Originally Posted by SexyMama
...Am I being unreasonable?...
In the grand scheme? No. In logistics, maybe a little bit.
I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that your husband's angry outburst at dinner was less a serious defense of him being a year late sewing on the patch, and more an effort to distract you (make you feel as defensive as he did), after he felt ambushed - in front of the kids, at the dinner table - over something he's been blowing off for months and knows he should have done. Does that sound right, knowing him? (When my
husband behaves that way, that's what's going on with him.)
Of course you're right, to have expected him to take care of the patch:
1) Even if other moms - in their own families - might split up volunteer work for the kids differently than you have, it sounds like you were up-front about not having time to do Cub Scouts and your husband agreed to be in charge of it. Sewing on the patches is part of what he took on.
2) It's not like you gave him a hard time for not sewing on the patch the same day your son earned it. He earned it last
3) And if your husband wanted you to sew it - or if he felt your sense of urgency about getting it done before Pinewood was misplaced - he should have said so sometime in the last few months that you've been reminding him about it, not the night before the event.
(Someone suggested the son learn to iron on his own patches? My Girl Scout badges used to be iron-on. Maybe GS badges still are. But my son's Tiger Cub patches are not, and they are difficult to sew. My husband ended up sewing on some of our son's, simply because of the brute manual dexterity required, to get a needle through the d*** things. And because of that, they're time-consuming. I didn't catch the age of the OP's son, but I won't expect mine to sew on his own patches, until he's closer to middle school.
But, again, I don't think your husband was earnestly
suggesting that, between your two part-time jobs, running a GS troop and what you do for the family, you contribute so much less than he does, that any and all tasks he wishes to blow off rightly
become yours by default, at the last minute
. So, you shouldn't waste too much time defending yourself, or seeking validation, on that point. You know
what he said wasn't fair.
If he's the type to get defensive, dodge responsibility, and say mean things, when he feels cornered, then you might be more conscious about not cornering him. After the first couple weeks of him ignoring your notes about the patch, you might have brought it up verbally, in private, when he still had plenty of options about when to get it done. Bringing it up at dinner may have made him feel like a kid being called out for not doing his homework. And bringing it up the night before Pinewood forced him to do it that night
, or come up with some excuse (however flimsy) for not doing it at all. You probably could've handled that part better.
Had you talked with him about it in advance, in private, and he still blew you off, you could've been more direct - still without him feeling publicly humiliated, or under a time crunch: "It's bothering me, for Johnny to go indefinitely without his patches on his uniform. I need you to give me a time when you'll get it done, if I'm going to fight my urge to nag you about it. I'm sure you agree that never
getting the patch on really isn't OK."