SAHM's, do you think it is reasonable to expect your SO to stay home from work - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 58 Old 11-29-2005, 01:50 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by charmarty
so it can be a little more clear...what constitutes as a major illness in your oponion? I am asking everyone.
It depends on who is sick in our house, as to how major it is. If dh has a sniffle, watch out....the whole house turns upside down to cater to him.
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#32 of 58 Old 11-29-2005, 05:40 PM
 
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I can't think of a time dh has stayed home from work because I was sick. Then again he's never missed work because he was sick either. I tease him that I never have any sick days, I can't call in. I think if I was really ill and could not function enough to take care of my children then I would make him stay home and take care of me and the babies.

I do remember a time when I only had one child, she was abount 6 months and I had terrible food poisoning. She spent most of the day in a play yard, I felt horrible about it later but I was so freaking sick.

I think if dh's are able to take a day off if needed it would really help out sick sahm's. But we all know that doesn't always happen

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#33 of 58 Old 11-30-2005, 11:40 AM
 
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You're allowed to get sick? Moms can't get sick!

My DH has NEVER stayed home from work, but then like a PP said, he'd just make it all the more stressful and more work for me anyways.

With that said, I hardly ever get sick. I haven't been sick since the babe was born *knock on wood*, and before that when I did get sick I'd just loosen up a bit and let the kids veg in front of the tv. :
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#34 of 58 Old 11-30-2005, 12:50 PM
 
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My DH's job wont allow him to stay home even if he is deathly ill. He had food poisening last week and dragged himself to work. It hasnt come up yet, but I highly doubt they would let him stay home if I was sick, because there is no one to fill in for him at work. If I was really sick I would probably just make it a stay on the couch and watch TV day.
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#35 of 58 Old 11-30-2005, 02:09 PM
 
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When I worked in an office, I almost never stayed home from work sick -- there were always projects requiring less mental acuity that I could work on when I was feeling under the weather. Even though I've been sick more often since becoming a mom, there was only one occasion when I felt so sick that I couldn't take care of my daughter in at least a minimal way. On that occasion, my husband offered to take the afternoon off from work, and it was a lifesaver. His work is very flexible, so it's not a problem for them. I just don't like to ask him to do it unless it's really important.

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#36 of 58 Old 12-01-2005, 02:03 AM
 
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my hubby usually can plan ahead if i need him but last minute things are rough because he might have meetings, trips, and such already lined up and people counting on him. I have learned to rely on friends to take my kids who arent sick so i can have extra cuddle time with the sick one. and when everyone is sick my MOMS Club jumps in and provides meals. i know my husband would rather stay home even with sick kids rather then have to go to work, so i dont blame him. thats just life!

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#37 of 58 Old 12-01-2005, 02:12 AM
 
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I don't expect DH to stay home unless I'm really sick, like barely able to drag myself out of bed. On those few times, he hasn't been able to stay home so I've had to call my mom to come help.

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#38 of 58 Old 12-01-2005, 12:24 PM
 
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As we speak, DH is at home b/c I am so sick and so pregnant that I couldn't take one more session of "jump on mummy" with my toddler. I get more upset than he does about staying home. Especially with the new one coming and a limited muber of sick/vacation days.
I figure it is better to have him stay home and keep me from getting so bogged down that I can't keep up for the next week...let alone this week.
Kust my $.02.
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#39 of 58 Old 12-01-2005, 12:49 PM
 
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Yes, I think it's reasonable for dh to stay home if I'm sick. I have to be unable to function sick though.
I've also called him home in the middle of the day when I was very sick and couldn't handle ds anymore alone.
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#40 of 58 Old 12-01-2005, 01:11 PM
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It's reasonable, and I don't have to be at death's door either. Nor do I have to "ask" -- he cares about me enough to notice I'm unwell and to initiate conversation about how *we* are going to take care of things, not just how he is going to "help out." We currently have the financial freedom to make this unstressful, but even when we didn't we approached it this way. We have also worked hard to put ourselves in a situation where we don't have to take infections to the workplace and expose others to them -- that's how too many people get sick in the first place, being exposed to the ill who refuse to stay home.

I like how UUMom put it (as usual).
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#41 of 58 Old 12-01-2005, 02:57 PM
 
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He rarely gets sick himself, but gets only 3paid sick days/year so I try to leave them for when he is sick or needs a breather at the end of the year. We really cannot afford for him to take unpaid time right now. I don't think there's anything wrong with it if the partner is willing to take the time off, it won't affect their job performance or the budget too badly. If I were incapacitated and no one in our family could help me then he would stay home until we could find someone.
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#42 of 58 Old 12-01-2005, 09:55 PM
 
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It depends....

DH's job is very flexable, so he can work from home for a few days if need be. Basically I know myself and I know him. If he hangs around at home and I am not on death's doorstep, he will just annoy me.

If I am sick, but ok to get up, shower, play and take care of the kids, but need to take it easy, play inside and quiet games, watch movies and have a nap....he goes to work.

If I am sick, can get up for 10 minute periods and have to lay down alot, he better be home early, but I can suck up and deal (and build lego while laying down).

If the only reason I get out of bed is to run to the bathroom (to do violent bodily actions) his butt better be home and it better keep the kids from jumping on me. I do the same for him.

If both kids are sick, he runs to the drugstore/grocery store before work, and comes home early. If they are both really sick, he stays home to help me out.

He doesn't have sick days at work. They have holiday time that they use as well as "discressionary days off". Basically a manager gives them a day off if they are sick....unless they are hungover
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#43 of 58 Old 12-02-2005, 01:24 PM
 
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Yes, if I am sick enough, DH will stay home. Luckily, this has very rarely happened. I remember when DS#1 was very little and I had this panicky feeling wondering what I was going to do if I got sick. Well, I found out. I got some quickie stomach bug one day and was yakking up my guts in the toilet. My little one was right next to me in the bouncy seat having a great time! After that, I wasn't anxious about it at all.
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#44 of 58 Old 12-02-2005, 03:41 PM
 
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DH stays home when I or he feels it is neccessary.
IE, like other moms I'll suck it up if I have to (especially if he asks me to!), but there are times I just can't deal with any human contact!
I often encourage him to take "well days" too, which he does when he is not pressed for time/working on a big project.
I am lucky in that he feels it is important to be here with the kids. He did a few years of that whole working with his nose to the grindstone/late nights/etc., but it wasn't worth it in either of our opinions.
His job is closeby and he works 9-5, so there is lunchtime, going in a bit late and eating at his desk for lunch, taking a "half" day, etc.
We are fortunate that he has such a good job, and that I can stay home.
When the new babe comes he'll have 2 weeks off and then he'll "pace" himself by going back to work with half days, or a little late, or coming home at lunch, etc.
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#45 of 58 Old 12-03-2005, 12:10 AM
 
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My dh has taken a day or two off when I had some nasty everything-coming-out-of-every-orifice virus (which he then picked up from me). He works about 1.5 hours away, in Mexico, and sometimes crossing the border is a real pain, so it's easier to ask him to stay home than to come home early. Once I asked him to come home early bc the kids and I were all sick, but the border wait was so long, he ended up home later than usual. :

But yeah, to answer the q, I think it's reasonable -- but my dh is salaried and some weeks puts in 80 hours. So for that reason, I think it's fair.
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#46 of 58 Old 12-08-2005, 12:53 PM
 
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Not a SAHM but men in my office have been known to stay home when wives and families were very sick. We have pretty flexible hours and it's not a big deal. My immediate boss stayed home one day this week when the school closed suddenly for a raging rash virus. They closed the school and disinfected everything. He just asked *his* boss to cover all of his meetings for him. And *that* boss had been out the day before to take care of his sick wife and 2 kids (under 4). It was kind of funny to see both those guys juggling work and family responsibilities. I even talked to my mom about how different things are now than when she was raising children.

Third generation WOHM. I work by choice.
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#47 of 58 Old 12-08-2005, 04:29 PM
 
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My dh makes his own schedule and no one else really depends on him to be there for his job, so if he needs to he can and will take the day off. While I was pg and had morning sickness he went in late every day so I could sleep. When I was on bedrest he went in late and later stopped home to make ds and I dinner. If he thinks I'm too sick to be alone, he will stay home to take care of the kiddos. He knows I wouldn't ask him to, so he just does it.


He was like this before we had kids though. Once I had the flu and he stayed home for 3 days because he was afraid to leave me alone. I was super sick. We're really lucky that he has the type of job that allows him to put him family first.
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#48 of 58 Old 12-27-2005, 04:31 AM
 
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the new management policies

I better be on deaths door before I ask

This year he actually got to use his sick days for himself for a change -not that that was a good thing but its a first around here)

If dd and ds are going to be home though we got it covered ( it is nice when they get older sometimes!)
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#49 of 58 Old 12-27-2005, 12:30 PM
 
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this year my husband got the flu on Dec 22 (he was off work) I wonder how he always gets sick when he is off work but if he is working he never gets sick- I have a lot of vacations spent nursing to a sick husband) anyway he goes back to work tomorrow and over this holiday he got sick then one by one our kids got sick and now, right before he goes back to work- you guessed it I got it. It is an awful flu- if you get a flu shot and haven't gotten one yet go get it- you don't want this thing!

I did however make him buck up and handle the kids some while sick so he has some sympathy this time- we hadn't done any of our gift shopping and I wasn't going to show up empty handed!

I am dreading tomorrow, when I am feeling feverish and my kids are over it and want to get out and run around after days being too sick to do anything but lay on the couch!
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#50 of 58 Old 12-27-2005, 01:12 PM
 
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I think if you are really sick, of course it's reasonable. My DH was home right before Christmas after I was diagnosed with pneumonia. I had had a nasty cold for weeks, and that I could function with...but after being told in no uncertain terms by the doctor to get in bed and stay there after my chest x-ray, I did. I found it really hard to "let go" and stay there, though. It's very difficult for my DH to take time off. He's in a start-up business with two partners who don't have kids and don't understand how hard it is to take care of kids when you're really ill.

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#51 of 58 Old 12-27-2005, 01:14 PM
 
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no. if I would like to stay at home with our children then he needs to be at work. he does however find someone to take the girls if I am really disfunctional (which has only been 2-3 times in the last 9 years. ) but he can hardly take off when he is sick.

I usually just pop in a movie and let the kids eat junk and get through a crummy time the best we can.

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#52 of 58 Old 12-27-2005, 09:47 PM
 
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Yes, I think it's reasonable. My spouse takes off if I'm too sick and miserable to care for kids. Although it's not something I ask for lightly, or without some guilt. I always worry that they'll hold it against him. I think some men probably truly cannot with their jobs, but that's unfortunate.
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#53 of 58 Old 12-28-2005, 01:56 AM
 
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Well, my dh's work isn't flexible and he also sometimes needs to use sick days on my MIL (in a nursing home) and my FIL (80 and in not great health) so unless I REALLY couldn't care for the kids, I would probably insist he save his days for family vacation or his parent's chronic medical emergencies and loosen up on our TV use until I was well....

That being said, I had a bone mass removed from my jaw a few weeks ago and he took off a day to take me for the surgery and another to take care of the kids while I recovered.

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#54 of 58 Old 12-28-2005, 02:02 AM
 
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My dh's work has a generous family leave policy, so he's able to apply his own sick days to my sick day if necessary. I make sure I'm really sick though, like to the point where I cannot care for myself, much less the kids. A lot of people depend on him at work and I don't want his reputation at work being hurt because he misses meetings to take care of his wife or kids. Since he hardly ever gets sick himself, at least he's able to apply his sick leave to me.

I asked him to help out when I got mastitis really bad a few times, the flu, and things like that. When dd2 was in the hospital for 6 days he took off all 6 days b/c we didn't have any childcare for dd1 and someone had to care for her so dd2 wouldn't be alone in the hospital.

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#55 of 58 Old 12-28-2005, 02:11 AM
 
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Yes, if I'm ill enough that I'm suffering and need to not be active to the degree that the kids need. The couple of times this has happened, he has been upfront about it with his work, and they consider it a a perfectly good reason to take off work. Which it is.
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#56 of 58 Old 12-28-2005, 02:13 AM
 
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My DH works for his parent's small business so he has been able to take off work a couple times when I've been really, really sick or had a migraine. I have asked him once to come home when I was puking my guts out from a migraine and couldn't take care of our toddler, but they had a big commercial job to do that day (he works for a glass company) so he had to say no. He is able to take 2 weeks off whenever the baby is born though

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#57 of 58 Old 12-28-2005, 02:18 AM
 
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whose dh's can't

We have FMLA and dh couldn't even use it the last two times things got really ugly

luckily ds didn't have to go anywhere...
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#58 of 58 Old 01-07-2006, 05:42 AM
 
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I think it's reasonable. If you are too ill to look after your children properly, he needs to be there. It hasn't come up for us yet, but I know if I needed him he would stay home, or at least come home early. I can remember one time before I was even pregnant, I was really ill and he stayed home to take care of me

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