After 20 months, I am DONE with SAHMing - help me not hate it - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 30 Old 11-29-2005, 03:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Seriously, I can't take it anymore. I was good at being a SAHM of a child under 1 year, and I enjoyed the freedom to read or go out or do anything with the baby in tow. But not that ds1 is 20 months and ds2 is 2 months, I want nothing more than to go to work. September 2006 I will be back to law school (hopefully), so I really only have 9 more months (for potentially the rest of my life) to be at home with the kids, but I am still having a hard time enjoying it , or at the very least, not being miserable and angry all day. Basically, I am tired of ds1's irrationality. He freaks out and hates anything I do or give him - wrong drink, wrong food, wrong sesame street video, and he throws a tantrum, and I get very mad. I obviously don't hit him or anything, but when he hurts me (rubbing against my nipples while climbing everywhere or hitting me while he is tantruming) I get so mad that the thought of spanking him crosses my mind. And then I feel horrible about that thought. And then dh yells at me for being annoyed with ds1.

Stupid, I know, but I always suspected that I would enjoy a baby but hate the early childhood times, and I do. I just don't have the patience for ds1 and end up being angry all the time, angry at him, angry at dh, angry even at the little baby sometimes. Normal child behavior even drives me nuts if I am in the wrong mood. Yesterday I went out with ds2 while my mom watched ds1 and when I came back, it was nice to see ds1. So that was
good, but my mom can't watch him everyday b/c it is too tiring for her. I cannot get a job in the meantime b/c we cannot afford daycare, and dh won't allow daycare anyway, and my mom can't babysit him, so doing something outside the house is not an option. I am stuck SAHMing for 9 more months. How do I get my mojo back so I don't go crazy and make dh and ds1 hate me?

Signed, angry mean mommy who feels terrible about it

DS1 2004 ~ DS2 2005 ~ DD1 2008 ~ DS3 2010 ~ DD2 due Dec. 2014
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#2 of 30 Old 11-29-2005, 03:22 PM
 
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is there any way to make sure that you get time to yourself everyday? if you are able to do that it might make it easier for you. do you have a good support system/friend that you could call when you are at your wit's end. i'm sorry mama. that must be really hard for you

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#3 of 30 Old 11-29-2005, 03:26 PM
 
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Congratulations mean mommy you have found out something new (or reconnected with something old) about yourself!! The initial uncomfortableness will wear on and you will (hopefully, if it is right for you) settle into the knowledge that you are honoring yourself and being a better mommy because of it. Not everyone is meant to stay home with their children 24/7. Trust your feelings, your anger is a signal about yourself and the way you operate. It seems like you describe a happy momma in your house is one who has time away from DS #1 right now...in future years it might be DS#2. I go in and out of loving my boys to my eyebrows and being absolutely annoyed by their existance...guess what? -- I'm human! Listen to your feelings and do what is best for all members of your family...there is a win win in there somewhere...somewhere where kids are taken care of and husband doesn't have to sacrifice his ideals and you...yes you momma feel stimulated and enjoy your life enough to really enjoy time with your children.

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#4 of 30 Old 11-29-2005, 03:47 PM
 
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You have a 2 month old. Perhaps you are still feeling the effects of birth and hormones and changes. It is difficult to be patient with a 20 month old at times and even more so when you are caring for a 2 month old, nursing, interrupted sleep etc.

You may find that things ease up a bit as you get more sleep and find you have more patience.

You might also find it helpful instead of focusing on how much you are hating it, to focus on how great it is. It's amazing what can happen when you trick your mind by pretending you are happy doing something. If it's only 9 more months, that's not a long time. Find ways to make it the best 9 months of your life. These little ones need you and especially your oldest will act out if he picks up on your feelings of frustration and anger.
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#5 of 30 Old 11-29-2005, 03:49 PM
 
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I hear 'ya! I have two year old twins and they annoy the bejeebers out of me a lot of the time.

The thing that saves me is regular babysitting. As my husband says, it's cheaper than the loony bin.
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#6 of 30 Old 11-29-2005, 03:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by royaloakmi
The thing that saves me is regular babysitting. As my husband says, it's cheaper than the loony bin.

ROTFLMAO!

Thanks for the good thoughts so far.

DS1 2004 ~ DS2 2005 ~ DD1 2008 ~ DS3 2010 ~ DD2 due Dec. 2014
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#7 of 30 Old 11-29-2005, 04:04 PM
 
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Man, it's hard with a toddler (especially one with that "everything you do is wrong" irrationality thing) and a newborn. I read you loud and clear! I don't have any real suggestions. Regular time alone is great if you can get it, but I have always found that it's great when I have it, and for the first initial 5 minutes after I get home when I'm so glad to see the kids...and then I'm right back in the middle of the madness again.

I guess all I can say is, hang in there. At least there's a light at the end of your tunnel. You KNOW you only have to sah full-time for another 9 months. You have a plan and that's good.
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#8 of 30 Old 11-29-2005, 05:33 PM
 
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I think it gets harder around 18 months and to add a newborn at the same time makes it even worse. I completely understand how you feel, now that I have 3 young children I sometimes think "what the heck was I thinking?" I feel like I'm not cut out to be a good stay at home mom. Okay but then when I think of the alternative, working or going to school full time while my children are in daycare at such a young age, I change my mind real quick. Maybe you are just going through a rough time with two young ones...I'm guessing it will get better as they get older. Don't feel bad if you really don't enjoy staying home with them, maybe it means you were meant to be doing something else right now and everything will work out. And 9 months will breeze by as they will keep you busy! 2 yrs from now you will cherish the time you had at home with them

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#9 of 30 Old 11-29-2005, 11:20 PM
 
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I totally hear you! I only have one (at least for the next 4 weeks) and about four months ago things got so bad that I was sure I was actually going to pop. Well- I haven't.
Having spent a number of years as a professional nanny and as a nanny agency placement counselor- I get the idea of childcare worker burn out. Yet somehow I never understood that mamas get burnout too. Professional nannies get to go home. Working daddies and mamas get to go to work all day and spend time with adults. They even get to go to the bathroom alone and sometimes get lunch! Mamas at home never get to leave their jobs...even to go to sleep. Of course you are going to hate it sometimes. You might even hate it a lot of the time for a while. Don't beat yourself up.

You generally don't have the option of quitting the way you would a crappy fry-cook job. But you do have the option of being selfish for a few days. When I get really low and start feeling "mean" I take a few days to relax my rules and my standards. The TV goes on for a few minutes. I spend more time on the phone while DS plays by himself. I let DS eat just cereal bars for lunch! And when DH comes home I go in the bathroom and spend 20 minutes tending to myself. I brush my hair, floss, pluck eyebrows, whatever. Sometimes I just run water and read! All those things and a trip out of the house (even just to Target) makes me more human for a few weeks.

Being selfish as a mama is hard to get used to for a lot of us but you will find that it is actually better for your whole family if you don't get to that end of the rope place as often! Self-sacrifice is only good if it helps someone else and it sounds like you are hitting a wall where you aren't able to feel like the good and helpful mama you really are.

Hug your babies and then walk away. Even just for a minute. They won't hate you or even remember that one time in twenty years! And hey- I haven't actually exploded yet and you probably won't either.

good luck and loads of hugs-
Miriam
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#10 of 30 Old 11-30-2005, 01:39 AM
 
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I know I really have no business on this thread seeing as I do not have any children yet. But I was a nanny for a number of years -- in what seems like another lifetime. Here's my thing: Little ones are irrational and it can make you crazy, but they can't help it. Adults don't have that excuse. And I come across irrational grownups all the time. They make me far crazier. Just now, I am once again considering quitting yet another job (non childcare that is) in a law office because one of the secretaries that I work with power-trips so much and it is just so uncalled for and irrational. I don't know how to deal with irrational grownups, you know??? But children, eventually you can find something to satisfy them since they haven't lived so many years that they are "set in their ways" and at least you love them to pieces!! If I could love that other secretary to pieces, it might help my situation. Anyway, children aren't the only ones who can be wholly irrational. You have nine more months to enjoy this natural lack of reason before heading back into the more adult world of frustrating big babies who should have more sense.
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#11 of 30 Old 11-30-2005, 09:42 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by royaloakmi
I hear 'ya! I have two year old twins and they annoy the bejeebers out of me a lot of the time.

The thing that saves me is regular babysitting. As my husband says, it's cheaper than the loony bin.
:

OMG! I was feeling so badly about the fact that my 23 month old ds annoys the crap out of me sometimes. I also love him to the point of distraction. Thanks for a good laugh and for reminding me that we all feel that way and that love and annoyance are not mutually exclusive
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#12 of 30 Old 11-30-2005, 05:14 PM
 
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I've been home for 3 years now and it's getting on my nerves, too. My kids are 6 and 2 and they fight, make huge messes, and just get on my nerves. Somedays I long for my old job back with the commute to read the newspaper, the coffee breaks, lunch break, my own computer and phone... And more money!! I would LOVE to hire someone to clean my house!

I have no solutions, but you have my understanding!

One idea is to hire a mother's helper a few afternoons a week (a 12 year old girl from 3:30-5:30 and you could do stuff like take a shower by yourself). Or maybe join the YMCA or a gym with childcare, just to get a break. Or just make yourself get out of the house everyday. I know that is hard with a 2 month old, but even bundling everybody up and taking a walk around the block helps sometimes.

I know how hard it is. But I tell myself that it is all hard. Working full time and schelping kids to childcare is a whole other bundle of challenges.
I've done that and it is hard too.

Hang in there.
Hugs.
Kathleen
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#13 of 30 Old 11-30-2005, 06:32 PM
 
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I hear you, I've been SAH for a little over a year now and really miss working. I know that having a job outside of the house is so much more challenging when you have a family to care for as well but I really miss it. Besides Dh really misses being able to stay at home and work on his programming.

Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#14 of 30 Old 11-30-2005, 06:42 PM
 
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but I always suspected that I would enjoy a baby but hate the early childhood times, and I do.
Oh I so hear you! I'm the same way. I found with my daughter that 14-20 months was the toughest time, and she was an easy toddler! lest she didn't care what cup or clothes etc. She just didn't want what was in the cup, or didn't want to get dressed. If I at all mention that I find my 14 month old a handfull and into everything I usualy get back how sweet and wonderful this age is and get made to feel guilty for thinking otherwise. Sure I know he's sweet, and cute and wonderful, so is my dd but that dosn't stop me from feeling like pulling my hair out.

For me after 20 months it started getting better. Now every child is an individual and will have there own phases of being easier and more difficult. So I can't say for sure yours will get easier soon, but he might. But if it's really difficult now think about how you may be near or at the difficulty peek.
A saying I keep in mind is 'This too shall pass'
That on the other side is an easier more satisfying time with your ds. My dd become so much more a person after she turned 2, someone that I could talk to and have more and more fun with. Also the change from 2 to 3 is huge. Sure she still drives me nuts now at 4, but the relationship we have now makes up for these bad times. There not the same child at all. I find one a difficult age, I find them hard to keep entertained and the safty aspect very hard. think lots of tiny toys from my eldest dd, a yet unfenced back deck and he totaly drives me nuts trying to get into my glass cabinate. And although I love my ds heaps and part of me dosn't want him to grow up too fast I will be kind of glad when he isn't one anymore.
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#15 of 30 Old 12-01-2005, 03:35 AM
 
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I feel you. I have almost 3yo twin ds, and an 8mos dd. Sometimes I'm so envious of my dh for working! Just to get away from tiny people wanting every bit of me for every second they are awake! (I hope that doesn't sound too terrible. But I just want to pee by myself. Once, in my life.)

This is a terribly cliche'd thing to say, but what really helps me is running. I hate to say that, because seriously, what a cliche, "Oh, just get some exercise and you'll feel better," but it IS true, in my experience. All it takes is a will to get out of the house and sweat, and a partner/dh/whatever who is willing to parent for an hour by himself or herself. I think the exercise endorphins are nice but what's even BETTER is just being out by myself, just breathing in and out. You don't even have to run or do any meaningful exercise. Just walking, even, would be great.

I hope this helps, and I don't sound too cheesy.
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#16 of 30 Old 12-01-2005, 03:12 PM
 
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Oh man, I'm so with you. I'm bored and lonely right now. I don't play well with children after 1 year and am just starting to relate to my 3year old. I've never been a "kid person" but somehow thought that I'd be different with my own kids. I am different, but I feel so trapped sometimes.

What's helped me immensely is using the free programs in our community, ie; the library story times and we have a gov't run play center that's free and has parenting workshops, workshops you do with your kids, etc. If I have something scheduled -even if it's with them- 2-3 times/week I'm much happier and so are they.

Exercise is essential to my well being (I didn't before and am in the process of losing 70-80lbs) and I try to spend about 30-60mins daily doing that. If the kids aren't cooperative to play by themselves (or the baby's nap doesn't jive with when I can) then I made a deal with dh and he watches them after supper and gets them ready for bed. I feel much more relaxed if I don't miss more than a day at a time doing my exercise videos.

I'm still bored and lonely and I have only one thing scheduled for the next month so I'm starting to get a little antsy and I'm only on my first day of nothing to do. I can't seem to get motivated if I don't have a set time I'm supposed to be somewhere. So I guess this is my month to work on that
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#17 of 30 Old 12-01-2005, 08:00 PM
 
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So glad to have this forum!! I really think it's such a shame that moms cannot fully acknowledge that being a mom isn't all wonderful all the time...as a matter of fact, it can really stink at times....but that's true for alot of things. Hang in there and good for you for being so honest with yourself and giving us moms a chance to be honest too.
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#18 of 30 Old 12-01-2005, 08:23 PM
 
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OMG do you live in my brain? I think it was about 20 months when I one morning slammed every door I could find in the house (early so DH was home) and then RAN out of the house and around the block (with my floppiest nursing bra on, not comfortable ).

A couple of days later a four hour fight/discussion with DH resulted in the following: EVERY morning I get ONE HOUR TO MYSELF. DH feeds the girls and gives them daddy time and I walk around the block and (gasp) take a shower!!! I have MIL help in the afternoon but that's not for "me" time it's to clear away the daily hurricane involved with toddler twins. I've started taking a few minutes to practice singing during that time. Damn the laundry, say I!

I can't say I'm sane, that may never happen. But I can say I like the kidlets again and when I breathe I'm not physically gasping in desparation.
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#19 of 30 Old 12-02-2005, 06:07 PM
 
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ita, that there is silence that being a sahm mom sometimes SUCKS.

In my infinite wisdom, though, I look back on having a working mom and wish she'd stayed home. (Which is a whole other post, bc she was a widow and basically had to work to support us...)

When I was a senior in hs (1997), she finally stopped working, and I think of that as my favorite year of "kid-hood" because I was so happy she was around.
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#20 of 30 Old 12-02-2005, 06:23 PM
 
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As a sahm what keeps me going is the thought that they will grow up so fast this time will end up being like the blink of and eye. Looking back on ur pg dosnt it seem as tho it was just a very short time: during it tho it lasted forever. The same thing will happen as your kids grow up. DD is already 5 years old and in pre k every day when I drop her off I feel a bit of sadness some days I fight off tears. Now that she is in school I do not get to see her but a total of 30min in the morning and 3-4 hours in the evening before bed time.

My ds is already 13months old and I know that before long he will be away from me to

What I do is every few months or when i get mommy burn out I take the kids to my mom's to watch for 5-8 hours this lets me relax and then I can go back to enjoying being with my kids.

I am so thankfull that my mom was a sahm for me and my brothers no matter what happened in my days I knew that she would be there for me when I woke up and when I came home.

 
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#21 of 30 Old 12-02-2005, 06:26 PM
 
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I just want to add that I am a Work Away from Home Mom and I seriously think that the time away from my son makes the "heart grow fonder".
I am the only breadwinner so I have chosen to remain working rather than explore other options that would be more financially precarious. Perhaps I have prevented feeling "too" resentful at being away from him by seeing the positive side of our daily seperation.
Maybe you could even just get a part-time job? A few hours of week of volunteer service? A class just for you?
Time to yourself (which it sounds like you want) can translate into a lot of different solutions.

Love to you...

Mel.
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#22 of 30 Old 12-03-2005, 06:37 PM
 
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I just wanted to reiterate what many others have said: that you are in a transition time. You've just had a new baby, are new to mothering two, and that there is a lot going on for you right now physically, mentally, and emotionally. Everything's new for the older one too. I think it's pretty normal to feel out of control right now.

That said, there are different levels of postpartum culture shock. So be honest & keep checking in with yourself. I just met a mom who was sharing that she had PPD after her second child and really was unable to identify it until recently. She didn't feel sad, just angry, and like she was "having a nervous breakdown," and like two kids was too many for her to handle. PPD isn't just about sadness.
That one's children frustrate and anger one is very normal. But "miserable and angry all day long" might be a sign that something else is going on.
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#23 of 30 Old 12-03-2005, 07:46 PM
 
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You sound like you need a break.

I've been a SAHM for 5 1/2 years now. It has had ups and downs. My dd was really, really hard to be around when she was 2 & 3 years old. She also did not want to leave my side and wasn't terribly rational because they aren't at that age. I remember someone telling me that was a fun age when they found out how old dd was and I just wanted to strangle them for saying that because it was a nightmare to me. Dd needed a lot of patience from me as we worked through it. It got better over time. I think it helped me to find out what was normal for her age and change my expectations. I also tried to put myself in her shoes. She was adjusting to a lot of things right then and didn't have the tools yet to express herself any other way. She was also responding to my stress and anger.
I enjoy being with dd much more now. I think it is normal to prefer some ages over others.
Some helpful advice about tantrums and handling anger-
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T063300.asp
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T061800.asp

You and your family are still adjusting to a baby and that probably contributes to all this.

Would your dh's schedule permit you to work when he is off so your kids are not in daycare or with a sitter every day? I know families who have arranged their work schedules that way so they do not use outside child care most days but both parents work. It can be done.

Maybe start by finding some time for you each day.
Maybe looking for positive things would help too- sometimes it is easier to focus on the negative and overlook the good.
You could write down 1 good moment with your kids each day in a journal. Maybe plan 1 fun activity to try to do each day together.

Some ideas from http://www.onceuponalife.com/forums/...ead.php?t=5444
Quote:
Color
Blow Bubbles
Play Hide-and-Seek
Peek-a-Boo
Play Chase
Do Fingerplays
Sing a song
Collect rocks in a basket
Make an obstacle course out of cushions and/or furniture
Make a fort out of cushions and sheets
Go for a Walk
Make a Car out of a box
Read a book
Go to the park
Fingerpaint
Play with Clay-Dough
Toss Bean bags into a Bucket
Play the shell and pea game
Dance to music
Download games for toddlers from the Internet
Practice putting things in and taking things out of boxes and bags
Make a temporary slide out of a table leaf and your couch
Roll a ball back and forth on the floor
Scoop dirt or sand into a child's bucket (or use a serving spoon and bowl)
Practice climbing by stacking boxes on top of each other (only with adult supervision)
Put on a puppet show
Go fishing with a yard stick and yarn
Make a Horseshoe game
Make a Shape Puzzle
Play paper basketball
Run through a Sprinkler
Play with a bucket of water and a sponge (PLEASE WATCH CHILD AT ALL TIMES!)
Make a Drum out of an oatmeal box
Play with a kazoo
Wash windows together
Bang on Pots and Pans with a spoon
Brush each other's teeth
Play dress-up with stuffed animals and your child's clothes
Stack canned or boxed food on top of each other
Let child stack mixing bowls inside each other
Make a playhouse out of a large box
Let child play with a sticker sheet (make sure your child doesn't eat them!)
Put stickers on fingers for finger puppets
Play a musical instrument together- i.e.recorder, piano, etc.
Go on a Smelling Hunt
Frost Cookies
Plant a flower or vegetable plant together
Roll a tennis ball into an empty trash can or bucket
Draw on a mirror with dry-erase markers
Play hide and seek together- trying to find a stuffed animal or other object
Have a splash party together in the bathtub
Put a leash on a stuffed animal and walk around the house
Record each other on a tape recorder (great for scrapbooks or journals!)
Make and try on paper hats
Give a piggie back ride
Play "Horsie"
Talk into an electric fan (it distorts your voice)
Play tug-of-war with a blanket
Collect flowers (felt, artificial, real...)
Make a camera and go on a Safari
Play games with frozen juice lids
Disconnect your phone and pretend to make phone calls to relatives
Leave your phone connected and really make phone calls to relatives- let your child talk too
String large beads onto or along a shoelace
Squirt each other with squirt bottles
Glue shapes onto paper
Make sock puppets
Make paper puppets
Fill an old purse with toys
Use a paper towel tube as a megaphone
Make binoculars and go "Bird Watching" or "Stuffed Animal Watching"
Put snacks in different fun containers (paper sacks, empty canisters, etc.)
Act out a story from a book
Walk on a balance beam- use a 2x4 placed on the ground
Draw with chalk on the sidewalk
Sketch an outline of your child on the sidewalk or paper with chalk
Paint child's palms with tempura paint and blot on paper. Makes a great card for loved ones!
Put lipstick on child and kiss a mirror
Make a puddle on cement and splash barefoot in it
Let child decorate and eat an open peanut butter sandwich
Make a toilet paper barricade for child to go under, over, or through
Do the Hokey Pokey
Make a super-hero costume out of household items
Do Knee-Bouncing Rhymes
Play "Red Light, Green Light" saying "Go" and "Stop"
Make a shoebox train for stuffed animals
Make a pillow pile to jump on (keep it clear from any hard surfaces, including walls!)
Make an easy puzzle with felt and velcro
Make bracelets or collars for stuffed animals out of pipe cleaners and jingle bells
Learn numbers from a deck of cards
Play the matching game with a deck of cards
Make a domino chain
Have a picnic in the park, backyard, or living room!
Play dress up in Mommy or Daddy's clothes
Make a tin cup telephone and talk to each other in it
Make a nature collage
Mirror each other
Make a "Mummy Mommy" with toilet paper
Make a tape recording of short music selections and instructions to move in different ways
Make and walk along a toilet paper trail
TAKE A NAP!!

Kim ~mom to one awesome dd (12)

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#24 of 30 Old 12-04-2005, 01:52 AM
 
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I HIGHLY recommend reading Dr. Sears' advice on toddlers. It can help you both stay sane during what is a huge time of upheaval for both of you. You may aso want to consider some PPD as a factor as well, that can seriously afect your patience. You may also have set yourself up for failure, so to speak, by thinking that you could not relate to a toddler. If you take the approach of learning how to interact with a toddler, and manage his behavior, just like you'd learn stuff at law school, then it may help you.

Your ds is trying to adjust to a new sibling, which is more traumatic for some kids than others. He is not verbal enough to talk about how he feels, yet he is old enough to show how he feels. If his verbal ability is not great you may also want to start signing with him to help with his frustration level.

With my ds I found this age to be the hardest - he was very impatient, frustrated, needy, and threw many many tantrums. I looked at each behavior as a challenge to ME to learn to help him manage himself and his emotions and behavior. Since he is constantly growing and changing, new challenges keep coming up but in the process I feel like I know him so well that adapting to new behavior is much easier now.

(((hugs))) You can do this - look at it as a learning experience, like in a classroom, and it may help a bit.

Christine, mama to Daniel & Abby, 9 and Patrick, 4. Wife to a rockin' train engineer. Gluten and nightshade-free. Multiple kiddie food sensitivities.

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#25 of 30 Old 12-04-2005, 02:11 AM
 
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I encourage you to remember back to when your toddler was a baby and how your hormones may have helped you fall in love with your new baby.
I see many newly pregnant mamas wonder about how their new baby will take away from their older child, but by the time the newborn arrives, their thoughts have changed. Now they worry about keeping the baby safe from the toddler.
I think it's very normal to go through a time when you fall out of adoration with your toddler and fall into infatuation with your baby.
Combined with some cabin-fever and bored feelings and some OMG - Law School around the corner feelings, it sounds rough.
Hugs to you and the little ones,
Ap

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#26 of 30 Old 12-04-2005, 09:18 AM
 
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It's definitely hard with one small child, and add an infant to the mix, and it triples. A toddler has to adjust to a new rival for your affections when you add a baby to the mix. They need "alone" time with you so they know they are still special to you.

Maybe it would help you to do what I do...try to remember a toddler isn't capable of rationalizing, so what seems "irrational" to you is just a toddler acting normally for their age. They act, and react. They don't sit an think about what they're doing and the consequenses.

I find it helps to give them choices. Would you rather wear the green shirt or the blue one? Would you rather watch the Elmo or the Cookie Monster movie? Would you rather have water or juice to drink? Do you want green beans or peas?

That gives them some control of the situation instead of just being at the mercy of whatever you decide they should do or eat or wear, and usually makes for a much more pleasant interaction.
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#27 of 30 Old 12-04-2005, 12:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Apricot
I think it's very normal to go through a time when you fall out of adoration with your toddler and fall into infatuation with your baby.
I think this did happen, but I now seem to be over it. I have had a good run of days with ds1 and actually missed him last night when we went to a fancy dinner. He is getting closer to talking so that helps.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DanAbimytwomiracle
If you take the approach of learning how to interact with a toddler, and manage his behavior, just like you'd learn stuff at law school, then it may help you.
Yes, this helps. I have to look at each day proactively instead of annoyedly reacting to his needs.

So is there a Dr. Sears book called toddlers, or is it just in the Baby Book?

Thanks for everyone's help.

DS1 2004 ~ DS2 2005 ~ DD1 2008 ~ DS3 2010 ~ DD2 due Dec. 2014
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#28 of 30 Old 12-04-2005, 08:47 PM
 
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His website, www.askdrsears.com, has some great tips on toddlers. They were my guide for my son when he hit around 15 months on up.

Christine, mama to Daniel & Abby, 9 and Patrick, 4. Wife to a rockin' train engineer. Gluten and nightshade-free. Multiple kiddie food sensitivities.

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#29 of 30 Old 12-04-2005, 11:28 PM
 
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Lilli, bless you and any other mama who has two who are that close in age, or twins! I don't know how you do it. Mine are 28 months apart, now dd is almost 4 and ds is 18 months. I have days where I feel like driving myself off the nearest cliff. It's just craziness around here. I was feeling so overwhelmed that I started seeing a therapist. She has taught me some relaxation techniques and has really helped me in dealing with my frustration. I'm much happier, and nicer to the kids now too. I remember when ds was a baby, and I thought, "it will never get any harder than this." Who was I kidding? It seems like it's only gotten harder since then. Some days I think that I can't wait until they're both in school. Most days, though, I think about how dd's first day of school will be the hardest day of my life! It's a crazy run of emotions that our children put us through!
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#30 of 30 Old 12-09-2005, 10:40 PM
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SAHMing is the hardest freaking thing ever. I'm so glad you shared your frustration, seems like you got lots of ideas and it helps me, also, to know that what I am feeling is normal.
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