I just wanted to send you some well-wishing....
I guess, according to your post, I would be considered a single-married woman also (although as the daughter of a single mom, I could never compare us-all the work I do would never compare to how she busts her butt working two jobs & still raising my two younger brothers...)
In my situation, it has been like this since day one, and ds is now 2.5, pushing 3.
nothing has changed-I have told him nicely, talked to him in detail about what I want to change, even yelled about it.
Nothing has worked for me...yet. By the way, he is almost 30 now.
I'm not trying to be discouraging-I meant this to be one of those, "you're not alone," posts...sorry.
If you are the one getting the job over him though, I would make it clear to him that he will be responsible for taking over the things you do, or it's a no go. It's easier for me to nag my dh about household things then just do them all myself because I'm there. BUT, if I had to go out and work and he was home, I assure you I wouldn't accept it.
Good luck mama, I hope you guys can figure it all out.