Can we start a tribe for financially challenged SAHMs? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 44 Old 07-14-2005, 06:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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As I've said before, I'm not *technically* a SAHM because I work 5-10 hours a week while dh stays with ds. But i feel like a SAHM because I am home with ds during the weekdays and we do not use child care services.

So . . . . .

I started a thread a while back for poor SAHMs that got a lot of responses and I was wondering if there is any interest in creating a tribe? I know a lot of our issues could be covered in Mindful Home Management, but I feel like I need support specifically for my choice to remain at home even though we are barely making ends meet.

Anyway, I guess in order to have a tribe maybe we should have a Question of the month or a topic for discussion. I won't bother thinking of one until I know if there is any interest.


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#2 of 44 Old 07-17-2005, 02:20 PM
 
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I thought we were all poor! :LOL

Cecily
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#3 of 44 Old 07-17-2005, 02:36 PM
 
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Yeah we're poor. We live with my inlaws and pay half the utilities because we bought a house and every spare penny has to go to a massive renovaton. I'm talking new walls, new roof, new floors, new everything and we are also adding on to it, So we are going to be living the uber frugal lifestyle for about a year at least, probably longer.

I actually considered getting a PT job because DH was complaining about the grocery bill. I don't think $200 a month for food is that bad at all. And now I have decided to CD at the last minute so I'm trying to scrounge up cheap CD's from Ebay before all my free sposies run out.

Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#4 of 44 Old 07-17-2005, 05:24 PM
 
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I'll join you ladies. Right now we are trying to get back on our feet. Will take a bit of time but it will happen. Dh now has a new job and school will be back in session soon. That will help on the grocery front.

love and blessings
angie
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#5 of 44 Old 07-17-2005, 07:39 PM
 
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by poor- you mean the opposite of rich right?
just checking because in my mind it sounded like you were creating a tribe for "sorry" moms who have to stay home. maybe there is a better way to put it so there is no confusion- i like financially challenged SAHMs. i just worry about promoting the stereo type that SAHM are sorry, poor beings that should be pitied, and are anxiously awaiting the day that they can join the "working" world.

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#6 of 44 Old 07-17-2005, 07:44 PM
 
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Hey -

I'm a single SAHmama right now, on welfare. Canadian welfare, so I'm not desperate, just poor. :LOL
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#7 of 44 Old 07-17-2005, 08:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Dana I totally agree--Poor is not the right word. I couldn't figure out how to put it, but "financially challenged" --I think you hit the nail on the head.

Besides, we're all rich in spirit and in love, right?

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#8 of 44 Old 07-17-2005, 08:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok, I changed the thread title. that looks much better

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#9 of 44 Old 07-18-2005, 01:10 AM
 
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Oh good grief! I'm finally home! :LOL
Add me right on in, 'cause we are just SO "financially challenged"! My 5 1/2month old dd is sitting in my lap right now and playing with a coupon.

Jennifer, Wifey to Stevenwinky.gif, Mommy to Gwhistling.gif and Hfairy.gif. TTC for 5 years.
Praying for God to bless us again!

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#10 of 44 Old 07-18-2005, 01:13 AM
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I would be interested in this idea. I am looking for some tutoring work to bring in some extra income in the evenings so dd can stay with dh. We need the extra money. I tried to go back to teaching in public school parttime but I literally only found one daycare I would even consider putting my child in and the waitlist is too long. Not wanting to rant about daycare (not allowed here anyway). I love sahing but it is just not affordable. I would love to hear what others say about it.
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#11 of 44 Old 07-18-2005, 02:18 AM
 
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I'm in!! "Financially challenged" about sums it up.
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#12 of 44 Old 07-18-2005, 11:54 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rowdypea
Ok, I changed the thread title. that looks much better
Thank you thankyou- we make sacrifices to be home and the financial challanges can be awsomely overwhelming but none of us is "poor"

Punk, hippy, mama to 4 amazing kiddos, Boy#1 (18), TheGirl (13), Boy#2 (11- PBD) and Boy#3 (6)
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#13 of 44 Old 07-18-2005, 01:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok, let's see . . .how do we start a tribe? I guess maybe we need a question of the month.

Any ideas? If nobody posts a QOTM by this evening I will post one.

I'm so glad there are others like me out there. I'm excited to get to know more FCSAHMs!

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#14 of 44 Old 07-20-2005, 09:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok it took me longer than I thought it would to get back to this, and I see no one else has posted a question of the month, so I'll just go ahead.


Did you always know you would be a SAHM, or did you make the decision after your dc were born? If so, did you spend a while preparing for the transition financially or did you just go for it?





I'll answer my own question . . .

Before ds, I never even thought about being a SAHM. I had a 30 hour a week job that I loved, doing administrative work at a child care center and preschool. I worked from 7:30 until 1:30 every day, and the plan was that dh would drop ds off at the center where I worked at 10:00 am and I would take him home with me at 1:30. I was excited to be able to "have it all". I could even take breaks to nurse my babe as needed.

Then about a month after I got pregnant my job changed. I received a pretty major raise, and my work week became four ten hour days. I ws still planning on doing it all though.

After ds was born reality hit me and I just felt like I crumbled under the stress of seperating from my son. My happy baby cried a lot in daycare because he was used to being held all of the time and they just can't do that there with four babes apiece. I loved my job and it was the hardest thing in the world to quit, but two months after I went back to work, I left again. Everyone kept telling me it would get better with time, but I just couldn't live like that any more. I took a major leap of faith and here we are. We didn't really prepare at all, I just put in my two weeks notice with the faith that things would work out for us, and so far they have. It was the best decision I ever made. When you think about it, being happy and "poor" is the stuff fairy tales are made of.

Ok I wrote a book! anyone else?

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#15 of 44 Old 07-20-2005, 11:28 AM
 
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we are sort of preparing. We paid off all our debt and are slowly getting some untouchable savings squirrled away. We are planning on living off dh's salary when i am pregnant (it is a tight but doable salary - except that we are money fritterers). We are also considering moving somewhere where I can trade childcare with another part-time woh mom. I have a health foody, liberal, compassionate ect friend in Austin, and a wonderfull sil in Atlanta, both of whom are currently considering/ttrying to getting pegnant and working part-time. It would be ideal, but it is a long shot logistically
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#16 of 44 Old 07-20-2005, 12:56 PM
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I did not plan to sah. I was teaching 5th grade and having a very challenging year plus a challenging pregnancy. I knew I did not want to go back to that job but I thought I had to go back to work. Since I got pregnant, dh and I had been really good at putting a lot of my salary in savings each month so we knew we did not need me to work full time. After dd was born, she was colicky and had difficulty nursing at first. Then, she would not take a bottle and even after the colic subsided, she was very sensitive to others. She would not sleep without me. Dh got ill from helping (lack of sleep wore him down) and we knew he could not do that. We needed his salary. So, we made the decision for me to sah. I have thought about going back parttime but have not found any daycare situation I would put dd in. I just feel best being the one to take care her. Plus, I do the majority of the chores so we have a lot of family time together when dh is not working. That is important to us, also.
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#17 of 44 Old 07-20-2005, 01:20 PM
 
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Paying off debt, having untouchable savings, or buying any house are years away here. I think I always knew I would stay at home, and think staying at home is better than shiny new possessions. I'm not fond of daycare- here only the expensive ones are adequate, anyway. I was a waitress trying to be an artist, with an English/Women's Studies degree before. So it's not like I gave up my career. Now I have my own little artistic work at home business, just enough so things aren't soooo tight, and only random occaisional hours.
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#18 of 44 Old 07-20-2005, 02:09 PM
 
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Yeahhh -that's us - financially challenged! But sooooo happy in life!
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#19 of 44 Old 07-20-2005, 03:37 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rowdypea
Did you always know you would be a SAHM, or did you make the decision after your dc were born? If so, did you spend a while preparing for the transition financially or did you just go for it?
When my husband and I got married...we started off with me at home--so we didn't get used to a second income--we planned it all along. That doesn't mean we're rich--cause we're not--we live paycheck to paycheck...and we're paying off quite a bit of debt too...we just decided it was best for one of us to stay home with the kids--and we wanted to start right away (we ended up pregnant immediately--but miscarried--then pregnant again--and now we have an almost six week colicky baby at home)...
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#20 of 44 Old 07-20-2005, 11:40 PM
 
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I didn't really think about it before we had kids. But once I was pregnant...I knew I didn't want to leave my dc with anyone else. I brought them into the world and I wanted to be responsible for them. (Sometimes I think I'm crazy! :LOL )
I went back to work when my ds was 2 1/2 months old. The hardest thing I've ever done. We tried to plan for me to quit work, but planning really didn't do too much for us. Finally we just jumped in. That was hard too, as I really loved what I was doing. Surprisingly, my boss and his wife were VERY supportive. It was wonderful. It's financially hard hard hard. But very worth it.
I give all the glory to God. He's the one who makes our ends meet every month, I'm sure. It sure isn't me and my awful monetary skills!

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#21 of 44 Old 07-21-2005, 01:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zanelee
I didn't really think about it before we had kids. But once I was pregnant...I knew I didn't want to leave my dc with anyone else. I brought them into the world and I wanted to be responsible for them. (Sometimes I think I'm crazy! :LOL )
I went back to work when my ds was 2 1/2 months old. The hardest thing I've ever done. We tried to plan for me to quit work, but planning really didn't do too much for us. Finally we just jumped in. That was hard too, as I really loved what I was doing. Surprisingly, my boss and his wife were VERY supportive. It was wonderful. It's financially hard hard hard. But very worth it.
I give all the glory to God. He's the one who makes our ends meet every month, I'm sure. It sure isn't me and my awful monetary skills!

wow Jennifer--I could have written your post too! :LOL We have a lot in common here.

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#22 of 44 Old 07-25-2005, 10:13 PM
 
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:

We are expecting our first in Dec/Jan and not sure if we'll be able to swing it financially for me to SAH... but would really love to! We've been "financially challenged" for several years now, living on just my paycheck while DH was in school, then just his while I was in school. We are doing OK on monthly expenses (just scraping by) and have student loans to pay off... so going back to just his paycheck is a scary thought. It's encouraging to know that there are so many of you out there in similar situations who are making it work, somehow!
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#23 of 44 Old 07-25-2005, 10:26 PM
 
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We do okay in the Spring, Summer and early fall but late fall and winter are brutal on us. DH is a stone mason/landscaper by trade and once the slow flies here in New England his hours are slashed and it gets real tough to pay our bills and put decent food on the table. This year I am saving every bit I can while the money is good. I hope I can save enough to make this winter more comfortable than the last.

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#24 of 44 Old 07-26-2005, 11:59 AM
 
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Soon-to-be financially challenged SAHM here, just wanted to join the tribe. I'm currently working full time but DP and I will definitely be strapped when I quit my job in November and stay home with the kids.
I always knew I wanted to be a SAHM but I have had to work off and on during the last six years to catch up on things. I always feel horrible the first day I drop them off at daycare and wonderfully, gloriously happy and relieved the last day I pick them up. I am so looking forward to that last day soon, despite the troubles I know we'll have.
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#25 of 44 Old 07-27-2005, 07:14 PM
 
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"Financially challenged" sounds so much better than flat broke!

When dd was born, I was a junior in college working on my teacher's degree. I had every intention of doing it all. I was SAHM for the summer, then back to school while my dad watched dd for me. It was an easy schedule with lots of time for dd, and the closer it came for time to student teach, the more I dreaded leaving her for 50 hours a week. In the end, I decided to forgo the teacher's degree, though I did graduate (with honors with an English degree. We struggled for a while, and I eventually took a pt job that I LOVED! Worked very pt when ds was a baby, though I sobbed when my 14 weeks of maternity leave were up. When they were 2.5 and 18 mo., I thought I was ready for FT work -- what a disaster!! Long story short, I quit after less than three months, much to the relief of dh. I did daycare for 2 years, and though I didn't always love it, it payed the bills. Then dd #3 was born with severe medical/special needs. Working was completely out of the question. Dh was working erratic hours, not even full-time -- it was an awful time. Five years later, I have no idea how we've made it this far. Mostly the kindness of friends and lots of me researching resources! While I hope to continue SAH for a while, it doesn't look promising. The funds are running dry, bills are piling up, and debts are looming.

So . . . count me in to the tribe!
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#26 of 44 Old 07-28-2005, 12:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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These are wonderful inspiring stories! Jeanne L I hope one thing you can glean here is that where there is a will there is a way. Look at snuggly mama for example.

and I know there are lots more. I always feel so good after visiting this thread. As dh and I say, being poor gives you "street cred" :LOL

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#27 of 44 Old 07-28-2005, 02:13 AM
 
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Hi all!
Yes, I always knew that I would be a SAHM. I decided to not pursue my Masters degree when dh proposed. I figured, why spend all that money when I'd be staying home with our kids in a few years? Thank goodness I did quit, because the loans would have been brutal! (I just got a forebearance on my B.A. loans)
We didn't have any preparation to do. I was a disabled student, dh was self employed. Fortunately, we bought our first house the week before we married and our first child came along within a year. (It was a teeny $35,000 house) We've been financially strapped for all but 3 of our 9 years as parents. The last 4 have been the worst, but we still own a home (not that teeny one!) and we're all happy.
Who needs money anyway? I'd rather find ways to be creative financially and have more time together. Sure, it would be nice to not be eligible for assistance programs, but it's not the end of the world. The only thing that bothers me about being FC is that sometimes we need to look to our parents for help. That's an uncomfortable feeling.

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#28 of 44 Old 07-28-2005, 03:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi Lyn and welcome to the FCSAHM tribe.

I wish I had always known I wanted to be a SAHM. I have about 12,000 in school loans from getting my BSW (which I am glad I have ) and another $10,000 in cc debt because I incurred wedding expenses, college stuff, moving expenses, taking my unpaid internship, etc, all the time knowing that I would be able to pay them all off when I was in the "real world". WRONG! the real world for me was getting pregnant six months into my marriage, and deciding that there was no way I could balance a career and a family and still be happy. At least, not if I had other choices. So I am a really financially challenged but happy mom. I just thank God(dess) every day that I didn't take my mother's advice (ahem, harping) and go to grad school. Those loans would have killed us.

Anyway, glad you're hear! There are a lot of cheerful and positive minded FCSAHM around here to keep everybody's spirits up.

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#29 of 44 Old 07-28-2005, 04:34 PM
 
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Hey Rowdy....I've got a BSW sitting around here somewhere too!
I worked in the field for almost 2 years before quitting (I worked with HIV+/AIDS and got really stressed/burntout). Then I worked in an animal hospital (pretty much the same as SW only with animals!) until I finally got to stay home.

DH was laid off for about 9 months last year, but I was working. Still not enough to cover our $1300/month rent. We lived off credit cards and screwed up our credit in the meantime because we had severely late payments.

DH is back at work, actually working 2 jobs now. We are getting caught up, but the medical bills are piling in from my emergency c-section in April. And we still have almost $10,000 in cc debt.

So~just wanted to share my story and join the tribe. Hopefully things will get better for us all!
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#30 of 44 Old 07-28-2005, 04:38 PM
 
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I also consider myself to be a SAHM even though I work about 12 hours a week while ds stays at home with daddy, but we are poor too, that is why I work a few hours during the week.
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