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#1 of 21 Old 09-01-2005, 11:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DD is 15.5 mo and I love her to tears. DH used to watch her when I went to our local Y to exercise...now his school schedule (he's a grad student) doesn't permit that, so I'm trying to acclimate her to the childcare room at the Y. Today was our 4th try.
we tried months back, one time, and she cried. Over the past week we've gone in several times. The first time I left and they paged me 20 miniutes later. she cried the entire time. The next times I just hung out with her, hoping she'd get to know the providers and the space and get comfortable. I left for the restroom and she cried immediately. same thing today.
They did say she began to quiet but heck, I don't know what to do. Of course, they tell me "it's good for her" etc etc and that she'll learn to "self-calmn" (But that's what I"M for!!!!) Should I stick with it? I really benefit from the time to myself and the exercise. But do I know for sure she'll adjust? Will she be ok? Will I be ok with it? If anyone has words of advice, let me know. PS- she's never been left with anyone except DH, my mom, and mom in law...We're very attached.
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#2 of 21 Old 09-03-2005, 10:15 PM
 
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I can't really offer any advice, just sympathize! I used to be a member of the Y before I became pregnant with my third. I would take my then 1 yr old and my 3 yr old to the childcare and they both cried. I usually got paged. My 3 yr old son soon realized I would be back and he quit crying a few minutes after I left, but my daughter never did. When I found out I was pregnant, I quit the Y.

Now that my 3rd is 6 months old, I joined again. My daughter is now 2 and really doesn't mind the childcare at the Y at all. She barely says bye anymore and just rushes off to play. My son still hates to be left and sits in the corner the whole time and refuses to interact with anyone. My baby I took to childcare for a week straight and she cried every time. I mean, EVERYTIME! They paged me after 10 minutes every day. After half of the next week of her doing it, I quit taking them. I couldn't deal with my son and my baby not liking to be left. I always went in the evening and they almost always saw the same childworkers.

Now I set my alarm for 6:15am and get up before my husband even does to make it to the Y while the kids sleep. Last time I went they all woke up right after I left. I came home to my husband playing with them in the basement and he had gotten them dressed and made pancakes for them (and me!). I like the arrangement as it really jumpstarts my day. Anyway there is an hour or so you can find while your husband is home to sneak off and workout? Either after the your little one goes to bed or early in the morning?

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#3 of 21 Old 09-04-2005, 06:51 PM
 
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My dd is very shy and was reluctant to stay in the nursery when I first started going to the Y. I solved this problem by putting her in a high chair and giving her a snack as soon as we got to the nursery. She looks forward to the snack and also gets a chance to watch all the activity before she decides to join in. I haven't had a problem leaving her since.
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#4 of 21 Old 09-04-2005, 11:23 PM
 
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Sorry, I don't have any advice for you. I just joined our community center and tried to leave dd (18 mos) at the Tot Drop and it was a disaster. I've decided to stick to things she can do with me, like the pool, for now. When she's a little older we'll try it again.

For me, having some work out time by myself is not worth my dd being miserable and terrified that I'm not coming back for her. I'm sure many children would get used to it, though. I guess you just have to decide if your dd is one of those.
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#5 of 21 Old 09-05-2005, 07:07 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MoMommy
For me, having some work out time by myself is not worth my dd being miserable
i was going to say the opposite. i give to dc 24/7, and i would crash and burn out if i did not have my work out / pilates time. for me, being a functioning, content mama is worth dc being upset for an hour twice a week. (that being said ds is almost a year and has been left in the gym nursery since he was 6 m, we have had no crying)

Punk, hippy, mama to 4 amazing kiddos, Boy#1 (18), TheGirl (13), Boy#2 (11- PBD) and Boy#3 (6)
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#6 of 21 Old 09-05-2005, 07:32 PM
 
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Meowmix, THANK YOU so much for the incentive to get to the Y for the 6am spin classes. I used to go to the Y daily for a class, but I stopped going because both my kids became so sick and were sick constantly from the nursery there. There health wasn't worth my workout! So the only way I can go is to go for the 6am classes while they are asleep and dh is home. But I've completely lacked motivation to go, but now I see another mama does it.. I'm determined to start tomorrow morning!
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#7 of 21 Old 09-05-2005, 10:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks mamas....good to know I'm not alone, though I'm sad to hear that, contrary to what the childcare people at the Y say, it doesn't always "get better."
I have so little support as I moved from one coast to the other ( W to E coast) and husband is extremely busy and last spring, when I was going to Y in the early am while dh stayed with dd, was great. i benefited greatly from having time to myself and time to be fit. I was a better mama for it.
We may have to try to do that again. In fact, he just agreed to do two mornings a week, so there's that. Here's to being a loving mama but also loving yourself. I only just really learned how important that last part is!
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#8 of 21 Old 09-07-2005, 05:29 PM
 
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Fortunately, both of mine love the childcare at my gym. When ds was younger, I did what a pp suggested and got up at 5am to go before the kids got up.
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#9 of 21 Old 09-08-2005, 01:02 PM
 
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DD loves the daycare at the gym too but she's a bit older, we didn't start until she was around 19 months or so. There were a few days about a week after we joined that I think she went into culture shock but now she loves going, I think she enjoys the socialization and I definitely enjoy the break.

Full Time Student & Mommy to 3 princesses! 9/03, 2/07 & 2/07

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#10 of 21 Old 09-08-2005, 02:23 PM
 
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Call me the odd one out on this--but I think that 18 months is too tough for them to be left with strangers (even if it is just a half an hour).
18 months is the age of anxiety. Check out your AAP book (I know, I don't agree with all of it either, but some of it is sound).
I run four miles a day--I do it with two in a jogging stroller. I do it year round--and dress them lightly in the heat with sun screen and bundle them up and add extra blankets over them in the winter. I give up on days when it is raining hard/snowing/or thunder or below 32 degrees. I run seven days a week. I give them books to hold when they seem bored, and once in a while they get some kind of snack that they usually wouldn't get. They like it.
I also do Curves at night--and while that means that DH has to take over and do dinner alone three nights a week, instead of all of us as a family--it gives him a chance to spend alone time with them. Mine are 20 months and 3.

Maybe there is an early bird opportunity at your gym (while your DH still sleeps)--if he is in grad school, I can't imagine he has class at 6 AM.
(Just recalling from memory all of my classes from my PhD days were at night).
Or maybe you can run/walk in the early mornings or evenings when DH can take over.
If I knew that mine were crying in the baby play area of the gym, it would make me feel anxious and I would not want to leave them there. I mean, we all talk about CIO--I think 20 minutes of crying while I am trying to work out would be too much for me to handle. I realize that we need our time, too, but not at the expense of their anxiety. Please, no flames--I mean, just reading over the parenting forum in general, there is a topic on parents having adult opportunities and leaving babies to cry in the other room and everyone is saying how they can't deal with it--isn't this similar?

Not trying to upset you--just trying to give you some other ways to think about it and maybe offer a couple of different ideas (exercising with them, or late or early in the day). Also ask some parenting groups of LLL what other alternatives there are for moms who would like to work out--there are some places where you can work out with a stroller and some where you can work out with the baby (and I've seen this on TV--baby is used as a weight of sorts--and everyone seems to enjoy it).

I hope this doesn't offend anyone--I realize the importance of a healthy body (after all, I, too, exercise)--but I have found ways to do it with my children or with DH's help and no one is left to cry in distress.
good luck.
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#11 of 21 Old 09-08-2005, 02:46 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GranoLLLy-girl
Call me the odd one out on this--but I think that 18 months is too tough for them to be left with strangers (even if it is just a half an hour).
18 months is the age of anxiety.

Maybe there is an early bird opportunity at your gym (while your DH still sleeps)--if he is in grad school, I can't imagine he has class at 6 AM.
(Just recalling from memory all of my classes from my PhD days were at night).
Or maybe you can run/walk in the early mornings or evenings when DH can take over.
If I knew that mine were crying in the baby play area of the gym, it would make me feel anxious and I would not want to leave them there. I mean, we all talk about CIO--I think 20 minutes of crying while I am trying to work out would be too much for me to handle. I realize that we need our time, too, but not at the expense of their anxiety. Please, no flames--I mean, just reading over the parenting forum in general, there is a topic on parents having adult opportunities and leaving babies to cry in the other room and everyone is saying how they can't deal with it--isn't this similar?
Why would anyone flame? You basically said the same things other posters have said. Not a single pp reccommeded letting the baby cry in the childcare room. As for the 18 month thing, every baby is different. My ds didn't want me to leave him until about 13 months, so I didn't. Now, he's fine with it and enjoys the childcare at the gym. Of course, his big sister is there to keep him company and that might make it easier for him.
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#12 of 21 Old 09-08-2005, 10:41 PM
 
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I have always been an early-rising exerciser. It's difficult to get in the habit of waking up for weights and a 6am spinning class - but I now enjoy this time of day. I also run early before dh goes to work - it's so quiet and peaceful. I also have a jogger in case I want to run when dd is awake. Maybe you could get a jogger and walk/run on the mornings dh can't help out. It's quite an investment, but I think it's really worth it - we've had ours since ds was born (he's 5) and it still runs brand new - and it has many, many miles on it.

My dd got upset the one time I tried the gym child care with her when she was about 17 mos old. I don't think I'll be trying again for quite some time - I figure if I can get a workout in at other times of the day, then why upset dd if she doesn't like it?
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#13 of 21 Old 09-09-2005, 10:15 PM
 
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Originally Posted by AmandasMom
Meowmix, THANK YOU so much for the incentive to get to the Y for the 6am spin classes. I used to go to the Y daily for a class, but I stopped going because both my kids became so sick and were sick constantly from the nursery there. There health wasn't worth my workout! So the only way I can go is to go for the 6am classes while they are asleep and dh is home. But I've completely lacked motivation to go, but now I see another mama does it.. I'm determined to start tomorrow morning!

You are welcome!! I love the Y and my workout time!

Married, college student, part time work from home mom to DS (12), DD1 (10) and DD2 (9) and a giant dopey newfoundland, a crazy border collie mix, 3 black cats and two rats.
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#14 of 21 Old 09-10-2005, 01:49 AM
 
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My daughter could not be left at the Y - they kept getting me too. So I did try the walking with the stroller (can't run, bad knees). It is alright, but she does not like to be in the stroller for very long, so it is very interrupted. Or she falls asleep at a "bad" time, too early, and she has a very short nap and that's it for the day.

I am longing for the day when I can get a little exercise, but know I would feel really guilty after if I knew that she cried the whole time I was getting it.

My son was fine with the gym daycare (started at 14 months), and it was a true life saver (mental and physical) for me. I hope you find a solution. Hope I do, too.

L.
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#15 of 21 Old 09-10-2005, 06:09 AM
 
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for you mama.
They are right, she'll get over it. But don't push her to much give her time to understand. Is is possible to let your mom or mom-inlaw to look at her while at the gym?
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#16 of 21 Old 09-20-2005, 01:33 PM
 
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Just saw this thread and thought I'd pop in. This is one of those things I went back and forth on because I really, really like my time at the gym.

I finally decided that I don't SAH in order to plop my children in daycare no matter what the rationale. So after the kids go to bed I go and spend an hour at the gym a couple of nights a week.

Maybe that option would work for you? It has made me feel better knowing they're home with dh than in a daycare.

Jen, former attorney and now SAHM to 11 yo ds and 8 yo ds

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#17 of 21 Old 09-21-2005, 11:11 AM
 
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I joined the Y a couple of weeks ago, and my ds wasn't crazy about it at first. But I'm going to keep trying different things before I give up. I really have missed exercise and it really has made a difference with my mental state as well as physical. So what we're trying is this - each time we go, I start telling ds ahead of time that we're heading to the gym in a little bit so mommy can exercise while he plays with the kids. I try to go the same time each day so the same ladies are there - he bonds with people quickly and I know he'll be fine once he feels comfortable with someone there. I then spend a while there with him just playing and hanging out before I leave. I tell them to call me immediately if he gets upset, so he knows I'm right there. So far, it's helping. Yesterday he really didn't get upset at all and I got a 30 minute workout in! I know he is a little bit older, and this wouldn't have worked 6 months ago. So I think if you follow his cues and take it slowly, you can make it work. And if that means waiting a couple of months, that might make the difference.
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#18 of 21 Old 09-21-2005, 12:14 PM
 
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I have gone to gyms since dd was 6 mos. At different ages it went more smoothly. There were long periods where we just needed to do other things or wait until dh could take care of her.

I would suggest just keep trying, with as little pressure as you can muster. Try different times of day, have a favourite toy/book that is *only* for the daycare.

One that has helped with dd is to make a big deal of a special "Maia and Mama time" right after the daycare visit. We go feed ducks or whatever, no chores or errands just me and her. It seems to have helped her understand that I need special time on my own, just like I need special time with just her.
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#19 of 21 Old 09-22-2005, 02:51 AM
 
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I can't afford a gym but I like to take a couple mile walk most evenings, wearing the baby, and it gives me a chance to take advantage of my free night time mins for my cell. My older son stays home with daddy. On certain afternoons I will take my older son along and we will walk to my MIL's house and back.

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#20 of 21 Old 09-29-2005, 02:48 AM
 
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rado - I know it's tough.

When DD was about 15 months, she went through an intense period of separation anxiety. I couldn't even go to the bathroom without her going into hysterics.

It was really rough on me, especially being a single parent, because I felt like I could never really get a break, and there were times where I felt ready to break because I needed some "me" time.

Fortunately, she's grown out of it, and I'm sure your DD will too. If you can, just stick it out until she grows out of this phase, I think it will be much easier on everyone. That way you don't have to deal with the frustration of getting to the gym only to have to leave because DD is upset, and you don't have to worry about her being upset without you.
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#21 of 21 Old 10-07-2005, 10:07 PM
 
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We are going through this now!
We just joined our local gym, and have been going for the past week.
It has replaced me taking them to the park on the days it was too humid or rainy, and given me a much needed break (and time for a shower!), and time to excercise which I wa snot doing at ALL before.
I have 3, and one on the way, so my "me" time is few and far between!
Our routine so far has been that DH works out in the AM early and will come home if need be (though I've found things run smoother with him out of the house! ), and I go after dropping off DS at the bus or school at 9 am.
Yesterday was really tough as both girls (18 months and 3 1/2) didn't want to go, but they are often this way with their grandparents and dad too. I have foudn that after leaving they immediately calm down, and we are on such a better and more appreciative level when we come back together. Both DDs cried a bit, but I said my goodbyes, and snuk back to check on them, and they were smiling and having a great time!
So I am still feeling guilty a bit, but I know if the get used to the routine, and spend time there with me doing their classes (which start next week) they will get accustomed to it.
So, all that to say I'd keep trying, you know your child best, if it works to go early then do it! If it works to go first thing after breakfast, go then. I'm sure you can find a happy medium, and hopefully a week or two of adjustement will be all it takes.
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