i want to talk to sahms with kids in school... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 18 Old 03-25-2005, 02:09 AM - Thread Starter
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i've been thinking about what i want to do after both kids are in school (dd will probably start montessori in a year and a half, more or less), which started me thinking about the future and what i want to do. i didn't have a career before i became a mother, i was a student. i've been asking around about different jobs that i might be interested in and now i want to ask some questions to sahms with older kids to get an idea of what it is like.

here are some questions:

what's a typical day like? also, do you do any part time work or volunteer work?

what are the pros and cons?

ok, i can't think of many questions :LOL

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#2 of 18 Old 03-25-2005, 04:23 AM
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I keep thinking I'll get a job of some kind when Jessie is in school, but I don't know what kind.
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#3 of 18 Old 03-25-2005, 11:33 PM - Thread Starter
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where am i? i can't find the SAHMing forum, and i'm wondering if others can't either....
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#4 of 18 Old 04-07-2005, 10:46 PM
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Hi there Mamaley,

I've found this SAHMing forum only by 'acciden't -after reading your other post about it!

Unfortunately I can't answer you your question as my DD is only 3 and once little Mason is born I'll have my hands full again anyways, with both of them! :LOL

I think when they're both in school I'd like to work something part time. I used to work at a cardiological clinic as a nurse & assistant, but since I'm very into fitness, yoga, healthy eating etc. I'd be more interested in becoming a certified personal trainer! I know I'd study for that at home... we'll see how far my dreams come true. Right now my biggest dream, having a 2nd child, a boy, came true and I can't wait until we have him and we're a family of 4!

Have a good night! -Let's see if some more mommies are going to find that forum here!

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#5 of 18 Old 04-08-2005, 10:16 PM
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I always thought I'd have tons of extra time one my kids were in school. It turns out I don't really. I do laundry, clean the kitchen, vacuum, grocery shop, exciting stuff like that! I do have time to volunteer at the school, occasionally meet a friend for coffee or go to the gym. but it's hard for me to imagine squeezing in a career on top of everything else. I like to be home when they get home at 2:00. I get to go on school field trips, and help with homework. The kids have lots of freedom to have friends over afterschool, or go to the park, or whatever.
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#6 of 18 Old 04-18-2005, 08:44 AM
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I've been a SAHM for about ten years now. Gosh, that makes me feel old! BUT, I won't be a non-working SAHM for much longer. I've baby-sat for the last six years, right now I have him full-time because his mommy is deployed. It's been great to have some "extra" money (is there really any such thing as "extra" money?!) - but I've been a *single* SAHM now for almost two years, so as you can imagine, things are extremely tight financially.

A friend is opening a preschool/child care center this summer, and I'm going to be the "financial guru" - collecting, recording, and depositing tuition, paying bills, doing payroll, all of that kind of thing. I'll be doing all of the shopping, writing the monthly newsletter, doing flyers for special programs, applying for grants, and pretty much anything else that comes up on the office end of the coin.

Come September my oldest two and the one I baby-sit will be in school full-time, I'll work from home 95% of the time, and when I do have to spend time at the center, my littlest one will get to go to class for free. *Fingers Crossed* that everything works out the way it's supposed to - it would really lift my spirits to be a bit more financially independent, and not have to rely on my STBX to take care of us.

When I'm working, will I still be considered a SAHM?!
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#7 of 18 Old 04-18-2005, 09:24 AM
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what's a typical day like?

There is no typical day. Some days are boring at home (or you could say peaceful.) Sometimes that's nice if things have been busy.

also, do you do any part time work or volunteer work?

Sometimes yes, and hobbies, hanging out with friends. The school for some becomes a place to hangout with the other moms and help out the school, but I don't feel like I fit in there. And there are also volunteer opportunities away from the school of course.

But you know what? Even though the kids are at school sometimes I don't have time to do any volunteer work or work outside the home at all!!!

what are the pros and cons?

Numerous pros. Freedom and flexibility. Quality of life issues. Freedom to be home when your child is sick without worrying about letting your boss down.

Freedom to be home with your child in summer and spend lots of time outside (although day cares do have field trips in the summer)

When kids are too old for child care at around age 12 or 13 and up, peace of mind about where they are and what they are doing between 2:00 and dinnertime (although they will have their own lives and won't ALWAYS be home.)

Freedom to pursue your passions whether for their own sake, or to lead to a career. (Positions on committees at school, at La Leche League, or classes you take etc.)

Freedom to homeschool if you desire, or to bring your schooled child to classes that you could not enroll them in if you were working full time (exercise, the arts, religious education if that appeals to you, or whatever their passion is...filling in the gaps of what budget cuts have eliminated in your town.)

insecurities about whether you are making money, contributing to retirement and college, whether your own skills are getting rusty.

Guilt about a messy house because you are home and they are at school so the house should be PERFECT right??? (Look where trying to be perfect got Martha Stewart....)

Lack of respect and stereotypes (I am not a "soccer mom") from some other parents (not all!!!) (Then again WOHM's get stereotyped too...ALL women do.)

Sometimes getting taken for granted.

Boredom, isolation if you aren't proactive.

Messages from the media that you are invisible and don't exist because you will always hear "these days most moms cannot stay home..."

A book I recommend is by Tolliver, called At Home Motherhood making it work for you.
May be out of print.

Take the time to heal from your marriage before you move on with someone else. Make a list of all the qualities you would like in a new partner and then work on growing that way yourself. ~mandib50
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#8 of 18 Old 04-18-2005, 09:42 AM
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Treading gently here, as i do work outside the home on thursdays and fridays. Before that, i have worked only nights and weekends so i am available for my children during the schoolday (and my husband was home during the times i was working).

Whew, got that out of the way!

In my little world, i found it harder to work as they got older, not easier. And like many of the moms here who would never dream of leaving their infants, i never left my middle schoolers....and my daughter who is a senior, needs me as much now as when she was a baby!

I do alot of volunteering at my youngests elementary school. I tutor, do crossing guard, and playground duty for recess. I also enjoy, after almost 18 years of being a mom, a few hours to myself. I am busy most times, an sometimes i am not. I also go to lunch with a friend every tuesday.
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#9 of 18 Old 04-18-2005, 09:49 AM
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Now that they'll all be in school next fall...

I'm going back to school...part-time, to earn a Masters.
I'd like dh to have a chance to 'stay home' with the kids.
My plan is to have a career and financially support our family in 5 years.
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#10 of 18 Old 04-18-2005, 10:20 AM
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I am a stay at home mom with kids in school. I have had little luck finding a job that would let me work 9-3, weekdays with summers off. I worked at the local preschool one year, but got so sick that I could not face doing it again.

I volunteer at the kid's school, I volunteer at the science museum, I run a new mom's support group at the local hospital one morning a week.

I attend lectures and concerts to keep my mind nimble for myself, hubby and the kids. I sometimes take classes of potery, painting or belly dancing. It's wonderful to keep exploring with your mind and helps me stay young. I help my friends with their garden issues. I love to go to the thrift store.

I try to find a balance between my doing all the housework and the kids learning how to keep house. Cooking dinner every night gets me down sometimes. I love the warm weather so I can serve salads or simple things.

My big treat is to take myself to lunch with a friend or a new novel once in a while.

I love my life and I'm very happy to be the one who greets the kids off the school bus and helps with homework. I love being the house that other kids love to come to.
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#11 of 18 Old 04-18-2005, 01:43 PM
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What a timely topic for me! My oldest 2 have been in full-day school for a while now, and my youngest has been going 5 1/2 days with the possibility of attending full-day preschool this fall. I just realized that I've been home for nearly 7 years, and I thought I was eager to start working in the "real world" again. But I'm seeing a couple of pros/cons myself. While the extra money would be great, I'd need to have a very flexible schedule as youngest dd has special needs/medically complex. I also really like being home when the older ones get here because I find they are more eager to talk to me then. The summers, too, would be an issue. Most summer camps here are expensive, and dd is too involved to be in daycare. Dh and I are trying to give it another year before my working becomes a real issue. He's extremely supportive of my SAHM (probably more than me somedays!), and has been willing to make lots of financial sacrifices in order for this to work for us.

Okay, so my point here? When dd#3 does eventually go to full-day school, I'd like to work a flexible and/or part-time schedule. I like having time to do my volunteer work and keep our home running relatively smoothly. Dh likes not having to call in sick when kids are home from school -- and even without sick days, we've got snow days, teacher days, 1/2 days, etc. Full-time employment will come, and if it were financially very necessary, I'd do whatever needed to be done. At this point, though, I can't see that benefiting my family right now.
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#12 of 18 Old 04-19-2005, 03:18 AM
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Well, I didn't know what I wanted to do so we had another baby. :LOL I figured that since I was at home anyway and the girls would be starting school it would be a good time.

I have been dealing with issues lately. I find I am loosing my own identity. What do I want to be when I grow up? I want to be there for my kids when they need me. I want my dh to be able to pursue his career without me hindering it (he needs to be able to travel freely). I have decided I need to go to University. I have found a great program called Weekend University where I can work on a Bachelor of General Studies degree with a minor in English. I have always wanted to go to university and study English. I have always wanted to be a writer. That's what I'm going to do. Dh and I had a nice long chat about it tonight. I need something for myself. Something that can help me grow and develop my own self, while still being available to my family. I think it's important. I don't think a career or working is nessesarily important to a SAHM, but not loosing who you are is. I want to teach my children that learning and growing doesn't ever stop.

I don't think that a job is the answer for everyone. I do think it's important to find something outside of the house that interests you and can help you to continue to develop and grow.
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#13 of 18 Old 04-19-2005, 11:01 AM
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I do some volunteer work.

I do some housework.

I help my parents with stuff they need help with (they aren't getting any younger).

I grocery shop, go to the dry cleaners, go to the library, etc.

And sometimes,

I do nothing. :
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#14 of 18 Old 04-19-2005, 02:14 PM
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As of sept, I'll only have 1 at home and then in 2 years she'll be at school too.
Dh and I have talked about what to do then. So far we feel that me continuing to sah would be best. Unless of course we change our minds before then. :LOL ....anyway, one of our reasons is for our older kids. I totally agree with this:
i never left my middle schoolers....and my daughter who is a senior, needs me as much now as when she was a baby!
They dont need you less when they get older, they just need you in different ways, KWIM?

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#15 of 18 Old 04-20-2005, 12:10 AM
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ds1 just started montessori in Feb. I really like the school and so does he. And its public, we are truly blessed to get him in =) in my time i do the following
I go to college
Homework,playdate,walk,MDC,Cook,clean,laundry,clea n the car
swimlessons, tee-ball, putting laundry away. Belive me how much you can actually get done. You might actually have time to have lunch with an old friend

We may not have it all together, but together we have it all , Loving their daddy, my hubby, our soldier
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#16 of 18 Old 04-20-2005, 01:38 AM
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Dd1 will be starting school in September. Which will leave me time for some one on one with Dd2. When they are both in school, I don't know...hopefully I won't spend my time cleaning house or doing chores. I'd like to have coffee, read, paint, go thrift store shopping, walk along the railroad tracks, hike in the mountains. Or I may get lonely and decide to have another baby...

"The best things in life aren't things."

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#17 of 18 Old 04-20-2005, 12:15 PM
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My oldest is only 3, so I'm not quite there yet.

I would like to homeschool, but am also considering private school. If both girls attend school full-time, I still plan to stay home. I would consider very-part-time work, but I feel it will be important to remain home for most of the day. I want to be able to drive the kids to school, pick them up, volunteer in the classroom, be on the school board, watch their school plays and concerts (when I was a kid these activities were always in the middle of the day; working parents could not be there), and be available to drive them to places they want to go after school.

I also want the home to be ready for them when they come home. I want them coming home to a clean house and a nice snack. If they bring friends over, those friends' parents can know there will be an adult at home. Also, if they need to stay home due to illness, I want to be there with them. So I don't plan on working again until they are old enough to stay by themselves.

But, I suppose in between all the chores and school stuff, I'd spend the day shopping and gabbing with my friends.
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#18 of 18 Old 04-20-2005, 06:16 PM
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I've been a sahm for 16 years now.

I had planned to go back to work part-time when ds#2 was in school all day, but became ill with MCS ( multiple chemical sensitivies) and that was no longer an option.

On the other hand, I am here whenever my dc's get sick, am home for half-days, school breaks ( including summer break) and am here when they get home from school each day. For quite awhile we had lots of kids at our house...now the neigborhood kids have pretty much grown up.

I have been well enough to do some volunteer work at their schools.

Besides that my days are filled with the usual laundry, errands, running dc's places they need to go, some cleaning ( I am a casual housekeeper ) lunch with dh, reading, gardening, movies, naps and...oh, some really good things...browsing at the library by myself, going to the coffeeshop by myself, grocery shopping by myself and long, hot showers or baths where I get to shave both legs! :LOL

I do wish I had a friend who was a sahm, too, because I would LOVE to "do lunch." :

I am mostly okay with it...still sometimes struggle with feeling pressured by our culture to work cuz my dc's are both in school. I feel this pressure even though I am sick...like I should find a job I can do at home. But truthfully, I worked so hard when they were little...I am enjoying the change of pace. Somedays are still hectic with appointments and errands and such...but some days are nice and easy and I try to enjoy them.

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." -Plato
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