Any other sahm's not have anyone? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 09-28-2005, 03:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am a sahm to my one ds. I love being home with him and wouldn't trade it for anything. My dh, ds and I live in a different state from our family, the closet being about 6 hours away. We have a few couples around that we see from time to time, but they are all newly married without kids or are just starting to have babies and not staying home. I literally have no one around except my dh, who works all day, obviously. I go every day without even talking to any other adults besides him, let alone seeing anyone.
We've tried play groups-just wasn't my thing...we spent more time discussing my different parenting views than anything.
I'm not unhappy, I'm not complaining...just wondering if anyone else is in this boat? Am I abnormal? I feel as if I have become this hermit, without even realizing it...
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#2 of 13 Old 09-29-2005, 11:46 AM
 
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Oh, it's really hard to find mamas with simalar parenting views. i tried a moms group and as you said spend more time talking about why i paretn so "differant" then anything eles. I have found LLL groups to safe me and except me i get to socialize about 1 times a week which is great! I have family close but if i didn't then i know i would be in your same boat b/c i don't have that much at all, only one and she just went back to work this week so i've become lonely again! LOL It's ok as long as you are ok with it!
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#3 of 13 Old 09-29-2005, 01:16 PM
 
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My closest family is 16 hours away so I know how you feel. We have been in this city for a year now so we do know some people but not as many as I would like. We've moved 4 times in the lst 5 years (hopefully we are settled now) Before we moved the first time I had a huge social group. I've lost touch with most of my old friends. It can be very lonley. The worst was just after this last move. I was 7 months preg and I was so stressed out figuring who was going to stay with my son (then 4) when I gave birth. I couldn't find a midwife and wasn't comfortable with an unattended birth so we were going to need to go to the hospital. I was so worried that dh was not going to be able to be with me for the birth because he would have to stay with ds. I did eventualy find a parent of one of ds preschool classmates but it was stressful. You don't just ask anyone to take your child aspecially when you can't even say for sure when or for how long.

Let there be beauty and strength, power and compassion, honor and humility, mirth and reverence within you.)0(
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#4 of 13 Old 09-29-2005, 01:26 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rhiannon Feimorgan
We've moved 4 times in the lst 5 years (hopefully we are settled now) Before we moved the first time I had a huge social group. I've lost touch with most of my old friends. It can be very lonley.
Same here -- it's why I spend so much time on Mothering.com! :LOL :LOL

I really need to be around other grownups at least a little or I start going nuts. I agree about trying LLL even if you don't need the BF support -- it's a great way to meet like minded moms. You could also try to the Tribes forum here on mothering.com to find a friend in your city.

Personally, I find it very draining to explain to people over and over why we parent the way we do. It's is easier if you start with people who basically believe in treating children with respect and compassion, even if it plays out a little differently in their family.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#5 of 13 Old 09-29-2005, 01:40 PM
 
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I get so annoyed with the medical forms/people when they say
"no we need someone not related or close for emergency contact" after I have told them THREE times
"there is no one/we are IT/ There is only me and my dh !!!"

My ils live four hours away. And my mother works and isn't someone I could trust with emergency stuff anyway.
and my health issues make it hard to get out and connect with anyone..
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#6 of 13 Old 09-29-2005, 06:13 PM
 
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Oh good lord it wears on a girl huh? We've been here only about 6 months...I was doing fine, but I hit a wall. I'm going NUTS! I love being a mommy. My girl is the best things that has ever happened to me, but I need something outside of the house. I don't want to put her in daycare, and I don't know anyone to leave her with for a couple of hours here or there. I'm with you this is tough.
Family would be such a help.
You're not abnormal! I swear it. This mothering thing is truly the toughest job you'll ever love!

I miss being out in the world. Dressing up...or at least putting on make-up.
What is the answer?
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#7 of 13 Old 09-29-2005, 11:44 PM
 
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I feel pretty isolated too. It seems like it is much more difficult to develop friendships now that I'm a SAHM.
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#8 of 13 Old 09-30-2005, 12:20 AM
 
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I felt the same way when I was a young SAHM of my first child- it was incredibly isolating. I finally started developing more friendships when I joined LLL after the birth of my second child. Becoming involved at church also helped me to make friends.

New signature, same old me: Ann- mama of 2 boys and 2 girls, partnered to a fabulous man.
I'm an unintentional weasel feeder and I suck at proofreading.
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#9 of 13 Old 09-30-2005, 01:16 PM
 
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closet UU church is 50 mins away and with gas being nuts its just too much for one event.
I wish I knew who to contact to try and get them to build one here though !!
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#10 of 13 Old 10-02-2005, 10:25 PM
 
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I was in the same boat as you when I had my first ds. We live 6 hours from family and none of my friends that lived here had kids or were even married yet. I also did not like playgroups but we did love Gymboree. I met one of my best friends at Gymboree and now the boys are 7 we are still together even though the kids are not as close as in the beginning because they go to different schools. It can take a while but you will get there.

We may not have it all together, but together we have it all
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#11 of 13 Old 10-02-2005, 10:30 PM
 
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I have a very small extended family and all but my dad and step-mom are out of town. Dad and DSM are working and in school full time and have very little time to see us, much less offer any kind of support. Dh's family is in India. I have some good girlfriends but they all have their hands full with their little ones. Since I have started homeschooling I reserve the mornings for mommy-kid time, with some lessons after dd2 naps at 11 AM. By the afternoon most of my friends are not interested in meeting. They prefer mornings. So I hardly see anyone IRL, but about once a week I try to meet one of my friends. We don't have much conversation b/c we are too busy minding the kids though.

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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#12 of 13 Old 10-02-2005, 11:00 PM
 
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it took me a few years to find some close friends where i live. my family is far away too. playgroups and stuff didn't work for me either, i just kind of met my great friends by chance!

hang in there, do what you enjoy, it's just a matter of time!
mandi

Midwifery student , Mama to my 4 amazing kids. treehugger.gif

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#13 of 13 Old 10-03-2005, 12:28 AM
 
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The only friend I had down here moved recently My family all live at least 7 hours away. DH is gone for work for sometimes weeks at a time. I'm a lonely mama Sometimes I fantasize about having a job and being able to interact with people, have coworkers say, "Hey, want to go get some dinner after work?" etc. Then my little girl gives me that, "You're the most incredible thing in my big wide world" smile and I know it's all worth it. Lonely...but worth it.
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