SAHM are you really happy? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 54 Old 07-31-2005, 04:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I just recently quit my job (although I was only working about 12-16 hours a month for about a year now. LOL) and I am SO FREAKIN' HAPPY! It feels great.
People keep telling me I have a "job", but I have decided to look at being home 100% with my kids as not a job so much as an adventure. Now an adventure isn't all happiness and roses every minute, but when I think of job (this is just what I feel for myself) I think of it being a PIA and something not to pleasant (which is how I was feeling about my job for some time now).
Anyway... to answer my own question.. yes I am happy!

H

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#2 of 54 Old 07-31-2005, 04:46 AM
 
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I would be much less happy if I was away from my babies- I tell myself that after finding crayon on the newly painted wall.
YEs- I am grateful and thankful that we have chosen for me to be at home- I am glad I have a husband who wants me to stay at home.
I do want to work outside the home- someday- but I do enjoy being at home- and plan to make more out of it once we move.

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#3 of 54 Old 07-31-2005, 05:05 AM
 
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I am. I've been here for every first! But, SAHM is not for everyone, I will say that. There are days I want to RUN!
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#4 of 54 Old 07-31-2005, 07:21 AM
 
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I am truly happy being home with my kids. I know one day I'll go back to work outside the home part-time, but not for awhile.

Later, I can always work, always find time to make money and catch up on our bills, and even save some to go on vacation. But I'll never get this time back - when they are young, and learning so much, and need me to be here with them. I wouldn't have traded this time for anything.

We have our good and bad days - but all in all I am very happy I chose to stay home to raise my kids.

"Home is where the heart is, no matter how the heart lives." - PP&M
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#5 of 54 Old 07-31-2005, 09:53 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamaofthree
I have decided to look at being home 100% with my kids as not a job so much as an adventure.
I think of it as an opportunity
An opportunity to step out of the rat race, and focus on what is really important to me and my family. I am my own boss, so I do what is important for me and my family--every last thing I do has meaning for *me*. I was never able to say that as a fulltime worker or student! And, as dd has grown, I find myself with more and more blocks of "freetime", and I have to find a way to fill it! So I have opportunities to read, rest, learn, socialize, try things, plan things, hope, dream.....

So, yes, I am very, very happy!
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#6 of 54 Old 07-31-2005, 10:03 AM
 
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Yep. I was working part time for years and years. My dh and MIL had the children on the days/afternoons I worked, so child care was never a worry and the children were happy. At one point I had two part time jos that were demanding and one was *extremely* stressful. I was able to take my kids to work with me at that point.

I was lucky to be able to quit both of those right after my 4th child was born 6 yrs ago. One was a teaching position and I worked up to the day before she was born, and the other I kept until she was 3 months old--I could take all the children with me. The day I quit that one was an incredible day.

I am not kidding when I say that I was delirious with joy to be done with trying to pull myself in so many directions. For about a year I woke up feeling giddy I didn't have to do anything but take care of my family. Now, I don't feel giddy so much as blessed beyond words that I can do this without worry.

Of course, I am going to have to figure out some sort of job when my oldest goes to college. There's a financial commitment. The problem is that i have absolutely no desire to get back into the stress of working and taking care of my family. I am not good at multi-tasking.
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#7 of 54 Old 07-31-2005, 03:15 PM
 
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"It's not a job, it's an adventure" have we joined the army? :LOL sorry couldn't resist.

I do like that though, an adventure. Maybe that is how I'll think of it now. Acutally looking at SAH as my "job" helped me though. I think I was wandering so to speak and not all that happy for a while, like I didn't have purpose or something, even though I was raising kids, not working was hard for me. However now that I'm in the sah adventure groove . Yes I'm mostly happy with it. I think that is why I looked at it like a job (now adventure) I liked working most of the time, just like I like being with my kids most of the time.

Mom to ds 9 dd 7 : and dd 3/08 : if I can I go to
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#8 of 54 Old 07-31-2005, 09:03 PM
 
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I'm so happy that I'm able to do what works best for our family right now. I think it's such a blessing to be with the kids and watch them grow and learn. It is not always a pleasure to be a SAHM, I admit! The days when the older kids won't stop bickering and the little one has ripped up the entire newspaper are NOT the days when I am at my best! What makes me happy, though, is knowing that when the kids say, "tell my about when I was little, mom", I've got lots and lots of stories -- good and bad -- to choose from.
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#9 of 54 Old 08-01-2005, 05:18 PM
 
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Well, there's happy and there's happy.

I am happy that I am an at-home mom. Absolutely. I was very happy working, but I would be miserable working with DS in daycare.

Most days, I am actually feeling happy, too.

Some days, I am feeling overworked, tired, unhappy, angry, upset at the unfairness of it all, worried because we don't have any money, pissed off because DH gets to go to work and I am at home with a very demanding toddler (though he really is a sweet boy).

SO - overall, I'm happy. I'm just not giddy with joy.
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#10 of 54 Old 08-01-2005, 05:48 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eman'smom
"It's not a job, it's an adventure" have we joined the army? :LOL sorry couldn't resist.
I think the Peace Corps' "The toughest job you'll ever love" slogan fits a bit better.

Ya know, I don't know a single person who loves their job each and every day.Actually, I don't know many people who say they love their jobs, period, no matter how fulfilling those jobs may be, overall. I don't know that I would ever say that I "love" being a sahm. There are certainly times that I long to escape from it. But I do know that I'm doing something I chose to do, that I feel is best for our particular family, and that I will only be doing for a finite number of years. There are occasional moments of glory, a whole lot of mundane hours, and enough adventures to have something to write about. I'm satisfied with that.
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#11 of 54 Old 08-01-2005, 06:39 PM
 
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Sometimes I find myself feeling annoyed or resentful. Then I remember my old job and I know I am much happier with what I am doing. When I put things into perspective I realize that this is really just a short period in my life and the life of my son so I want to do what I feel is best for my family.

Overall, I am happy with my choice.
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#12 of 54 Old 08-01-2005, 06:46 PM
 
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[QUOTE=sarahtar]
Some days, I am feeling overworked, tired, unhappy, angry, upset at the unfairness of it all, worried because we don't have any money, pissed off because DH gets to go to work and I am at home with a very demanding toddler QUOTE]

Oh that's totally true! I wasn't trying to paint a perfect picture. We have our days - those horrible days. But, all in all, I am happy.

take care.

"Home is where the heart is, no matter how the heart lives." - PP&M
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#13 of 54 Old 08-01-2005, 06:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't know, when I first was working outside of the home I loved my job, loved it, I would have done it for free, but that changed over time.
I can say I love being home with my kids, not that everyday is sunshine and roses for sure, but each day I find something to say WOW about. And to find a little bit of that sunshine.
I like the adventure thing because for me an adventure can be trying and seem overwhelming at times, but still all in all it is great. I mean Lord of the Rings was an adventure. LOL :LOL Not that that is how my home life is... although some days...
Anyway, I guess I posted this mostly because I was (and still am) feeling so great! :LOL I am just so happy and feeling so good. I am having another great day.. I was just wanting to see if other mama's felt this way too.

H

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#14 of 54 Old 08-01-2005, 07:01 PM
 
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Well, I don't know. I chose to be a SAHM, my mom was a SAHM, dh's mom was a SAHM. It was always my plan and I did/am doing it. But it is not what I thought it would be. It is hard. It is thankless. I am glad I am doing it. But I am happier when I am having breaks - out to lunch with a friend or scrapbooking or whatever. I think it is best for my kids, but it doesn't fill me up if you KWIM. I am very sad that this is the way I feel but it is. I love my kids, I hug them and kiss them and take them to the park, etc. etc. It is just not the most joyful time in my life. They are precious and I adore them. It is just hard.
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#15 of 54 Old 08-02-2005, 12:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So, for those of you that are not happy... what would make you happy? More help, getting out more? Working?

H

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#16 of 54 Old 08-02-2005, 12:40 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zinemama
I think the Peace Corps' "The toughest job you'll ever love" slogan fits a bit better.
OK this is my new motto I am seriously going to hang it above the sink or in the play room :LOL

I am happy.... overwhelmed sure but happy

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#17 of 54 Old 08-02-2005, 12:40 AM
 
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Getting out more (by myself) makes me happy. But the more I do that, the angrier dh gets and the sadder the kids get. So it is really, really hard. What makes me feel like I am not drowning is the same thing that hurts my family. Sorry to derail the thread....
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#18 of 54 Old 08-02-2005, 01:00 AM
 
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I think I was wandering so to speak and not all that happy for a while, like I didn't have purpose or something, even though I was raising kids
That is totally me!! I feel like I'm just wandering around aimlessly right now, bored most of the time. The kids and the house get so menotonous. Ugh. I feel like I need to start a new hobby, persue interests, but they require money and childcare, two things that just aren't going to happen right now! But I think this job has it's seasons. And summers are always boring for me! So I'm excited for the fall when things start up again!

Kirsten, I really feel for you. There has to be a happy medium in there somewhere for you guys....
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#19 of 54 Old 08-02-2005, 01:21 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kirsten
Getting out more (by myself) makes me happy. But the more I do that, the angrier dh gets and the sadder the kids get. So it is really, really hard. What makes me feel like I am not drowning is the same thing that hurts my family. Sorry to derail the thread....
First of all, to you. And I don't think you derailed the thread. The question was are you really happy and you honestly answered "I don't know." I think it's OK to not be happy all the time. And I don't think we should feel guilty for not feeling all warm and fuzzy about SAHM'ing. It can be a very hard and thankless job.

Personally, I find myself intermittently happy and frustrated with being a SAHM, so I guess I would either answer "I don't know" or maybe "yes and no." If I could get more help around here it would help me and my grumpy attitude on my grumpy days. Mostly, if I could just get a break more often, I'd be happier.

DH is actually really good about trying to get me some breaks (not so great with helping around the house and yard) but at least he tries to make sure I get some time off. The trouble is that lately his job has been very demanding and frustrating so neither of us has had a break. If DD takes a nap during the day, I usually am OK. If she doesn't take a nap, well, let's just say that by 4 p.m. I am not a happy camper.

But even on my most difficult days, there is always something about being home with DD that makes me feel joy. And if I wasn't SAHM'ing I would miss out on so many of these. Plus I can't think of anything I'd want to do for work that pays even close enough to make it worth my while to find a "job."

At this point though, it is getting easier - my DD just turned 2 in June. And I want to be home with her. I guess I just wish I could afford a maid and that I could have a day off once in awhile. A day off where I didn't have to leave, but could just lounge around in my jammies and watch a chick-flick and not have to be at anyone's beck and call. I'd like time to read a book and to draw again. I used to have a lot of solitude, so SAHM'ing was a big change for me even though I was only "working" part time to begin with.

As for not feeling filled up by being a SAHM - I can relate to that. But I like multi-tasking. The thing is that I don't really want to go get a job. Maybe after DD is in college, I would like to go back to school as well and maybe then get a job as a therapist or something. But until then, I just want to be able to be a good SAHM and to find enough time for me to retain my own interests and identity. This is still a challenge (and I only have one child right now!).

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#20 of 54 Old 08-02-2005, 01:24 AM
 
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Yes, I am very happy being a SAHM and would not have it any other way! I love being home with my kiddos and I know that there will be lots of time in the future for working outside the home.

That said, there are lots of time that I am tearing out my hair. My dp is really good about giving me breaks like taking dd 1 to the park or letting me slip out in the evening for a drink with a friend. My biggest difficulty is balancing playing with the kiddos and getting house work done. After lots of playing, I enjoy vaccuming. Opps, should I have admitted that?

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#21 of 54 Old 08-02-2005, 01:52 AM
 
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What - you enjoy vacuuming? : Oh, the horrors!

That's not my thing..... but I do like to mow the lawn. :

Hey, I'm still working, but I am also getting a workout and a meditation. I like pulling weeds too. Very theraputic when I am PO'd.

Plus seeing the lawn mowed gives me a sense of accomplishment. I know that SAHM'ing accomplishes more than anyone could ever measure which is why I do it. But sometimes it's nice to be able to see what you've accomplished right away. I've also been known to feel very successful by catching up on the laundry. :LOL

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#22 of 54 Old 08-02-2005, 03:44 AM
 
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I miss working and will likely get another job in the future and maybe have DH stay home again. Probably in a couple years. Or each of us working part time or something instead of one of us working full time.

Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#23 of 54 Old 08-02-2005, 04:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Kirsten: I didn't mean to upset you, I was just wonder what kind of support you had, and if it changed would it help.

Anyway, as I had said I jus recently went 100% at home. But not until I quit my job has my DH been more open to me getting away, and that I haven't had the massive guilt for doing it. It would be nice once in a while to not have to go out but to have everyone leave me at home... lol, but I get out at least 3 times a week, not for really long periods of time, but enough. Our library is open late 3 days a week so after dinner I will go there and chill out, or I might do some of the shopping on my own, that sort of thing. It feels good. My dh has also gotten better about helping out at home. We also worked out a sysytem that he gets a 30 minute nap when he gets home and then he is recharged and is way more helpful in the evening. AND I try and nap everyday when the youngest two sleep. The older two play together or read, and I snooze... man I feel so much better. I also found that having a great support system of girlfriends is the most valuable thing I have. We watch each others kids, have someone to gab with... it is one of my biggest blessings.
Somedays I too feel like what am I doing... BUT lately, I have kept pretty busy. I do think there is something to doing something and seeing the results. I know when I worked I wouldn't alway see the end result , but I got MONEY every two weeks, that helped. LOL

To be honest, I am a bit shocked that more mom's aren't over joyed. It makes me sort of sad. I wish there was a way to find an answer for you to be happy and feel fulfilled. But I guess that is really each persons own journey. I do think that if you are truly unhappy being home that there is nothing wrong with working. I think kids can feel when you are truly unhappy, and all the kisses and hugs don't really make that go away. Maybe even a part time job would be enough... ?

H

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#24 of 54 Old 08-02-2005, 04:30 AM
 
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It's not that I'm not happy, I just miss the fast pace of the working world and being busy. I've always been a bit of a workaholic though so that might explain it. I worked many years as a caregiver and I really miss doing that.

Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#25 of 54 Old 08-02-2005, 04:56 AM
 
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No, I'm not happy. I'm so alone here. I don't live within walking distance of anywhere and I'm not on a bus route. I don't know anyone here, so it's just me and DS, all alone every day.

I don't know what I want to make things better. I want some time with my friends, but it's just not possible most of the time, and no one will drive out here to visit me.

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#26 of 54 Old 08-02-2005, 11:45 AM
 
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Shishkeberry Does DH have a car? Can you drop him off at work and have the car for the day? Can he get a ride from someone?

When dd was a baby she screamed from the second she saw her car seat, this lasted 1.5 years, I never went anyway by myself, and we live in a rural area, "town" is several miles away and has one stoplight. :LOL I didn't know anyone here, I was miserable, I just cried all the time. When I was finally able to go places I found friends, activites to do, dd and I are on the run all the time, we have a blast everyday (well most days anyway), and I am so happy. I couldn't imagine doing anything else. I love my life as a SAHM.

There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.
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#27 of 54 Old 08-02-2005, 12:08 PM
 
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Starflower,

I like mowing and pulling weeds,too! I think you are right- it's meditative and it gives me a sense of accomplishment. Being a SAHM, in my opinion, is so much better if you can relish the little victories of everyday life.

Salvia

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#28 of 54 Old 08-02-2005, 01:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Isolation would be the worst I think. I am lucky, I have so much around me and a lot of friends... that hasn't always been the case, just in the last three years. I was so lonely for other women who were living like me. That goodness I found them.
Shishkeberry: I am sorry. You need to find away to get out. Even just a couple times a week, or heck even once a week. Maybe you cabn drop hubby off at work and go to some local LLL meeting or something, get out and meet other moms.

H

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#29 of 54 Old 08-02-2005, 02:08 PM
 
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Yes, I am extremely happy. There are times when I feel overwhelmed and I long to be single and free, but those moments don't last very long. I enjoy my kids, and I look forward to homeschoolong both of them. Also, for some reason, my oldest daughter is becoming VERY easy (18 months - 2.5 years was a very difficult year, I really cut my parenting teeth! She's now getting easier by the day). There is no way I will ever choose to NOT be here for them daily, this is an extremely rewarding job.
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#30 of 54 Old 08-02-2005, 08:27 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamaofthree
Kirsten: I didn't mean to upset you, I was just wonder what kind of support you had, and if it changed would it help.

To be honest, I am a bit shocked that more mom's aren't over joyed. It makes me sort of sad. I wish there was a way to find an answer for you to be happy and feel fulfilled. But I guess that is really each persons own journey. I do think that if you are truly unhappy being home that there is nothing wrong with working. I think kids can feel when you are truly unhappy, and all the kisses and hugs don't really make that go away. Maybe even a part time job would be enough... ?
Oh, you didn't upset me! And I used to be overjoyed to be a SAHM. It is just getting old. I don't miss working but I do miss the sense of completion, of a job well done (DONE, not in progress), of getting pats on the back for doing something well. I am tired of toys on the floor, ungrateful kids, and feeling that I have another 16 years of this. My kids are 9, 4 and 2 so I have been home for almost ten years. I think it is just an approaching midlife kind of thing - is this all there is? Really, the first eight years or so were really great. I just am kind of burned out I think. My mom died when I was a kid - I wish I could talk to her and hear if it was this hard for her. I am so sorry that I was a demanding, ungrateful kid. I'm sorry I fought with my sister; I'm sorry I whined and complained.

I'll be better in September when my older two go to school full time. It will be easier with just me and the baby. I really think that will help a lot.
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