very well-organized and the church that sponsors it is so good to us.  I would recommend at least making a "visit" to a local meeting.  They have a website where you can find a local group.  There are even military moms groups and groups for SAHM's of older kids. 

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#6 of 31 Old 01-15-2014, 12:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I was really lonely and overwhelmed when I had my first child.  We also took in a foster teen at the same time, so I had ZERO time for myself.  

That is so amazing!  I think that it is the most amazing thing when teenagers get a second chance at finding a loving home! :joy

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#7 of 31 Old 01-21-2014, 12:30 PM
 
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La Leche League could also be a good place to meet like-minded mamas with babies around the same age...my local LLL has morning cafe meetings that meet up 2x a month, just an informal chat to check in with each other.
I've found Meetup.com to very helpful in just finding events to take my kiddo occasionally, but never "clicked" with these groups on a regular basis. That said, I did attend a meetup and connected with one mom who lived close to me...we started out just helping each other out by watching each other's kids while taking care of housework or WAHM stuff, but quickly discovered that we were meant to be friends. Our husbands became buddies, too (in fact I'd say they are closer friends than she and I are)!
Then there's the "playground pickup". It's hard for an introvert to talk to total strangers, I know, but it's totally valid to assume that if another mom is there alone with her kid(s), she will probably be very happy to talk to you. This is because most of us really wish we had more mom friends. So, go ahead...chat away.

Mom to Henry, born 10/2011 and The Newbie, due 2/2014!
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#8 of 31 Old 02-19-2014, 01:41 PM
 
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The hospital where my children were born had a new mom's support group that met once a week and topics were presented at each class. Over the course of a few months you would be able to hear each topic, and they repeated, but you were really only encouraged to go until your child was about one-year-old. After our children turned one, nine of us moms just started meeting on our own. Five and a half years later we still meet for playgroup on a weekly basis plus have mom's nights out and stuff like that.

Other friends I've met have usually been from things that I go to on a regular basis at the same time each week, such as a specific part at a 10am each Thursday, or a library program each week. The library is a big one. If you see your child interacting with another kid (they're way less shy about it than we adults are), go over to that child's mom and introduce yourself. Say, "Hey, it looks like our children are hitting it off! What's your name?"
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#9 of 31 Old 02-19-2014, 04:01 PM
 
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Well I am a 38 yo SAHM of a 19 month old bundle of joy! We go to a play group sponsored, by an Early Childhood organization, we do story time at our local library, and my daughter has a standing lunch date with a church friend. Me I get my socializations kinda based around those things. At play group, we are weird to them, I don't give my daughter juice or fruit snacks, we cloth diaper, I am the only true SAHM all the rest work some. I could go. Lol We still have things to talk about. I look forward to seeing them. We do, other things together. I invite them usually to do things with us. Things like go to the pool, the zoo, the petting zoo, and lunch in the park etc. Taking a class at the Y etc with your child in some thing you are interested in. Bound to meet some like minded moms! I have heard of moms printing up business cards, to hand out to potential playdates. I have thought about it. I have heard most moms would love to find a compatible moms.
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#10 of 31 Old 02-19-2014, 06:30 PM
 
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I went through a similar situation when my oldest was born, 16 years ago!  None of my close friends has kids yet, and the women I did know with kids were all working full time.  I ended up going to a mom's Bible Study where nursing babies were welcome and met some great women!  Many of us are still friends, two of them are godmothers for my younger kids.  Recently, I went through another "dry spell" with friends, as my close friends are done having their babies and have moved on to soccer, high school, driving permits, etc.  Meanwhile, I'm homeschooling and have teens, tweens, a preschooler, a toddler, and a new baby.  I missed having friends over for coffee and a little kid play date, missed sitting and nursing our little ones on the couch together...so I joined a nursing moms group at our local library.  I'm by far the oldest mom there, but that's ok because we're all in the same boat!  There's also a play group at a local church school, and it's open to all kids under 5, so I've met some nice moms there too, while the little ones play and run in the school gym.

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#11 of 31 Old 02-20-2014, 08:46 AM
 
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Friends? I have no friends. I have been in this area for 7 years and have yet to make a friend. I don't know if it is because we are just so different compared to most people here or what but I try not to think about it too much. 


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#12 of 31 Old 02-20-2014, 09:24 AM
 
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Well said, I am soooooo with you!!!
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#13 of 31 Old 02-20-2014, 09:52 AM
 
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I'm an introvert.  I admit, I did feel really lonely when I first became a stay at home mom with my son.  I joined playgroups and that's how I met people.  Sometimes I didn't really click with the moms at playgroups but I just kept going.  Or, after I had gone for a while and the group still didn't feel like a fit, I would gradually stop going and replace it with another group.  I found some areas were harder to find friends in than others.  I had a tough time finding friends where I am now on the east coast.  I just never really clicked with the playgroups when my son was a baby (I agree, joining an established playgroup can feel like an outsider in a clique!).  When we moved to the west coast for a year and a half, I had a FABULOUS time.  Found a great group I clicked with instantly, I even took over a helped moderate the group with a couple friends.  We moved back to the east coast to the same area we were in before, and, once again, I never made any strong connections.  That said... I was able to meet social needs.  I just didn't have good friends.  But I had people to commiserate with or chat with and my kids played with little playgroup friends. FWIW, I was a transplant to this area so all my family and old high school friends were in another state 12 hours away.  So I wasn't near anyone, even childless friends.  

 

I think us introverts have a tough time because we like to meet our social needs with a couple good friends rather than a whole slew of people.  While it was tough when the kids were teeny, it does get easier, I've found.  I have a really good friend who lives just a few doors down from me.  That has been really nice!  She works almost full time, but we still get to talk and get together.  I was so happy to be past the playgroup age.  I work part time from home and am a student now, so I also fill my time while the kids are in school so I don't feel bored or lonely.  

 

I also don't think you're an older mother.  I am a young mother by the standards in my area.  I am 36 with a 12, 10 and 9 year old now.  When my kids were way younger, I was always the youngest mom in my playgroups.  It seemed like everyone was 36 and had their first baby and I was 23.


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#14 of 31 Old 02-20-2014, 01:31 PM
 
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I make a huge effort to attend playgroups, LLL, MOPS, etc. So far though I haven't really clicked with anyone in particular. It's good for my daughter (12 mo) and I to get out a few mornings a week though and be social. I'm admittedly a bit of an awkward introvert wink1.gif

The thing is, I'm really different from a lot of the moms here and they perceive that as judgment- like, if I mention we cloth diaper or don't eat many grains or whatever, they almost get offended? Idk. I'm also much younger than most (24, most of the moms here are 30+) which doesn't bother me but I perceive that they don't respect me as much because of my age.

I'm thinking of starting a HolisticMoms Network for the area and seeing what kind of crunchy mamas attend. Crunchiness isn't a prereq for me lol- but I'm finding that a few shared interests beyond "oh hey you're a mom? ME TOO!" would be helpful.

I feel for you!!

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#15 of 31 Old 02-20-2014, 04:42 PM
 
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Meetup.com is an online social group that meets in real life.  Most cities have multiple meetup groups just plug in your zip code and interest like "stay-at-home-mom" or "mom with baby" or "play group"...  Some groups are very active and you can choose an event to attend based on your schedule and interests.  I have met some close friends through this organization and I love it.  There are challenges, but all in all, it has been a pleasant experience for me.

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#16 of 31 Old 02-20-2014, 04:49 PM
 
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Meetup.com is an online social group that meets in real life. Most cities have multiple meetup groups just plug in your zip code and interest like "stay-at-home-mom" or "mom with baby" or "play group"... Some groups are very active and you can choose an event to attend based on your schedule and interests. I have met some close friends through this organization and I love it. There are challenges, but all in all, it has been a pleasant experience for me.
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#17 of 31 Old 02-20-2014, 07:10 PM
 
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Mops or LLL. BUT I met mine at Mops (mother's of preschoolers). They have coffee, breakfast, a speaker on a Mom topic, discussion groups. And sometimes a craft. There are moms of all kinds and ages. I go to a very large group so I imagine they (other groups) can all be somewhat different. But it is an international organization. I HIGHLY recommend checking out your local Mops group.
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#18 of 31 Old 02-20-2014, 09:01 PM
 
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I have a 2 yr old and a 4 yr old. Since my oldest was born, we have moved four times due to my husband's school, work, etc. Now that my husband is done with school, we are now settling in to a long term position in the Portland, OR area - half way across the country from where we started! All of this to say.........you have to work hard not to be isolated. But it is worth it. MOPS has been great for me - in 3 of the 4 places we lived. I just didn't click with the first group. And if you aren't particularly religious (or follow another religion, since MOPS has a bit of an ecumenical Christian basis) it is still worth checking out. Each group has their own feel and emphasis. I've gone to groups at both liberal and conservative places. I would also recommend checking out religious (or non religious) groups that you think you might jive with - we've been in our current location almost four month and started attending a church which had beliefs we are comfortable with. We actually skip the main big worship gathering most weeks and go to an adult Sunday school while our kids are inches nursery, etc. For us this was more personal and allowed us to really meet people - whom I have now connected with on FB and am working toward developing relationships with. If you live in an area that has early childhood programs thru the school system, those can be very helpful as well.
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#19 of 31 Old 02-21-2014, 11:13 AM
 
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Forget pride and give your number to random strangers with babies your age that you meet around town. Set up playdates at public playgrounds and if you click with the other mother, see where it goes from there. I've had about 30% success with this technique, but it's brought me my closest couple friends. Once your baby starts preschool, it's much easier.

 

Good luck.


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#20 of 31 Old 02-21-2014, 02:32 PM
 
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The same way you meet people anywhere-in groups with common interests, or  places where people with common interests dwell-playground, library, schools. AP groups, LLL groups, EC groups. Everywhere!

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#21 of 31 Old 02-22-2014, 11:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I make a huge effort to attend playgroups, LLL, MOPS, etc. So far though I haven't really clicked with anyone in particular. It's good for my daughter (12 mo) and I to get out a few mornings a week though and be social. I'm admittedly a bit of an awkward introvert wink1.gif

The thing is, I'm really different from a lot of the moms here and they perceive that as judgment- like, if I mention we cloth diaper or don't eat many grains or whatever, they almost get offended? Idk. I'm also much younger than most (24, most of the moms here are 30+) which doesn't bother me but I perceive that they don't respect me as much because of my age.

I'm thinking of starting a HolisticMoms Network for the area and seeing what kind of crunchy mamas attend. Crunchiness isn't a prereq for me lol- but I'm finding that a few shared interests beyond "oh hey you're a mom? ME TOO!" would be helpful.

I feel for you!!

 

 


Awe, thanks for the camaraderie!  I could have written this word for word, except that I am an "older" mom (35)!  I will say being an "awkward introvert" (I love that) is a challenge now that I am a mama since I do take my lo out and about a lot to play with other small people! 

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#22 of 31 Old 02-22-2014, 02:59 PM
 
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Sorry, I'm posting to Gardendweller's original post without reading any of the subsequent posts... yet.  Just haven't had the time to read them all at this point. 

Gardendweller, it sounds like you are almost exactly where I'm at these days.  I too am an introvert who is a bit on the social side.  Approaching middle age with two very young children.  It just seems that most of my friends disappeared as soon as I had children-- even those who have children themselves.  I guess it's mainly because I've never been the type of person to call my friends out of the blue just to talk, as much as I think about doing so.  I'm always concerned that I'll be calling at a bad time, and now I'm concerned that I'll only have a couple of minutes before someone in my family needs me, or that I'll get behind on the housework if I take too much time to talk to my friends.  It's something I'll have to get over somehow, since I feel so good whenever I do get a chance to talk to a friend.  Just, the opportunities aren't there.  I have also lived without much communication service for a few years now (little or no internet, or very expensive cell phone plans) and since I became a mother, no real privacy, and I don't like people hovering around me when I'm on the phone.  Once again, that's just something I'll have to get used to.  I suppose it's the same for any of my friends who have children.  Their lives are just so busy, and they mostly have other friends that they have more in common with, or work with.  I suspect that if I were to call some of them up, the conversation would be somewhat awkward, just because we don't have that much in common anymore. 

On the other hand, I did happen to meet another mom quite by chance (at the grocery store, where else?) who I do have a lot in common with.  Her DD is the same age as my DS, and we were both expecting another baby within a month of each other.  We were even at the same midwife clinic.   Unfortunately, our attempts to connect before our latest babies were born fell through and then winter happened and life with a new baby became too busy...

As spring approaches, I'm mentally preparing myself to make more attempts to socialize, both for me and for DS who is 3.5 and needs some friends his own age.  We have a better phone plan, and I've found out about a play group in our area.  Now our driveway just has to melt and we can get out a little more often!

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#23 of 31 Old 02-22-2014, 08:05 PM
 
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@head4thehills fingers crossed you find connection and true fellowship!

24 years old. Central PA. Married to a medical student. DD1 - Valentine's Day 2013. treehugger.giflactivist.gifcaffix.gifdelayedvax.giffamilybed1.gifwhale.gif
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#24 of 31 Old 02-25-2014, 07:42 PM
 
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hi,this is ;Laura,in Tahiti,6 kidsi have a barefoot post on page 40 ,and a short one on page  1,.......also recient post as a  intro of new mwmber.......please let me know what you think.about it...tellme more ,are you a sigle mom,and how many kids do you have......PEACE,LOVE,HARMONY

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#25 of 31 Old 02-25-2014, 08:03 PM
 
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I LOVED YOUR POST ! this is NaturEdenMom.......with my 6 kids....here TAHITI.....WE ARE ATOTAL BAREFOOT NATURE fam.and i teach vegan,yoga,meditation,inner-peace.WE ARE INDEPENDENT,OF THE MATERIAL SYSTEM...my mom worked with Bill Gaham on WOODSTOCK,AND KNEW JOHN LENNON..moody blues,and JANNIS AND JERRY from working with Bill...PLEASE SEE MY POST ON PAGE 40 AND MY NEW PERSON ( MEMBER ) POST....I WOUL SO MUCH LOVE TO HEAR MORE OF YOURSELF AND YOUR BEATUFIL FAM.....

LOVE ,PEACE,HARMOMY......................LAURA.........................PS I AM ON LINE NOW

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#26 of 31 Old 02-28-2014, 09:01 AM
 
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LOL!  must be an introvert thing.... we think we'll have fun with new friends, only to get exhausted and bored and then we rack our brains with ways to come up with excuses to be left alone!!! too funny :)


Hmmmm.... I'm beginning to understand now.  I think this is partly what keeps me from getting in touch with other mamas too.  I know I'm in the habit of "falling off the face of the earth" and just disappearing from my friends' lives.  I just get too caught up with doing my own thing and am afraid I will offend any new friends I make when I don't call regularly.

 

Waywornwanderer, thank you for your wishes!  I do feel lucky to live in a fairly 'crunchy' area, so there's a good chance I'll find some kindred spirits when I get out there!

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#27 of 31 Old 03-24-2014, 08:04 AM
 
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I met all my best friends at La Leche League meetings. It didn't happen instantly. I started going to the meetings when my son was 3 months old and the friendships were probably established by the time he was coming up to 2 years old. Even before that time though the group was invaluable. It was a good place to meet more like minded people which meant that our lives were more likely to go in similar directions making it easier to stay friends. For example, 3 out of 4 of my group of close friends ended up Home Educating. My son is 9 now and these people are still amongst my closest friends. :)

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#28 of 31 Old 03-24-2014, 11:03 PM
 
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I am 40, with a 4 and 1 year old. I was new to my town when I was first pregnant and without any close friends. A prenatal yoga class introduced me to a few potential friends, and then we formed a small mamas group in our first months. Since then I have built strong friendships with 2 other moms in particular, and have a larger circle of moms to connect to on a more casual basis. I think it is so crucial to have friends who also have children, especially as your children grow, you all benefit from social connection at the same time. If you meet any other moms who you just feel drawn to, for their parenting style especially, reach out and make a playdate or mamadate. Moms, especially fulltime moms, I have discovered, are often open to new friendships, it is a great time to make new friends. Now with preschool age children, there is more opportunity to connect to other moms, with preschools, and organized activities. But I really prefer homegrown connections. One mom I know initiated a crafty mama morning once a month and we rotate houses. All through the summer months, a group of moms met at the creek once a week, it became a great social time for everyone. Lastly, 2 other families and mine created a date night, where one family takes the other 2 children, and we rotate, so you get 2 date nights for each night you babysit 2 other children. the kids loved it. We all got too busy with 2nd children and let it slide. But I hope to start again just with one other family with both kids. 

 

Even if you are introverted you know you need friends. another possibility is to go to a library story time or any other organized activity for children, and then just hang out after and see who approaches you, and who you feel drawn to approach. Good luck! I feel I have some of the closest friends now since college. It has taken time, but is really worth it, as parenting is a huge transition and we all really need support and friends to laugh, cry and enjoy it all with. 


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#29 of 31 Old 04-18-2014, 06:50 AM
 
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This is a big issue for me.. Im very much an introvert so being around people, especially ones I don't know well, is exhausting. Add in to the fact I have 4 children and Im pregnant and its a headache to find people wanting to socialize, especially since a lot of people guess Im a lot younger than I am. Most people look at me like I have 5 heads for having a larger family and very few people with 1-2 children want to have anything to do with my bunch. There is a huge negativeness where I live about having a larger size family so a lot won't even talk to me once they realize that all the children belong to me, I'm not the babysitter. Since I home school story time at the library and playgroups don't work out because they want children under a certain age. The groups here are very strict on the age requirement as well, I was told Id have to leave my oldest two with a babysitter if I wanted to participate in the story time at the library, Since I have no desire to do that we just didn't go. There are no home school groups locally that don't charge fees to join (fees larger than we can afford) so meeting people that way is pretty out of the question. The only time I socialize is when I teach a twice month knitting meeting or I help out at my husband's work. Occasionally I actually make it to the ladies group at church but most of the time I end up subbing for one of the children's classes instead. My children play with other children at the park daily so while they don't have any special friends they have a lot of kiddos that they play/socialize with.

 

We are moving in October to an area I'm familiar with and have lived in before. Ive already got in touch with a couple of home school groups I use to be involved in so Ill have more social opportunities for the children and me come October. Helps I have quite a few friends still in that area who are all looking forward to me moving back. One even offered to drive up here and help me pack if that meant I would be moving sooner :lol

 

That is the funny thing.. When people get to know me Ive never heard them say anything bad about me (to me or others) but I get a ton of gossip behind my back from people who have never or rarely talk to me. Seriously, I wish people would get to know someone before they decide they don't like them.


~Heather~ Mama to Miss E (1/07), Miss A (11/08), Mr.T (2/11) and Miss A (10/12) Expecting our newest blessing sometime late Sept/early Oct.. Wife to my Marine since 11/2005
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#30 of 31 Old 04-18-2014, 08:56 AM
 
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@okimom I wish we all could meet up irl instead of just online! I'd love being around your bunch! And seeing moms of large families is encouraging to me because we think we want one, but so far I've found just my one child exhausting! Ha.

I'm an introvert as well and also have issues with depression and anxiety, so being around other moms (many of whom judge others who extended bf, cosleep, etc. And who judge me for being "young" -I'm 25... yes, young, but not a teen mom!) It's hard.

That's such a bummer about groups being strict on age ! Our culture is not family friendly at all, and that lack of support really does cause problems. Especially if you go against the grain with things like homeschooling. (Or for us- we don't have our 14 mo on a rigid schedule, so sometimes that causes issues with the Babywise peeps who always want to meet during my daughter's natural naptime. They're like "why don't you just move her naptime?" And I'm like "because this is the time her body needs rest!" Haha)

24 years old. Central PA. Married to a medical student. DD1 - Valentine's Day 2013. treehugger.giflactivist.gifcaffix.gifdelayedvax.giffamilybed1.gifwhale.gif
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