What was your biggest challenge adjusting to motherhood? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 17 Old 10-14-2005, 11:26 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm trying to compile some research data to help me and my fellow life coaches further develop our website topics....sorry if you already replied to the post I wrote on the Newborn board but any help would be really appreciated! I've got 70 responses already - looking for 150 to 200 in total...

Simple question...probably a complex answer! You can list up to three different things...SO, What was your biggest challenge adjusting to motherhood?
TIA!
Elaine
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#2 of 17 Old 10-14-2005, 11:43 AM
 
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The biggest adjustment for me was being selfless when before I could be selfish.

Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#3 of 17 Old 10-14-2005, 12:16 PM
 
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Going from jobs or school situations where you always recieve feedback or praise for a job well done.( I know! Recieving external gratification! but I am just being honest) Being a stay at home mom , I recieve very little support in what I am doing in that way, as I am not contributing in a way that supports the economy. So maybe It is hard to do a job that I know is so important internally, but to socially lose your power (maybe?! I have been at home with little ones for 4 years. My ability to write things in a coherant manner has declined drastically!)It seems that its not Ok to be satisfied and fulfilled " just being a mom". So even when you feel great about it there is still feedback that doesnt support that. We live in a society where its all right to identify with your proffession, and put everything into your job.... and that is a huge part of your identity. "what do you do?" is the first question people ask.... If you tell them that you are a mom the next question is often " No... what do you DO?" If you put a lot into your job as a mom, the feedback is more often... "what do you do for yourself?" or" don't you think you are losing your identity?". Nobody would ever say these things to a proffessional that works long hours.... they would likely be more respected. :LOL

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#4 of 17 Old 10-14-2005, 12:27 PM
 
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lack of sleep. lack of uninterrrupted sleep. Massive change in sleep patterns.

I waited a while to become a mother, so the other stuff I felt pretty prepared for. But not the change of in sleeping habits. That was shocking.
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#5 of 17 Old 10-14-2005, 12:48 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sharlla
The biggest adjustment for me was being selfless when before I could be selfish.
: I'm still struggling with this one. Especially since my DH is a full time student AND works, and when he gets home he wants (and deserves) some alone fun time (such as playing on the computer, etc).

Quote:
Originally Posted by Village Mama
Going from jobs or school situations where you always recieve feedback or praise for a job well done.

I know it sounds totally superficial, but I was totally raised with being praised for almost everything, and now....well, lets just say my DH and I have had many a conversation about this!

Also, I had (and still am having) a hard time adjusting to the money issues. Pre-baby I could just buy what I wanted when I wanted. Now, I am TRYING to not do this so much as we are on a very tight college students budget! This kinda of ties in with the being selfless thing, though.

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#6 of 17 Old 10-14-2005, 01:11 PM
 
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1) Isolation. I could easily fill my days with seeing other mothers but just because we are all mothers doesn't mean I have a thing in common with them. So it gets pretty lonely.

2) Lack of mental stimulation. Tried to make up for that one with reading a lot about attachment parenting, etc but after 4 yrs that's worn off :LOL

3) Financial dependence. Even if Dh was a millionaire I would still want to be earning my own money.

4)Maybe this is actually the biggest. The lack of value/recognition given to who I am/was aside from motherhood. Most of my friends know what my career used to be but rarely ever ask anything about it, or talk about their own. It's like we've forgotten who we are. oh, yeah, that's it:identity crisis.
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#7 of 17 Old 10-14-2005, 05:28 PM
 
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What it did to my body.
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#8 of 17 Old 10-14-2005, 07:59 PM
 
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i was afraid to become a mother for a long time because i didn't think i could be selfless enough. and it's the hardest thing for me, being second or third or fourth (and there's only three of us ). my ego gets a little bruised because i just don't get the feed back to feel important.
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#9 of 17 Old 10-14-2005, 08:04 PM
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I think being an attached parent, my biggest challenge was just being present all the time, on call all the time... our daughter is a beautiful spirit and I wouldn't say she is at all "high needs", but even still, being on duty 24 hours a day, attending to her every need, was a difficult adjustment at first... it is definately easier now that I am in the swing of things but for the first few weeks my husband and I thought we were going crazy from sleep deprivation lol
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#10 of 17 Old 10-14-2005, 11:48 PM
 
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As others have said, the identity crisis. I originally was not planning on quitting my job, and then certain circumstances intervened. That's been a huge adjustment in how I see myself.

Also, I'd have to say the lack of independence. I can't just run out to the library and browse if I want to - everything's more complicated.
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#11 of 17 Old 10-15-2005, 04:51 PM
 
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#12 of 17 Old 10-15-2005, 04:56 PM
 
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YEs

Quote:
Originally Posted by UUMom
lack of sleep.
lack of uninterrrupted sleep.
Massive change in sleep patterns.
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#13 of 17 Old 10-16-2005, 06:15 PM
 
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LACK OF SLEEP
isolation
change in the marital relationship (my first ended in divorce)
devaluation of the role of moms
lack of me time

mandi

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#14 of 17 Old 10-16-2005, 06:25 PM
 
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also the selflessness thing here! I can relate with raincoastmama going out is more work than staying home so we rarely leave the house which brings up the isolation/loneliness thing.
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#15 of 17 Old 10-16-2005, 07:05 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RainCoastMama
2) Being able to see a task through from start to completion. THIS drives me bananas...not being able to finish ANYTHING that I start.
Definately this one.

Also trying to be a good housewife too. DH says my household job should be to write him a list of what to do when he gets home but I really wish I could get more done around the house so that he doesn't have to. He said before DD was born when I was beginning to freak out about getting stuff done (gotta love nesting) that if he came home and the house was spotless but DD was cranky then he would be cranky but if he came home and the house looked like a bomb hit it and DD and I were happy and laughing then it was a good day gotta love him. But I feel like I should be getting more done.
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#16 of 17 Old 10-17-2005, 10:35 AM
 
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Letting go...the baby/toddler stage was PIE compared to this preteen/wanting their independence and having to give them some room to make their own decisions stage.
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#17 of 17 Old 10-17-2005, 11:03 AM
 
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Definitely sleep or lack thereof. And the change in DH and my relationship. When we were both working everything seemed very 50/50 but now it's hard not to feel resentful when he wants to be off the clock when he comes home yet DS is still going strong, the house is a wreck and I need a break! We're still working on that--how to share duties w/out getting resentful/pissy/doing a half-baked job.

Finally, and this is my biggest challenge--second-guessing myself. Why oh why isn't there THE way to raise a child? I so wish someone would tell me, look, this is THE BEST way to raise your child/nurture yourself/strengthen your marriage because I would do it in a heartbeat! Everytime I think I've "got" it I read or hear something that makes me think I should be doing things differently. I wish I had the self-confidence to not worry so much.
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