Was your mom a SAHM and how does she feel about you being a SAHM? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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Stay at Home Parents > Was your mom a SAHM and how does she feel about you being a SAHM?
Zamber's Avatar Zamber 05:13 AM 05-14-2005
Well, My Mom had me at eighteen, so her career life was just begining. So, my Grandma raised me, and was a 100% SAHM/Grandmother. Fast-forward to when my Mom had my sisters - she never could afford to SAH, mostly because she ended up being a single parent again. She never seems to stop working, kwim? Now everytime I see her, she keeps praising me and reminding me how fortunate I am that I have a supportive husband and that I have the opportunity to SAH with DS.

QueenOfTheMeadow's Avatar QueenOfTheMeadow 11:24 AM 05-14-2005
My mom worked part time nights as a maternity nurse while I was growing up. She mouths that she is happy that I am a SAHM, but then makes very derogatory comments about it if I dare to mention the stress involved with beign on 24/7. She constantly makes comments like, "Well, just imagine if you were working too? I would have loved to be home full time, but we couldn't afford it." Well, first of all, they could have afforded it. We grew up very much upper middle class. My dh and I have given up a lot for me to be home with my children. We lived in a studio apartment until ds1 was 1.5 yrs old. Then lived in an apartment complex, and just got lucky two years ago when dh got a job that requires he live on the wildlife refuge he works at, so we rent a house on the refuge with 20 acres around us for less then we paid for our tiny apartment!! It has totally been worth it, but I just wish my mom would give me more credit for being a sahm.
HelloKitty's Avatar HelloKitty 11:36 AM 05-14-2005
My mother was an on-again, off-again SAHM. She has been VERY supportive of me deciding to stay home. My Dad I don't think understands why I want to (he's a work-a-holic) but he is still supportive.

My in-laws on the other hand imply that I sit on my ass all day and keep trying to suggest jobs for me, I keep explaining that if I wanted to be working I would have stayed at my good paying career - HELLO!! : They don't get it, but they also think I should be letting DS CIO, that I shouldn't keep BFing, that he is "spoiled" and many other things so I've become pretty skilled at ignoring them.
chalupamom's Avatar chalupamom 01:14 PM 05-14-2005
My mom was at home with us (sometimes doing part-time catering or something, but largely at home) and now she is an at home wife. I don't really ever remember her as being happy and even now I think that she was only home with us because she couldn't think of anything else to do.

As far as being supportive of me, she is supportive to the degree that she's supportive of anything (which isn't much).

I don't think about it much.
chersolly's Avatar chersolly 01:29 PM 05-14-2005
My father was abusive and wouldn't let my mother work or finish college once my brother and I were born. She hated being a SAHM, or back then, they called it housewife or homemaker. She was so unhappy. Looking back, she must of been severely depressed. When I was 10, she found the strength to leave my father and went back to college. She's worked ever since, putting her career first. Often, she reminds me that I need to finish college and maybe find a part-time job, so that I'm not dependant on my husband (little does she know that it's actually DH who's dependant on me ). But staying home with DD, at least during the first 5 years, is more important to me than being able to afford expensive purses and vacations.
WriterMama's Avatar WriterMama 01:44 PM 05-14-2005
My mom is supportive of me being a sahm, because she and my dad both worked long hours at relatively low-paying jobs to support a large family. She sees that their absence caused a lot of probs with their children (not saying woh does this--but they were literally too exhausted and distracted to do much of anything with us) and she's glad that I can be fully available to my kids. My dad and ils feel the same way, fortunately.

I have to say that her absense in the home and the fact that I never saw one happy sahm role model probably contributes to the nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I'm wasting my education by being at home. I know it's irrational, and I know that being with my kids is the best decision for us, but I just wish I could do it without reservations. That's something I'm always working on, it seems.
phathui5's Avatar phathui5 04:57 PM 05-14-2005
My mom was a SAHM until I moved out. She took college classes at night for years and years (graduated when I was 12). When I moved out, she started working full-time because she wanted to have money for herself. She is very supportive of me staying home with the kids and has helped us out financially in the past.
my2girlsmama's Avatar my2girlsmama 06:16 PM 05-14-2005
My mom was a sahm. She did do cleaning houses on the side at times, but overall was a sahm. She enjoyed it, chose it, and basically was very happy to be there for us for everything. She is the reason why I saw no otehr way to parent that to be at home.
eclipse's Avatar eclipse 06:26 PM 05-14-2005
My mom was a SAHM until my brother was 5 and my sister was 4 and her first husband left her for another woman. Then she had to travel cross country to be near family and worked 16 hour days to pay the bills. she hated it, but did what she had to do. Then she married my father, but left him while pregnant with me because he was abusive and alcoholic. She stayed home with me for two years while receiving welfare and then became a preschool teacher and took me with her. She never wanted to be anything but a SAHM, and it was really tough for her to lose that dream.

Fast forward to now, she is *thrilled* for me that I can finally SAH with my kids (I worked fulltime until ds was 3.5 and dd was 1 and i was laid off). While I was working, she was very supportive of the way that dh and i arranged our schedules to avoid using daycare (no comments about how we were going to ruin our marriage by never seeing each other) and was more than willing to pick up the slack when we both had to be at work at the same time by caring for the kids (she arranged her days off in such a way to make it possible). Anyhow, she has been great about it, and never implied that I'm "wasting" my education my caring for my kids.
mamawanabe's Avatar mamawanabe 07:31 PM 05-16-2005
My mom was a stay at home mom. She doesn't really have an opinion on whether I should be one or not, but she does worry that I'll be somewhat bored/miserable (I guess because she was a little).
annethcz's Avatar annethcz 09:18 PM 05-16-2005
My mom was a SAHM, and she completely supports my decision to stay at home. Honestly, I think she'd be disappointed if I WOH full-time and had my kids in daycare.
katebleu's Avatar katebleu 04:29 PM 05-18-2005
my mom was a SAHM until i graduated from high school. my brothers were 16, 13 and 9 (i think) and she joked that the family gave up the live-in maid so i could go to college. that wasn't really what she thought or how she felt about staying home. she was always very proud and bit defiant about being a SAHM especially in the 70's-80's when more women were going back to work.
she's very proud that i'm staying home. and has been one of my biggest suporters because she knows how it can be. which has been a great help.

"yay gramma" - lucie goosie
mamawanabe's Avatar mamawanabe 04:46 PM 05-18-2005
Originally Posted by mamawanabe
My mom was a stay at home mom. She doesn't really have an opinion on whether I should be one or not, but she does worry that I'll be somewhat bored/miserable (I guess because she was a little).
Now, MIL is a little ambivalent too, but for an opposite reason - she was a sahm and likes the idea of her dils not being able to handle being sahms. She once told me with a note of self-satisfaction that sara (fake name - the wife of dh's brother who woh part-time) would go stir crazy at home full-time. My MIL is great, but she stakes her self-esteem on weird little things . . .
elmh23's Avatar elmh23 05:09 PM 05-18-2005
My mom wasn't a stay at home mom, but wanted to be. She was a single mom with no help (she finally got child support from my dad when I was 19!) so she couldn't. She loves that I stay home with Sarah.
janerose's Avatar janerose 05:29 PM 05-18-2005
We've been very lucky that both our families are VERY supportive of me being a SAHM. If anything I think I'd seriously get hassel if I decided to go back to work. Especially if that decision meant placing dd in daycare even part-time!

My mom was a WOHM. She worked FT as a nurse my whole life, and just recently (last month) went per diem. Having a child of my own has really made us talk about stuff like this & I realized that she ideally would have worked part-time while we were little but just wasn't able to do it as my dad made VERY little money as a factory worker. She has said on numerous occasions though that if my Gram hadn't been able to care for my brother & I that she would have had to stay at home & just found some way to make it work. Daycare wasn't an option for her at all.

My MIL has been a SAHM all along. Actually, now she's a WAHM because my IL's own a business & she does all the paperwork part from home. She has a BS in education though & has many times gotten the "you're wasting your education" line. That's one I'm very blessed to have never heard from either of our families either. Since she had an education & made the choice to stay home she is obviously very supportive of our decision to have me do the same.

sincitymama's Avatar sincitymama 06:01 PM 05-18-2005
My mom stayed home for a couple years. Actually she couldn't have gone to work, as she was too young to drive or have a legitimate job :LOL but she liked being home with me. She was a single mom though and had to go to work as soon as she was able. Luckily there was lots of family around to help take care of me Like my grandmother would work a m-f 9-5 job then watch me nights and weekends whil emy mom worked jobs like waitressing and whatnot. When I was schoolage, an aunt ran a home daycare so I was still taken care of by family(surrounded by my other cousins too ).

My whole family is quite supportive of sahm-ing. Plenty of the women have had outside jobs also, but staying home is understood to be a very tough, respectable job. It's nice to have so much support. It's also nice to be able to vent a little here and there and have people understand, tell you they remember, how they got htrough those otugh times with young ones, rather than tell you that daycare and a full time job will solve all your issues.

My husbands family is a little different. They aren't openly disrespectful or anything, but are mostly hte type who seem to believe that earning cash is some kind of moral issue. Even if oyu hate your job and your family doesn't need the money to survive, it's lazy to not have paying work. So different from my family, where sure, it's lazy to never do anything with your life or whatever, but they understand that it doesn't always mean cash.

My mom particularly is very supportive of our choices. If there is something she doesn't understand, she asks. And listens to the answers! Usually once she hears our reasoning behind something(not vaxing, homeschooling, etc..) she's cool with it. It's a nice change from my IL's, who if they don't understand or agree might ask a question or two but not listen to the answers and then just never bring it up again. If the topic comes up, they just get quiet.

I htink the only thing my family would worry about with me is that I won't ever make time to continue my education or anything like that, that is just for my own fullfillment. I'm a high school drop out who only ever had lame retail jobs I didn't like but paid the rent, then I turned up pregnant(and SO not on purpose). So I can see why they worry about that, me not meeting my potential(iam a smart cookie ), and try to remind them as it ocmes up that I do have plans for college and owning a business and stuff, it's just not time for that in my life yet. I actually am quite grateful for this time off from the 'working world' to be able to sit back, hang out with my son, explore different interests in my own way at my on pace, and make my plans. I will have plenty of time for those goals when ds is a bit older, right now he's 17 months and still just little.

Have I veered too far off topic? :LOL
merpk's Avatar merpk 06:41 PM 05-18-2005
Until I was maybe 3. After that she worked full time, and went to grad school at night for multiple masters degrees.
Jennisee's Avatar Jennisee 07:32 PM 05-18-2005
I *think* she stayed home w/ me the first year, but I'm not positive. I know she was working when my brother was born when I was 2, and has always worked since then. I know she didn't handle being a WOHM very well, IMO. She treated her children like live-in maids, cooks, babysitters, and told me often that she didn't have to clean up after herself (as in clear her plate from the table, put her coat and shoes away, that sort of thing) b/c she had a job--that was my responsibility b/c I didn't have a real job like she did. And I'm not really sure what she thinks of my being a SAHM. Can you tell we don't talk much?

My dad walks a strange line. He has given me many lectures over the years about "doing whatever makes you happy." But, he also asks when I'm going to go get my PhD (I have a masters). Um, we live in the middle of nowhere. Where am I going to go, Podunck University?
mags's Avatar mags 06:35 PM 05-19-2005
Originally Posted by Jennisee

My dad walks a strange line. He has given me many lectures over the years about "doing whatever makes you happy." But, he also asks when I'm going to go get my PhD (I have a masters). Um, we live in the middle of nowhere. Where am I going to go, Podunck University?
Lol, same here. My parents, esp my mom bug me about getting my MS degree, but we live in the middle of no where like you. I would have to commute over an hr and a half each way, which I'm not willing to do at this pt with a toddler and another baby on the way.
virgo mommy's Avatar virgo mommy 12:15 AM 05-21-2005
My mom was a SAHM, so i just naturally thought that's what i would do, i never really questioned it, and my whole family is very supportive,

but i hate it when people give me those sympathy looks when i say i am a SAHM like they were sad for me or something : not my family but people i would meet, etc...i don't feel like i'm giving up anything by staying at home....i LOVE it and i wouldn't have it any other way and neither would dh or dds
Goldenlover's Avatar Goldenlover 10:21 PM 05-21-2005
my mom was a SAHM and also my dad was due to medical reasons for them both

My mom never got the chance to see me being a mom since she passed away 19 days before Jayden was born
GOPLawyer's Avatar GOPLawyer 01:41 AM 05-27-2005
My Mom worked yet fully supports and encourages me staying at home. My Dad, however, was not thrilled that my education was being "wasted". Let's just say he's now seen the light and is fully behind me.
OnTheFence's Avatar OnTheFence 10:39 AM 05-27-2005
My mother was a SAHM, and she believed that at all possible children should be at home with at least one parent while they were young. If you had to work, she thought that a grandmother, aunt, or cousin should care for the children. She was very opposed to day cares. When my mother had to work due to a divorce, an older cousin took care of me or my grandmother.
~Megan~'s Avatar ~Megan~ 02:47 PM 05-27-2005
No she wasn't (and thank God!) my grandmother had in home day care though and we stayed with her. We got a much better deal than if my mom was SAHM.
If she was well rested she was a great mom and did it fine but I can't see her doing it all the time. She was definitely more about quality than quantity.

I think she sorta regrets it but also recognizes it was necessary for her to work. Not only her personality but my parents divorced when I was a toddler so she worked because she was single and it was her only choice. Then after she married my step dad she continued to work and my grandmother cared for my baby sister. My brother was born a few years later and my dad was unable to continue to work because of very serious health problems. So she's glad she worked.

She also respects my choice not to work and I think she thinks it a good idea. Of couse she wants me to live to close to her so that when she retires in 4 yrs she can babysit for me. No, thanks.
Doodlebugsmom's Avatar Doodlebugsmom 05:43 PM 05-27-2005
My mom was a SAHM until I went to kindergarten and she and my dad got divorced. She has worked as a social worker ever since and the hours worked out so that my sister and I spent about an hour in an in-home daycare after school. My mom, step-dad and dad are all very proud that I SAH. They think my kids and I are lucky to be in this situation. They don't feel like I'm wasting the education that they paid for!
cks321's Avatar cks321 12:33 AM 05-28-2005
My mom was a teacher before she began to have kids and my dad was an engineer and made a lot of $$$$ so when she had my oldest sister she quit and became a SAHM (considering my dad made 6 figures a year it didn't do any damage on their income anyway) it sucked though becuase when I was 5 my mom found out my dad got a woman who worked in his plant pregnant....good job daddy...and they got divorced. The problem was she didn't have a teaching certificate or whatever for the state we lived in at the time, and couldn't get a job. So she ended up taking over a donut shop that my dad had bought has a "hobby". But she thinks me being a SAHM is great, but she says that I should finish my school so I have something to fall back on so if (god forbid) my dh and I get divorced I will have something to support myself with.
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