Hi all, new here and very sad and lonely - Mothering Forums

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Old 02-04-2014, 06:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey everyone,

I'm a 37 year old stay at home mom to 3 school aged children. I sub occasionally at their school. There are hardly ever jobs so I'm usually just home, alone. I'm waiting to look for another job until after a vacation in April. Until that time I'm very lonely every day when the kids and husband are gone. On top of that I am weaning off my antidepressant, because I truly feel it is not the answer for me and I never should have taken it to begin with, but as a result the withdrawal process has left me dizzy and exhausted. I am so glad I found this site though, I really need the company of other moms right now.

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Old 02-04-2014, 06:50 AM
 
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Sorry your having such a rough time...Have you ever tried getting into groups?


Wife, mom of 3, obsessed with photography, crafting and blogging http://annleaartsy.blogspot.com/
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Old 02-05-2014, 01:42 PM
 
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Welcome! I'm not super active on these boards but wanted to chime in.  I, too, was a SAHM to three school age kids.  All my friends went back to work and I was super bored.  I am in therapy for mild to moderate depression, not on meds (unless you count St John's Wort).  I think it's important to get out.  I have head up some school things and volunteered in the school (I was also a sub for a while, but didn't care for it and the jobs were few an far between).  I did not like working outside the home but I found a great part time, set my own hours (low paying! *sigh*) work from home job and I also started school again, online, to finish my BA.  It really helped give me something to do.  I also am a gym member and try to go most days.  

My therapist mentioned going to work or study at a coffee shop or the library so I'm not sitting alone in my house.  It's a good suggestion.  One I haven't had a chance to take up yet.  When the weather is nicer I also walk my dog.  I'm an introvert, but still have some social needs.  

I don't know where you are, but the weather can make this a tough time of year!  It's been rainy, snowy or really cold here and it keeps me holed up.  Virtual hugs to you!  I hope you are able to find some outlet during the day.  


Married, part time work from home mom to DS (13 and homeschooling), DD1 (11) and DD2 (9) and a giant dopey newfoundland, a crazy border collie mix, 3 black cats and a cute rat.
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Old 02-12-2014, 09:39 AM
 
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First off, are you an introvert or extrovert? Perhaps you are feeling lonely because you need lots of time around people to fill you up. You can't

I second the suggestion to join a gym, it will do wonders for your mood and confidence, it has for me. If you stay consistent and take classes you have a chance of clicking with someone.

 

It takes time to build new friendships and I get the feeling it gets harder the older we get. People get sucked into their family lives and any spare time they spend with friends they have likely had for years, leaving little time to work in another friend into their life.

 

I only have two kids but my youngest just started preschool so I get a taste now of what it will be like when they are both gone 7 hours. I feel like I should be lonely but I'm not because I really enjoy being my own best friend.

 

Take this time to connect with yourself and enjoy this period in your life. It can be lonely, but it will be more lonely in the future, at least I think so. Once the kids grow you will not be able to justify remaining a stay at home mom/wife. If you really want to work after your vacation go for it! Being around people and keeping yourself busy with work tasks might make you feel less lonely.

 

Think about the things you did pre kids that made you happy, start doing them again. Go to the library, find some books to read. If it's money you want, try selling random items on ebay, you get 50 free listings a month and it's kind of fun.

 

Seriously though, start working out if you don't already do so. It's taken me a year to get into a groove but I feel sooo much better than I did a year ago when I still had ppd! If anything, heading out for a walk and seeing other people walking/jogging/biking, ALONE, will make you feel less lonely.

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Old 06-09-2014, 11:34 PM
 
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Sounds like you need a group. Takr a class? Doesn't have to be academic.. maybe yoga or dance. Art or music. Get involved with the local theatre group or voulenteer at the libary.. something that gives you something to do (but still lets you be home when the kids get there) and make new friends with similar intrests.
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Old 06-12-2014, 08:07 PM
 
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Well, as it is summer now, I assume your kids are at home. My suggestion is to contact the PTO at your child's school about volunteering opportunities. Our elementary is always looking for someone to read to the kids, or help shelve library books, or help out in art class. It is a great way to get to know other parents and help out. If that does not work for you, you could volunteer other places zoos & museums always need docents, hospitals need tons of volunteers....

Wife to M , Mommy to DS aka Captain Obvious  (06/06) and DD aka Lissalot  (03/09, anoxic brain injury)
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