SAHM are you really happy? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 54 Old 08-02-2005, 09:44 PM
 
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I'm pretty well-satisfied with my life right now. There are days when it is very frustrating and lonely, and days when I feel kind of aimless, but on the whole it's very fulfilling. I anticipate that in a few years I might get restless, and want to WAH or pursue something for myself, but right now I'm happy.
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Originally Posted by mamaofthree
So, for those of you that are not happy... what would make you happy? More help, getting out more? Working?

H
Um, a cleaning service? :LOL Seriously, though, I LOATHE and DESPISE housework. I am bad at it, and I take every possible chance I can to avoid it. If I could pay somebody to do it all, I would in a heartbeat and I'd never look back.

I don't think though that I would enjoy a life of complete leisure, with nothing to do but play with DD. I don't think that would be good for her either. I think it's best for her to be side by side with me while I spend my days engaged in productive work. I just wish that work wasn't housework, darnit.

Living in another time and place, with neighbors that also SAH and with lots of children around, or closer to family, would also make it easier. There is no "community" here, and I'm feeling it. The neighborhood I grew up in is basically where I want to raise my child, and unfortunately that kind of community is a rare thing these days, at least in this place.

me knit.gif, he bikenew.gif, my three reading.gif, sleepytime.gif, and fairy.gif-- and the one we lost angel2.gif
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#32 of 54 Old 08-02-2005, 10:07 PM
 
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I love staying at home and never thought I would love it. Like others have said, there are days I really want to just escape and really wish I was doing anything but staying home, but for the most part we have alot of fun. Those off days I have are most likely when it has been raining for days I am just cooped up, the kids are cooped up and we've run out of steam!

Otherwise, I would be pretty happy to never work outside the home again, even when the kids are in school or grown up and moved away.. whatever! I see the time of them getting older as the time when I can pursue more interests that are put on hold right now. Plus, with me not working, it sure makes taking vacations, etc easier because we're only working around my husbands pretty flexible schedule. Now, we have fallen in love with Waldorf schooling, so, if I don't homeschool, I may be working out of neccessity to pay for it.. but that would be a whole other thread.

Married, part time work from home mom to DS (13 and homeschooling), DD1 (11) and DD2 (9) and a giant dopey newfoundland, a crazy border collie mix, 3 black cats and a cute rat.
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#33 of 54 Old 08-03-2005, 12:29 AM
 
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In my favorite SAHM daydream, I live in a wonderful neighborhood where lots of other moms are at home (either SAH or WAH) so we could help each other with kids, meals, and just time for chatting over coffee. For me, the hardest part about being at home is having no adults to talk to for hours on end. I know it's bad when I'm happy to say hi to the guy at the toll booth! My kids are older, too, so their schedules can be fairly busy, which means I spend way too much time in the car.

I don't love every single day of SAHM. I love lots of moments in each day, though. Today, we went to the pool, and when we trooped back, all of us in our dripping bathing suits with soggy towels, I thought, "This is what summer is supposed to feel like!" Those moments keep me going, and they are truly the reason I continue to WANT to be home, not just feel like I'm supposed to be here.
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#34 of 54 Old 08-03-2005, 12:47 AM
 
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I love it and I am very happy. There are times we are too busy and I get tired and there are times we're not busy enough and I get bored, but those times are fortunately rare. I would not change my "job" for anything. I've been trying to go out more because I have lost touch with my childless friends, but I find that I'm too tired once the evening arrives. I guess I just wish my energy would last a bit longer so I could enjoy my mommy days and then some relaxing nights with friends!
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#35 of 54 Old 08-03-2005, 12:49 AM
 
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it's the same for me-- mostly I love being a SAHM-- but there are days when I'd love to have a long conversation with a friend without any interruptions. and even on the bad days i have those wonderful moments too where i remember why i'm doing it or am reminded of the benefit to my family.
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#36 of 54 Old 08-03-2005, 11:59 PM
 
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I am really enjoying being able to appreciate life's rhythms. The days & months go by smoothly. (certainly not the hours, from hour to hour life feels a bit hectic). I am no longer aching for the weekend, and anxious about teaching in the fall, counting down my days for Winter break, aware of the end of school and all of the awful testing and grading, etc.
Without all of that external stress, I feel much more attuned to the seasons and the days.

clarification: I am very aware of when 6:00 pm comes around (DH arrives home around 6:15). and I do look forward to having us all together on the weekends.

Children deserve the respect of puzzling it out.
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#37 of 54 Old 08-04-2005, 04:59 PM
 
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Thanks for the hugs, AMB8301 and mamaofthree :

I wish I could take him to work and go out on my own with DS, but sadly we only have a manual transmission car, and I don't know how to drive it. The last time DP tried to teach me I messed up and totally freaked out. I've been afraid to try again ever since. Not much of an excuse though, is it? :

DS 8/4/04 "You're my best mommy in the deep blue sea!"
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#38 of 54 Old 08-04-2005, 09:05 PM
 
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Yes, I can honestly say that I am happy with where my life is right now. I'm happy with our choice for me to be a sahm, happy that I will get to look back on these years and know that I was here with my kids when they were little, and I'm mostly happy on a day to day basis. I do find a lot of joy in watching my kids grow, seeing all the firsts, getting all those snuggles. Sometimes I wish that they would stay little forever and other times I am glad that there will come a point in my life where mothering won't be so demanding. I don't think I could really keep this up *forever* iykwim. But I'm also not wishing away their babyhoods. I'm trying to savor all the good parts and not dwell so much on the bad, but that is just my basic annoyingly optimistic nature I think:LOL
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#39 of 54 Old 08-08-2005, 07:08 PM
 
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I love being a SAHM! I have been in and out of the workforce since before my 1st son was born (17 1/2 yo now) and always enjoyed being unemployed more than being employed. The reasons I went to work were mostly feeling guilty about not working... I finally started homeschooling my son so that I would have an "excuse" to stay home. Now, I don't care how other people feel.

I even had a good friend who "talked to me" about my throwing away my life. As though working a job that pays me money is worthwhile just because I have an income of my own!!! I consider it throwing away my life to be spending my life doing something that I don't enjoy or things that I don't enjoy as much as I could if I were doing something else–such as staying at home!

I've finally hit an age where I just tell people I took early retirement. If they don't like that, tough!
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#40 of 54 Old 08-08-2005, 08:39 PM
 
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I coudn't imagine it any other way - I can't even entertain the thought of not being a SAHM. I love it. I still have a small gig I do out of the home, once a month, that takes 10 hours max. I don't mind it because it doesn't take me away from my baby, plus a little extra income is always a welcome blessing! I do, one day, want to work again doing something I love - but not now. Taking care of my baby is what I love and this is what is more important now.

shishkeberry - although the above has made me sound like the perfectly content and happy SAHM, I do have lonely moments, and I can empathize with how you feel. It is so critical to get out and connect with others and have support. I recently moved to AZ and its hard because I left all fam & friends. I hope you find some friendly folks soon. I'll work on it, too, if you promise to!

Sarah and Steven 8/24/02, Little Miss L 7/15/05, and Mister E Man 2/10/07.
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#41 of 54 Old 08-10-2005, 01:06 AM
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I miss working totally - my Emma is 7 and homeschooled... but when the baby comes I think I will be happy to be SAHM.

Things that make me unhappy is lack of freedom to get out, do stuff, my own spending money (husband's money is used for bills - we never have any spending cash with just him workin',) I dunno, I find more and more I hate feeling stuck at home.
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#42 of 54 Old 08-12-2005, 02:22 PM
 
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I love being a sahm..well, a wahm, does that count?
now that dd is starting school next week, i feel like a part of my life is over...she's never gone to childcare or anything....so we have had 5 good years at home together....and she's off to am kindergarten...but, I have my little 12m old to keep me company

eta- it isnt always roses and sunshine tho, and on those days i love to pass the kids off to dh, sip some chai tea and hit the mall or bookstore..

~mama to some wonderful kids
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#43 of 54 Old 09-17-2005, 08:42 PM
 
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Unfortunately, I don't enjoy being a SAHM, but it's not because of the kids. It's because of the fact that I don't have a driver's license, cannot take my daughters anywhere(other than the park, where there's a paved trail), have no social life, no friends or relatives to visit(a couple of inlaws live 10 minutes away, but never visit), feel sooo lonely, miss my granny, and kind of miss earing an income, and supporting the family(instead of being supported, even though I realize my *support* is very important).
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#44 of 54 Old 09-17-2005, 11:02 PM
 
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Yes, I am totally happy. I am WAY happier doing this than I ever have been doing anything else at any other time of my life. Sometimes I do get impatient and stressed and feel like I need a break, but overall I would not want to be doing anything else right now!
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#45 of 54 Old 09-17-2005, 11:24 PM
 
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Yep, love it. Though I was lonely at first & missing my old colleagues and *old life* friends. Once I found a new group of friends who were SAHMs too I wasn't so lonely. I feel blessed to be able to stay home w/my girls - - so many people want to but can't for one reason or another. I was also 37 when dd1 was born so I feel like I had time to enjoy my own *life* before dds came along. I think that makes a big difference too.
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#46 of 54 Old 09-18-2005, 04:01 PM
 
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In some ways I think that in a perfect world both parents (if indeed you are co-parenting) could work part time and stay home part time. I know that my dh would make and awsome sahd on a part time basis.

Am I happy being a sahm is such a complicated question for me. I had a pretty successful career that I liked a lot at a great nonprofit but know that when I had my dd that I wanted to sah. Now four years and two kids later some days I feel conflicted about it. I was a latchkey kid (my mom did a great job but she really need work for reasons besides money) and didn't want that for my children but I now understand why people choose to go back to work even if it isn't for monetary reasons. It is hard to find your feet when you kind of identified yourself by your job for so long. Some days I feel so bored and so deprived of intellectual stimulation.

I also feel lonely for adult companionship (I can't imagine those of your who can't get out). I have a great group of mommy friends but sometimes I wish I could have a real adult uninterrupted conversation. I am also not completely comfortable about the whole husband as breadwinner thing even though I do earn quite a bit working from home in the evening and even though my dh is completely fine with it and has never made me feel like anything less than an equal partner. I grew up in a household where education and career were really stressed.

Wow, long post but it felt good to write. Yet I feel like kind of a butt because I am so lucky to be in this situation. We are frugal but not poor. My dh has a good, secure job, we have a nice house and live in a great place so I feel guilty that I'm not always loving it. For a while I kidded myself into believing that I would homeschool but I just don't think that I have it in me.
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#47 of 54 Old 09-18-2005, 04:16 PM
 
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My only real issue about being a SAHM was not having access to other people, now that I have a group of friends that are also SAHM's it's easier on me.

Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#48 of 54 Old 09-18-2005, 05:16 PM
 
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The older ds gets the happier I am being a SAHM. He's 2 and we can go places and he fully participates in the experience - so everything seems more fun. In the beginning, I was simply too tired to even think about whether I was happy or not. No sleep, constant nursing and a high needs baby just zapped me of my zest for life. But as we both grow I see that I really stressed a lot more than was necessary. If there's a next baby I think I'll just relax and enjoy the moment more.

When I worked it was in a very corporate, conservative, mostly male environment. I found it extremely stressful to be so liberal and touchy feely on the inside with no outlet, sort of like being forced into behaving as someone I wasn't, in exchange for money. I loved the perks, the adventure / travel and of course the $$$. But, all in all, I found my job to be suffocating to my spirit. Being a SAHM lets me just be me - and the best part is that who I am inside works to ds's advantage. Being a person who likes to be silly, believes in fairies, dances wildly in the living room and finger paint with pudding is undesirable in corporate America, but gets high marks from my toddler!
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#49 of 54 Old 09-19-2005, 03:57 PM
 
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I quit my job nearly 6 years ago and have never regretted it. I love being at home. When our business was failing and dying its long death, I started looking for job openings. I was devastated during that time. I mean, literally sick and becoming depressed and frantic about the idea of having to have someone else raise my daughter. So far, that hasn't been necessary, although I do do some work while my daughter is in Preschool.
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#50 of 54 Old 09-21-2005, 05:35 AM
 
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I love being a SAHM! I hated having to go off to work when my daughter was little and if I have my way I will be a SAHM until the kids are out of school. Luckily my dh agrees so barring any major financial disasters I will be at home with the kids.
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#51 of 54 Old 09-21-2005, 08:56 AM
 
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I love being a SAHM - it is like being able to run your own business (I know the children dictate a lot but so wouldn't clients, deadlines, etc..).

I challenge myself to make homemaking an art - to find beauty and bring it into the home, to laugh, to dance, to love...

To provide good homemade food, to craft together, to walk together.

It is what you make it! Not that I don't long for adult conversations sometimes or feel like I am going to lose it But overall it is bliss!

I am living my dream (as soon as we have our farm too)

Warm wishes,
Tonya

Simple Living, Joyful Homemaking, Homeschooling Mom of 6
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#52 of 54 Old 09-23-2005, 05:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamaofthree
So, for those of you that are not happy... what would make you happy? More help, getting out more? Working?

H
Maybe if we could afford to have a secodn car and I had friends I would be happier.
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#53 of 54 Old 09-23-2005, 05:57 AM
 
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No, I'm not happy. I also feel very guilty because I know so many moms would love to be able to stay home and can't, yet I get to and don't enjoy it. It's not that I dont' love caring for my infant, but I'm really lonely all day and since she is extrememly high needs I end up totally overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted which makes me isolate even more.
I miss my friends.
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#54 of 54 Old 09-30-2005, 10:43 PM
 
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I'm happy, but I'm also conscious that one day soon I'm going to start getting nervous about what I am going to do next. My oldest DC just started preschool, and I still have a newborn. But when both my kids are in school for most of the schoolday, I'm not sure that I will be as happy as I am now. Right now I'm happy because I'm spending most of my time with my children.
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