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#1 of 7 Old 10-01-2005, 01:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I've been a SAHM now for a year and a half and I'm still having a hard time getting over being bored and lonely. One of the biggest challenges for me is that I am bored by the stuff my DD wants to do all day like play legos and read the same books over and over again and color, etc. When I worked I worked in the computer field and solved really hard problems and dealt with a lot of people all day, even after all this time to adjust I'm having a hard time tolerating endless toddler games. I WANT to be the type of mom who does all this cool stuff with her, but I just end up encouraging her to play by herself. On the other hand, I'm really lonely being at home all day by myself and I don't feel very connected with many friends anymore. Sure I have a few playgroups and whatnot, but the effort to get out of the house doesn't seem worth it. This seems to have intensified now with the baby because it just ups the stakes of getting out of the house and he detests the carseat.

Am I the only one who feels this way? Can anyone else relate?

Mightymoo - Mom to DD (6) and DS (4)
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#2 of 7 Old 10-01-2005, 01:15 AM
 
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I don't feel this way but that's because everyone is different. Maybe this situation is not what is best for your family and there's no reason not to maybe try to shake things up a bit to see if you can't work out a solution. Maybe a part time job or even a volunteer job a couple hours here and there would help, especially if there's a trusted friend/family member willing to babysit? Or maybe a mother's helper to come over to play a bit so you could have a little break- even a high school student after school or something just to play won't cost much.
Endless toddler games are difficult for most people- my child isn't there yet but will be someday and I'm sure I'll feel bored/slightly frustrated with that. I totally understand about getting out of the house taking more effort than it's worth.

DD1 7/13/05 DD2 9/20/10
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#3 of 7 Old 10-01-2005, 01:21 AM
 
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i can relate! i get lonely and have found it difficult to make mommy friends. i'm working at it now that baby is 13mos. i feel lucky because i go to work twice a week when dad is off for about 5 hours each time. when i get back i'm so excited to see them. it helps a lot. your new one is so small that you probably can't work part time yet, but when you can do it!
it's very refreshing to leave and come back.
i also find that i have to make an effort to play and be present. if i skip taking a walk with baby he is nuts. maybe getting outside a little each day could help? maybe some new toys too, to shake up the routine? a puppet theatre! yeah!

sending good vibes,
j
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#4 of 7 Old 10-01-2005, 03:50 PM
 
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Mightymoo- its hard spending each and every hour w 2 small children. Even though yes, you love them and love you can be home w them.


I agree, a mothers helper or a babysitter a few hours a week might help things. Also the same thing over & over esp tot games can drive a mama nuts
This may sound weird, but it worked at my house- try rotating toys. Put some of dd toys away for a few weeks. Then bring them out- presto new toys and she will be busy for a 1/2 hour or so. Do this when the baby is down and then you can have a few minutes to unwind. Or if you are having one of those days where dd is having a bad day, and your nursing like crazy- pull one out and amuse her with the newness for a short while.

But sometimes just a few hours away from the house and the kids might rejuvunate the mind and soul. Let us know...

"The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly out distances us."
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#5 of 7 Old 10-01-2005, 06:44 PM
 
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my mom was a sahm but not a playing mom. It was still a great childhood for us - we just understood that adults don't play child games. Mom was more than willing to talk to use and hug and roughhouse a little (we'd walk up her legs and she'd flip us over), and if we came to her and said we were bored, she'd suggest stuff, like crayons or play outside. But she never she never joined us. Rather she read books all day (seriously - she wasn't a houseclearn type sahm either ) and cooked and gardened. She had her own interests

SO, I think it ok if you aren't a playing type mom. I think working part-time and/or getting a mother's helper in to play with dd is a fine idea. You really need your days to be filled with your own interests too. And whatever arragngement helps you do this will be good for your family.

Good luck.
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#6 of 7 Old 10-01-2005, 07:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks. Part of my problem is that we are trying to move across country, so our house is on the market, which means it has to stay fairly clean at all times, so many of DD's toys have been packed away because it would have been counterproductive and they'll have to be moved eventually anyway - so she doesn't have quite the variety she used to. It also means I'm less likely to feel like getting into a project because it might make a mess and I just have no desire to go out and try to make friends I'm just going to leave anyway. It's just a hard time and I think I just needed a chance to gripe a bit.

Once we move, I'll be much closer to family (we have no family out here) and hopefully that will help tremendously.

Mightymoo - Mom to DD (6) and DS (4)
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#7 of 7 Old 10-02-2005, 07:29 PM
 
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I could have easily read your post. I am also bored, bored, bored of toddler/childish play and have been feeling totally guilty about it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mamawanabe
my mom was a sahm but not a playing mom. It was still a great childhood for us - we just understood that adults don't play child games. Mom was more than willing to talk to use and hug and roughhouse a little (we'd walk up her legs and she'd flip us over), and if we came to her and said we were bored, she'd suggest stuff, like crayons or play outside. But she never she never joined us. Rather she read books all day (seriously - she wasn't a houseclearn type sahm either ) and cooked and gardened. She had her own interests.
See, that is exactly how I was raised by my grandma. She read books and did crafts and I played with my toys until I got older and we did craft stuff together. About the only things we did together were go for walks and occasionally play a card or board game. I don't ever remember feeling neglected or that it damaged me in any way. I think it helped develop my creativity and imagination. It is still hard not to feel bad doing something that I enjoy and telling my son to play with his toys. I really do need to start doing some things that I enjoy because it feels like I've lost most of myself in the past three years.

Yes, I'm lonely as well. The daily monotony of being a SAHM drives me crazy sometimes and there isn't anyone I have to talk to that really understands with the exception of MDC. I guess when we have kids our personal lives sort of go on hold. s

Mom to two boys, ages 8 and 11, and one blessing due May 8th.

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