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#1 of 38 Old 09-28-2005, 12:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm wondering what all you SAHMs do around the house... i mean like is there spicific things your DH will do when he get done at work or will do on the weekend? Is there anything that your dh just doesn't do or things that you just won't do...
I usally do all the housecleaning, all the child care as in meals, bathing, dressing, ect, i do all the laundry, i take care of both the inside dogs, i take the kids to all appointmens, i do all the shoping and meals and meal planing, all the cooking, I do all the bill paying and check book stuff ect, ect, and the list goes on.
What i expect dh to do or things that wont do around the house. I won't mow the yard, i would rather buy a cow/goat/house! LOL I won't do major home improvments as in i will do painint, hang a picture, but i wont' put in a new door or new flooring, ect. I will feed the outside dog if it's a nice day and her won't get me all muddy! LOL.
Things we do together are a lot of times we will be getting stuff fromt he store once a month, going through the checkbook so dh knows where our $ is going from time to time, we take the kids somewhere about 1 time a month the park, zoo, museam, family, something like that, me and dh also go out one time a month just me and him to get me out of the house with out the kids. So just wondering how everyone eles households work with SAHM. if you feel like your DH should help out more or not.
I often hear from others who aren't SAHm that they think my dh should do more around the house but i feel if he is working his butt of to suport this family money wise then that's all i worry about!
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#2 of 38 Old 09-29-2005, 11:03 PM
 
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do anything unless I ask and even then he doens't usually do it. There are certain things that he is supposed to do regardless of how many hours he works and those are...change the cat boxes (only a rule since I've been pregnant), let HIS dog out (we have 4 and 3 of those are mine), and put the garbage out. I usually wind up doing these things. If the kids need to be fed, changed, bathed, or played with I have to ORDER him to do it.

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#3 of 38 Old 09-29-2005, 11:18 PM
 
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The general rule around our house is, "if you see something that needs to be done, do it."

Since I'm home much more than DH, I usually do more of the housework, laundry, etc. When DH is home, we tend to split responsibilities for housework and childcare.

Of course, we each have our own talents- DH enjoys working with cars, and so he does the maintenance on our vehicles. I'm better with money, so I handle our finances.

I'll admit that I strive to keep a clean house and cook nutritious meals every day. But if I don't, it's not a big deal.

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#4 of 38 Old 09-30-2005, 01:36 AM
 
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I do everything unless I ask DH to do something, which is rarely. I prefer to do things myself and I don't really "need" help with housework, just need him to help out with the kids while I am doing stuff, which he does.

Dh doesn't ask much of anything, he wants clean clothes to wear to work, dinner, and coffee. Everything else I pretty much do because I can't stand a mess and like a tidy home. I also pay the bills cause I'm home during business hours and I just call and pay the bills over the phone.

I wouldn't mind mowing the lawn, I love doing any kind of physical work that makes me sweat, but he won't let me as there is a huge pitbull in the back (neighbors dog) and he's paranoid that I would get attacked. The one thing that I don't do is work on the car or work on our house, that's DH's domain.

I don't take DH to the store cause he's no fun to shop with, I enjoy shopping and like to browse ect. he just wants to get in and out. We occasionally go out to this chucky cheese type of place, but that's about it right now, money is tight and we have to use most of our cash on building supplies.

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#5 of 38 Old 09-30-2005, 04:28 AM
 
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I do everything in the house when he is not around. Dh has been so helpful when he is home and I don't need to ask him to do anything. Thank goodness
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#6 of 38 Old 09-30-2005, 08:40 AM
 
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I'm a single SAHM, so I do it all - with the exception of mowing my grass, my wonderful neighbor does that for me. My kids have some chores, but I'm responsible for everything. I do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, and the vehicle maintenance. I've hung a new storm door, repaired some shingles, and cut baseboards. You name it, I've either done it of had my daddy help me out with it. Since I've been single, I've really learned to do a lot of things I never thought I could do - or I guess I should say things I never thought about doing!
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#7 of 38 Old 09-30-2005, 11:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Seems to be about 1/2 and 1/2... it got me thinking about this b/c dd2 and dh were both sick this week and i had to work subb-in for my mom 3 days this week and he wanted me to take the kids over to my grandmas b/c he was sick... i did one day but not one and he compained the whole time, when i'm sick i don't get the day off, i still have to take care of the kids, and then when i got home from work i still had to do all my usual stuff... it really drove me nuts it's a good think i don't work part time outside my home or it would be a MESS all the time and nothing would get done...
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#8 of 38 Old 09-30-2005, 12:05 PM
 
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Dh does lots! We agreed that he would clean the kitty litter every day and I would do the dishes. (We both hate doing both of these things.) Every evening he empties the garbage and takes it to the garage, then puts it to the road every week for pick-up. We both do menu planning and grocery shopping. We do it together every time. I might occasionally go grocery shopping while he's at work, but we really enjoy going together.

Every couple of months we sit down and discuss finances, plan a budget, determine who will pay what bills, etc. I write the bill payments on the calendar so dh knows when to pay them and how much...otherwise he'd miss payments.

Dh mows the lawn (he enjoys it) and does car stuff most of the time. I'll occasionally do car stuff but only if I know what I'm doing.

I am currently re-caulking all of the windows and doors in preparation for winter. Dh would never think of doing such a thing in a million years. It would never cross his mind. I order all our firewood (again dh would never think to do it) and always arrange things like car and house insurance. I called the junkyard to come pick up our junk cars because even though dh said he would sell them, they were still sitting in our yard after a year.

Dh is good with doing regular, re-occuring things. I take care of the once-in-a-while stuff. We both cook.
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#9 of 38 Old 09-30-2005, 12:17 PM
 
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dp has to be asked or reminded to do things. he procrastinates and then forgets. i saw his apartment before we lived together so i know it's not a new issue. he's just a messy person who doesn't want to interrupt what he's doing to throw something away or put that book back on the shelf. (kinda needed to vent .)

i don't mind doing most of the house work. the house being picked up and the laundry put away is more important to me. and i have more time to do it. i take care of the finances. (i also knew that state of his checkbook before we did that together - it's for the best.) i cook more during the week, but dp cooks in bulk most weekends. we do big shopping together every other week or so. although it seems to cost about 3x more when we shop together, and i don't really know why.

dp will do anything i ask him to do. assuming he remembers . he prefers it that way and i don't really mind. although when i'm tired or dd and i have had a hard day, it would be nice to put him on auto-pilot and not have to think anymore.
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#10 of 38 Old 09-30-2005, 02:42 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Silvercrest79
do anything unless I ask and even then he doens't usually do it. There are certain things that he is supposed to do regardless of how many hours he works and those are...change the cat boxes (only a rule since I've been pregnant), let HIS dog out (we have 4 and 3 of those are mine), and put the garbage out. I usually wind up doing these things. If the kids need to be fed, changed, bathed, or played with I have to ORDER him to do it.


eek... That could have been my post too.
That is exactly how it goes in my house too, only dh's jobs include-bills, garbage & emptying the dishwasher. He always does the bills, he mostly does the garbage.....
The rest-cooking, cleaning, shopping and any & all care that is required for ds....me.
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#11 of 38 Old 09-30-2005, 03:38 PM
 
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Dh and I split things pretty equally. We consider taking care of the baby equal to my husband's job. I clean up after myself and the baby and on weekends we do major cleaning, yard work and errands together. I also make dinner most, but not all, nights. We are trying to keep things similar to the way they were when I was working.

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#12 of 38 Old 09-30-2005, 07:16 PM
 
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Ok, we sat down, made a list of everything that needed to be done, and spilt it 50%-50%.

I wash dishes, he rinses.
I sort and wash clothes, he folds
I dust, he sweeps
I scrub the bathroom sink; he scubs the tub and toilet
I mop, he changes the sheets/makes the bed and changes lightbulbs
I clean the microwave and Kitchen counters and stove, he takes out the trash and changes the Kitty litter
He straitens food cabinets, I straiten clothes closets
I do the taxes and much of the family correspondence; he does the bills
We both cook dinner and pick up as needed
We also take turns cleaning up the cat puke

Most everything on the list we do together on Sunday night. It is kinda fun. We put on loud music and marvel at how yucky a small, childess/dogless two bedroom house can get in one week.

I do still do more around the house - little things like clean the flaxseed build-up off the coffee grinder. But overall I am happy with the breakdown.
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#13 of 38 Old 09-30-2005, 07:22 PM
 
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Dh:

He works 12 hour days including commute time.
He spends the evenings picking up all the toys and odd things that find their way onto the floor and spread around the house.
If the bathroom sink gets beyond his comfort zone he'll clean it.
He pickes up dog poop.
He feeds the dog and cat most of the time.
He puts food away after dinner (and packs his own lunch).
He is starting to take the kids out alone every weekend for a couple of hours to give me a break.
He does the yardwork.
He maintains the cars.
He remembers to put the trash cans out on collection day.

Me:

Dishes, by hand.
Kitchen.
Laundry
Floors
Bathrooms
Dusting
Windows
Cooking
Childcare
Medical care of our second child.
Homeschooling.
Fish tank.
Grocery shopping and misc. shopping.
Decluttering and organizing (sorely needing to be done right now!)
Trash.

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#14 of 38 Old 09-30-2005, 07:27 PM
 
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DH loves to cook and clean! However, I do all of it because I'm a neat freak and I like to have a meal on the table when he gets home from work. We bbq a lot in the summer and that is DH's job(which he LOVES!). DH is also in charge of ironing when we are going to church or on a family outing.
Toilet is DH's job, since I don't like scrubbing the toilet!
During the day, I clean, do laundry when needed, fix meals, and homeschool the children(mostly just my 4 year old).
We have all hardwood, so our floors get vaccumed and wiped down as need be.
Our house has a place for everything, so it is very rare that it needs a thorough cleaning. The boys play with toys in their playroom, so the rest of the house isn't cluttered with toys. Dishes are washed and put away immediately. Mail even has a mail holder with various slots for bills, incoming/outcoming mail, etc....
DH is in charge of all yardwork(of course, riding the lawnmower is actually fun for him!). He also does any painting, woodwork, or projects that we need done.
4 year old takes the garbage outside, but DH brings the cans to the road for garbage day.
I do not feel settled unless the house is in order, so we maintain a pretty tidy house on a regular basis.
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#15 of 38 Old 10-01-2005, 11:53 PM
 
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I dress the kids (one is a baby)
I bathe them
I potty my son(EC)
I wipe a pooopy bottom for my DD
I brush DD"s hair and put it up (pigails, ponytail braids)
I read a lot of stories
I make all meals for the kids (Hey..i make milk) and dinner for everybody.
I pay the bills...mostly on time
I try to pick up but am terrible at it
I vaccuum
I fill and empty the dishwasher
I do all the laundry..wash/fold . I only put away my cothes and the kids' clothes. I leave DH's for him to put away but I think that has to stop b/c I find folded stuff in the dirty basket and makes me INSANE!!
I clip coupons
I food shop
I write Thank yous (A job I detest)

DH takes out the garbage
Works 2 jobs (Construction and Starbucks)
DH also plays with DD when he home and is marvelous at it.
DH takes care of the garden but really it his b/c he planted it. I want nothing to do with bugs.
DH also does all fix it stuff
DH brings things to the basement b/c it scares me (bugs...not ghosts)

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#16 of 38 Old 10-02-2005, 04:47 AM
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Because I don't drive and husband has rheumatoid arthritis, our division of labor has become pretty clear, even before babe arrived: He does much of the "public" stuff, and I do much of the "private." For instance, he will run many of the errands including grocery shopping, library pickup/return, recycling center, taking car to maintenance, bank, by himself if babe is napping or nursing or some other thing we can't gracefully interrupt. (We all like to go together when we can.) I do much of the household work that is physically painful for him: dishwasher, dinner prep, laundry, vacuum, dust, tidy, mop. We both handle correspondence, phone calls, garbage out, and baby care/feeding/dressing/diapering/play (I bathe babe). I handle bills/taxes as I enjoy these and can do them online during naps; I also do baby outdoor time as I enjoy walking & can do so without pain. We can both do minor home repairs/projects (window screens, painting, compost pile, shingles, gutters, light fixtures, install steps, build stepping stones & pathways); we hire out any major work & the lawn. I know our house used to be cleaner before arthritis. I am not as nice a housekeeper as husband was, but he very graciously insists that he thinks our home is lovely and often thanks me for things like clean clothes or fresh bed linen and remarks on vacuumed carpets or wiped counters by saying, "The place looks great!" Hard to begrudge him a few piles on the desk when he talks like that.
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#17 of 38 Old 10-03-2005, 02:42 PM
 
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What do I do around the house?

As little as possible, quite frankly. It's just not all that important to me.

I am so totally not cut out to be a housewife. I hate housework, and I derive no satisfaction from a clean house. I honestly don't mind clutter and while true dirtiness is gross, a little dust doesn't offend me in the least. So I have a hard time motivating myself to do more than the basic maintenance chores, and I'm really not all that unhappy with the fact. It's just not all that important to me.

I do do the daytime dishes, mine and DD's laundry, and the household laundry like sheets, towels, etc. I also sweep the floor daily (hardwood in the whole house, no carpets because DH has allergies.) I keep the kitchen clean and the bathroom, and I put DD's toys away when they get out of control. Otherwise, DD and I spend the days outside as much as possible, except when she's sleeping. That's when I come on here and talk to y'all, or I have a number of satisfying hobbies that I work on. I spin, knit, quilt, and read lots of books.

I cook dinner for all of us most nights, because I genuinely enjoy cooking, and I make breakfast and lunch for me and DD. I assume most of the reponsibility for our appointments, remembering birthdays and anniversaries, and remembering when bills are due. I also plan our meals and make shopping lists, and I am primarily responsible for DD's health care, diet, etc. I buy or make all of our clothes. I also put a good amount of time into looking for ways to save us money by reusing, making things instead of buying, and bargain-hunting.

We do our shopping all together once a week, and if there's heavier housework that absolutely must happen we also do that all together. I enjoy housework more when it's something I can do together with my family, with music on and generally making it fun.

Most of our home maintenance/repair/yard work gets done for us, because we rent. DH is the one who calls and requests this work when it needs doing. He also takes care of our gardens, and plans each year what we will grow in terms of vegetables, herbs, and flowers. He likes doing it. He also takes care of the cats, and does the dinner dishes. He does his own laundry and gets his own breakfast and lunch. He also does a pretty significant amount of heavy housework on the weekends, like decluttering and heavy cleaning, because he has higher standards for cleanliness than I do.

Paying the bills is currently a controversy around here. I used to do it, then for awhile when Julia was young he did, and at this point I think it's going to start being my job again pretty soon. I have a good head for numbers and finances, and he doesn't.

We've been in transition for awhile now. Before I got pregnant with DD, I had a 13 hour workday. DH is only out of the house 7 hours, so he did most of the housework. Then I spent a few months on bedrest, and caring for an infant 24 hours a day, so he continued to do a lot of housework. Now that DD is a toddler, I am slowly assuming responsibility for more and more. I am, however, eagerly awaiting the age when she will be old enough to need to be "officially" homeschooled so that I will have a new excuse to wiggle out of housework.

So I have dusty basement stairs and unfolded towels and my bed is generally unmade, but we're all happy here.

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#18 of 38 Old 10-03-2005, 06:39 PM
 
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Dh plays with the kids and I do almost everything else. He will do things, but I usually have to nag him. Before he left for campus today he helped me sort some laundry and picked some toys up off the floor, but really, we have mountains of laundry and the floor is filthy. ANd i'm tired darn it! I just had a baby 3 weeks ago and he seems to think I'm capable of doing everything like normal. It's very annoying. Annoying isn't the word. nak
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#19 of 38 Old 10-03-2005, 10:15 PM
 
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(Currently I am working, but I will become a SAHM early next year, and plan to do it long-term.)

Right now, I would say that our division of labor is fairly even. I don't work full-time hours (I am a massage therapist), and since I work on-call I am waiting at home a lot of the time. I try to pick up around the house and do dishes during those breaks, but a lot of the time I find myself on-line. :LOL

I do all of the cooking, and all of the dishes (by hand). I also do all of the grocery shopping, because DH hates to go grocery shopping.

DH and I clean the whole house once a week, and those responsibilities get evenly split--sometimes he vacuums and sometimes I do; sometimes he does a little bit more and sometimes I do.

We both deal with the garbage, but DH probably a bit more than I do. I did litterbox duty for the four years since we acquired cats, but since I found out I was pregnant he has taken that over (with occasional prodding from me ). He also handles household repairs, and mows the lawn. DH makes the majority of the money in our household, but I deal with the bills & budget because money stresses him out.

Not sure how the division will change once the baby comes . . . interesting to get ideas of how other households work!
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#20 of 38 Old 10-04-2005, 02:36 PM
 
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We've got a family of 5 and I think DH and I share pretty well.

My list:
cleaning
laundry
menu planning, shopping, cooking
shuttling to school & appointments
schoolwork (going for my MLS)
volunteer at dd's & ds's school (my mom watches the babe those times)

His list:
renovations & repairs (and I mean renovations!!)
lawn care/snow removal when he's home
pays bills
rental property (we have a single family rental next door)
every weekend, he picks one day to spend with the kids so that I can go and have me time (usually when I do grocery shopping & other errands as well.)

Since he spends about 12-14 hours working everyday. he also travels quite a bit with his job, so I then pick up the lawn care and snow removal during those weeks. In Buffalo, that can sure be a lot of snow!
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#21 of 38 Old 10-04-2005, 03:51 PM
 
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My DH's only "job" around the house is to take out the trash. I don't think he's done it in at least a month. He works long hours and travels a lot for work, so I pretty much do everything. I refuse to make phone calls though. If something needs to be done over the telephone, he does it. I have major telephone anxiety :

He also takes the kids out swimming. I refuse to wear a swim suit and they can't go in the pool alone, so he takes them. He enjoys it though, so I don't really consider that his "job" at home
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#22 of 38 Old 10-04-2005, 03:56 PM
 
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I do the majority of the cleaning, cooking and child care.

My DH occasionally does some laundry but his main jobs around the house are repair and maintenance related - he's very handy so he does a lot of fix it up projects and decorating stuff as my whim strikes me :LOL

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#23 of 38 Old 10-04-2005, 04:04 PM
 
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My dh is gone for at least 11 hours a day, takes the trash out on trash day (sometimes it doesn't quite make it), changes the cat litter (he, he started when I was pregnant, mowing, any kind of car mantenance (including putting the gas in) and any and all home repairs that need done...a very handman.

I do all the cooking, cleaning, bills, errands, appointments, shopping, home educating (except for when they are out late at night star gazing), weed pulling and shrub trimming, play games with the kids, child caring and all that entails, etc. etc.
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#24 of 38 Old 10-04-2005, 04:07 PM
 
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I do too much (as do YOU!!!!). all cooking, shopping, cleaning,laundry, animal care (litter boxes for cat and rabbit plus 2 dogs, etc). All ds doc appts. all vet appt., mailing bills, cleaining etc etc etc. I'm starting work full time next week and will be delighted when my dh realizes that he's now responsible for 1/2 of all of the above!!! :LOL
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#25 of 38 Old 10-04-2005, 06:31 PM
 
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We play to our strengths and try to split everything else. I parent during the day (and work part-time, with our daughter along), he works out of the home during the day, and we generally share evening and weekend work (and play!).

He likes to rewire things, make them go, make them better, so he does a lot of the mechanical fixing around the house. He always fixes the computers. He's also a good housefrau, so he does more of the dishes, trash, kitty litter -- regular chores.

I like to work outdoors, so I'm usually the one to mow the lawn, and I handle the gardens. I do most of the laundry because that one's not too hard to do with baby. I'm a little more detail-oriented, so I'm usually the first one to notice that the toilet needs to be cleaned, the tub could use a scrub, and the carpet needs a vacuuming. Likewise, I do all the gift shopping and gift making for both our families, and keep track of the holidays and birthdays.

We split cooking depending on who's got the most energy and/or a good food idea at the end of the day. Every year or two we trade off who does the bills, just for the heck of it. Keeps us both in mental shape that way, and that way we both have a pretty good idea of where our finances are. We both feed the cats, depending on who's nearest when they start yowling. We trade off who gets to bathe Qualia because, well, that's just funny.
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#26 of 38 Old 10-07-2005, 08:50 PM
 
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Wow I have it good!
I take care of babe...but dh is a baker so he is home at 11 am....goes to bed at 6 pm though. He takes out garbage and cooks most dinners. I clean the bathroom and do bedtime for baby. Everything else is pretty much split up. Oh yeah he mows and I pay bills and do taxes.

Vanessa belly.gif, wife to Kev , mama to Byron (5) wild.gif and Billie (2) and  due in June
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#27 of 38 Old 10-07-2005, 08:55 PM
 
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DP does at least half of the housework. His m-f 9-5 job is working at a company. Mine is taking care of our daughter. Everything else is divided evenly.

Jam 7, Peanut Butter 5, and Bread 2.

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#28 of 38 Old 10-08-2005, 04:02 AM
 
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DH feeds the dogs am & pm.
He covers and uncovers the birds am & pm.
He takes out the trash, recycle and compose.
He watches the baby for a couple hours when he gets home from work, so I can make dinner, do laundry, check e-mails, take a bath, whatever I need to catch up on or do.
He changes the TP roll far more often then I do.
Let's see...hmmmm He washes the cars. What else are 'his' chores around here?
He waters the garden.
He Fixes things (drip system, light bulbs, etc...)
He will make dinner (or orders and picks up) if I am not in the mood to cook.
He will vac the floors and picks up the house if I was not able to get to it.
He puts away his laundry (after I have folded and sorted)
He will put away my laundry too if I ask, but I typically just require that he put his own away. Oh and I ask him to match the socks up, socks and undies are my least favorite to fold
He does the dishes after meals (I cook, he cleans)
I will do the dishes if he's into a TV show or playing with the baby.

I am really lucky because my DH will do just about any house chore I ask him to do...but 80% of the time I keep the house clean, laundry done, etc...

and 90% of the time I take care of the baby's needs....feeding, bathing, diapering, playing, reading, etc...

I run the outside errands, get the mail, bank, market, dry cleaners, etc...

Oh and I make sure (even when I'm not in the mood) to keep my DH happy in the bedroom (living room, wherever) A few kind gestures in this department go a LONG way in our home. Not that it's a job duty...but on occasion it can feel that way

********

In our house we both try to make the other one's life easier. He works hard at his job all day and he respects my job as a mother.

********

Don't get me wrong, there are days we both get selfish and the house hold doesn't run so smoothly, but over all we have a very give and take marriage and are both always looking out for the comfort of the other.
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#29 of 38 Old 10-08-2005, 04:08 AM
 
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forgot to mention ~ we have a house cleaner that does the nitty gritty (toliets, mopping, dusting, etc) I can keep the house NEAT, but CLEAN??? Keeping the dog hair at bay is another story entirely :LOL
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#30 of 38 Old 10-08-2005, 10:10 PM
 
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wow - lots of lucky mamas with husbands who help out at home

my dh commutes to work (3 hours each way and so stays there for 8 nights and almost 8 days), his day is a 12 hour work day which does not include the commute to the plant.

on his days off - he will cut wood for the stove and bring it home.
- hunts in hunting season.
-he will watch the kids if i ask or take them to their stuff if i ask. he is good with them, he will take them with him to the store or something as well

me - well, i do everything else, laundry, cleaning, cooking, shopping, homeschooling, yard work (grass and gardens), pets (2 dogs, 1 cat, 2 birds and assorted fish - the kids to help out), clean up the pet messes, errands, bills, take the kids to their activities.

i do like a tidy house, it's really never tidy but my dh NEVER complains about the house or my meals (which are sad sometimes) or the yard, so i give him credit. i think my ideal would be if you make the mess, you clean it but mostly i don't mind doing stuff for my dh and family i love them to bits

mandi

Midwifery student , Mama to my 4 amazing kids. treehugger.gif

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