(for those with partners... if you don't have a partner I guess the question is already answered.)
Kim ~mom to one awesome dd (12)
Originally Posted by Sylith
My earning potential is less. (And we are not exactly raking in the cash as it is, heh.)
Also, I lactate.
Plus, I don't really enjoy working but hubby does - I mean the kind of work and structure involved in a "job", I always felt like I just wanted to get it over with so I could go back to my real life, whereas he gets fulfillment from the actual work. I've always yearned to be at home, after I got past the point of suppressing that feeling and thinking something was wrong with me because I wasn't inspired to have a "career". For years I thought I was just plain lazy.
#2 DH makes 2x what I made.
#3 I can do my work from home - I'm a writer, have one book coming out next month and am working on #2.
DH would absolutely love to be home though. We always joke that he would make a better SAHM than me, other than his failure to lactate!
I have a chronic illness that can get pretty ugly without a moments notice.
I enjoy being at home, for the most part.
Embrace the learning that is happening within the things that are actually happening!
Ideally, we'd be able to switch off or both work part time. That will probably happen down the road, but not until our kids are older. I think it would be more beneficial now, but that just isn't in the cards for us.
First of all my job was very stressful and it was taking a toll on our relationship. I was a nuclear engineer that worked rotating shifts - 7 day weeks usually 12 (sometimes up to 16) hours a day, 2 days off, then back to work at a different time. The money was nice but, as we quickly learned, money wasn't everything.
I have some medical issues that were costing us $100 - $200 a month in prescription copays for my medicines, and I am still on meds but now also get treatments that would cost us ~$5000 every 3 months.
DH is in the Navy and will be able to retire in just over 7 years. Military medical covers my treatments (which surprised me) and we will be able to keep the medical coverage (with a copay) after he retires. We will also be able to keep the prescription coverage (either free if we are near a base or cheap at regular pharmacies) - considering some of my meds cost over $300 for a month's supply this was a big bonus. Also his retirement pay, while not huge, will cover a mortgage payment.
Starting in January I will be working on my Master's degree. I found a good university that offers accredited Radiological Physics and Nuclear Engineering graduate programs via distance education, so I can take one or two classes a semester from home. (Yes, I'm a science geek )
After DH retires then I will go back to work and he will either stay home, go to college, go to work full time, or freelance with my dad - whatever he feels like at the time. The downside to this is that he goes to sea for months at a time (he's a submariner) and will miss parts of DS' life.
It was not an easy decision but it was the right one for our family, which is what's important.
Chaotic mama to 5 plus a bonus one on the way.
Barbara: an always learning SAHM of Ilana (11) and Aiden (8) living in Belgium with my amazing husband.
# 2 While DH enjoys spending time with the tot, I prefer it and can handle it. I am way more social and a better multi-tasker- and make a better SAHP than he would.
I WAS the breadwinner. Now roles have reversed and it's just fine with me!
And money. And a while back, nursing.
I am the "working" spouse - I had a full-time job with a work permit when we lived overseas, where DD1 was born, and DH didn't. It didn't make sense for him to freelance for 12-14 hrs. a day to make what I was making with a more secure job, plus I kept getting raises and had better health insurance. I also have an MA in my field and a career-type job, now freelance, whereas he was doing a temporary-type job.
DH loves to stay at home, and I love my career, although I love working from my home office so that I can be with my family more. He is also interested in education as a career - what better preparation could there be?
By the way, pumping at the office did suck and so did leaving a tiny 3-mo. old baby every morning. The second time I was already freelance with a home office, so that made both of those issues easier.
PS Thanks for putting up with my posts here even though we are a SAHD/WAHM family instead of SAHM/WOHD. Reading your posts gives me better insight into DH's situation.
Mom "D" to DD1 "Z" (15) and DD2 "I" (11) DH "M"
2 - He enjoys his work (and I don't). While I'm not sure if being a SAHM all the time suits me, it's better than any job I've had. Finding something in this town in my field is unlikely anyway.
3 - Nursing. I hate pumping and DS doesn't care for the bottle.
4 - DF doesn't have the patience to be with DS all day. Plus DS just likes me better right now.
Mama to Marcus (1/05) and Arianna (3/10).
Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
14yo ds 11yo dd 9yo ds and 7yo ds and 2yo ds
Dh feels about his job the way I feel about being home. He loves it and is so very good at it. I'm glad because I wouldn't feel as good being here if his work was just a job.
Thanks for reminding me how lucky I am.
I also lactate.I find it really helps when being a SAHP to small children
That~~~and don't flame me, but i beleive this is my place in this season in my life, as a woman.Dh is the breadwinner, fine with me.I always hated working anyhow.I am good at this.
I am a mom, I plan to homeschool.I take care of our house/kids the majority of the time.It took me a long time to get over the negative associations with being a SAHM( my mom worked, you figure it out and to accept my role as someone doing "domestic" work. I knew it was what i was suppossed/wanted to do, but wasn't quite confident.But now, I can honestly say I have never been so fulfilled and happy.I am happiest when I get up in the morning , run my daily marathon , and go to sleep bone tired with a clean house and happy, healthy clean kids.
Dh makes a decent amount. Kind of average were we live, but more than some.He is a software engineer.
Originally Posted by Leilalu
don't flame me, but i beleive this is my place in this season in my life, as a woman
Overall, I feel in my heart that I should be home with my child.
We also knew I'd be nursing for at least a year or so, and figured that it would be much easier if ds simply had access to me most of hte time instead of worrying about bottles and pumps and finding time to pump on my shift on the salesfloor.
Now that ds is older the nursing could be worked around pretty easily, but my husband loves what he does. He's been writing code since he was 7 and is really good at it. I've seen him learn new programming languages literally overnight, more than once. While he is a great parent and loves his time with ds, he would not want to give up the fulfilment he gats from the challenge of his work. And I've found that while I'm not hte greatest housekeeper ever, or a gourmet chef, I love what I do. I have more patience for having a toddler up my butt all day :LOL and care more about taking care of our home. I like trying new recipes and having our 16 month old hold the dustpan when I sweep, even if it takes twice as much time and effort to actually ge tht estuff to the trashcan without landing back on the floor.
So I guess at the beginning our genders played a role in the decision, since I was the one lactating. But htis arrangement suits our personalities better. I like being home and having a slower pace to the day, don't mind doing hte same thing over and over and over and over.....(diaper changes, handwashing, vacuuming, etc..) and dh is better at being on the go more, new clients, new challenges, just generally a faster pace.
I hope I've answered the question in my rambling paragraphs
The first and most important being that I was much more sure of what I wanted my career to be - dh is still exploring - whereas I sort of feel like I KNOW I can take a few years off and go back in where I want to be...
not to mention....
I nursed the kids
I still cry when I leave ds2 whereas dh has pretty much been able to take off worry free for a few years
I find tons of well-paying freelance work
Moms are more social with other moms - we think dh might be lonely athome
Workplaces work more with moms who have taken time off than with dads
Barney & Ben
Now I think I am better at taking care of dd- not because I am a woman but just because I've spent so much more time with her and know her routine better. I know how to handle her in ways dh doesn't. I am more patient with her. I would also like to homeschool.
I asked the question because dh recently suggested that I get a job he heard about and he'll stay home. I'm kind of hesitant to do that because I think that I would still be the one doing all the housework and dh wouldn't do as much with dd. I think he views it as a vacation not a commitment. I envision coming home every single day to no dinner, the house trashed, dh napping or surfing the internet, dd not dressed and having watched TV all day. I think I'd spend the rest of the night mad, cleaning and taking care of dd. If dh was the SAHP I think dd would be in school too.
Some of you have listed some things that I didn't think about.
Kim ~mom to one awesome dd (12)
That probably won't happen, but in an ideal world, that would be great.
I have always made twice as much money as he does. I am very marketable and seem to be utterly employable. The last three jobs I had, I never applied for - they called me at home and asked me to come interview.
However. DH works at his family business, and even though he is treated like total crap, he puts up with it because he told his dad he'd stay there.
We have begun to have some serious financial issues though that cannot be remedied with just him working. I don't want to work FT, even if it's an off shift, if he is.
We both agree that it is better for the girls that one of use be at home with them right now. We are just at an impasse over why it should be him right now....
And since I refuse for both of us to work FT, right now I'm the SAHM...
That was before my son was born.
But before I got pregnant with DD, I got laid off and had to take a job with an hour-and-a-half commute, and DH coincidentally right about that time moved to a job much closer to home that will ultimately be a tenured position. I still made more, but when I was only a few months pregnant I realized that I could never, ever sustain the pace of a 13 to 14 hour workday pregnant, let alone with a baby.
So I left my job, and took a part-time job, and the rest, as they say, is history. I stay home so that both DH and I can stay close to home, even though it means we cut out two-thirds of our income. And now I find that I love it, and we're talking about homeschool, which DH says he'd never have the patience for, so it looks like I'll be home for a while.
I do still go out to work about 6 to 9 hours a week, just to take a break and give DH time to be a dad on his own terms.
Now that I medically can't work, and he's back to work full time, things are going so much better. Once we are in our own place, I'll have alot more to do adn the freedom to do it, and i can't wait. Our eventual goal is for him to get back in to professional landscaping and I'll be doing the paperwork end of that, the phone and going out on jobs as needed.