sahm and how do i rebuild relationships? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 04-02-2015, 06:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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sahm and how do i rebuild relationships?

I am at my wits end. I have no close friends or family right now. I just don't know how to keep them around. I have had a few close family members over the years but those relationships have waned. My sister and I used to be extremely close until some drama occurred and now it is like we live on distant planets and only converge when our family gets together. I have been burnt and hurt. I am just so bitter i suppose. I have tried to make friends and rebuild friendships but it is so difficult with young children. Some always comes up, illness, unexpected parent 'stuff'. To make matters worse my only potential outlet for friends is church and it is so small we are thinking of leaving. Imagine maybe 3 couples total around my age. I like the people there there just arent enough. I haven't made neighbor friends either. There just isn't much potential. Plus we rent and likely wont stay but plan to stay in the same neighborhood so a good friendship could withstand a mile, lol.

My aunt just moved to the town i live in and I used to be very close to her, we have had 1 double date and that is it. I just feel like no one wants me around. I know having more kids makes it more complicated, but many people know we have at least 1 night from the kids.

I just don't have any authentic relationships atm other than DP and I just feel so alone.

I am thinking I desperately need therapy just for the company. I just don't know how a person like me can ever get back any type of friends or family at this time. I am at a complete loss.

SAHM to DS 10, DSD 8, DD 5 and DSD 5 and waiting for 10/26
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#2 of 6 Old 04-02-2015, 06:56 PM
 
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I'm so so sorry...that is so difficult. Growing up and becoming a mama sure can change things that way. I'm not sure why..it shouldn't, but it does.

I have a few friends I can call on and discuss big things if I need to, but really no fun friendships. This season of my life just doesn't have a lot of extra to give to others outside this home. I also find I am here for others to talk to and seek counsel...but rarely do I get asked how I am.

My husband reminds me that it's good others seek me out to talk to..that I am a good friend and loyal. It used to really hurt, but I know now it's just where I am. Add to the mix that I homeschool and have a lot of children, and I'm really isolated! I'm also not super into technology-Facebook, texting, etc., and unfortunately, that seems to eliminate me as a friend for some folks..just not convenient enough.

An adult friendship that is "deep" takes a lot of work..like a marriage..I would suggest being ready to be the one to do the work, at least at first. You know, invite them over for coffee/tea/lunch/visit whatever. Call, set things up, etc. Put in a lot of effort and see if that can spark a desire on their part to be part of your life once again.

I'm sorry you are going through this and feeling lonely. I pray it gets better for you.

Blessings, mama
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#3 of 6 Old 04-02-2015, 07:09 PM
 
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Honestly, therapy sounds like a good idea because it sounds like you may have some warning signs of depression cropping up.

I've always had a hard time making friends, so I understand where you're coming from. I know that right now I really need to make some friends, but I honestly have no idea how to. It is isolating.

Can you find more potential outlets for friends? Classes/groups/etc? Have you looked on facebook (or this forum!) for local parenting groups? I joined a facebook group for local queer parents and while I haven't made any friends out of it, I've got a sense of community now and they have a few events and meet-ups. We've even been able to go to one.

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#4 of 6 Old 04-16-2015, 12:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sillysapling View Post
Honestly, therapy sounds like a good idea because it sounds like you may have some warning signs of depression cropping up.

I've always had a hard time making friends, so I understand where you're coming from. I know that right now I really need to make some friends, but I honestly have no idea how to. It is isolating.

Can you find more potential outlets for friends? Classes/groups/etc? Have you looked on facebook (or this forum!) for local parenting groups? I joined a facebook group for local queer parents and while I haven't made any friends out of it, I've got a sense of community now and they have a few events and meet-ups. We've even been able to go to one.
I have many times believed I may be depressed, but having a life outside my kids and now dp's is so difficult. I have hobbies but they aren't really social hobbies lol. I used to be much closer to my family and I haven't been able to do much with just the adults much at all.

I have a hard time transitioning. For instance I have dealt with one sprained ankle and 3 sick people in the house in the past two weeks. Everything has been fine the past couple days but I am still mulling around the house trying to get laundry etc caught up and figure out how to get back out with the kids even. I tend to avoid taking the two youngest to shopping places because I have lost my youngest once when I tried taking them to the mall. And tomorrow I have all 4 here which means it is even more difficult, or impossible to do anything outside the home.

I did join a local AP group but I haven't been much the past year. It is mostly facebook posting lol. I definitely plan to join MOPS in the fall. I think that would be really good for me and the two youngest. Forced socialization..

SAHM to DS 10, DSD 8, DD 5 and DSD 5 and waiting for 10/26
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#5 of 6 Old 05-01-2015, 09:00 AM
 
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I'm so sorry you are feeling so alone, it must be very difficult not to have any friends or family around you... But you can develop some relationships if this is what you want. You can find people you can relate to on facebook, mom's groups online, you can even interact with other moms when you go to the playground or to school. You will have to take the first step and also probably be more positive about all this. You know what they say, first you have to like yourself so others can like you too!

Best wishes!
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#6 of 6 Old 05-28-2015, 07:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I do have one potential good friend. Another sahm I met last year at tennis lessons for both our oldest. We are still in that new stage where we just do playdates but I am hoping to build that friendship up with time. Both our older boys are doing tennis lessons again this summer so that is automatic playdates 2 days a week for 4 weeks.

Also my soon to be sister in law asked for playdate in a couple weeks. she lives on the other end of the metro so we likely wont hang out alot but now that her youngest is a toddler it will make it easier for us to get together sometimes.

SAHM to DS 10, DSD 8, DD 5 and DSD 5 and waiting for 10/26
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