losing friendships - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 04-28-2015, 08:24 AM - Thread Starter
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losing friendships

Had a thought this morning....my kids are older now -- 10 & 13 -- and I was remembering back to when they were toddlers. We had joined some play groups and they did preschool...good times.

What makes me sad about that time though is that I gave up on some friendships because it was too much for me to handle. Since I was a SAHM I would get requests to watch kids that were friends of my kids....because the parents knew I was home. Some of my friends returned to work and asked if I could watch their kids before school and after school. At first I thought it was just for a few times but then I realized that it was going to become a routine for them. So, I backed off....and I know it cracked some relationships. And what I also realized is that these parents had nothing to offer me in return. It was as if their friendship just wasn't there anymore....I was a service to them. Which is sad...

A few years ago a Mom tried to drop her kids off before school and have me bring them with mine. My kids were in 5th and 2nd grade. That didn't fly with them and yeah, the relationship with that Mom kind of went cold....oops. When I look back on that now it makes me feel invalidated as a SAHM. It was almost an invasive request to someone like me...although I am kind of an introvert. What I also learned from this is that people like that don't like the word "no".

So glad those days are over...
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#2 of 3 Old 04-29-2015, 09:51 PM
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totally relate to what you wrote about time as a stay at home being taken for granted by some parents who think/thaught a stay-at-home mom would be a "free"-easy solution to THEIR childcare problems/arrangements ... i've met a few of these types of parents over the years ...

this is not going to be made easier by some recent changes regarding before/afterschool on site care of grade school kids .... basically, the fee for the one hour extra care i will need next year on Wedn lunchtimes is going up by 300% ... but it's only one hour and it's the most reasonnably priced of the 4 fee paying slots (kids that age didn't use to go to school on Wedn morning in recent years)

.... it's the whole system that the government has been in the process of changing over the last few years, at state level:

first by changing attendance days (over the last 10 years, skipping the Saturday morning, then introducing the Wednesday morning instead of Saturday for grade school level ...)

then by switching 45 min from each day to the Wednesday morning (reducing the hours per day but still providing SOME of the after school care for free ....)

and finally by making local authority responsible for the before and after school care hours

=> this first year has been a big organisational mess to start with

& now this town authority has just sent out advanced notice of prices for next school year
..... a jaw dropping increase, considering that the before/after school care that used to be free years ago ....all of it is now fee paying and the prices quoted are just insane ..

my youngest is 8 now (siblings are now 14 and 16) and we met yesterday at a park with some other moms i used to hang out A LOT with, .... in the last 4 years - hadn't got round to seeing them for playdates for about 6 months .... i miss the companionship ....

but then, as children get older, their needs change, the family dynamic changes .. circumstances change ... i resented people who tried to used me for free childcare ... but at the same time, i recently missed the companionship of some of the moms i used to hang out with in parks .... maybe they felt that i needed them for "free therapy" ???? ... (yeah .. i talk a lot at times ...)

so my point is .... it's not easy to sort of "be coordinated" within the moms in a group who regularly meet up ... as to when each mom is ready to move on and branch into new family rythms ... due to evolving needs .... this school year, i've had to expand my range a bit ... didn't do it purposefully but knitting and cancer support got entwinded and that is the way i ended up getting to meet up with some "new faces" ....
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#3 of 3 Old 05-01-2015, 08:52 AM
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I am a SAHM too and I was actually thinking about looking after the kids of my friends when they will be returning to work because. But I was thinking and already discussed with them a few times them doing other favors for me like doing all my shopping (i don't have a car) etc. I don't think it's fair to ask someone to look after your kids all the time just because you are friends. If they would hire a nanny, they would have to pay right? So how comes it's ok for them to go to work, earn money and have someone looking after their kids for free?! People are just rude and if willing to do anything to have their way.
I think you don't need these kinds of friends.
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