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#1 of 7 Old 01-07-2006, 01:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello ladies, I am new to here just found this by looking up help with toddlers.
I have five kids yes five lol they and 10, 9, 4, 3, and almost 2.
I am feeling like they run the house. But this is a new yr. and new rules, so I
did all the nanny 911 things posted the rules made them each a behavior chart
ect. I then sat them all down and told them how it all works thinking great!
This really can work. But I am about four days into this and am having a hard time knowing when to put them in the time out or when to take a sticker off the chart. I feel in my house they would be in time out all day. They jump, climb ,run tell me no, don't ask before getting a snack ect. I a really feeling alone and like I can't do this. I do know it's going to be very hard and may even get worse before better. If anyone has any ideas please let me know.
Thank you
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#2 of 7 Old 01-07-2006, 02:22 AM
 
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You don't realize this, but you just walked into a group that really dislikes the Nanny shows, so we all understand those methods not working. I recommend reading a book "How to talk so Kids will Listen and Listen when Kids talk" Its an easy read and will give you a lot better ideas. In general it focuses more on talking with your children like rational human beings and giving natural consequences instead of arbitrary stickers or time outs.

In real life, we don't get stickers or time outs for our behavior. But our actions have natural consequences- if we make a mess, we have to clean it up, if we break something we will have to replace or fix it. If we make peopel unhappy, then they will be less inclined to help us later. Make sense?

I don't have 5 kids, but there are quite a few moms here who do. If you want to ask advice about just how others deal with discpline with 5 kids, you could post in the Parenting area or the Gentel Discipline forum.

Peace,
Laura

Laura, Mama to Mya 7/02, Ian 6/07 and Anna 8/09
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#3 of 7 Old 01-07-2006, 03:15 AM
 
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Yea, I'm am OK with the artifical rewards and punishments, but I'm thinking the behavior chart should be one that they help you establish (and you should be on it too). Think of it more as a family rules chart. They should also have a hand in picking out the rewards and punishments. They will be more inclined to follow the chart if they helped create it.
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#4 of 7 Old 01-07-2006, 03:15 AM
 
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OTMomma's post

:

Couldn't have put it any better. Would only add the title _Siblings Without Rivalry_.
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#5 of 7 Old 01-07-2006, 10:28 AM
 
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As a mom of 4 who has read both the books mentioned *and* watches the Nanny shows, IMO it's really a matter of using the salad bar philosophy and finding what works for your individual children. Unfortunately, I've found that no one philosophy really covers the needs of all my kids. They are distinct personalities with distinct needs. I'm not running a large corporation with inflexible policies, so I pick and choose what works best from different parenting ideologies.

We always try to let our children experience the natural consequences of their actions, but at times the natural consequence is a punishment from Mom or Dad. For some kids, it helps to see their punishment and rewards laid out before them (perhaps they are visual learners?), some children need a goal to help them focus their energies, some children are laid back and just go with the flow w/out needing any sort of manipulatives. I personally find that applying *any* philosophy strictly, with no bending or compromising, to be counterproductive. So, if someone feels that charts work for them, great. If they don't, great. It's not a matter of laissez-faire, but a matter of not making someone feel like they are "doing it wrong" if they don't strictly adhere to one particular philosophy in all aspects of their life. JMO

Personally, I found "Siblings W/out Rivalry" to be useless. I've read it 3 or 4 times hoping for some light to click on. But, with 4 children and 5 years from the oldest to the youngest, I just can't make it work. So, I continue to explore different ideas, keep on talking to my kids and just hope for the best.

So, to the OP, I'm sorry I don't have any really concete advice. Just keep exploring, keep trying.
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#6 of 7 Old 01-07-2006, 03:28 PM
 
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Not to be annoying with another book recommendation, but someone recommended the Secret of Parenting here, by Anthony Wolf, and I also really like it. I don't have much time to read either (and when I do, I uh, read here!) but it is a quick read and makes a lot of sense.
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#7 of 7 Old 01-07-2006, 03:29 PM
 
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omigod I love the name cyril. I need to have 10 boys to use all my favorite names, and I get so jealous when I see them here. I saw a Casper in a sig yesterday too.
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