SAHMs: what does dh do around the house? - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: SAHMs: What does your dp do around your home?
He relaxes and enjoys his family: his work is done 11 4.91%
He regularly does "some stuff" (e.g. yardwork, repairs, projects) 53 23.66%
He occasionally pitches in with various household chores 65 29.02%
On weekends, he does as much as I do 29 12.95%
He does as much around the house as I do all of the time 66 29.46%
Voters: 224. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 04-24-2005, 03:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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After years of trying to strike a balance that was equitable between dh and I (and not based on gender), regarding our household maintainance chores, I've become a SAHM and find it ACTUALLY IS MY JOB to do the majority of the work around our home : :LOL

So, I accept that the majority of what needs to be accomplished here is rightfully my responsibility; but wondered: what does the "modern dh of a SAHM do around the house?

Hopefully, my poll options aren't too limiting. Please expand upon/clarify/discuss your choice if you'd like to.

: : : : ~Brandi
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Old 04-25-2005, 08:30 PM
 
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I chose the last option because it was the closest to our actual situation. Dh is always, always willing to help. I just need to let him know what needs to be done and when--he cannot see a mess right in front of him, lol.

He says he can't do his job without my support and vice versa. He's a gem!

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Old 04-25-2005, 09:14 PM
 
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My dh is a weekend man. We usually do a super cleanup on Saturdays. But to be honest, I don't do that much cleaning during the week. An occasional load of laundry gets done and the floors get swept, but not much else. We have an agreement that I do the dishes every day and he cleans the litter box every day. He does laundry as much as I do. He has never cleaned the bathroom and I honestly don't think he ever will, but I think this is minor when looking at the big picture. We have a half-joking, half-serious agreement that he cooks and I clean.
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Old 04-25-2005, 09:47 PM
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My dh does most of our cooking and either cleans up afterward or gives dd her bath. That is pretty much it for midweek but he does as much as I do on the weekends. I do believe in doing most of the chores during the week so we can have some family fun on the weekend. So, I do all the cleaning and laundry and errands during the week. But if there are chores to be done, he helps 50-50. For example, Sunday we cleaned the whole house together because we were expecting his mom for dinner and wanted it to look really clean. Or, he will clean the garage or cook up a storm so we can freeze stuff for future use. He does his share.
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Old 04-25-2005, 09:50 PM
 
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I voted that he does as much as I do on weekends. But actually, I slow the pace and do as much as he does on weekends. If he has the energy to clean the house, we clean together. If he wants to go on a family outing, we all go. I don't want to spend a lot of time on his days off doing something that prevents us from spending time together as a family.
During the week, he barely has time to shower since he works 50+ hours and has a commute. But he spends a good hour with the kids and if he's home at bedtime, he gets them ready for bed and puts them to sleep.
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Old 04-25-2005, 09:54 PM
 
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My DH does pretty close to nothing. He did stain some furniture this past month, he is pretty anal about some things. I don't really ask him to do anything, If there is major remodeling, he'll be there, but for day to day stuff he doesn't do anything. When I had a fulltime job he did the yard work but since I have been at home, I handle that now.

Since I am home all day, I can't imagine needing or asking for him to do housework.
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Old 04-25-2005, 09:55 PM
 
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My DH complains about anything he has to do, so most of the time it's easier to do it myself. He'll sit and watch TV or play a video game completely oblivious to the fact that I have been on my feet running around for hours. It just does not occur to him that running a household never ends- there is always something to fix, clean, cook, put away, etc. I can relate to the pp who said her DH can't spot a mess right in front of him! He will help if I ask him to, so I gues that's better than some, but I envy those of you who's husband's are so willing to help out...

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Old 04-25-2005, 10:01 PM
 
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DH does everything I do with dd in the evening and weekends (diapers, baths, meals, etc.)

He's a pretty good cook, but since he doesn't get home until 6:30, I usually cook on weekdays.

He's not a handy guy in the traditional sense, but he's fantastic with techie stuff (like the computer).

He takes out the trash.

He helps with dishes.

I do most of the house cleaning, although we have a cleaning lady who comes every other week, so I save the heavy-duty stuff for her (like mopping, scrubbing showers). I do ALL the laundry, but that's one chore I don't mind.

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Old 04-25-2005, 10:21 PM
 
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In our family, we consider being a SAHM does not mean being a housekeeper. My job is to care of dd. We split the housework 50/50 and he does at least 50% of the child care when he is home.

Anyone else have a similar situation?

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Old 04-25-2005, 10:38 PM
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In my house, we do consider the SAHM to be the one to do the housework! Then again, my babies are 14. :LOL

Dh works at a very physical job, and has a two hour commute, each way. He's much too tired to be making dinner,etc, when he gets home. However, he will go out and rake or cut wood, to move around after the drive.

On weekends, he works realy hard, mostly outdors. But he'll dig any garden beds I wnt done, or weed and rake and clean.


As soon as he's laid off, (every winter) he does ALLLLLL the laundry. Well, he washes and hangs and brings it up .......to be folded.



He's willing to cook, and he knows 3 recipes. As long as you don't mind one of those three, and you don't mind it taking two days to cook....




THe bathroom?????? Ha, he's NEVER cleaned it.
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Old 04-25-2005, 10:44 PM
 
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On the weekends he does almost as much as I do, and during the week he picks up about 70% of the childcare when he comes home from work so that I can focus on household tasks and myself.


I should add that there are things that now that I'm a SAHM he never does. A month ago I asked him to clean the bathroom. He had to ask where the products were even though that had been moved since DS could crawl. He also has not changed a sheet in over a year. But these are things I don't mind since he does so manyother thngs.

As I mentioned earlier I prefer him to be focused on DS and I focus on the house. Well, actually, I prefer him to be able to multi task and do everything at the same time as I do when I'm home alone.

Can your DH multi-task??

Children deserve the respect of puzzling it out.
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Old 04-25-2005, 10:44 PM
 
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I'm blessed with Mr. Fabulous
He does a great job with everything around the house. AND, he cooks!
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Old 04-25-2005, 10:55 PM
 
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I pretty much view taking care of the house as part of my SAHM "work", but my kids are pretty easy to work with/ around and actually enjoy homemaking. :
When dh comes home I want him to relax and connect with our kids. He does do all the major repairs, painting, digging, etc on weekends. He is the master of the 10 minute before bed clean up, but I keep the house up so it isn't major, just dismantling a fort or picking up a few toys, but boy do those 10 min. help! When my dd was first born and I couldn't juggle everything, dh did dinners and dishes, so I don't mind doing it now.
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Old 04-25-2005, 10:57 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Red
In my house, we do consider the SAHM to be the one to do the housework! Then again, my babies are 14. :LOL

Ha I imagine your child care is less hands on than mine at that age:P

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Old 04-25-2005, 10:58 PM
 
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BY the way, I don't want it to seem like I think anyone else is wrong if they view cleaning as part of their job. I'm just saying it is different in my family. Whatever works for each family

Jam 7, Peanut Butter 5, and Bread 2.

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Old 04-25-2005, 11:22 PM
 
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My dh is one of those really anal astrological signs (he's on the cusp of scorpio/virgo... or is it libra/virgo? yeah, I think that's it. if that means anything to you!) so he is a waaaay better cleaner than me. He actually enjoys it. Bathrooms, floors, stovetop- he does it. When he has time. I encourage him to take time to go for a bikeride or socialize wtih a friend rather than clean, honestly. He is a wahd, so he is home all the time. He keeps up with laundry on breaks, if he can, and does dd's tubby and cleans the kitchen when I put her to sleep (though now he is putting her to sleep and i do the kitchen, but that's fine). He loves to cook, but can't take time off from work to do it, but he will run the grill, which he loves :LOL. I have absolutely no complaints. I do what i can, do all the shopping and vacuum and try and keep up with laundry and bathrooms. I dont' mind. A lot of weekends if i go somewhere with dd, he takes the opportunity to crank up house music and go into a cleaning frenzy. Love that in a man!

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Old 04-26-2005, 12:19 AM
 
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My ds is 6 months, (and a high-needs baby) so I don't get too much cleaning done around the house during the weekday. Ideally, I would do the house cleaning .. and once I get my Ergo, I hope I'll be able to do more.

But currently, I do most of the cleaning while dh watches ds. But dh does the cat litter, all trash, recycling and even does the wash. He also does most of the cooking. However, he doesn't do the baby at night, even on the weekends. This weekend at 8 a.m. he flat out said no to taking ds. That ticked me off.

But, I shouldn't complain. I think we have a good system. I just hope the Ergo helps me be able to get more done.
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Old 04-26-2005, 12:44 AM
 
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DH does the dishes, the diapers(we wash our own), some of the laundry and will generally tidy things up at times. He gets up with dd on weekends to let me get some zzzzs. He bathes dd and feeds her dinner every night he is home. He cooks about once a week, mows the lawn (but doesn't do any other gardening/lawn care) and takes care of the trash/recycling. He's awesome.

I do the nitty gritty cleaning, vacuuming, bathrooms, floors, most of the laundry, gardening, painting and keep our 16 month old in clean diapers, clothes, well fed, well loved and well entertained/engaged ............and I do all his stuff when he is deployed.

We pretty much agree that my main job as a SAHM is being a mom and that the housework is something to be divided pretty equally.
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Old 04-26-2005, 01:03 AM
 
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Maybe it's different for me, cause we don't have kids yet, but I consider his job to go out and work, and mine to stay home and work. I do 98% of the housework around here. And I like it that way. Occasionally, I'll need something done, and I'm busy doing something else, and I'll ask him to do it, and he does. Which is great. One of the main reasons I stay at home is so that we don't have to spend our time doing housework when he's not working. I can get it done during the day, and we can spend our evenings relaxing and enjoying each other's company.
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Old 04-26-2005, 01:14 AM
 
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We go through periods where he helps and periods where he doesn't. Recently it has been that he DOES help, which is nice. Last year august-december, when I was working about 5 days a week, nights (6 or 7-close which is anywhere from 12-1 at a movie theater) he was barely helping & that caused a lot of issues because I didn't feel I should have to do EVERYTHING *plus* contribute to paying some of our bills (I worked only cause it was necessary, at the moment i'm working 1-3 shifts a week cause I enjoy it). So yeah. He helps now heh.

Lets see. Sometimes he'll get laundry started, or move it from the washer to the dryer which I *hate* doing. I don't let him do diaper laundry though *LOL* He helps load/unload the dishwasher. He will sweep/mop, vaccum. He puts the kids to bed. He does all the outdoor yard work & maintaince. Just re-organized the garage which we are currently using for a lot of storage because we're still slowly unpacking!

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Old 04-26-2005, 01:49 AM
 
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Dh does whatever I ask he very often does the dishwasher without any asking.

Ya know, sex starts in the kitchen
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Old 04-26-2005, 01:51 AM
 
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My dh is mostly a SAHD and I am a SAHM. Dh has always done as much and lately much more than I do. He always does the dishes and I always do the laundry. He is the most wonderful. Now that I am 9 months pregnant he lets me sleep in the morning and he gets up with ds he even does the diaper laundry. We both cook and clean and I usually do bath and bedtime, dh reads books at bedtime and helps if I need it. We are a team and I don't know what I would do without him. We are so blessed.

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Old 04-26-2005, 01:56 AM
 
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Occasionally he will do something... but I do virtually all cooking, cleaning, etc. Part of it is me being pickier than him. He is unable to see dirt or register that something needs cleaned. The only thing he cooks is canned soup, frozen pizza, chili or hamburger helper.
I just informed him that mowing the lawn is his job since I do everything else.

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Old 04-26-2005, 01:57 AM
 
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I wasn't really sure which answer to select for the poll, so I chose the middle one - doing some stuff occaisionally or whatever.

As I read along, I realize that DH really does do stuff to help me out. The problem is that I have to pester him about it. He's agreed to take care of the trash/recycles and empty and load the dishwasher. But the trash is always overflowing and the sink gets full waiting for an empty dishwasher. When I just do his jobs myself, he feels guilty and says "no, I just need to do it." But I don't think it's fair for me and DD to live in a big mess waiting for him to hold up his part of the bargain! We're still actively trying to figure out the best work load divisions and methods for our family.

I don't have a problem with me being responsible for most of the housework, but I also end up taking care of the car maintenance, the house maintenance, the lawn, etc. and I often feel like this is unfair. I do like doing the lawn work - I find it very meditative and it gives me some "alone" time while getting something accomplished for our household.

DD is fairly high-needs and very hands-on. She's a little monkey, too. Add two rowdy dogs to the mix and DH leaving things all over the house and it's hard for me to keep up at all or complete any given task that doesn't take less than 5 minutes.

On the plus side, DH is a very affectionate and loving father who has changed poopy diapers from day 1. He likes to play with our DD and he likes to hold her and cuddle with her. He also usually is the one to give her a bath. And he'll change the sheets on our bed if I ask him to do so and hand him the clean sheets. :LOL

His work schedule is basically 8:30 - 6 plus 2.5 hours commuting time. He's recently started taking public transportation so he gets a break from the rat race and gets a chance to read his sci-fi books on the way home from work - yeah! Saves money too.

He's also about to start a big crunch time at work which means working lots of extra hours and probably weekends, too. I am trying to get him to help me with as many projects as possible before then so I don't feel so overwhelmed when I know he'll need more of his home time to de-stress and just be with his family.

We made a list of projects around the house to work on together, so hopefully, that will help. Also, we're trying to get more time for us to have together without DD (we are a co-sleeping family) so we had a date a couple of weeks ago. It felt so refreshing to see a movie that we got all sorts of stuff done around the house together AND spent lots of time with DD. So I know this is rambling on and on, but I guess a lot of it has to do with perceptions.

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Old 04-26-2005, 02:11 AM
 
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My hubby and I agreed that he would do dishes every night. I do the rest, except on weekends when he does his laundry and diapers. (During the week I do diapers and laundry.) He also takes DS for a walk every night to get him to sleep and spends about 2 hrs with ds every evening - my break time .

When DS was born, I could not handle dishes on top of new baby, surgery recovery and all the regular housework, mostly because I like a pretty clean house and dh cannot see the dirt...So DH does dishes - but if the kitchen is not clean, i don't usually cook either, he has to. Oh yeah, he also makes us pancakes every weekend.

It works for us so far...
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Old 04-26-2005, 02:49 AM
 
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my DH believes his job is done when he walks in the door, but he doesn't relax. he keeps working on his job stuff. If he would relax and enjoy the kids, it would mean a lot to me.

he does occasionally do the dishes-- very occasionally-- and occasionally "does the laundry" which means putting huge loads through the wash and dryer, then dumping it on the floor of the bedroom, oftentimes still damp.
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Old 04-26-2005, 02:53 AM
 
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Didn't vote because none were worded for me.



DH does almost all of the grocery shopping, and does all the weekend/holiday cooking. He doesn't like to clean, but will occasionally do something along those lines when he gets fed up with my messy tendencies. And tends to putter around the house, putting up pictures, fixing things, installing shelves, rearranging cabinets.

He used to do the machine part of the laundry in our old apartment ... meaning the in&out of machines part (then he brought it home and I did the folding part), but since we moved 3 months ago and now have machines in the basement of the building, I do it as a general rule.

Childcare-wise, though, I'm most of it. He's definitely involved, but I do the diaper-changing, and they're just generally my responsibility, and he'll help. IYKWIM.

Can't complain.

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Old 04-26-2005, 04:01 AM
 
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I chose the last option for us right now. Dh is not working at the moment, and I would say he does as much around the house as me or nearly anyway. He also does yard stuff as well. Now when he is working it is different. I do more around the house on days that he works because I feel like he's been working all day already and should relax a bit. I only have to ask if I am needing him to do something even then, but I just usually don't.

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Old 04-26-2005, 09:28 AM
 
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My dh does almost all the dishes, helps with laundry on weekends, and is great about helping with the housework on the weekends. He also is good about spending time with dd, something that I don't think has anything to do with the house hold chores.

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Old 04-26-2005, 09:41 AM
 
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The majority of the household chores are my duty.... but my husband will help with dinner cleanup - playing with the kids - and bedtime...

He really is a good guy and will pretty much do whatever I ask, although, not too much on his own initiative.

Warm wishes,
Tonya

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