Would anyone else like to SAH forever? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums
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#61 of 90 Old 05-10-2005, 08:04 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Saudades
Me! I have no intention of returning to work, so long as I'm able to stay home. I wasn't working before I got pregnant. I'd taken a couple years off and found it very fulfilling to be a SAH wife, which was quite a shock to me after my feminist training in graduate school. But, hey, motherhood is a feminist issue, too. Ooops, sorry, digressing into my own issues.
Ha ha ha, stay at home wifes are very seldom indeed thesen days.I only know 2 of those and they do have to hear weird comments at times.
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#62 of 90 Old 05-10-2005, 08:48 PM
 
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Originally Posted by edamommy
Okay, when it's time for grandkids- I'll gladly re-become a sahgm! But, before having a child we both worked full time and I also cooked from scratch (is there another way?) and gardened and kept house! Actually, better on all fronts then I do being at home full time with baby now! lol!
see, this is my question about all this... does society really welcome women to SAH? There's the rising "excuse" of having children, and perhaps later grandchildren, but there still seems to be this attitude that it's not enough to "just" stay home, and that if a woman "can" work, she certainly ought to once her kids are in school or out of the house. It's actually very surprising to find SAH wives who don't have children at home. "What do they do all day?"

I was watching Judge Judy today (maybe SHE is my bonbon) and oh oh boy does she dislike SAHMs! She told this one woman that if she could lift a 13 pound baby then she could get a job.

I think there's a difference between staying home with your kid/s because you know it's best for them-- and staying a home because of this AND because that is what you feel as a woman or whatever you were meant to do. It used to be sort of a sad thing for a married woman or mother to have to work.

So yeah, there's definitely a gap between the women who feel they should work when the kids are older because otherwise they'd "just" be staying at home, and the ones who feels it's their vocation, kids or not, to SAH. In fact my sis called me in a panic last night trying to get me brainstorm jobs for her, since her kids are getting older. I just told her to keep staying at home, not to worry about it. No, they're not rich, but they're not going to starve either. It's like she felt all this pressure from within herself and from society to get a job once all her kids were in school. I just don't get that, I can't wrap my mind around it.
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#63 of 90 Old 05-10-2005, 09:08 PM
 
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If it's OK to wax philosophical, it depends on how you define work. My primary work, now and for the last 20 something years, is raising my kids. Most of the time I have been able to stay at home to do this. When that priority is gone (one assumes they will grow up someday), I could see myself working outside. But my focus is never likely to be the paycheck - I hope to find something that I feel equally passionate about. I am going to school now for a degree in International Public Health, with the plan of volunteering full-time and permanently in the field of women's and children's health issues in developing countries,as my personal variation on "retirement". So in the traditional sense, I don't see myself ever "going back to work". But, as with SAHMing, that doesn't mean I won't be working!

How exactly I expect to pay off these student loans is another question.

Rhu - mother,grandmother,daughter,sister,friend-foster,adoptive,and biological;not necessarily in that order. Some of it's magic, some of it's tragic, but I had a good life all the way (Jimmy Buffet)

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#64 of 90 Old 05-10-2005, 09:23 PM
 
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I don't have any particular plans to return to paid work. I don't rule it out, but I'm not actively planning on it either.

It seems to me that there are a lot of benefits to staying home even after the kids are in school. There's never any worry about what happens when kids are sick, school is closed, etc. You know what the kids are up to after school and in the summer, because you're actively involved in whatever it is.

Plus I think staying out of the workforce provides more opportunities for volunteer work, something our society is seriously lacking in right now. I did take 3 months off from volunteering around the birth of my daughter, but I'm right back in the swing of it now, and I'm sure I'll find new opportunities to volunteer as my daughter gets older!

Sonja , 40, married to DH (42) since 5-29-93, DD born 11-3-2004, DS born 1-18-2007.
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#65 of 90 Old 05-10-2005, 09:25 PM
 
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Originally Posted by meowee
It's like she felt all this pressure from within herself and from society to get a job once all her kids were in school. I just don't get that, I can't wrap my mind around it.
I wonder if it has something to do with the American culture's obsession with money and material things. Here, earning extra money, having fancy cars and other toys, is so important to people. I think people forget that just living life can be fulfilling. I mean, if a person gets fulfillment from their job more than from staying home once their kids are gone, then, by all means, do that job. But, my job wasn't fulfilling, despite all the training I had to do to get there.

When I'm done parenting a child at home, I don't think we'll need a second income. And if I can fill my days making a home and a nice life for my family, I don't think I'll regret that on my deathbed, much less when I'm actually in the process of doing it. Sorry, Im getting redundant.
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#66 of 90 Old 05-10-2005, 11:15 PM
 
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If you don't need a second income while you have kids to support, why would you need one when you don't have to support them?

I think the SAHWife is a respectable, enviable position.
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#67 of 90 Old 05-11-2005, 02:56 AM
 
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I plan on going back to work, although I don't know if it will be full-time. I went back to work part-time when my dd turned 2 and it really felt like the best of both worlds to me. I got to make money, socialize, keep my resume up to date and my dd got to play and have fun but not to the point of burnout due to long hours.

We recently moved for my dh's job and I'm once again a full-time SAHM and we're TTC#2. I told him that if we're not pg by the end of summer that I will find part-time work again and put my (at that point) 4 yr. old dd in preschool. We wanted our kids spaced far apart for several reasons, one of which was the fact that daycare/preschool would be more affordable that way. I plan on staying home for 2 years with the next baby and then easing my way back into the work force. I'm strongly considering working in the same school district as my child/children so that I would have all of the same days off or something along those lines.
For me, I want to work outside of the home for a lot of reasons but chief among them is retirement. I want to be able to retire and live comfortably. I don't want to spend my golden years poor or a burden on my children; I want to travel and be able to afford any healthcare that I may need. In addition, should my dh die early or we get divorced, I want to be able to make it on my own as a single parent and keeping my job skills current is a key part of that.
Lastly (yes, there is an end in sight to my ramblings,lol!) I'm just not particularly domestic. I'm sure I could find a lot to do around the home once the kids are in school full-time but I can't think of anything I'd want to devote all of that time too. Of course, we all know what happens to the best laid plans of mice and men so I'm open to whatever may comes our way.

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#68 of 90 Old 05-11-2005, 10:39 AM
 
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What I don't want to do ever again is work for someone else. I left the work world at 29, and consider that to be my retirement.
I'll keep on writing and have toyed with the idea of opening up an children's boutique when the baby is a bit older - dh is retiring soon, so we'll always have at least one SAHP.
But as far as being a "captive employee" - well, that's not in my cards. One exception... I would get a p/t job at Whole Foods for the discount!
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#69 of 90 Old 05-11-2005, 03:47 PM
 
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I don't ever want to go back to work and have no desire to use my Marketing degree. I will stay hom until my kids are older and then I will stay busy volunteering for causes that mean a lot to me. I've thought about becoming a LC so I guess that's also a possibility.
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#70 of 90 Old 05-11-2005, 03:54 PM
 
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You know, I know many women who plan on being or would like to be a sahm forever. I think it's great!
Personally, I would go crazy. I want a career. I feel like I've been called to be a sahm for now, but I'm also finishing my degree right now and plan to use it someday for a job that I feel like i'm suppose to be doing in addition to being a mother.

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#71 of 90 Old 05-12-2005, 12:53 AM
 
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I would like to return to school one day- as i only have a year and a half to finish- but being a SAHM and wife is my first priority. It's funny- when I went off to college I was a Musical Theatre Major/dance minor. I have been singing, dancing, acting my whole life. and the last show I was ever in my director said that I would either hit the big time, or I would fall in love and have children and never turn back. When I found out I was pregnant with my 1st I fired my agent, got married and am living happily. I miss the stage, but now I am performing for a much more important crowd-my husband and 2 beautiful daughters. I went back to school when I found out I was pregnant with my second for a semester. I changed my major to dance studies...so I can be a dance teacher if I ever need to have an income. And maybe one day the little studio I build for myself after I get out of college and the kids are older, I'll turn it into a performing arts school- but it will have everything. Dance, voice, acting, writing, art, design...etc. But I do know that I will be a SAHM for a VERY long time. I wouldn't have it any other way.
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#72 of 90 Old 05-12-2005, 09:07 PM
 
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Absolutely no interest in being a housewife -- to stay at home without small children to take care of would not be my cup of tea. Plus, naturally, I'd like to have a paycheck again. I think it is more fair to Mr. Bleu to keep him from always having the pressure of being the sole sourse of income for the family.

I plan to finish my degree and to return to FTE once my kids (the actual one and the planned one) are big enough to leave. I have no idea when that will be, exactly. Once the littlest is in school all day, I definitely plan to work full-time. But between now and then, I envision a slow segue into the the workforce -- like maybe some retail hours around the holidays when Mr. Bleu's home with Bleuet, maybe some temp work, maybe some contract work with organizations I have connections with.
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#73 of 90 Old 05-18-2005, 04:13 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamarhu
I could see myself working outside. But my focus is never likely to be the paycheck - I hope to find something that I feel equally passionate about. I am going to school now for a degree in International Public Health, with the plan of volunteering full-time and permanently in the field of women's and children's health issues in developing countries,as my personal variation on "retirement".
I secretly dream of studying political sciences or something like that once "I'm done"
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#74 of 90 Old 10-31-2005, 03:45 PM
 
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ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh yes !
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#75 of 90 Old 11-11-2005, 07:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Zack419
I have no intentions of going back to work As a matter of fact, I want 12 kids and I want to homeschool them all and I want to live on 40 acres of land w/ an oraganic garden that supplies ALL the produce we need and some livestock, chickens maybe, and I want my children to run around barefoot in the grass and how can I enjoy all of that if I'm working?? Who will care for my chickens and my garden?? Who will teach my children about the world around them, even as adults when they're entering a whole NEW world?? If I'm at work when they're adults, they would have to call me at the office and "disturb" me and I would feel guilty that I wasn't there to answer their questions. So....

I'm staying home forever.
thats EXACTLY what i want. well not with 12. but maybe 5.
we plan on home/unschooling and i want a huge plot of land with Dexter cattle, and some Alpacas, and some sheep, and ducks, and chickens, and a few dogs, our own organic produce being grown, our own organic orchard with apples, peaches, almonds, walnuts, maybe some pears too.
my dream growing up was to be a SAHM with a farm, and when i was told by three different drs at 16 i would never have children due to extreme PID and scarring my heart was broken and i gave up on my dream, went to school for Early Childhood Education, and almost graduated with my AA. then life changed and things happened and i moved back home but then i met my husband, and two weeks after we were married i found out i was pregnant!!! we discussed me being a SAHM that same day, and we both agree that i get to be a SAHM forever and ever and ever! YAY!!!!! i cant imagine leaving my childrens well being and their education and nurturing for someone else. that just doesnt bode well with me.

treehugger.gif )O( unschooling, witchy mum to Addy(7) and Niamh(4)
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#76 of 90 Old 11-12-2005, 10:57 AM
 
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I look forward to still being a SAHM when my kids are older! I want to always be there and be involved (not saying working moms arent but ykwim) and have enough time to do everything. But I do want to go back to college. I would love to become something like a doula or a LC and do that on a voluntary basis for low income women.

~Shannon~ Proud Mama of 3 girls, ages 7,4, and 2.
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#77 of 90 Old 11-12-2005, 11:02 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RubyWild
I wonder if it has something to do with the American culture's obsession with money and material things. Here, earning extra money, having fancy cars and other toys, is so important to people. I think people forget that just living life can be fulfilling. I mean, if a person gets fulfillment from their job more than from staying home once their kids are gone, then, by all means, do that job. But, my job wasn't fulfilling, despite all the training I had to do to get there.

When I'm done parenting a child at home, I don't think we'll need a second income. And if I can fill my days making a home and a nice life for my family, I don't think I'll regret that on my deathbed, much less when I'm actually in the process of doing it. Sorry, Im getting redundant.


Thats how I feel, too

~Shannon~ Proud Mama of 3 girls, ages 7,4, and 2.
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#78 of 90 Old 11-12-2005, 11:10 AM
 
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i would like to stay at home for a very long time, at least. perhaps when the kids are in high school or something, i might take something part time, just while they are at school. i still want to be around for before and after school, evenings and weekends. teenagers still need thier parents too

when they are all in grade school, i plan, like the PP's, to spend my days cooking from scratch, gardening, making my house cleaner than it's been since the babies have been born LOL. but i still want to be home, so that if someone is sick, or in any way needs me, i'm here!

but for now, my kids are young, and i'm babysitting other kids, and i think i could do this for a very long time

ps. i kind of feel bad for DH 'cause he is a WOHD, and probably always will be. it's sad that he has to miss all the day to day things. if we could swing it, i'd love for him to work at home and i will SAHM and we'll do everything together

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#79 of 90 Old 11-12-2005, 04:29 PM
 
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I've been a SAHM, a working mom, and am a SAHM again. I always thought that as soon as my babes were in school I'd go to work. Well, circumstances came along that I had to go to work when my youngest at the time was 4. I worked for almost 4 years, and then they were both in school and it was STILL hard.

I am home now with the babe, and though I'm run ragged sometimes with my older kids and their activities, I keep thinking HOW WOULD I DO IT? if I were working?
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#80 of 90 Old 11-13-2005, 11:41 AM
 
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I have to be honest. I love not working. My husband is semi-retired and he also loves not working. We enjoy our lives and we have enough money to not worry (for now, that may change) about earning money for survival's sake. I don't consider myself at "stay at HOME" mom. Our lives are full and fun. Just because I don't work for pay, it doesn't mean my mind and body are stagnant and lazy. And yes, I like bon bons! LOL So does my child. But we don't eat them all day long or even once a day. LOL (I get a kick out of that cliche. Where on earth did it originate?)

I wonder about the person who posted that when her child goes to school, her job is done. ??? I don't get that. Honest, I don't. Do you mean university? Or grade school?
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#81 of 90 Old 11-13-2005, 03:42 PM
 
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Well, that's a tough question for me.
I mean, if nothing was stopping me, I'd actually love to have my own shoppe. A creative, artsy fartsy, magickal shoppe. I'd LOVE to do that once my ds was in school full time.
BUT, in reality, It probably won't happen. Unless I marry someone that has enough money to make my dream a reality.

But, I do admit that I would LOVE to be able to be a sahm for as long as possible.

Guess I need to find a willing husband (or wife). LOL.
Hugs,
Liz
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#82 of 90 Old 11-13-2005, 08:54 PM
 
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Having come from corporate america, I have absolutely NO desire to return there. LOL. Yes, I think raising my children is a full time, 20+ year commitment. This is my job.

On the flip side I am an artist so when the kids are older I will have a lot more free time to do the other things I love to do - such as spend 8 hours uninterrupted creating.
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#83 of 90 Old 11-13-2005, 09:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow, what a crappy thread starter I am! I never remembered to come back to this after I first posted!

Quote:
Originally Posted by lizc
I mean, if nothing was stopping me, I'd actually love to have my own shoppe. A creative, artsy fartsy, magickal shoppe.
I would love to do that as well! It's one of my little fantasies.

Liz om.gif Lovin' DH partners.gif DS (12) coolshine.gif and forever missing DD angel3.gif (12/02/07) ribbonpb.gif
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#84 of 90 Old 11-13-2005, 09:14 PM
 
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Yeah, since I have a ten y.o., a five y.o. and a a baby on the way, I have really been able to see just how fast all this goes by.

Most importantly, the older my kids are, the MORE they need me, in more complex ways... so I have no desire to go back to working for someone else---working for myself, now that's another story!
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#85 of 90 Old 11-14-2005, 11:54 AM
 
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I fully intend to be a SAHM for the rest of my life (or till my children are grown and out the door). We will be homeschooling so I'll need to be home for that. I'm thinking we'll put them in PS when they are in HS, but I'll still SAH.

I didn't have a career before becoming a mom so I have nothing to go back to. Perhaps when my kids are in public high school I'll go to a community college and get a degree in something just to say I have a degree in something I might finish my early childhood education degree (long story, finished 2 semesters, dropped out).

Renae wife to J :, Mama to 4.5y/o J-bird and 2y/o A : and E coming in late Dec/Early Jan. My husband had a living donor kidney transplant! :
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#86 of 90 Old 11-14-2005, 11:58 PM
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I totally want to and will be a SAH forever. I want 5 kids so I will be having babies for awhile. I was a massage therapist before I had my ds and I have no desire to go back. I do have two online companies that I run with my dh and my sister in law and brother in law but I can do that all at home. I couldn't imgine going to work. I haven't left my ds for more then a hour ( and he was sleeping when I did that) I couldn't imgine leaving him for a full work day. It is not for me

Mama to Noah- 05, Eden - 07, Isabella -09 and Cade -11 

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#87 of 90 Old 11-15-2005, 12:01 PM
 
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Yes, yes thats me!!! money is an issue for us though dh is starting the- if we are to have more we MIGHT need two incomes. how can I be a sahm and go out to work.... well of course I could work from home, if only I could find the phone-and the keys, lifes too short and children too important to worry about the trival. unique
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#88 of 90 Old 11-19-2005, 04:04 PM
 
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I used to think I would go back to work when ds was 2 or so. But now that he is here I think I'd like to stay home for good. My dream is to have a small organic farm along with some crafty business during the non harvest season. Now that ds is around I can't imagine leaving home for work and I'm starting to think about future homeschooling. Dh is a public school teacher and so will need some convincing. Although I'm assuming the more he teaches (2nd yr now) he'll be even more supportive of homeschooling.
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#89 of 90 Old 11-30-2005, 10:02 PM
 
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I actually really being a SAHM. I always knew I would. I went and got a Ph.D. and the only "professing" I'm doing is trying to come up with explanations for my 5 year old's existential questions like "where do the clouds go after they run across the sky?".

This has been a real struggle and sacrifice for us, and we are seriously in debt because of my staying home, but when we did the math, it doesn't really pay for me to work either. Hopefully in another 2 years dh will get a serious promotion/salary bump and we will be out of the red and things will ease up. In the meantime I get a lot of enjoyment and satisfaction out of living as frugally as I can manage, shopping at thrift stores, cloth diapering, etc. -- and in the meantime I've discovered "natural family living" to go along with attachment parenting. The only real expense is that organic is so much more $$!

Lately the specter of the cost of private religious school (yeshiva) has reared its ugly head...basically public school isn't an option for us either religiously or philosophically. The schools expect that the mom is working before they'll grant scholarships. So, we're anticipating homeschooling I think. Which is also fine, since that is something I'm inclined to want to do in any case. I just can't leave my babies. I just can't.

So I'm very GLAD to be in the company of other mamas who also view this as their life's avocation. I certainly do. I love keeping my home and being my family's domestic PEO (partner executive officer). It satisfies me on a lot of levels.

That said, I have this little dream of opening a basement or next-door store, the kind I want to shop at: kids' resale/consignment with a breastfeeding book corner, a cloth diapering corner, a toy corner for the kids, and a little meeting area for my LLL group and local moms' groups. That's my dream for the future. But retail is really taxing and time consuming, so it'll wait a few years!

I do remember too needing my mom more than ever as I got older, and especially in these times, I think that having mom around as a solid force is really grounding and important for kids.

 "Now bid me run, and I will strive with things impossible." (William Shakespeare -- Julius Caesar)

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#90 of 90 Old 12-08-2005, 12:41 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Zack419
I have no intentions of going back to work As a matter of fact, I want 12 kids and I want to homeschool them all and I want to live on 40 acres of land w/ an oraganic garden that supplies ALL the produce we need and some livestock, chickens maybe, and I want my children to run around barefoot in the grass and how can I enjoy all of that if I'm working?? Who will care for my chickens and my garden?? Who will teach my children about the world around them, even as adults when they're entering a whole NEW world?? If I'm at work when they're adults, they would have to call me at the office and "disturb" me and I would feel guilty that I wasn't there to answer their questions. So....

I'm staying home forever.
I thought I was the only one who wanted this!! but with the DH in the military, that's not likely to happen (at least the 40 acres part) until he retires in 16+ years. But his dad has this cabin in the Ozarks...... That's where I want to head, with my 12 kids, garden, chickens, maybe a goat or two.... and the local bears

For now however, I recently quit my job right before we found out I was pregnant and have started working more on a at home bookstore (anyone want some books???). My husband keeps telling me how much happier I seem and how much less we disagree and things since I quit. I was an Office Manager for an insurance company but I hated it everyday, and I think that that negativity carried over when I got home.

My husband would love for me to work part time at something with a garunteed paycheck since we are completely broke trying to get out of debt before the baby comes (April 2006). But since he's seen how much happier I am not having to work, he's very supportive (except when we've just used his entire paycheck and it's two days after payday....).

I recently started volunteering on base and I think I'll keep that up for a while. It's something I can do even after the baby is born and it really helps other people, so it makes me feel good about what I did that day.
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