DH wants me to go back to work... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 12-12-2005, 08:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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after 2.5 years of being at home and taking care of the home, DH told me today that if my sister didn't get a full time job and I don't start watching my neice full time, I'm going to HAVE to go back to work atleast part time. Over 2 years ago he told me he WANTED me home with our children full time. Now 2.5 years later he is changing his mind because apparently he's not happy with what we have. Now this really peeves me because we have everything we need, and more... but he has a nice, unhealthy, expensive habit that I'm not going to get into that he refuses to give up... which if he did give it up would save us over 200 bucks a month... which would be essentially more then half of what I would make at a part time job anyway but oh no, he makes ME out to be the selfish one. My son is very attached to me and rightfully so after 2 years of being his main care-taker. Granted, if I went back part time in the evening, he would be at home with his father but to be quite honest, I don't like leaving my son with him. He believes in spanking, crying it out and yelling... none of which I do with my son and it's not acceptable to me. I don't even like leaving him with him when I go to the grocery store because 9 times out of 10, I come home to a red-faced little boy... which breaks my heart. I can't even fathom leaving him for 4 hours... I love my husband but he's very set in his ways with child-rearing because apparently since his other 2 turned out okay, he thinks it's the right thing to do. BTW- His other 2 are well-behaved but the younger one has a lot of social issues.

I'm just so mad at him right now for doing this... It would have been differant if I would have been leaving for that long since the beginning but now at 2 years, I think it's crucial that I'm still home with him.

Am I really being selfish or is he... we don't NEED the money, though it would be nice... but not at the price it comes at.

Jeri, Natural lovin' Mama to Elijah (9.29.03), Eden (10.2.06), and a little one lost along the way (1/12)., Step-monster to Shelby (18) and Stephen (16). Celebrating 12 years together with my soul-mate, Eric. Hoping for a rainbow1284.gif someday! 
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#2 of 8 Old 12-12-2005, 10:52 PM
 
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I didnt want to read and run....

I feel bad about the spot you're in. I worked nights and weekends, but my husband and I are very much on the same page parenting style. He is more strict than me, but he would never CIO, or spank. My youngest is very close to his daddy and they have a bond most men would envy.

As many problems as my husband and I have had (and continue to have), me being home with the kids, and working only two days a week, is not one of them. In fact, he would rather I stay home full time and never ever go to work again.

You could do what i do....tell him Tough!! T-U-F
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#3 of 8 Old 12-12-2005, 11:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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LOL, thanks for responding... actually, that is what I ended up telling him. He's mad at me but he'll get over it... I was told I could stay home from the beginning and homeschool so that's what I intend to do. If he doesn't like it, he can kiss my white booty. We don't need the money and until we do, I'm doing what I need to do for my son. Thanks.

Jeri, Natural lovin' Mama to Elijah (9.29.03), Eden (10.2.06), and a little one lost along the way (1/12)., Step-monster to Shelby (18) and Stephen (16). Celebrating 12 years together with my soul-mate, Eric. Hoping for a rainbow1284.gif someday! 
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#4 of 8 Old 12-13-2005, 12:00 AM
 
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I am glad you are staying home but that is only a short term solution. What about the times that your child is being abused by your husband? I believe he deserves to be protected and I can't even fathom inflicting any type of pain on a 2 yr old boy problem behaviour or not. I have a two and a half year old who is a huge challenge and likes to test limits all the time. I still believe he has the right to be treated with respect and if my husband was treating him like that I would move out! I grew up in a very unsafe environment since my Mom didn't have the balls to leave for the safety of her kids. If you want to do what's best for him than protect him.
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#5 of 8 Old 12-13-2005, 12:12 AM
 
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I just wanted to tell you I feel your pain. My husband and I are on rocky grounds since we both are very different in our parenting views as well. He doesnt hit or yell at our daughter, but he doesnt like co sleeping or the attachment parenting ways. he also feels she could cry more, instead of running to her as he puts it. He and I have also had several arguements over money. I think I have finally found a solution and that is to sell on ebay things i get at thrift stores and yard sales. It has been hard to find time but I have to find it. My husband is workking so hard and it isnt enough. The good thing in your case, as you said, is you dont HAVE to go back to work. I hope you guys can work it out. IF you ever want to talk to anyone, feel free to PM me.
(((HUGS)))
LAURA
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#6 of 8 Old 12-13-2005, 10:26 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacob'smomma
I am glad you are staying home but that is only a short term solution. What about the times that your child is being abused by your husband? I believe he deserves to be protected and I can't even fathom inflicting any type of pain on a 2 yr old boy problem behaviour or not. I have a two and a half year old who is a huge challenge and likes to test limits all the time. I still believe he has the right to be treated with respect and if my husband was treating him like that I would move out! I grew up in a very unsafe environment since my Mom didn't have the balls to leave for the safety of her kids. If you want to do what's best for him than protect him.
He is not abusing my son. Perhaps I didn't make myself clear... he believes in spanking, yelling and crying it out but he does not spank him out of respect for my beliefs. He does let him cry sometimes, like when I am gone... when I said I came home to a red-faced little boy, it's because I am not there and he has been crying for me... not because he has been spanked or yelled at. I love my son but I also love my husband... I am not moving out because we have a differance of oppinion. I don't think that would solve anything.

Jeri, Natural lovin' Mama to Elijah (9.29.03), Eden (10.2.06), and a little one lost along the way (1/12)., Step-monster to Shelby (18) and Stephen (16). Celebrating 12 years together with my soul-mate, Eric. Hoping for a rainbow1284.gif someday! 
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#7 of 8 Old 12-13-2005, 10:47 AM
 
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My apologies if I misinterpreted your post. When you said red faced, I really thought you meant he was slapping him in the face. I was concerned because of that. I can't begin to know what you are going through but I would imagine you are between a rock and a hard place. I am sorry if I was quick to judge. Sometimes I get worked up when I think a child is being hurt. I guess it is because of what I went through as a child, it really hits home. I hope you can forgive me.
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#8 of 8 Old 12-13-2005, 02:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacob'smomma
My apologies if I misinterpreted your post. When you said red faced, I really thought you meant he was slapping him in the face. I was concerned because of that. I can't begin to know what you are going through but I would imagine you are between a rock and a hard place. I am sorry if I was quick to judge. Sometimes I get worked up when I think a child is being hurt. I guess it is because of what I went through as a child, it really hits home. I hope you can forgive me.
No offense taken... if he was slapping him in the face, I would certainly leave him. Spanking we could work on, probably... when he spanked his other 2, which he no longer does thanks to lil' ol me, he only did so very lightly... not that I think that's okay but it bruised their ego, but didn't actually hurt them but I wouldn't not stand for him slapping them or my son... absolutely not, that is not only disrespectful to him as a person, but just plain abuse. I didn't make it very clear how that situation was... my fault anand I apologize. I just don't like leaving him with him because while he is a very loving and attentive father, my son is very attached to me....loves daddy more then anything as long as I'm there too, kwim

Jeri, Natural lovin' Mama to Elijah (9.29.03), Eden (10.2.06), and a little one lost along the way (1/12)., Step-monster to Shelby (18) and Stephen (16). Celebrating 12 years together with my soul-mate, Eric. Hoping for a rainbow1284.gif someday! 
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