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Help! I can't keep up!

5K views 14 replies 8 participants last post by  head4thehills 
#1 ·
Judging by the lack of new posts in this forum, I get the feeling that you are all too busy with holiday preparations to talk about how to keep up with holiday preparations, or even regular household tasks. I'm too busy too, but want to take a rare quiet moment to post the question and see if anyone has any advice.

Right now I'm barely keeping up with child care and house care as it is, and I only have 2 children. Add Christmas preparations to the mix, and I really feel like I'm drowning in stuff. Stuff to do, stuff to buy, stuff to make room for, stuff to get rid of. You name it. I love the Christmas season, and love to make our home all festive, but feel so frustrated that I don't have enough time for it all.

The house is so dirty because I can't even run a vacuum over our rugs, floors, windowsills, etc. The children, who are 2 and 5, go into crying fits if they see me even look sideways at the vacuum. I've only used it once in the past year, because I just can't get a moment at home when they are not with me. DH is far too busy to do anything with them right now, short of a little time while I make supper, or tidy up after supper. He'd like to spend more time with them, but right now he just can't. I thank my lucky stars I he's able to give me any time at all, given all that he has to do, but of course it's not nearly enough to even start the cleaning I need to do.

And messes are made faster than I can clean them up. Books fly off of shelves. Toys out of boxes. Dishes pile up as fast as I can wash them. Outerwear spills off the overloaded coat tree. I've run out of space on high shelves or above the fridge to put off-limits objects, and DS knows how to get to them anyway. I'm tempted to just throw stuff out, but I'd rather sort through it and organize a bit. I feel a desperate need to declutter, get rid of, or temporarily store away, stuff we're not using or clothes they've outgrown, tidy up shelves, clean grunge and dust bunnies out of corners, and organize our spaces so we can be more efficient. I want to create space to do more homeschooling activities with DS, who is now at Kindergarten age. I know I won't be able to do all the things I'd like to do right now, but I'd like to alleviate that feeling that we're drowning in stuff.

Is there any way to do this, when your young children are always with you? I'm always behind on my work and never seem to have quality time with my children. I feel that if I stop even for a minute, the piles will become mountains, then avalanches. It really interferes with my ability to give the children my undivided attention.

Sorry that this post isn't so very well composed. Just trying to get this out there while I do have a minute!
 
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#3 ·
Not a lot of time right now but I feel the exact same way! Completely out of control! I want to completely purge all nonessential items from my home. I actually just had a total meltdown a few nights ago about all of it. There's so much to do it makes my head all swimmy and I get paralyzed. Sigh. I'd love some tips for getting control.
 
#4 ·
Well, it's good to know I'm not the only one feeling this way. Helps me feel a little less crazy. There's no one at fault for things being the way they are right now; everyone is doing their best, and would do more if they could. But it's frustrating and discouraging to go through the same hassles every day. I just feel it's keeping us from enjoying family life as much as we could. And I find myself wondering every day if there's something wrong with me, that I can't keep everything in order the way other moms seem to do. I don't think I do nearly as much extra stuff with my children, such as swim lessons, gymnastics, sports teams, etc etc that other families do. I can't imagine keeping them to that kind of schedule at this stage. Just getting DS dressed is a daily challenge. He resists my every effort to get us ready to go anywhere, even places he wants to go to. He's just too busy playing in his imaginary world.
Both DH and I adore our kids; they are our joy and happiness, and are super entertaining to be around. I don't want to leave them to someone else's care, even for a little while. As ordered as my life was before they entered it, I felt it wasn't as complete as it is now. But I'm just exhausted by the endless cleaning, disaster-control, and lack of peace and quiet in my day, and I'm tired of always feeling like I'm not doing a good enough job. It would also help me to feel better to fit a little more self-care into my day. Usually I don't get to do more than run a brush through my hair and splash some water on my face. I've never been a high-maintenance kind of person, but I don't like feeling so grungy every day.
OK, enough complaining for now. I'm sure things are getting better. DS has started to help me with the dishes in the evening. I give him the non-sharp, non-breakable dishes to dry and put away. He actually tells me it's fun to do this work. So maybe there's hope for our future yet!
BTW, I use a non-electrical carpet sweeper on our rugs. DS usually takes that out of my hands too, and starts pushing it around when he sees me using it. It doesn't do as thorough a job as a proper vacuum, and can't get into the corners, windowsills or baseboards, but it's better than nothing, I suppose. One day I'll pull out that vacuum and use it whether they cry over it or not. It's not very loud at all, and just like the power mixer, they will get used to it. It's just been difficult to find a time to do this, when DH is doing a lot of his work from home, and needs to be able to talk on the phone without too much noise around him.
 
#5 ·
Do you live somewhere that it doesn't matter how loud you are? The vacuum might be easier for the kids to deal with if you blast the TV on a show that they like. Or let the 5 year old do some of the vacuuming, since he likes the carpet sweeper he might get into using the big vacuum too? Maybe they'd tolerate it better if they wore ear muffs or head phones? My 4 year old shuts herself in her room while I vacuum, and she is okay as long as I don't go near her. Would your kids sleep through if you started the vacuum after tehy are in bed? I hate doing housework in the evening so I'd consider this a last resort but I have used the blender after my 4 year old is in bed and she sleeps through that.

It might help to write it down on a list. Sometimes when I'm overwhelmed I don't realize I'm cycling through the same 5 or 6 jobs in my head. Once they're listed I find it easier to knock them out one by one.

Is there a clothing donation bin or thrift store anywhere near your house or anywhere that you go to, like your grocery store? I take just one grocery bag full of outgrown clothes to the bin when we go to the gas station. The bag gets filled as you do laundry, and it practically takes no time to fill a grocery bag. It seems like it would be more efficient to go through and get rid of everything at once but that is so daunting I avoid doing the job at all that way. And it just needs to be done all over again in a few months anyway, so it's easier to just not ever really stop.
 
#6 ·
I am the queen of purging. Purge purge purge. I did when the kids were little, keep a bin of preschool work I would want to keep. I have a couple bins I filed away in a spare closet of their work. I threw the rest away. Sorry kids. We also used the Expedit shelves from Ikea and cute fabric bins from Target. I threw toys in there. I tried to keep them organized, but really most of the time I was chucking everything in the bins to get them off the floor. Every month or so I would reorganize the bins so they were mostly in an order (blocks with blocks, legos together, vehicles in one bin, action figures/my little ponies, etc in another). I called my house "organized chaos" because there was always stuff in piles everywhere. heh.

But yes, it was messy in our house for a while! I always vacuumed though. We had cats when the kids were little. Then 6 years ago got a dog and had cats. Not vacuuming is not an option for me. We now have 2 dogs and three cats. If I don't vacuum it gets to be HAIRY. And gross. If they didn't let me vacuum, I would distract the kids with something or give them a snack or put on a show for a moment or carry the youngest while I vacuumed. I also picked one thing to focus on. Bathrooms one day.. vacuum the upstairs one day, the downstairs another.. etc. That way everything didn't pile up into one big mess that took all day to clean. And kids can help clean up toys. They can help empty the dishwasher.

My kids are school age and I still do that. And my house is not like something out of a magazine. But that's because of pets, not kids.. okay, it's because of pets and kids. They leave their clothes and socks laying everywhere, I pick them up and throw them in a bin until I feel like taking it downstairs. My couch is covered in dog hair. Oh well. I love my dogs. My glass coffee table, GLASS, I bought a GLASS coffee table? Is constantly covered in finger prints and dog nose prints and various charging cables from electronics. And my fancy modern bar in the living room has DD2's tooth experiment on it (baby teeth in soda to see which soda is worse) and my kitchen table is currently covered in DD1's school stuff and DD2 and her friend's experiment with paper and a bowl of water with food coloring in it. ::shrug:: Mess means we live in the house and have fun in it. Don't give yourself a hard time. We all stand in the middle of the room sometimes and feel overwhelmed by the mess. Take a deep breath and 1. go for a walk with the kids 2. tackle one thing 3. know we've all been there!
 
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#7 ·
I could have written this post myself! The only difference is I would have been venting about how DH is far too busy in a more annoyed tone. My coping method is to just keep telling myself it is temporary. The kids will get older and it will all be easier.

However, I have a friend who is a single mama, at-home parent and working from home who is trying to find some real ways to cope with the same kind of stuff. She lives in a different location from me unfortunately but her idea is to organize a network of moms to help each other out - e.g., one mom watches kids for 1 or 2 families at a time and they take turns to help each other get more time to catch up on things.
 
#8 ·
I could have written this post myself! The only difference is I would have been venting about how DH is far too busy in a more annoyed tone. My coping method is to just keep telling myself it is temporary. The kids will get older and it will all be easier.

However, I have a friend who is a single mama, at-home parent and working from home who is trying to find some real ways to cope with the same kind of stuff. She lives in a different location from me unfortunately but her idea is to organize a network of moms to help each other out - e.g., one mom watches kids for 1 or 2 families at a time and they take turns to help each other get more time to catch up on things.
 
#9 ·
That's a great idea! I'd love to start up something like that here, if only I were a better organizer of such things.
To be honest, I'm more annoyed with DH's "too busy-ness" than I let on. Trying not to vent on him too much, because I know what his day is all about. Just wish he knew what my day is like, how it feels to try to run the household, when the kids are with you 24/7 and you don't own a TV. I'm glad we don't do TV, cos I'd rely on it wayyyyyy too much to occupy them. But DH thinks that every day is like Sunday (any Morrissey fans here?) for me. Sure it is! I work just as hard on Sunday as I do every other day of the week. So does he, and he gets testy about it. But he doesn't understand what I have to complain about.
Hoping to get a day this weekend where I can clear everyone out of the house, vacuum, wash the floors, and reduce the clutter enough for us to fit a Christmas tree into the living room. That may be wishful thinking... DH's plans for a day-trip to the city may not happen, and my parents don't know what to do with the kids to keep them occupied for more than a few hours. I also don't know when I'm going to be able to do my Santa work, since DD won't stay asleep unless she's attached to me. My car trunk is overflowing with stuff and I don't know where to put it.
I know it will get better, but right now it's a difficult, frustrating time. I want to do so much, but just can't. Hard to enjoy the Christmas season like this.
Anyway, gotta run. Thanks so much for your comments, advice and commiseration. Keep it coming. Feel free to vent in this thread. We all need to let off some steam sometimes.
 
#10 ·
I feel like this too! Since having my youngest who is such a high needs lo demands a lot of attention, sleeps very little, I could go on... I just don't get the time to do any deep cleaning anymore. When she sleeps I HAVE to try sleep myself to catch up a little. I'm sleep deprived so have low energy as it is, sleep has to come before doing the dishes some times.

Lo doesn't like the vacuum either, I carry lo with one arm while vacuuming with the other arm, not easy but I couldn't not do it. Luckily my oldest is now able to do the dishes and vacuum some times, even play with lo while I do something quick, but I try not to ask too often.

My cupboards are bursting with 'stuff' but I cant find the free time or summon the extra energy to begin going through it at this point. Hard enough just getting through each day with low energy. Best not to compare yourself with others too, easier said than done, everyone's in a different situation and facing struggles of their own even if you can't see them. I so hear you though
 
#11 ·
Just good to know I'm not alone in this! Feeling better about it lately. And DS has been a good helper lately. He's now my dish-washing buddy after supper most evenings. He tackles the pots and pans, and other non-sharp, non-breakables. DD sits on the floor and plays at this time, so the evening dish washing session has been a little less stressful for me lately.
I still have the urge to do a major purge, but think it's best if I tackle it bit by bit, like just one drawer at a time! Have to work on balancing the housework with doing activities with the kids. I feel like they aren't getting enough enriching activity or attention if I'm too focused on chores. Helps to find ways to include them.

Happy New Year, everyone! I'm resolving to be the best mom I can be, rather than the best housekeeper!
 
#12 ·
I am overwhelmed too. My 5 year old turned 6 last week. And I have a 2.5 year old and two 5 month old twins. The days are endless baby-care: diapers, nursing, spitting up, trying to get naps to happen. The house is a disaster. I don't have time to toilet train the toddler, even though she is ready. I am trying to homeschool the 6 year old. We have too much stuff, so I know we need to get rid of a lot of stuff, but when does that happen? My kids also hate the vacuum cleaner. It is so crazy right now! I do realize that getting rid of stuff needs to be a priority because I think that will help me mentally. I often wonder if our place is too small but I am not sure if a bigger place is the answer. We are 6 people in 1200 square feet, which isn't crazy, but there is so little storage. I dream of storage space, but instead I know I just need to own less.
 
#13 ·
My DH and I agreed today to stop thinking about the decluttering as an all or nothing thing and start just doing it, a little at a time. I tend to declutter but save the stuff for some future potential - a yard sale, Craigslist, refurbishing it somehow, or I just feel environmentally squeamish about the landfill. All the decluttered stuff ends up in a huge heap in our attic and prevents us from actually making an organized space in our home. Our house is also small and we definitely have too much stuff. I'm dying to create usable storage zones for regular but lesser used things in the attic and basement, but when??????

SplashingPuddles, take heart. You have dual five month olds. That pressure is sure to let up, at least a bit, over the next few months.
 
#14 ·
My DH and I agreed today to stop thinking about the decluttering as an all or nothing thing and start just doing it, a little at a time.
Thank you! This was super helpful and just knocked some common sense into my head. DH and I bicker over this all the time. I pile things that I am saving for one friend with a younger girl, another friend with a younger boy, etc. and then some to go to donation, and some to sell. Every once in awhile DH gets annoyed by the clutter (to the poster of 6 in 1200 sq ft, we are 4 in 1200 sq ft with no storage space so I can only imagine) and in frustration says he is going to take it all over to Goodwill. I get annoyed because I am trying to sort properly and send to different places but I appreciate your point about just starting a little at a time. Next time instead of being annoyed with him I am going to just give whatever I have ready to donate and let him take it :)
 
#15 ·
I normally enjoy cleaning, organizing and decluttering, and I think I'm pretty good at it. But I find it impossible to do this when the children are at home with me. Usually, while I'm focused on cleaning up one area, they're making a huge mess somewhere else. Or they literally throw themselves in the middle of whatever I'm doing and mess up the order I was trying to create. By the end of the day I'm mentally exhausted from multi-tasking, feeling guilty that I haven't been paying enough attention to them, and disappointed in the persistent dirt and clutter in the home. To top it off, we are in the process of moving house and I have to take care of all the packing and organizing. Luckily my mother said she could look after the children while I put in some hours of packing and cleaning by myself this week. Looking forward to that, especially running the vacuum without DD being scared out of her wits. But it's still a challenge to organize. Also have to make sure DH's needs are taken care of, as he's handling all the big stuff with this move. Hoping our new place offers more space to keep messes contained and everything organized. I'd hate to see it become just a bigger clutter that is even harder to keep up with!

Must keep a positive attitude, though. I'm very happy about this move and I know it will get better soon. We'll definitely be less cramped for space.
 
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