Young SAHMs - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 63 Old 08-08-2005, 02:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
lunasmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Highly caffeinated in the PacNW. :)
Posts: 1,375
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Just wondering if there are any young SAHM. Its hard being a SAHM when all your friends are young and still wondering when they'll be going to the mall next. it seems like all of a sudden your "off limits" because you have a baby, i tend to find that its easier to get along with mamas outside my normal age range if they have kids as opposed to younger friends who dont have kids.

Cat, Mama to Luna Aislin

2: :
lunasmommy is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 63 Old 08-09-2005, 01:30 PM
 
Autumn Breeze's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: with the Geek in the Pink
Posts: 14,936
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I guess I have gotten used to it. I've been a SAHM for the last 3.5 years (3 years and 10 months actually) I was 18 when I had my son, and I'm getting ready to have our 2nd child. I've gained some friends over the years who are SAHM's as well, but we still have such different scheduals, and busy ones at that so we don't get together very often.

And as for my friends from high school, I don't talk to but 2 or 3 of them anymore, none of them are married, and none have kids. When I talk to them, it's brief, and we don't get together anymore. it's kinda sad, but it's something I've come to accept. Of course by the time they all have kids mine will be school aged!

((hugs mama)) I know how you feel

~Autumn~   Mama to whistling.gif (2001) and hearts.gif(2005) partners.gif madly in love since '99 
Autumn Breeze is offline  
#3 of 63 Old 08-09-2005, 01:58 PM
 
Patchfire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: S.S. Guns 'N' Handcuffs
Posts: 1,823
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm not so young anymore (egads! I'm going to be 25 in October!) but I had my dd when I was 19, and was a student/SAHM then fulltime SAHM. It is hard! I feel like I don't have much of a peer group - I belong to a mom's group but most of the mothers are ten years older than me (or more) so they like to talk about things that happened, in some cases, before I was even born!

(P.S. Hey Amanda! How's your pg going? And, I've got some 'stuff' I didn't use after Jacob was born, if you want it - motherwort tincture, unopened Lasinoh, that kind of thing. )

Kash, homeschooling mommy to Gillian (8/5/00) and Jacob (3/23/05)
and Brigid Eleanor (11/20/08)
Patchfire is offline  
#4 of 63 Old 08-09-2005, 02:03 PM
 
MomBirthmomStepmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: southern CA/inland empire
Posts: 1,860
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm 23. I have no friends. I moved here less than a year ago, and still know noone. All the people my age, have no children and want to run out to the club/bar/casino on a whim, and I cannot. None of the parents I meet are near my age, and don't seem to want the happy medium that I'm looking for, of being a SAHM, and being able to go out and have fun more often, like I want...

I think I'm just selfish...lol
MomBirthmomStepmom is offline  
#5 of 63 Old 08-09-2005, 02:33 PM
 
elmh23's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Where it's hot!
Posts: 9,270
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm 22 and all my friends are either still in college or just graduated and freeloading off their parents. It's really hard to get together with them, because none of them understand that I need to always have Sarah with me (she won't take a bottle or solid foods) and that I don't want to go clubbing. I'm just starting to make new friends through AP playgroups and I think the youngest mama besides me is in her mid to late 20's.

Mama of three.
 
elmh23 is offline  
#6 of 63 Old 08-09-2005, 03:04 PM
 
phathui5's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Oregon
Posts: 17,013
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I'm 21. I had ds when I was 16. I gradually ended up with a different group of friends when I became a mom. Not that I didn't like my old friends anymore, we just had less in common and wanted to hang out at different places. Most of my friends now I met at LLL or church.

Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
14yo ds   11yo dd  9yo ds and 7yo ds and 2yo ds  
phathui5 is offline  
#7 of 63 Old 08-09-2005, 04:01 PM
 
Autumn Breeze's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: with the Geek in the Pink
Posts: 14,936
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Kash, thanks for the offer! If you don't need it, I'll take it! I'll be buying the 'bare bones' birth kit hopefully by next Wednesday. Just the minimum stuff my MW requires. It kills me cause I wanted some extra stuff to add to my doula bag, but when money's tight, money's tight! And how bad is this, I bought new cloth nursing pads, but no nipple cream. *sigh* pregnancy brain can be so deflating sometimes!

~Autumn~   Mama to whistling.gif (2001) and hearts.gif(2005) partners.gif madly in love since '99 
Autumn Breeze is offline  
#8 of 63 Old 08-09-2005, 04:51 PM
 
Vermillion's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,940
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
(almost) 22yo SAHM here.

As for the issues with friends. I can’t relate as I have no friends. I moved a couple years ago and left all my pre-baby friends behind, which is fine as we all outgrew each other anyway. I haven’t made any new friends where I live now. I just don’t seem to vibe with anyone! All the moms my age have been my total opposite as far as parenting goes, and all the older moms seem to look down on me a bit because of my age.

Liz om.gif Lovin' DH partners.gif DS (12) coolshine.gif and forever missing DD angel3.gif (12/02/07) ribbonpb.gif
From the withered tree, a flower blooms~ He's here!!! So crazy in love with my  rainbow1284.gif  boy!!! 12/14/11 luxlove.gif fly-by-nursing1.gif

Vermillion is offline  
#9 of 63 Old 08-09-2005, 08:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
lunasmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Highly caffeinated in the PacNW. :)
Posts: 1,375
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
hey, i can relate about the moving thing, i moved from california to florida almost exactly a year ago...so no new friends yet. and it does seem that few young moms are interessted in ap, breastfeeding, cd, ect...its hard, but i'm really happy all you mamas responded!!

Cat, Mama to Luna Aislin, 11 weeks
lunasmommy is offline  
#10 of 63 Old 08-09-2005, 09:05 PM
 
lisser's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 228
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wow! Who knew there were "so many" young SAHMs!! I'm 25. I have a 3m old and 5 and 8 y/o step sons that we have half the time. I've *always* wanted to SAHM, and I love it, but as many of you have said...I dont have hardly any friends. My two close IRL friends are actually friends from JR. High, but they dont live close, so we just talk on the phone every few months. One of htem I see a couple times a year, one I see once every couple years (she is a mom, but TOTALLY dif. parenting style from me).

Lisser

Alyssa, wife to one, mama to 2 boys, 5.5 and 4. Living and learning on our little farm.
lisser is offline  
#11 of 63 Old 08-09-2005, 10:42 PM
 
cheeseRjedi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,485
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Cat, i wish i met you when i lived in florida!! i lived in boca and moved here to denver in march when i was pg. i know it's a while off, but i'll be down there visiting in early october and i would love to get together. we should keep in touch

i'll be 21 next month and i don't really know any other mommas my age (or any age for that matter). like i said, i just moved here and my only real friend is DH. there are aquantences (i'm positive i spelled that wrong), but i'm not really good at meeting new people. all my friends are in florida (of which there are a few mommas). i talk to some moms at LLL meetings, but it's hard to go from a small-talk person to a real friend who i would actually hang with.

my baby girl is the best thing that ever happened to me
cheeseRjedi is offline  
#12 of 63 Old 08-10-2005, 02:21 AM
 
annethcz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: on the beautiful prairie of MN
Posts: 9,825
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I was pretty young when we started our family, my kids are now 5, 3, and 1. I found having my first child and being a SAHM to be incredibly isolating. I lost all of my friends from grad school, and although I lived in the same town I grew up in, all of my high school friends were still in college. I didn't feel like I fit in with many of the other moms of young kids at church or at community ed classes, because they were so much older than I was, and many of them were only SAH for a short period of time.

I found that I really did have to make a new community for myself. I joined LLL, which is where I met most of my new friends. And as my kids got older, I got to know some of the other moms from church better. I still get comments about my age, but now that I *know* the other moms better, I find that they are more accepting.

I am not an outgoing person by nature, but I found that I had to change that aspect of myself if I was going to have any friends. I'll admit that it did take a few years to find my niche, but as I grow into my role as a SAHM, the more comfortable with it I am.

New signature, same old me: Ann- mama of 2 boys and 2 girls, partnered to a fabulous man.
I'm an unintentional weasel feeder and I suck at proofreading.
annethcz is offline  
#13 of 63 Old 08-10-2005, 01:20 PM
 
Autumn Breeze's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: with the Geek in the Pink
Posts: 14,936
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think LLL is a good group to join when looking for some friends. I've found that not only my parenting style, and beliefs impact my friendships, but my views on birthing are HUGE impacts on friends. As a doula I tend to ask "how was the birth" ect or something, and well it either leads to a good discussion or me biting my tounge.

~Autumn~   Mama to whistling.gif (2001) and hearts.gif(2005) partners.gif madly in love since '99 
Autumn Breeze is offline  
#14 of 63 Old 08-10-2005, 01:57 PM
 
JamesMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Is a PROUD Iowan (finally...)
Posts: 7,962
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wow! Glad I'm not the only one, I'm 21, my DS is 6 months. I go to a BF support group once a month but most of the moms there are older (by 10 years or more) I have 2 friends with kids but both of them work and they are the type that says "I need a break, I dropped DD off with my mom/aunt/grandma/cousin so I could go out. They will watch (DS) for you if you want to come with." Ummm...thanks but no thanks.

Renae wife to J :, Mama to 4.5y/o J-bird and 2y/o A : and E coming in late Dec/Early Jan. My husband had a living donor kidney transplant! :
JamesMama is offline  
#15 of 63 Old 08-10-2005, 03:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
lunasmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Highly caffeinated in the PacNW. :)
Posts: 1,375
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
[QUOTE=cheeseRjedi]Cat, i wish i met you when i lived in florida!! i lived in boca and moved here to denver in march when i was pg. i know it's a while off, but i'll be down there visiting in early october and i would love to get together. we should keep in touch

hey CheeseRjedi....that sucks that there was a young cool mama practically right in my back yard and you moved...oh well. but like you said maybe when you come back out to visit we can get together. feel free to email me and we can swap 'new mommy' stories

Cat, Mama to Luna Aislin Fiance to Shaun and human mama to Titty :

2: :
lunasmommy is offline  
#16 of 63 Old 08-10-2005, 09:04 PM
 
mrsfatty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Twin Cities area, MN
Posts: 1,727
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm 23--is that young enough?
mrsfatty is offline  
#17 of 63 Old 08-11-2005, 01:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
lunasmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Highly caffeinated in the PacNW. :)
Posts: 1,375
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
mrefatty, It doesnt really matter how old you are....as long as your young at heart. But really you fit in just fine...welcome and more power to you for being a young SAHM!!!

Cat, Mama to Luna Aislin
lunasmommy is offline  
#18 of 63 Old 08-11-2005, 11:41 AM
 
Peony's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 15,915
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)
I will be 23 on sat, dd is 2.5 years now, I had her when I was 20. It was a challenge when dd was a baby, I only had one friend my age, she had children, but had them VERY young, and wasn't someone I could relate to, our parenting practices are worlds apart. It was hard to met people, I was usually 10-20 years younger then all the other moms, I kept trying different mom's group. I found some mom's through LLL, I found most of my mom friends later when dd was older through the local story time at the library. I have a good friend now who is a year older then me, but all the rest of my friends are quite a bit older, like 40+. It was very hard when dd was baby, it is much easier when they are toddlers bcause you do so many activites. I usaully find that it is the moms who are so much older then me that have similar parenting practices, at least in my area!

There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.
Peony is online now  
#19 of 63 Old 08-11-2005, 05:02 PM
 
Fieryfly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: N. CA
Posts: 727
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Just wanted to chime in and say WTG mamas! Your kids are very lucky to have you at home with them. I had my son at 16. After I finished high school I took distant ed courses on tv part time so I could be at home while DH worked. We only had one car and lived in an apt. Most of the young mamas there either worked or went to school full time so it was hard to make friends.

I didn't start making close friends until I joined LLL when DS was 3 and I was pregnant w/DD. We also moved into our house and I found some other young SAHMs in the neighborhood, and then I didn't feel like I was the only one anymore! I love meeting other like-minded mamas no matter what the age, but there is a just a connection when I meet someone who is around my age and going through some of the same things I am.
Fieryfly is offline  
#20 of 63 Old 08-12-2005, 12:42 PM
 
lisser's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 228
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
cheeseRjedi: I currently live in Grand Junction, but we are movng back to Denver (Broomfield) early next summer. My husband works over there every other week, when the older boys are at their Moms house. I go over with him about once a month, since I have lots of family over there. We are just here temporarily due to parenting time issues w/ the boys, but that should all be resolved by the end of the school year.

Lisser

Alyssa, wife to one, mama to 2 boys, 5.5 and 4. Living and learning on our little farm.
lisser is offline  
#21 of 63 Old 08-12-2005, 01:58 PM
 
momsgotmilk4two's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Lake Forest, CA
Posts: 1,629
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I was 23 when I had my first and first became a sahm. I was always the youngest in playgroups and mommy/baby classes. There were usually a few moms in thier upper 20's though. I don't mind having older friends. I have friends who are in thier 40's and I'm 28 (not so young anymore!) and I don't even notice the age difference. We are all at the same place in our lives it seems, married with young children. I have more in common with them than I do with most 20 somethings who don't have kids and are still partying on the weekends and getting more involved in thier careers. I'm starting to find now that I'm not the youngest in the playgroups anymore, but I'm still the youngest with kids my kids ages. All the younger 20's moms have babies and I have one going into Kindergarten.
momsgotmilk4two is offline  
#22 of 63 Old 08-12-2005, 02:49 PM
 
mom2alexandcalynn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: new hampshire
Posts: 105
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
i will be 25 on the 20th but i hear ya when it comes to not having all your old friends around. i dont talk to anyone from high school all my old friends are not friends anymore b/c i have kids. oh well their loss! now i only have one friend, lol. we both have two kids and we hang out alot, our kids are all friends and its really fun to have someone to talk to about parenting and stuff.
mom2alexandcalynn is offline  
#23 of 63 Old 08-12-2005, 05:06 PM
 
Jenn_M's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Iowa
Posts: 539
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi, I'm 22 and have a 2 year old dd. I know how it feels to have no friends IRL . A lot of my friends that are my age do have children but as far as parenting styles go we are on opposite ends of the spectrum. None of them breastfed, none of them cloth diaper, and they all think spanking is ok : .

Jenn: WOHM to a big girl (7/03), a medium girl (8/07), and a little girl (12/10)
Jenn_M is offline  
#24 of 63 Old 08-12-2005, 08:02 PM
 
om'na mommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 17
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
hi yall,

i am a 24 year old pregnant goddess and understand what you are saying. something i noticed though is that all those friends from high scool, college, etc. go there own ways regardless of babies or not but iam sure it is a harder once you have a baby. everyone from my "group" in high school all have babies within the same year. i am pritty much the last one to get pregnant. one is on her second. BUT we are such gypsies that we live far far away from our long time friends. i just moved to Ojai, california and am meeting people through work but i wonder what it will be like. there is this group called holistic mom network ( www.holisticmoms.org ) it's kind of like leleche but it is centered around holistic mothering. Maybee you could start one of these in your area and attract those groovy mamas to you. i am giong to start one here once i have the hang of being a mom... if that ever happens.
om'na mommy is offline  
#25 of 63 Old 08-12-2005, 08:13 PM
 
huggerwocky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 5,396
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vermillion
(almost) 22yo SAHM here.

As for the issues with friends. I can’t relate as I have no friends. I moved a couple years ago and left all my pre-baby friends behind, which is fine as we all outgrew each other anyway. I haven’t made any new friends where I live now. I just don’t seem to vibe with anyone! All the moms my age have been my total opposite as far as parenting goes, and all the older moms seem to look down on me a bit because of my age.
Same here....I don't know anyone here.
huggerwocky is offline  
#26 of 63 Old 08-12-2005, 09:36 PM
 
eightyferrettoes's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 5,193
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Just turned 24. People seem to assume I'm older, partly because DH is 36 (uhhh, not because of my maturity level :LOL)

Yeah, it's kind of isolating. I've even considered going to church in spite of my atheism, just to meet other youngish moms. Y'know, unless a lightening bolt strikes me dead at the door.
eightyferrettoes is offline  
#27 of 63 Old 08-12-2005, 11:32 PM
 
ksmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 158
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I was 22 when I became a stay at home mom, now I am 27 and still loving it! At first it was hard, all of my college friends were away, although most of them chose to stay at home with their babies as well. Soon I started making friends and I ended up having TONS of GREAT SAHMoms.
ksmommy is offline  
#28 of 63 Old 08-14-2005, 11:45 PM
 
APGoddess83's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Southern MD
Posts: 235
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Just wanted to add myself to this group! I became a sahm at 16 and have been ever since! I feel lonely sometimes bc the only young mom friends I have are single working moms so they are busy. My other friends are childless and just don't understand my ap mama need to not leave my kids (esp. my nursing ones) for any period of time, lol! Most days I'm happy with just having my mom and dh (my two best friends) but there are times I wish I could find some young ap sahm to talk or hang out with.

Sky, mama to dd 10/00, dd 3/02, ds 7/04, dd 3/07, ds 7/10, stork-girl.gif11/12 & married 11 yrs

APGoddess83 is offline  
#29 of 63 Old 08-15-2005, 07:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
lunasmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Highly caffeinated in the PacNW. :)
Posts: 1,375
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
welcome welcome!!!
lunasmommy is offline  
#30 of 63 Old 08-15-2005, 07:52 PM
 
cheeseRjedi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,485
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
it's crazy how so many of us mommas moved and just never ended up meeting new people. it's so hard to find other parents you can jive with and then actually make a point to hang with them.

does it get easier to meet other mommas as our babies get older? i.e.- toddler age when they can go to the park,library, etc...
cheeseRjedi is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off