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Old 04-25-2005, 02:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So apparently people (co-workers) are *always* asking my dh if I work. He responds that I take care of the kids (I'm glad he doesn't just say "no" ). He says though they always (even people who have asked him about it before) talk about how our life will be easier when I start working again and they keep questioning my not "working." From everything he's told me it's obvious they think there's something wrong with my being a SAHM and think I'm weird and feel sorry for him. :

Does anyone else deal with this?
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Old 04-25-2005, 08:27 PM
 
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Actually I am lucky that most of my dh's co-worker's wives also stay at home. So, its not really an issue. My dh's company is owned by Seimens Company and the CEO and CFO are Germans and both of their wives stay home and they wouldn't have it any other day. Whats even nicer, is that since they came on board to run the company they have hosted a family get together once a month and last week, they took the entire company and their families to an Anahiem Angels game where we had a catered dinner beforehand and received a hat and ball and field level seats!!! They also encouraged dh to take 2 weeks off to be with me after the birth of our dd and said if he felt like he needed to stay with me longer that they would help make arrangements for him to work from home!!!

Anyways, sorry that your dh's co-workers are saying things to him. Most of the time, I think it comes from not even thinking someone can even afford to have their wife stay home. THey are doing it, so they can't see how you guys are, kwim? That and jealousy.

Heather , momma to ' Parker- 10, Carlee- 7 and our baby Genevieve Faith - 8-27-10

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Old 04-25-2005, 08:31 PM
 
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LOL, I live in Utah. So no.

We are six: Me : Dh : Ds1('00) Dd('02) Ds2('05) Ds3('08) and, wow! Soon to be seven, Dd2 due 4/23.
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Old 04-25-2005, 08:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, that's the thing Parker'smommy, we are not well off. We struggle a lot to make ends meet. So, I guess they don't see the point of the sacrifice.

I know I shouldn't care what other people think but it bothers me to think of these people judging me and feeling sorry for my DH. He shouldn't have to put up with that at work.

Also he has a different personality than me. I would have a firm and possibly slighty rude immediate reply. They'd never mention it again. He's too nice.
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Old 04-25-2005, 08:44 PM
 
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I get it from one of my MIL's friends. I know my MIL doesn't approve of the way I do things, but at least she doesn't say anything to me about it. But she took me to a jewelry store where she knows the owners, and one of the ladies there asked me what I do, and I said I'm a SAHW. And she got this look on her face like, "Oh. Ick." And she said, "Yeah, but what do you DO all day?" *rolleyes*

More recently, the same woman was at a cookout that dh and I went to, and they were talking about MIL's impending trip to Italy, where she was talking about how she wanted to ride in a gondola with a hot gondola driver (or whatever you would call them). And I said something about how she might get a woman driver, and this lady was like, "Oh no, over in Italy, they still do thing the old fashioned way, where women stay barefoot and in the kitchen, etc..." I know that was a total dig at me. She so doesn't get it. *rolleyes* She's the only person though, who has really given me grief over it. Well, my FIL (who is not married to my MIL) does, but I don't count him, cause he would disagree with anything I do, just on principle. *rolleyes*
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Old 04-25-2005, 08:47 PM
 
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M-A-N, we're friends so i hope its ok to post in your thread even though i work and dont have to deal with this issue. I wanted to give you a

At my husbands job, most of the wives work....maybe its a 60-40 split, with the greater amt employed.

Some people just don't get it.
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Old 04-25-2005, 09:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Of course it is Lisa!

Thanks!
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Old 04-26-2005, 04:35 AM
 
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DH's co-workers have expressed that most contractors have a wife weho also works outside the home b/c of the lack of work in the winter. Then he points out that financially it wouldn't be worth it b/c we would have to pay someone to watch our 2 (soon-to-be 3) lids. That shuts them up. Although I must admit I do miss being able to work extra hours during the winter when money was short & not having to scrimp all winter. but it is well worth it to us for me to SAH. Most of the jerky comments copme from DH's friends who aren't married & don't have any kids.

.

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Old 04-26-2005, 05:15 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaAllNatural
Well, that's the thing Parker'smommy, we are not well off. We struggle a lot to make ends meet. So, I guess they don't see the point of the sacrifice.

.
Hey, neither are we...well off that is. And although my dh's co workers don't say anything to him negative about me staying home, I still get negativity from other wonderful sources! :

My former colleagues are the major source of thinking that I am wasting my life staying home with my kids. THey feel I am wasting my education. I don't talk to them much now that I am home so its okay. My best friend's dh always USED to make comments to me about how they could never afford to have my friend stay home. They are both teachers so he would always go on and on how NOONE can live on a teacher's salary. Well, teaching salaries are public knowledge so you should have seen his face when I told him that dh made considerably less than him and we were doing fine ( not swimming in gold, but we get by!) I very politely pointed out that he could have his wife stay home if they made certain choices like not buying a brand new house, 2 cars, and landscape new house, buy tons of furniture and put in a swimming pool all in one year. I told him it was about choices, and if he was happy with those choices, that was fine, but don't go telling me its impossible to live on one teacher's salary because it is, we make it on less but we don't have all of things they do. We choose for me to stay home, they choose to have those things. Its all about choices and living with them.

Heather , momma to ' Parker- 10, Carlee- 7 and our baby Genevieve Faith - 8-27-10

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Old 04-26-2005, 09:36 AM
 
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I'm sorry your dh has to deal with people at work that obviousely need to mind their own business. My dh's coworkers are mostly nice about me being a SAHM, but they totally don't get it.
Dh was very tired at work one day and complained that dd had a poor nap schedule and wasn't sleeping well at night, and she had kept him up the night before. (this has been an issue with this child since day one, she just doesn't like to sleep). Anyway, one of his co-workers seriously told him that we should put dd in day care because the day care could put her on a better nap schedule! I was SO offended that she would suggest that someone else could take care of my child better than I do!!

On the up side, dh also tells stories at work of things dd has said to him and his coworkers are always going "And she's just 2? Really" Apparently my child has much better language skills than any of their day care children. But I'm sure they don't give me any credit for that.

Laura, Mama to Mya 7/02, Ian 6/07 and Anna 8/09
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Old 04-26-2005, 12:55 PM
 
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Old 04-26-2005, 02:07 PM
 
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DH & I have run into the whole spectrum from "No wife of mine is going to sit on her butt & get a free ride" to "Wow. You've got it made... does she have a sister?" :LOL

The guys who have the first attitude are his friends. He hates confrontation, so he doesn't say anything to them about it. It just makes him not want to be around them as much anymore. Then I get blamed for 'not letting' him out to see them : While on the contrary, I actually encourage him to go have fun & he says if he's going to do something fun, he wants to do it with me & the kids I think it's more a general disrespect of me than of SAH, though. DH recently contacted one of his 'best' friends (he hadn't seen him since before DD was born & she's 10 months!!) I think he was hoping his friend had matured a little & that they could be close again, but just over the weekend his friend called. He had his girlfriend say "Hi! Is Kevin there?" when I answered. I said "Yes, just a minute, he's outside." After he got off the phone, he told me his friend might be stopping by & Iwas like "... but that was a woman... ?" The only thing we could come up with is that his friend is trying to make me think DH is cheating on me

The people who are approving of me being at home are the guys he works with. Conversations like that quite often happen when DH is reheating leftovers from our supper the night before & the smell of a home cooked meal catches someones nose! :LOL I don't know if this has anything to do with it, but DH is an electrician. It's a pretty physical job, so he's dead on his feet when he gets home. Maybe they guys he works with can appreciate the idea of having less work to do when they get home because of that?

~Teresa, raising DS (Jan. 02) and DD1 (Jun. 04) and DD2 (Dec. 11) with DH.

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Old 04-26-2005, 02:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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lilhomegrown, I don't think anyone is putting down daycare. I think OTmama was simply saying she found it offensive that her dh's co-workers would think that someone else would do a better job w/her kid than she could. I'd be really offended too!

Thanks for the comisseration mamas.
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Old 04-26-2005, 08:49 PM
 
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I think my mom resents me because she always wanted to SAH but then got divorced and had to go to work. She's always telling me "Enjoy it while you can, because one of these days you're going to have to put them in daycare and you aren't going to like it." Yeah, or maybe I'll get to stay home as long as I want; did you ever think of that?

Dh's parents are supportive, and we don't know what his co-workers think yet. He's a substitute teacher, and I get calls all day from other schools wanting him to come in and work, and they always ask who I am and when I say "His wife" they sound surprised. Maybe they think he has a secretary at home or something? :LOL
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Old 04-26-2005, 08:54 PM
 
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sorry about that m.a.n. ppl can be arrogant that way. FOr eg: when dh tells people that I SAH with our girls he gets hands down, well yeah, of coarse she does! I bet she has her hands full all th etime! You have TWINS!

WHY is it more aceptable for me to stay at home than it is a mama to one or more singletons? B>S if you ask me.
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Old 04-26-2005, 09:02 PM
 
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We get this, too. Many of Ron's coworker's wives SAH too, but not all, and there are a fair # of women there, too. Many of th colleagues are materialistic and can't imagine not pursuing those things. I feel for ya

~Joan, Happy mom to 2 beautiful kiddos, one new puppy and 2 lovely felines
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Old 04-26-2005, 09:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yep, it's like SB3 said, they just don't "get it." It sure is frustrating though.
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Old 04-26-2005, 10:06 PM
 
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People don't really question my staying at home now. They say how fortunate we are. But certain comments have been made and I think quite a few of them think I am going back to work once the kids are in school full-time.

Maybe I will, but I don't like that it is expected or that they will think it's not right me staying home all day. Not that I do, they don't know what our day to day schedule is.
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Old 04-26-2005, 10:22 PM
 
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We get comment s alot because DH isn't making enough for us to be comfortable right now. We are scrapping by, but we're making it. So yeah, I do get comments about how I should go back, or WHEN I do go back it will be easier. : No matter what you do as a parent someone will ALWAYS have something negative to say about it.
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Old 04-27-2005, 12:13 AM
 
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We don't get so many comments as job offers for me I guess they're trying to help because they know that we need a new car but still, I find it so invasive. It'd be different if dh offered up that I was looking for work (I'm not) but these "friends" just approach dh with these job offers. :

Mama to two boys and a girl.
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Old 04-27-2005, 12:16 AM
 
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My sister came up with the best response *ever* for the "What do you do all day?" question. In the most condescending tone you can muster, reply: "It's complicated. You wouldn't understand." :LOL

~Teresa, raising DS (Jan. 02) and DD1 (Jun. 04) and DD2 (Dec. 11) with DH.

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Old 04-27-2005, 06:06 PM
 
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The comments we've gotten have mostly been along the lines of, "Wow! Really? That must be tough!" (meaning tough to make it on one income). And we usually answer honestly that yes, it is tough, but worth it to all of us.
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Old 04-27-2005, 06:22 PM
 
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Luckily there are a few SAHMs that are wives of my DH's co-workers so they don't question us. My in-laws however truly don't "get" it. Both me and my SIL are SAHMs and my MIL is always implying that her sons are under such a burden. When I was working she would make nasty comments about my SIL not working all the time. I was making 2/3s of our income so we've been having to sacrifice a lot of "things" to make this work including selling our home to buy a cheaper one. They think we are making such a big mistake and don't understand that we are fine with less stuff!! Our house now is too big anyways.

Sorry I'm babbling this kind of thing just annoys me soooo much.

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Old 04-27-2005, 09:54 PM
 
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I TOTALLY feel your pain--I have a really tough situation in that my dh's BOSS is a woman. And then most of the people who are his office equals and his own staff are all women. He really has to keep his mouth shut because he and I both think that home is the most important place for me to be right now. He doesn't like the fact that the infants and toddlers of most of these women are in daycare situations for about ten hours a day while they are climbing the ladder--and where we live and work, there are no poor families, so it's not a matter of "she has to work"--it's a choice. One woman at his work said that she was glad to have to work and put her six week old baby in daycare because it "got [her] out of breastfeeding--which is so gross!"
Good thing she doesn't hang around me!
So yes, I DO get it. Hang in there.
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Old 04-28-2005, 10:37 PM
 
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We constantly get that type of reaction- like I've found a way to run the greatest scam, ever. Ugh. If people really think that children take care of themselves, why do they insist on taking their children to childcare providers? I especially have a hard time swallowing this from dh's female co-workers who talk about how being home with their kids on long weekends leaves them "dying to drop them off at daycare." To me this is acknowledgement that my job is hard....

SAHMs, You are making a wonderful, invaluable contribution to your families!
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Old 04-29-2005, 01:29 AM
 
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sorry MAN, that sucks. like others have said, people should just mind their own business!

It's just amazing to me how people feel so free to make those comments! WTF??

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Old 04-29-2005, 09:45 PM
 
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I used to feel really out of place in my crowd of people that I've known since high school. All of us got college degrees. All of us started working. I was the first, by 3 years, to quit working and have a child and stay home with her. It was soo awkward going to parties and people would be like, "So, what do you do?" They had nothing to talk to me about. I could no longer relate to their talking about the office, either.

The best comment was made by the fiance of one of my hs friends. We were talking about vacuum cleaners for some odd reason, I think someone had just gotten new carpet or something. I said that Consumer Reports had rated a certain type of vacuum to be very good. The fiance said, "So is that what you stay at home types do? Research the latest appliances." I was sooo upset.

The funny thing is though, that now they are starting to have babies and so far 2 of the 3 have decided to stay at home with their babies long-term. The third one (married to the guy who made that comment) just had hers and they just got into a new house and I'm not sure they can afford for her to take off work. It will be interesting to see what happens with #2 though, when it may not be so economical to have 2 in daycare at the same time.

My dh says people ask him what his wife does and he says "She homeschools our oldest daughter and cares for our youngest daughter who has some medical problems." I really love my dh for saying more than just, "She stays home with the kids."

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Old 04-30-2005, 09:33 AM
 
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