Would the term "homebody" offend you - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 24 Old 08-30-2005, 07:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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because it certainly pissed me off.

Last Wed I got a call from a lady(R) I sort of know. She runs a local bar(I think she may have moved on), she's in her late 40's or early 50's, never had children because they could not conceive. I can't remember if she was married or if was just her boyfriend, but they split up a couple of years ago and just recently started dating a new guy. I have not been in her bar in 5.5 years, not talked to her in 3, 4 maybe even 5 years now, have not seen her in the same amount of time. My sil(dh's sister) used to work at her bar until 3 years ago and they have remained very good friends, dh goes to her bar once a month or less(it used to be alot more regular a couple of years ago). She knows my dh more than she knows me.

This boyfriend of hers runs a detailing company. He has an employee who has been his bestfriend for a while. His employee & his girlfriend(C) moved here a month or 2 ago so he wouldn't have to commute. It was after they moved here that R started dating the owner. C was looking for a sitter for her dd so the R told her about me(I was NOT looking for any more kids to watch.

When R phoned me last Wed it was because C had been trying to get in touch with me but we were never home. R said she told C that was odd and not right because I was a homebody, I was always home. I told her we'd been at swimming lessons for the last 2 weeks. Yeah I'd seen numbers I don't recognize on my phone, but I don't call them back. IF it's important they'll call again. R tells me she's been telling C how wonderful I am with my girls(R has seen me with them maybe half a dozen times and only with the oldest), how I'm always home because I'm a homebody and never go anywhere. She said she told C I'm quiet, never leave my house, don't drink or smoke, etc. I was getting po'd at her, she said this to me 4-5 times in a 5minute conversation.

Later that night C phoned me and was basically repeating everything R said, she did stop in the conversation when I'd had enough and said that R knows my husband better than she'd ever know me.

We don't go out every day, but it's not like I seclude myself and the kids in the house. In 2 weeks we'll be out 4 times a week, I have 2 in playschool(Mon & Wed afternoons & Tues mornings), then on Thurs afternoons I'm gone to set up at the farmers market like I have for the last 1 1/2years. Tues nights I'm gone to a meeting that I've been going to for 3 years now.

Just because i do not go to her bar and drink does not mean I'm a homebody. If I'm going to drink I"d rather do it at home where it costs 1/8 of the price, where I"m not surrounded by cigarette smoke and where I don't have to look at, listen to or deal with drunk people. Homebody is such an offensive & derogatory remark, it took everything I had to bite my tongue.
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#2 of 24 Old 09-03-2005, 07:49 AM
 
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homebody

n : a person who seldom goes anywhere; one not given to wandering or travel [syn: stay-at-home]


Even though "Homebody" is another word for stay at home, it would bother me too (I have only heard it used in a negative way). I would point out to her that even though you are not part of the work force, you have a life and a job as a parent. How to point that out to her I don't know.

Many people I know seem to think that I have all of this free time because I don't have a paying job. They don't stop and think that maybe I have better things to do than gossip on the phone or go hanging out. That's why I usually don't answer my phone - I always seem to get a call when I am in the middle of doing something with the house or tending to my son. If it is important, they'll leave a message.
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#3 of 24 Old 09-03-2005, 08:18 AM
 
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I don't get offended. It may sound negative but who cares I enjoy what I do, being home with my ds and doing household chores instead of useless chatting and spreading gossip with them.
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#4 of 24 Old 09-03-2005, 08:35 AM
 
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To me, it signals that the person calling me a homebody is extremely ignorant. I wouldn't find it offensive, but I would wonder why she persisted in saying "homebody" after she had already been corrected. Sounds like she has some weird issue within herself regarding SAHM-hood. I'd just pity her and roll my eyes.
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#5 of 24 Old 09-03-2005, 02:30 PM
 
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I like the word homebody. I don't see anything wrong with the word. I think it's something about the attitude of this woman that's bothering you, as if she doesn't approve of your lifestyle or just plain doesn't understand it.
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#6 of 24 Old 09-03-2005, 03:02 PM
 
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I think it is her attitude you don't like. She also puts a negative connotation on the word. There is nothing wrong with it.
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#7 of 24 Old 09-03-2005, 03:13 PM
 
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It is definitely a word used in a derogitory way. There si nothing wrong with staying home with your children and creating a vibrant home life. Nor is there anything wrng with avoiding practices you do not choose, such as bar-hopping.She sounds completely ignorant and I would have told her, or would tell her when you talk again, that what she said was not only incorrect, but unnaceptable to say as a friend.

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#8 of 24 Old 09-03-2005, 03:54 PM
 
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When it is used in a negative form like that it probably would offend me, but I call myself a homebody because I prefer to stay at home and not wander all over at a bunch of different activities. I (will) take my ds to parent-child swim classes starting next week and we go to BF support meetings once a month, but I'm not really the type to do a much of stuff...I'd much rather sit in the comfort of my own home and not have to worry about dragging DS out a bunch...thats just me though.

Like the pp's said, I think you're issue is more with this woman than with the term homebody...her calling you a 'homebody' in such a negative way just aggrivated your dislike for her, IMO.

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#9 of 24 Old 09-04-2005, 12:01 AM
 
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I don't see anything negative about being called a homebody. It is not an insult--it just means a person who enjoys being at home. But if you are not a homebody and someone insists on calling you that then that would be annoying. Especially if you correct them about it and they continue to call you it.

A homebody is just someone who would rather be at home--doing activities there than out traveling around. Baking, sewing, gardening, reading, listening to music--all activities that can be enjoyed in the peace of your own home.
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#10 of 24 Old 09-06-2005, 02:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks. I think what bugged me the most was the woman who was saying this to and about me doesn't know me. I hadn't talked to her in close to 5 years, I have added 2 kids to my family since then and she has no idea what I do on a annual basis much less daily.
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#11 of 24 Old 09-06-2005, 02:26 PM
 
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I think its R who is offensive not the term homebody which I do not find offensive at all.
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#12 of 24 Old 09-06-2005, 02:38 PM
 
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That woman was a jerk My mo has no sense as well- we live in a manufactered home- it doesnt have wheels, it doesnt have a hitch : but she insists on calling it "The Trailer" she never refers to it as my home, or my house its "The Trailer" our new home, which is a manufactured ground set home is refered by her as "the new trailer" its 2200sq feet-its much nicer thanher 'house' but because it wasnt built on site she has to refer to it in a derogartory way. I really hate that abouit my mother.

My mother also always has called me a homebody and it annoyed the heck out of me. I hate the term when used in a negative way. In highschool she would call me a homebody because I didnt go out and party....like my pregnant sister (who was 16) instead I got home from school at 5:30pm, ate dinner and went to my room to work on my homework and chat with my boyfriend who was in the Navy overseas. On the weekends I had school as well and I caught up on my homework. She figured I should have ignored my school work and gone out...gee love the priorities eh? (she had a new husband who she wanted to spend time with blech)

Honestly I dont think people who have never stayed at home with a couple kids have any clue whatsoever as to whats involved! I am just now sitting down to 'relax' and thats only because I have my oldest strapped into a high chair eating a snack and my little one is playing with a toy vacuum, he has finally got some relief from hjis teething pain (thank you God! Poor child...)

I used to have a very busy and stressful job pre-baby and I have to tell you I keep much busier with my kids than any job Ive ever had. Im ofetn doing three or four things at a time.
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#13 of 24 Old 09-09-2005, 01:57 AM
 
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I actually wear the title with pride. i am a homebody and love it. I'm not one for going out much, I love being at home with my kiddos around me. We also do outtings for homeschooling, family errands and vacations, but we in no way hob knob it around town.

I say, Embrace your Homebodiness!
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#14 of 24 Old 09-09-2005, 07:21 AM
 
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I can be a homebody at times and DH is most of the time. I usally just call it "anti social" though. Homebody sounds a lot nicer.

Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#15 of 24 Old 09-09-2005, 11:06 AM
 
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I could care less being refered to as a homebody- I 've been called worse .

My issue with R is her lack of knowledge about anything. I love how she called you up and talked at you- telling you what you do and saying what you are. Therefore you fit into what she is looking for to help her friend. I would just ignore R and forget about it. Esp since you have not even talked to her in 5 plus years.

but what you do with you time is not up to discussion w anyone. You do not have to apogize, explain, or defend what you do or try to make up excuses.

I have had many people call me who knew me in my previous life during the day "to chat since I am just sitting at home" and they cannot figure out why I am either not picking up or not getting back to them. Usually I am not sitting at home and I really do not have time to get back to them. If I do in fact get that one afternoon to "just sit at home" I will in fact just be sitting at home and not listening to them talk at me on the phone.

Now if I can just get the one afternoon.....

I agree w a pps, I am busier than I ever was before dd came along.

"The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly out distances us."
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#16 of 24 Old 09-09-2005, 01:30 PM
 
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I am a homebody and not ashamed. Ihave to make an effort to take my kids to stuff.

however I had been the recipient of that phone call I would have been insulted. She was clearly saying "since you don't do anythign fun anymore you would be perfect for taking care of our children while we did."

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#17 of 24 Old 09-09-2005, 01:47 PM
 
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I AM a homebody. And I am also a SAHM. But they are entirely two different things.
I have lots of SAHM friends who are extroverts and get out and about every day.
Whether or not you are a homebody is more of a personality type than what you actually do.
I was a homebody even when I worked full time.
So I do not think it is offensive.
Howeer I do think it is a bit offensive when somebody you dont know characterizes you in an entirely inaccurate way no matter waht the designation.
Who do they think they are?
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#18 of 24 Old 09-09-2005, 03:27 PM
 
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I'm absolutely a homebody - and I have been since long before DD was born! I like to be at home more than anywhere else, and don't mind the term.

But in OP's situation, I'd have been offended because it was being used in such a negative way.

Mama to DD : (7/23/03) & DS : (10/27/06) married to DH 7/20/01
and yet 90% more mainstream than the rest of MDC
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#19 of 24 Old 09-09-2005, 09:59 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sharlla
I can be a homebody at times and DH is most of the time. I usally just call it "anti social" though. Homebody sounds a lot nicer.
Ok, this is my human services personality coming out, but wanted to clarify, anti-social and a-social are two different things. What you are discribing is a-social (wanting to be away from society.

Anti-social means doing things against societal norms (murder, burglary, etc). :
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#20 of 24 Old 09-10-2005, 05:34 AM
 
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I call myself "homebody" all the time, usually as a synonym to "introvert". My dh and I both prefer to be at home rather than out and about. Even when the "out" thing is something we want to do, we still only want to do it for "so long" and then I am ready to be home again.

I would have been ticked that somebody talked about me in a condescending way though. "homebody" does NOT equal "doing nothing" or "bored" or "looking for something to do". I think it is even funnier that she thought you would want to look after another child because you are a homebody. Most homebodies I know are that way because they value their own space and really don't want any more people around them than neccessary. It would be the equivalent of "oh, I see you really like going out & being around people, so can you pick up some groceries for me, drop off my dry cleaning, and take 6 extra kids with you (since you are so sociable)" :LOL

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#21 of 24 Old 09-10-2005, 04:08 PM
 
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Jennifer Z- you're so correct!!

DH & I love our home and being in it. We also love going places and exploring different countries and all. But the best place we love is our home. But that does not mean its an open invitation to everyone to come into our home. Our dd is the same way. She loves doing things etc but she has been known to say "can we go home?" or "Can they go home now?"

I am an extrovert, but I do enjoy my times alone and being just with my family alone.

But yes, since I love people, why would anyone assume that means I would love a ton of people over all the time.

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#22 of 24 Old 09-12-2005, 11:50 PM
 
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.

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#23 of 24 Old 09-13-2005, 01:21 AM
 
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I'm not sure I would be offended by the term, but I would certainly be offended by someone I hardly know making so many presumptions about me! That's so annoying!

But really, don't sweat it. She's obviously clueless about any and all things that are of value to you.
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#24 of 24 Old 09-13-2005, 01:56 PM
 
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I could have written this post word for word. Exploring and travelling are the best, and make returning home even sweeter.

One of the main reasons I like people is that I'm not around them all the time. Nor am I on the phone with them all the time. :LOL


Quote:
Originally Posted by Amys1st
Jennifer Z- you're so correct!!

DH & I love our home and being in it. We also love going places and exploring different countries and all. But the best place we love is our home. But that does not mean its an open invitation to everyone to come into our home. Our dd is the same way. She loves doing things etc but she has been known to say "can we go home?" or "Can they go home now?"

I am an extrovert, but I do enjoy my times alone and being just with my family alone.

But yes, since I love people, why would anyone assume that means I would love a ton of people over all the time.

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