SAHM's - How is your stress level? - Mothering Forums

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Old 05-24-2005, 01:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I noticed a thread like this for working mamas...

I was wondering how stressed the SAHM's are.

I, for one, am always stressed. I don't know why, I just am.
Maybe stress is a part of me.

But I stress about how I can't get anything done; how I can't get motivated; how I am depressed that I am not contributing financially to the family; how I feel isolated sometimes when all this other stress is occuring; how I get really burned out always being "the one" for my ds....

SAHMing can be stressful, right? Or is it just me?
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Old 05-25-2005, 03:03 PM
 
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I can so sympathize with you there. I am always stressed it seems with 2 kids now. With all that you said and then some. Ugh. But SAHM has it's rewards too. I love the "just becuase" kisses and hugs I get from my daughter and the pictures she makes me. And when I teach her something new and she really gets it. But the tantrums, and screaming, defiance, not feeling like I'm doing enough when i go go go all day long. I feel like when I'm spending time with the baby nursing or what have you I'm neglecting my oldest, and when I'm playing games or other stuff that requires me to be free handed and able to run around, I feel like I'm neglecting the baby. There's no middle ground sometimes. OOPS gotta go nurse.
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Old 05-25-2005, 03:09 PM
 
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Another I can realte post here. I don't feel stressed out all the time, but when I do I often feel guilty because I feel like others feel I should be stress free because I don't WOH. I'm sure a lot of it is in my head, but I guess that's where stress usually hangs out right Do you try to relieve some stress with life changes? If so how has it worked?
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Old 05-25-2005, 03:09 PM
 
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I am stressed out 24/7. I am actually concerned about the effect my stress is having on my health. I need to learn how to chill out a bit!

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

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Old 05-25-2005, 03:43 PM
 
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I do have stress everyday,but it sure beats being out in the workforce all day then coming home to stress some more. : I don't ever feel guilty about not contributing $$,my contribution goes far beyond a dollar value. I'm grateful my dh feels the same. Naps and walks with the children help reduce stress for me. And sometimes I will go out in the evening after dinner by myself to the bookstore and thrift store. That REALLY helps stress!
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Old 05-25-2005, 03:47 PM
 
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Mine depends on two naps a day!:LOL
If I get them to take 2 at the same time, life is bliss.I really just rave "me time" ya know? Maybe it's just the silence....I try to do pilates and runregularly I find that helps too. If my muscles are sore or unstretched it really affects my mood.

Due with number 5 in August. We do all that crunchy stuff.
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Old 05-25-2005, 03:49 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Leilalu
Mine depends on two naps a day!:LOL
If I get them to take 2 at the same time, life is bliss.I really just rave "me time" ya know? Maybe it's just the silence....I try to do pilates and runregularly I find that helps too. If my muscles are sore or unstretched it really affects my mood.
My older two won't nap anymore.....and the baby's are totally random.

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

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Old 05-25-2005, 03:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I thrive on the naps as well - naptime is SACRED :LOL
But, I spend much of it here browsing MDC etc.
Then I feel guilty bc I should either be
a) napping as well
b) reading a good book or the newspaper
c) cleaning

(see my priorities? :LOL)
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Old 05-25-2005, 03:56 PM
 
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I'm one big stress-ball :P :LOL

It's all just stress for me, from the moment I wake up, until my insomnia filled nights of laying in bed awake, wishing I could sleep, knowing the alarm will wake everyone up soon enough, and the day will start all over again. *sighs*
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Old 05-25-2005, 03:59 PM
 
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This is interesting to me.
I was just talking to DH about stress.
He just started taking two classes a week which will means he won't get home until 10:30 those nights, and then lots of reading and studying when he is home, on top of his normal 9-5 job. We are doing this for the rest fo the summer and probably will continue into the fall.

I have been feeling really stressed about this. I worry about how I can handle my part of this.

I told DH that I don't feel like I have been able to push myself into doing challenging things as I did when I taught classes or was a student at the university. Where did this ability to strive ahead and just do it go?

DH replied that it was because I "strive ahead and just do it" 24 hours a day now.

Yes college and teaching was stressful, very stressful at times, but it wasn't 24 hours a day.
I am on call as a mother constantly and I think this kind of stress can be very wearing.

I am happy that I realized that. It is allowing me to be more forgiving of myself and allow myself to push ahead. This summer and fall will be a real test for me.

Children deserve the respect of puzzling it out.
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Old 05-25-2005, 04:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mammo2Sammo
I am on call as a mother constantly and I think this kind of stress can be very wearing.
BINGO!
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Old 05-25-2005, 04:04 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mammo2Sammo
I am on call as a mother constantly and I think this kind of stress can be very wearing.
This is my problem right now. I get NO break. Not even a shower.....one of them is always in there with me. And dh is not being supportive about it either.

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

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Old 05-25-2005, 04:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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wow! Angelbee - you do have your hands full with 5yo, 3yo, 1 1/2yo & 5mo!!!
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Old 05-25-2005, 04:16 PM
 
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yes, naps are definitely sacred to me, too!!
Just to sit and not have to anything is so nice for a few minutes...
yeah I feel stress too, mostly about money b/c our finances just keep getting worse and worse and I dont know how we are going to pay off our debt
but then I consider getting a job during the weekends, but that doesnt seem to be much help and dh and I both decided it would just cause more stress (a coworkerand hium had a lovely conversation lately---- coworker "your wife doesn't work does she?" dh "yes, she works" coworker "oh whats she doing " dh "shes a MOM!" ---- coworkers wife WOTH on weekends)
mainly my stress is from money, but also I get very stressed and burnt out since I do not have much support and never get a break or time to myself , and also b/c of lack of inspiration for art work that used to flow so easily before kids
gotta run

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Old 05-25-2005, 04:18 PM
 
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My stress level is pretty low right now. A month ago it was through the roof. My husband is home every day by about 4:00 and he pretty much takes over when he gets home. I run errands or watch tv so I do get some time to decompress. We don't have any major worries right now. We're more broke than usual, but not going hungry or anything.

I think my stress level stays low in part because we spend the weekends doing fun stuff. We go to the beach, the pool, taking long drives-- we don't try to fit in all the housework or other boring errands that we didn't have time for during the week. Also, my kids are all sleeping through the night and have been for a while. My 3yo gets up to get in bed with us, but that only takes a minute to figure out. I'm getting as much sleep as I need and that makes a world of difference in my stress level. I can cope much, much better when I'm well rested.
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Old 05-25-2005, 04:19 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanPlanter
wow! Angelbee - you do have your hands full with 5yo, 3yo, 1 1/2yo & 5mo!!!
ohhh how do you do it? angelbee! wow!

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Old 05-25-2005, 04:40 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mammo2Sammo

I told DH that I don't feel like I have been able to push myself into doing challenging things as I did when I taught classes or was a student at the university. Where did this ability to strive ahead and just do it go?

DH replied that it was because I "strive ahead and just do it" 24 hours a day now.

Yes college and teaching was stressful, very stressful at times, but it wasn't 24 hours a day.
I am on call as a mother constantly and I think this kind of stress can be very wearing.
This is exactly what i have been dealing with lately too... and I came to the same consclusion- we are never "off the clock" (my ds is still nightnursing alot too...) and it jsut generally fries us...
for me, as an artist, I have been stressed at how when I do get to steal a little time here and there to do art, I am usually blocked and it gets frustrated and then I get down on myself, but after talking with a friend he pointed out how being a parent and a SAHM takes the ultimate creativity - to keep them entertained, to keep them challenged, to keep them sane during errands, etc etc etc...
and that helped me understand it a little bit and not be so hard on myself.
I've found being outside helps a lot (and now finally in the NW I can feel the sun!!! ), going to a lake or beach, going for a walk, gardening with ds....

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Old 05-25-2005, 07:38 PM
 
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I do have my stressed out days, but it generally depends on my sleep. If I am having a tough time sleeping, I get more stressed. If I get enough sleep, I'm usually good to go.

Right now, I am going through a bout of insomnia where I'm up anywhere from 3-5 hours during the night, and it's starting to wear on my, but my best friend has Bean over for a sleep-over so I'm hoping to hit the sack early and catch up on some zzzz's.
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Old 05-25-2005, 08:54 PM
 
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I notice looking back that no matter where I am in my life, I am pretty stressed out. I kick myself now, thinking - BUT I HAD NOTHING TO STRESS ABOUT THEN, NOW I DO. But, you know, it is just my stress level is high and if I don't have REAL things (like teh dissertation) to stress about, I'll stress about small things (like an akward converstaion with a professor).
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Old 05-25-2005, 11:52 PM
 
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I am actually more stressed now than I was when I was working full time with 2 small children.

The fact that I am NEVER away from them has really distroyed my ablity to cope with life, I know that sounds bad but it's true. When I was working I got a break from work to enjoy the kids, then I got a break from kids and enjoyed my work. Now I can't pee alone, shower alone, water the plants alone, I've even hit them with the fridge door (not on purpose of course) but just opened or closed it and they have been so close, and I didn't see them..... It doesn't help that dh is traveling nearly non-stop so I am really doing everything alone.

Now I truely believe that we are all better off now that I'm home (I know it's hard to tell but I really do feel that way) but I find this toddler age very challenging and difficult for me, I feel that I could parent babies well and look forward to them growing up a bit it's just this time that I find very hard. I was a middle school teacher (with one year of high school), and I really enjoyed those kids. I know most people run from that age bracket but I really liked those years.

Mom to ds 9 dd 7 : and dd 3/08 : if I can I go to
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Old 05-26-2005, 12:55 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eman'smom
I was a middle school teacher (with one year of high school), and I really enjoyed those kids. I know most people run from that age bracket but I really liked those years.

OT I was (am??) a middle school teacher. I really love that age also, really looking forward to it with my own DC.

Children deserve the respect of puzzling it out.
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Old 05-26-2005, 01:59 AM
 
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I used to be extremely stressed-- then somewhere around the 3rd baby I just slowed down. I realized that not everything had to get done in a single day, and that if I had to do something very slowly, that's how it would be done, or if it took a long time to do something, it would just take a long time. I realized that it is the basic things that really matter-- a family that has stayed together-- good health-- no poverty-- a roof over our heads-- food and water and electricity-- a safe place to live-- kids who aren't miserable-- those are the things that mattered.

I remember when I just had 1 child, our fridge broke and I was in tears. After the 4th child, the fridge broke and I wasn't the least bit stressed. We lived without a fridge fo a couple months. It was winter so we put things outside.
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Old 05-26-2005, 12:54 PM
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High stress, very high. No sitting around munching bon bons here (LOL there is a myth if I ever heard one! Wish sahm WAS that way though at times..........)

Baby dd who is one is refusing to sleep...nursing alot.........learning to walk and talk and growing developmentally right now...so I am a walking bag if exhaustion and frustration. Not fun. Older dd is needing more from me and I am trying but baby frustrates me to no end needy and clingy.......causing me to just feel useless to them both.

Hubby gets to relax more and that angers me to no end.

Money is tight and I am trying to balance us on the proverbial highwire of life........daily. Not easy by any means.

I feel alone alot...........tired....stretched to the max.

Stress..........yes definately.
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Old 05-26-2005, 03:58 PM
 
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my2girlsmama, i know how you feel

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Old 05-27-2005, 11:23 AM
 
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At this point I am so stressed that I feel I can not continue. I am exhausted, burned out, and just barely getting by. I am really worried about going on any further with this level of sleep deprivation.
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Old 05-27-2005, 12:31 PM
 
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I'm actually much less stressed than I was when I worked full-time. For the most part, there's not all that much that I actually *have* to get done, other than taking care of my daughter.

If the grocery shopping doesn't get done today, I can always scrounge something up out of the freezer/cabinets, and we can go to the grocery store tomorrow. If the rugs don't get vacuumed today, nobody other than me is really going to notice. And so on.

I think that as my daughter gets older, it will get more stressful; right now I don't have to deal with behavioral issues. And I know that when we have another child, it's definitely going to get more interesting. But for right now, I feel like things are OK.

Sonja , 40, married to DH (42) since 5-29-93, DD born 11-3-2004, DS born 1-18-2007.
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Old 05-27-2005, 01:53 PM
 
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Stress definitely exists for SAHM's too.

Right now I feel stressed because my dh is contemplating changing jobs. He had an interview yesterday and I know he'd like to take the job if they offer it to him. It has better benefits but the job would also pay less than what he makes now and things are already tight. There are so many unknowns in the situation- if he gets offered the job, if he starts out at x pay, if he gets a certain shift, if he works 2 jobs... and it still might fall short. Can we make that work?
The thought of him working 2 jobs to try to make it work stresses me out because his days off are the only time we spend together... and the time I get a break with dd. Some will say to me that I should get a job but we are in a rural area, job options are limited, we only have one car, who would take care of dd, how would we pay for child care if the job I got only took us back up to where we are now in terms of income but not over and we had added expenses from me working.
Dh is also going to be taking a trip soon leaving me to care for dd alone 24/7 for almost a week. I've done it before and know it can be stressful... because even a five to twenty minute break helps. Dd will also miss her daddy and I'll have to deal with that too.

Kim ~mom to one awesome dd (12)

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