Would a SAHM be asked to do this: - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 06-27-2014, 06:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Would a SAHM be asked to do this:

be a Commencement speaker?


Yes.

That.

Think about it.



Why do I ask?


A little background....I spent grades 7-12 attending a school that claims to be "committed to fostering excellence in academics, the arts and athletics." In addition, this school also "offers a stimulating learning environment with emphasis on integrity, leadership, diversity and service, as well as on respect for self and others." Lastly, women completing their education leave with "experience as creative, capable, and courageous young women."

I think I fit all those things as a SAHM. In fact, I think all Mom's regardless of SAHM or not, fit those things.

When the current graduating class was asked to choose qualities they would most like to see in a Commencement speaker they said: "a woman; young (although by whose definition, really?), engaging, and passionate about life and her professional endeavors."

Is SAHM not professional? (Pardonnez moi!)

In addition these qualities were considered by the speaker they ultimately chose who happens to be...a diplomat: "an eloquent public speaker and dynamic role model."

SAHMs possess both these qualities, too.


Maybe I was confused about what I took away from my education at that school for 6 very important years in my life: "investment in leadership."

After graduating without any sort of honors...just average grades....I went on to complete College and Graduate School. My performance at both these higher education institutions was much better.

But, after all those years of education.....and all my years of working for a paycheck.....I am just a Mom.


Just a Mom right now.


I hope I am changing the world by guiding my kids to be good people....like all Mothers/parents do.

But, that isn't going to get me an invitation to speak at a Commencement.

So much for attending a school that boasts an education laced with the history of "strong women."



SAHM Moms and Dads are strong people, too.

Last edited by pepin; 06-27-2014 at 09:31 PM.
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#2 of 8 Old 06-27-2014, 09:11 PM
 
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Being a SAHM is a privilege that many can't afford.

If your career is mothering maybe there is some other way to get acknowledgement (some kind of award) that you could put on your resume when you apply next time.

I have to go back to work soon even though baby is only 4 months, have to. So it hurts when SAHM emphasize how they get to give more.
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#3 of 8 Old 06-27-2014, 09:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Viola P View Post
Being a SAHM is a privilege that many can't afford.

If your career is mothering maybe there is some other way to get acknowledgement (some kind of award) that you could put on your resume when you apply next time.

I have to go back to work soon even though baby is only 4 months, have to. So it hurts when SAHM emphasize how they get to give more.
I didn't write this to insinuate that being a SAHM or SAHP is a privilege...you are a SAHM right now and so am I. I did not indicate if I would resume work now or in the future.

This is about acknowledgement, not an award -- that women in particular should be able to feel that it is ok to take time off and be a SAHM if they can or want to. Acknowledgement that it is ok to be a SAHM if we need to for whatever length of time it may be. Parenting is the most under-acknowledged job.
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#4 of 8 Old 06-27-2014, 09:34 PM
 
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...women in particular should be able to feel that it is ok to take time off and be a SAHM if they can or want to.
Agree 100%. And if there's going to be a government it should damn well pay maternity benefits to *all* birthin women. Where I am the self employed are excluded.

I don't think I understood your original post. What was it that you wanted to do? Who got to do it instead?
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#5 of 8 Old 06-27-2014, 10:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I feel like I have thrown away the last 12 years of my life to be a SAHM. What has it done for me? How does society take someone like me seriously anymore? Threw away my education and I bring in zero $....all because I thought it was something I should experience.

I am not a strong woman at all.

I guess what I am saying is that I am failing as a human being. How am I setting a good example to my daughters by being financially dependent on my husband who could leave me at anytime if he gets tired of me? I am screwed.

Guess it is time to find a job and work my way up from the ground like I did before kids. While my kids enjoy having me around, many view being a SAHM as lazy, mooching and unproductive. I don't want anyone to think that about me anymore. Being a SAHM IS NOT A PRIVILEGE.

Thank you.
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#6 of 8 Old 06-27-2014, 10:28 PM
 
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These speeches tend to honor people who make a lot of money, are highly educated, or contribute to the arts or a cause in a big way. Parents tend to want their kids to aspire to these things. There are many jobs done by hardworking people that are important to society but just as unlikely to get a person an invitation to speak at a graduation, especially at the high school level because they don't encourage further education. I don't think you should take this as an indication of failure or a need to make a life change.
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#7 of 8 Old 06-28-2014, 08:41 AM
 
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Originally Posted by pepin View Post
I feel like I have thrown away the last 12 years of my life to be a SAHM. What has it done for me? How does society take someone like me seriously anymore? Threw away my education and I bring in zero $....all because I thought it was something I should experience.

I am not a strong woman at all.

I guess what I am saying is that I am failing as a human being. How am I setting a good example to my daughters by being financially dependent on my husband who could leave me at anytime if he gets tired of me? I am screwed
It's so sad that you are going through this. As much as I don't like having to go back to work early I am very happy that I'm going back to my career. I would not want to be a SAHM for longer than a year because of what you describe above. I love my dh to bits and at this point I've accepted that we will likely be together forever (never thought that before as my parents are divorced), but still I would never want to so dependent on a man that I couldn't foresee ever being able to leave. I have a friend who's choosing to be a SAHM and I wonder about that choice, it's so risky. But my friends who choose this mostly hate their jobs, whereas I have an excellent career and would be sacrificing a lot.

But still factually you're wrong that being a SAHM isn't a privilege because for many it is a privilege that they can't afford.

Not to sound naive but are there any work from home opportunities where you are?

I think you should go to counselling, what you're going through sounds pretty serious.
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#8 of 8 Old 06-28-2014, 01:39 PM
 
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I recall hearing about an all-women's school that invited a high-profile woman who was "just" a SAHM to be a commencement speaker and that it got a lot of backlash. I can't remember any more details.

Commencement speakers are usually the school's way of saying "look at the awesome, famous person we can get to speak at our school!". It's not really about the value of the person or their work, it's about how famous they are. I saw someone say that it'd be just as effective if they placed a pile of cash on a pedestal and lit it on fire, and I have to agree. So, no, a SAHM isn't any less inspiring a person- but unless you're a really high profile figure, you're not really what they're looking for because it's not about who's inspiring or who's worked hard, it's about name-dropping.
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